Thought it might be a good exercise to try to put down a foundation for myself about how Divorce is indicated by Astrological Rulerships. There is close to no material out there from which to draw on.
This won’t be written for people with no understanding of Divorce. Sorry. If I ever write a book with all this I’ll include it but, really, there’s so much out there that’s better than what I can write it’s not necessary. If interested in learning more about astrology (not the stuff in the newspapers) I can recommend a couple of great books that are both concise and well-written. Steven Forrest’s The Inner Sky and Donna Cunningham’s How to Read Your Astrological Chart: Aspects of the Cosmic Puzzle. Horoscope Symbols by Rob Hand is really great, the classic basic reference text for Astrology, but maybe not as easy to plow straight through.
One can draw up a free chart online at Astro.com. This is a really great resource for astrology. This site offers a Wikipedia devoted to Astrology, a forum, and pretty much everything else. Needless to say, there are tons of other resources on the Internet. Astrologer Bob Marks has written some great basic lessons at his website bobmarksastrologer.com.
First statement, close to no work has been done in this field. I’m using Rex Bills Rulership Book and an insight that was shared with me by another astrologer about derived houses and am adding some opinions of my own. (Please observe copyright rules in this regard. With some astrologers I know that this is a pointless thing to bother trying to say). There is a lot of information for Step-Parents because Astrology has been around a long time and before Divorce there was Death of a Parent. The information in here is generally figured out by the Technique of Derived Houses. This is a technique which says that you can look at the house which rules your parents (the 4th and 10th Houses) and, realizing that Death is often attributed to the 8th House, count off 8 houses from 4th and 10th. In this case, “Death of a Parent” in an individual’s chart is ruled by the 11th House.
My source here is The Rulership Book by Rex Bills. I was initially going to list off all of the pertinent keywords but realized that this breaks all kinds of copyright laws. So now through my embarassing prose I will try to make a little sense of all of this.
“Divorce”, in Rex Bills’ book, is ruled by the 7th House and its natural ruling sign, Libra, because these rule marriage, and by Uranus, the sign that rules Rebellion, Sudden shocking events; Groups; Friends; Wishes and Hopes. Since all these rulers have a commonality of rulership by Air I am going to assume that Divorce is a Mental Type of Activity. It happens because somebody in the relationship has detached him/herself enough from (or is overly and underly exposed to) Feelings/Receptivity (Water), Passions (Fire), and Reality (Earth).
“Home” in Astrology is ruled by the 4th House and Cancer and the ruler of the cusp of that House which is called the Imum Coeli (or IC). This also represents early early childhood, family, tribe, probably co-rules genetics, unconditional love, etc.
The 4th House and the 10th House rule the parents and currently there is no set answer as to which parent is ruled by which house. Interesting that right around the time that people have been feeling free to chose their household and family environments much more than they used to they also feel that they can chose which astrological house represents which parent. When I wuz young, the Mother was ruled by the 4th House as that house is ruled by the Moon which represents the Mother. The Father was ruled by the 10th House and Saturn which is natural ruler of the 10th House. People generally had one parent indicated by each house and life was easy.
“Childhood” according to Bills is ruled by the 1st House and the Moon and 4th House. Clan, Tribe, Land, Conditions describing one’s Home.
A Person’s children are ruled by 5th House, Leo, the Sun, and to a lesser extent Venus and Mercury (and I’ll add Mars to Bills’ list). Girls are ruled by Venus. Boys are ruled by Mars.
Siblings are ruled by one’s 3d house, Mercury and Gemini. You can also figure siblings by Birth Order by skipping every other house from the 3d.
H3 = first born; H5 = second born; H7 = third born; H9 = fourth born; H11 = 5th born
Brothers- and Sisters-In-Law are ruled by H9.
Half-Siblings could be ruled by the 5th House of whichever marriage the parent is on when the child is born. They also could be ruled by the houses that were indicated above.
Step-Siblings are ruled by the 5th House of whichever house is indicated by the Step-Parent.
Step-Children are given rulership by the 11th House. This is figured once again through derived houses as this house is the 5th House (children of) the marriage partner (H7).
Step-Parents can be figured in two different ways:
- One can lump all parents into Houses 4 and 10. Since parents often are attracted to the same mistake over and over again this will often suffice for interpretation. Rex Bills says that they are indicated by the opposite houses that would rule one’s parents though as represented by Gender. A Step-Parent of the opposite Sex of the native is considered ruled by the 4th House. A Step-Parent of the same sex as the native is considered ruled by the 10th House. It would be interesting to study the charts of parents who really do improve their children’s lives through their second relationship to try to understand what works and what doesn’t. I would assume that if one has a strong presence of Fixed Signs or Rulers in their 4th houses then perhaps the parents would be less likely to change their attractions as “Fixed” Signs are related to lack of changability.
- Or, one can use the Derived Houses Technique to show the Marital Partner of the Parent according to whichever number Marriage the Parent is on. These skip two houses per marriage. Assuming that one’s Father is indicated by one’s 10th House in one’s chart, this means that the Father’s first marriage is 7 signs away from the 10th House. That’s the 4th House and that indicates one’s Mother. The Father’s 2d marriage, however, would be indicated by skipping 2 houses from the 4th House. This would mean that the 2d Mother (or first Step-Mother) would be indicated by the 6th House. The 3d Mother (or 2d Step-Mother) would be indicated by the 8th House. Considering the dark emotional underpinnings of the 6th and 8th Houses which are related to being considered 2d rate, deep anxieties & criticisms of Virgo and the paranoias and power-tripping (and money grabbing) of Scorpio, I suppose this could explain why relations with Step-Mothers are often very complex. Step-Fathers will be indicated by houses directly opposing these houses. 1st Step-Father would be indicated by H12 (house related to empaths, artists, hidden enemies, alcoholics and addicts) and 2d Step-Fathers would be related to one’s 2d house (House related to money, values). 3d Step-Father would be described by one’s 4th House (same as biological mother). 4th Step-Father would be described by the 6th House. And it goes on and on according to Mommy’s whims.
Summary:
Biological Mother = H4; 1st Step-Mother = H6; 2d Step-Mother = H8; 3d Step-Mother H10; 4th Step-Mother = H12; anything after that, God Bless You.
Biological Father = H10; 1st Step-Father = H12; 2d Step-Father = H2; 3d Step-Father = H4; 4th Step-Father = H6; anything after that, Do Drugs.
If you personally feel that your Biological Parents are better represented by opposing houses from what I’ve indicated, then the parents will be reversed from these houses. As said before Step-Siblings will probably be figured by looking at the Children, or 5th House, from whichever Step-Parent influence you are looking for in the chart.
It’s also good to keep in mind that 4th House will indicate your general attitudes towards home and living environment no matter what. You look at Sign(s) that are in this house, placement of Planet that rules the IC or house cusp, planets that are contained within that house, and the houses that they rule in the chart. No planets placed within this house is interesting to watch for. I’ve noticed in my studies of “Successful People” that often they have no planets in the 4th House. This would indicate that this part of their lives doesn’t manifest in their consciousness as it would for those with many planets in the 4th House. It doesn’t mean that they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce. Curt Cobain, for example, who is said to have been devastated by his parents’ divorce had no planets in his 4th House. It’s almost as if he needed more help to be able to find expression for his early childhood.
Parents are additionally ruled by the planets. Fathers’ influences are ruled by Saturn in an individual’s chart, and often the Sun. Mother’s influences are ruled by the Moon. The Moon is emotional and reactive and caring. If the Moon is afflicted in one’s chart in some way one will have to honestly look at the ways he/she reacts to his own feelings (these are very simple descriptions). If Saturn is afflicted in one’s chart one will have to look at how he handles authority with others. Both planets are key indicators (along with Pluto) of how an individual will try to control himself and others and how he handles inhibitions and fears. Moon and Saturn can suffer a lot during divorce as they represent the family structure and basic emotional fears related to where they are coming from in life and where they are going (as represented by the Midheaven). They also rule the IC/MC Axis of the chart which are two of the the strongest points in the Wheel. They square (meaning they challenge) anything an individual goes through related to his relationships as represented by the 1st and 7th House Axis.
The amount of planets in Feminine and Masculine Signs will also indicate which parents influence was strongest. Just noticing whether or not the Sun is in a Feminine or Masculine Signs tells a whole lot in this regard (Feminine Signs are Water and Earth / Masculine Signs are Fire and Air).
Astrologer Noel Tyl has also added a lot of interesting research on family influences, especially with regards to Saturn Retrogrades and placement of planets above and below the Horizon. He has written a lot of books and has published a DVD of his basic lessons which is probably really good although I haven’t seen it. Erin Sullivan has also written what looks like a really interesting book on family.
In the case of bad Step-Families it’s also good to look at the houses which indicate enemies to see if one has some kind of vulnerability in this area. The 7th House rules open enemies. The 12th House rules hidden enemies.
I’ll also mention money here since money is a huge influence in divorced children’s lives. Namely, there often is a lot less of it after the divorce. And the parents use it to manipulate the kids and to anger the ex-spouse. One’s own money and sense of values related to possessions are ruled by the 2d House, Taurus, and Venus. Money of one’s partner is represented by the 8th House. This is also the house related to Inheritance.
It will be interesting to see if something can hone down how Alimony and Child Support were handled within a family. This will involve the 9th House as this is the house that rules lawyers. If Neptune is somehow involved with the Resources Houses (2, 5, 8, 11) then perhaps a parent was witnessed being used or victimized in this area. Saturn in the 4th House can often indicate poverty. Saturn anywhere can instill a frozen feeling brought on by a need to grow up before one’s time. If Saturn touches a Resource House perhaps this indicates troubles with finances related to watching how the parents handled it.
Parent’s earning capacity is going to be represented by the 2d House from whichever house represents them. If Mother is represented by the 4th House, her money will be represented by a child’s 5th House. If Father is represented by the 10th House, his money will be represented by a child’s 11th House. I suppose that fighting over the money of one’s parents during Divorce would be related to these houses.
Secrets are generally ruled by Pluto and the 8th House with some help from Neptune and the 12th House. Bills also says that Saturn is a ruler as well. He also adds that personal secrets are ruled by the 4th House and Moon. If you’ve got Moon in strong aspect to either Neptune or Pluto and somehow related to the 4th House, you’ve got a lot of family secrets.
Since the idea of “Manipulation” comes up a lot in divorce I thought it was interesting that Bills give rulership for Manipulation to Uranus. I would have thought it was one of the Water Sign rulers, Moon, Neptune or Pluto. This is interesting, because Uranus is considered one of the main rulers of Divorce in general. And Step-Parents are told that step-children in their lives are ruled by their 11th houses. And step-parents certainly like to use that word in reference to their partner’s children.
Blame isn’t mentioned in Bills. I suspect that this would be ruled by Saturn as Saturn rules Guilt. Neptune is also probably connected due to its connections to feeling martyred. And perhaps Mercury as well just for its mental ability to verbalize and analyze what’s wrong with a situation.
Anger is ruled by Mars. War is ruled by Pluto. Pride and Ego is ruled by the Sun.
Synthesis, which is necessary for recouping and regrouping after the split is ruled, according to Bills, by Uranus and Pluto. I think that Virgo/Mercury is also heavily involved here. I wrote a previous post about how I think that Virgo is related to being a Child of Divorce. It is the sign related to subservience, pursuit of a healthy lifestyle, daily habits, (all that scheduling of parental visitations) and high levels of anxiety and extremes of perfectionism which are problems for Children of Divorce. Virgo is also related to dealing with huge amounts of details and developing systems that can contain all that information.
Anything that is split is going to be ruled by signs that are described by duplicity. That would be Gemini (twins) and Pisces (twofishes).
An interesting area for study would be kids whose parents never married. I am studying only a couple of charts which are extremely interesting but don’t have a basic idea of distinct aspects to look for in the chart.
A child who is easy-going and just follows along quietly will probably have Mutable Signs or Venus/Libra strongly emphasized in his chart. Children who are uncomfortable will probably have strong needs for tradition and structure and will have Moon and Saturn indicated strongly in the chart. Kids with a lot of Aquarius and Uranus are simply amazing and seem to be able to tolerate enormous amounts of stressful conditions. How people handle frustration will be shown through their Saturn placement. How people handle anger, especially bottled up anger that is brought on by watching other people fight will be indicated by Pluto. Self-esteem is indicated by the Sun. One’s ability to love and to receive love freely will be indicated by Venus (well, along with most of the rest of the planets). One’s ability to go after what one wants will be indicated by Mars.
Custody Problems could be painted in the chart in all kinds of ways. Of course, one would want to look at difficult aspects between Moon and Pluto in the natal chart to check for problems with regards to possessiveness. I would expect to see many planets placed below the Horizon of the chart but have nothing to back that up with. The 9th House rules the Courts and Lawyers. The 10th House rules the Judicial System. The 12th House and Neptune rule Institutions and Social Welfare.
Issues around Custody remind me of the Ceres/Demeter and Pluto/Hades Myth a little bit. Pluto abducted Persephone who was the daughter of a possessive Mother, Ceres. Ceres appealed to Persephone’s Father, Zeus, to return her daughter. Persephone ended up living 6 months of the year with her Mother as an agricultural Goddess. The other 6 months of the year she lived in the underworld with Pluto. She is represented by Asteroid Number 399 and is said to represent the point in life where one feels captive and imprisoned. A very nice description of the various Persephone Myths are told here. Ceres and Pluto are both considered dwarf planets at this point.
Ceres also could represent the possessive Mother. In astrology she is said to represent the point where we are most nurturing as she is connected with agriculture and fruitfulness. In Divorce situations, though, she sounds a bit like the possessive parent.
A parent who uses the child like a pawn in the divorce proceedings will have a strong Pluto which is related to needing to be powerful.
An absentee Father will be indicated by a badly placed Saturn and a challenge to Neptune. If the Moon is in a place of emphasis this might be because the Mother made it happen. In that case, I’d expect to see Moon working with Pluto.
An absentee Mother might be more related to Jupiter and Uranus but this is only my supposition.
Pluto represents Sex, Death and Other People’s money. His influence is much more prominent in the childhoods of kids from divorce than in kids from most intact families because they must think and feel much more deeply than those children at a much earlier age. Pluto does rule abduction, rape, murder. He also rules Research. All of these planets represent many different things. I’m just discussing possible representations that they could symbolize for those who are growing up in or have grown up in Divorce.
Venus and Libra will influence how a child feels around his friends. He may become envious of others and may be constantly comparing himself to them. Friends are represented by the 11th House. Early education is ruled by the 3d House, Gemini, and Mercury.
The rest of the Asteroid “Goddesses” also seem to have strong relevance for Divorce. As coincidence would have it, they’ve been introduced into mainstream Astrology just as Divorce became prevalent in society.
Lilith is a very strong presence. She is represented by 3 different points. I tend to stick with the point that is called “The Dark Side of the Moon.” This is a fictitious spot in the Moon’s orb. Lilith was the 1st wife. Feminists like her because she refused to be considered unequal to her husband. In some myths she is said to have murdered her children in a rage.
Juno is considered “The Wife.” She is constantly following her philandering husband around and having fits of rage and jealousy.
Zeus is the same character in Mythology as Jupiter. And Jupiter is represented in Astrology very strongly. But his character as the philandering husband is never discussed by Astrologers. It’s fair to say that Zeus fathered many children.
I’m going to start doing more Astrobabble here because I really need to rev myself back up with my research project wherein I study the effect of divorce on Children of D and how it can affect their lives later on. Warning this is pretty babbly, and it might be a bit too techno-astro-babbly.
The Main point of what I’m trying to say here is:
- to respond to an astrological idea that Children of Divorce are somehow connected to the planet Neptune and to point out that probably Neptune is one of the least likely planets to be involved in study of Children of Divorce.
- I also want to show that the masse Divorce phenomenon within society probably occurred as a result of Pluto’s transit through Virgo, especially as it experienced the conjunction to Uranus and opposition to Saturn in Pisces. These are the trends that the kids were born into.
- Their parents were most likely Pluto in Cancer people who were born into a trend that needs to rip apart what doesn’t work within the family unit.
- Pluto’s transit through Libra in the 1970s and early 1980s represents a time, overall, when the idea of Marriage (Libra ruled) was to be ripped apart in the same way.
- Due to Pluto’s odd orbital path, Pluto is staying in signs for shorter and shorter periods of time. This means that there will be shorter Plutonian generations of kids born in the signs since Virgo to the present, Capricorn.
- This also means that these kids can expect to go through the intense, crisis oriented Plutonian square transit much earlier in life. The average Pluto in Libra person experiences this transit in early to mid-30s. The average Pluto in Gemini or Cancer person experienced it while in their 50s.
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Today I picked up the recent Dell Horoscope Magazine. Sorry I didn’t pay attention to which Month, it is the current one so maybe August, maybe September? This magazine was my stand-by for exposure to Astrology when I was young and today it publishes articles written by outstanding astrologers who write in an easy to understand format for the general public. However, I’m a little annoyed by a small reference to Children of D in the current issue… (and I know this is because current Astrologers fashion their beliefs on the Psychology profession and the Psychology profession is mostly run by Children from Intact families who have built a lucrative industry out of divorce so they are not about to find fault with it through intelligent study of the kids in the affected families).
If you’ve ever looked at Dell Horoscope you will notice that they wedge in little astrological observations that written in italics within the other articles. These are like little “sound-bites” which actually give as much information as the longer articles.
Flipping through I was intrigued by the words “Children” and “Divorce” included in the same sentence. Generally Astrology books will include lengthy information about step-children and will lump step-parents in with parents in general, and that’s about all the traditional information we have. I was a little upset by the comment because it said that Children of D tend to be ruled by Neptune when Neptune is natally in either the 4th or the 10th houses which are the houses which rule Home and Parents. The blurb said that this is also a signature for Orphans.
Orphans the same as Children of Divorce? Fie. This signifies the general weak understanding of people who look at divorce from the outside. Almost half of adults living in the United States right now grew up in Divorce and certainly not all of them have Neptune anywhere near the 4th or 10th Houses. Orphans are definitely ruled by the sign of Pisces and Neptune as ruler of that sign rules Charity, Loss, Institutions (as well as psychic intelligence, empathy, creativity, artistic talent to name a few of the positive aspects). Orphans have no parents so they suffer a great loss and must learn to assume a humble stance with others in order to survive, very Piscean. Children of Divorce are not supported by Charity or Institutions. They are lucky if they can find support from their multitudinous and ever-expanding families. Mostly, they must keep face and not complain and forgive others their indiscretitions (and move out at Age 18 when Child Support stops).
Children of D might lose one parent but they definitely are not Orphans. In most cases they suffer from the exact opposite situation where they suffer from too many parents. With this in mind they might be considered ruled not by Pisces but by its polar opposite sign, Virgo. Astrological dates seem to confirm this as divorced families sort of blew up to huge proportions as the Pluto in Virgo generation (born late 1950s to very early 1970s) grew up. As a matter of fact, there was a huge generational outer planet configuration that occurred in the mid 1960s in which Uranus (revolution, sudden events) was in conjunction with Pluto (change, emotional crises) in Virgo and was opposing Saturn (rules Fathers, Loss). Both Uranus and Pluto create large changes within societies. Kids born during this time were automatically going to be born into a time of revolution and change. This would have happened in the sign of Virgo. Pisces is involved because of its polarity to Virgo and also because the conjunction was opposed by Saturn, but it is not ruling the central idea of what’s going on here. Virgo is self-sufficient and is expected to give to others. Only if it performs according to these expectations will it receive in return.
Uranus is often the general “go to” planet for Divorce as it rules awakenings, society on a very advanced level, intellectual experimentation, but also sometimes an emptiness of feeling and caring. It also tends to see people as a collective group, not hampered by small societal restrictions or individual needs.
Virgo is an earth sign. It is analytical, practical, receptive, is not comfortable within the limelight or with posing in any heroic type of way.
Virgo is one of the middle signs of the Zodiac along with Libra, which rules Marriage. Being in the middle is a central theme for Children of D.
It is interesting that during the 70s, many of the Pluto in Virgo kids were being raised by Pluto in Cancer parents. During the 70s when Pluto moved into Libra, the sign of marriage and as Libra rules Marriage and Pluto likes to tear down in order to get rid of what is no longer effective, the timing couldn’t match the actual Divorce phenomenon more closely.
The Pluto in Cancer people were dealing with all things Cancerian and Fourth House which rules family, tradition, tribe, memory, etc. Pluto is known as the Phoenix. He burns everything down as a way of weeding out what doesn’t work so that only the strongest element will survive. This is to make people aware of their real powers.
During a Pluto square (which the Pluto in Cancer people began to experience during the 70s when Pluto moved into Libra), people face a huge challenge from Pluto to proceed with his destiny. In the Pluto in Cancer generation’s case this was to weed out things that didn’t work through the Libra area of life. Libra rules Marriage, one on one partners, diplomacy, mental harmony, balance, (and also open enemies). Unfortunately, I think that some of what happened was that “the baby (Cancer) was thrown out (Pluto) with the bath water” regarding Child Rearing and sense of personal responsibility to Children. Pluto works through extreme behaviors and sort of screws up a bit through extreme behaviors with his purging transits.
It’s interesting to notice the change in length of Pluto’s transits through signs for the generations that began to grow up in Divorce in mass quantities. They are much shorter so there are fewer Children born with Pluto in the signs and they also go through their Pluto Square transits much earlier in life.
Because Pluto’s orbit is so irregular, his transits become much shorter in the signs Virgo through Sagittarius. As Pluto rules deep, inexpressable feelings and motivations this makes sense with regards to being raised to compromise one’s self for one’s parent’s needs on a mass scale within society. Pluto also rules crisis on a mass scale.
I’m starting to re-read Stephanie Stall’s incredible book The Love They Lost (all the way through this time) and was dumb-founded to find that Staal describes growing up with her parents’ divorce as a very Pluto in Virgo type of experience: (I’m not sure whether she’s a Pluto in Virgo or Libra actually).
“There were no provocative questions, no reassurances that everything would be okay. I stepped into this vacuum of feeling and focused on the details, like where I would spend my vacations and holidays. (p. 36).”
Staal is constantly describing the fragmented lifestyle, living with odd pieces of a puzzle that’s difficult to put together, and existing with no cohesive whole. Very Virgonian type of existence.
In the end, I suspect that Divorce has many different rulers through Astrology. Moon, Pluto and Venus are certainly right up there as well as Uranus and Saturn for fear, caution and self esteem issues. Neptune could be included as well for its ability to dissolve what it touches, and also for its connection with escapism and addiction and mental illness, and also extreme feelings of confusion if one parent leaves and doesn’t keep contact with the child. But, Divorce actually helps to alleviate some of these types of Neptunian problems. For as long as people have been raising kids, parents have been disappearing who can’t handle the responsibility. Within a society that accepts a broken marriage, there is more openness about the parent who fails in his duties. People have been trying to figure out a way to raise their children without staying in a miserable marriage. They make huge mistakes as parents, in the meantime. These problems needed carefully Virgo attention to details in order to study effects. These kids come from such varying backgrounds that they probably can’t be studied in masse. Just because growing up in Divorced families has been found to profoundly hurt 25 percent of the children, it doesn’t mean that these children can all be “diagnosed” as ADHD or Depressed and then pilled.
On page 54 Staal writes “there’s no easy way to lose your home, just–according to one woman — “different kinds of pain.”
Also:
“While parents who divorce have obviously reached a breaking point in their love and commitment to each other, children’s awareness of the strife in their marriage varies greatly, depending not only on their capacity for understanding but the ways in which their parents chose to express their unhappiness. We often responded to their decision to divorce according to how our parents’ marriage fell apart: shock and disbelief for those of us hit with the news with the lightning speed of a car crash; sadness and perhaps even relief for those of us who watched our parents’ marriages go through a proteacted period of collapse before they divorced.”
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Books, Healing, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., therapy
Amazon.com is taking pre-orders for a new book that’s coming out concerning Adult Children of D and relationships. I haven’t looked at it but the synopses and reviews looks interesting. It’s pretty pricey at $40.00 so I guess it might be marketed to and written for Mental Health Professionals.
Adult Children of Divorce: Confused Love Seekers by Geraldine K. Piorkowski
An Astrological Note: The word “Confusion” indicates a link between Neptune and growing up in Divorce. “Romantic Love” in a chivalrous way is ruled by Sun/Leo. “Romantic Love” in an idealistic way is ruled by Neptune. Libra/Venus rules Marriage.
The Following Reviews and Synopsis are taken from Amazon.com:
Review
“Piorkowski demonstrates her masterful understanding of the developmental experiences that facilitate and those that interfere with intimate relationships.”–Alice Bernstein, PhD,, Past President, Chicago Association for Psychoanalytic Psychology“Piorkowski’s unique contribution is to help us understand why adult children of divorce find it so difficult to develop true intimacy. They frequently lack the blueprint that would enable them to move from an idealistic picture of romantic love to the more realistic one of commitment and skills needed to develop true long term sustaining relationships. Her penetrating analyis clearly indicates the urgent need to guide and support these confused love seekers.”–Michele Baldwin, PhD., Chicago Center for Family Health
“What is love? Our parents’ divorce undermined the idea that love is forever. The media feeds us the myth that love appears instantly and magically heals all our wounds. Today’s grown children of divorce are confused in the realm of love. Dr. Piorkowski brings a wealth of compassion, over twenty years of clinical experience, and a discerning eye on current research to help grown children of divorce to find the love they are looking for and to form the stable relationships they hope to give to their own children.”–Elizabeth Marquardt, Author, Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
“Dr. Piorkowski’s book defines in depth the concept of love from a philosophical, cultural and artistic perspective providing the reader with a foundation by which they can reach their own determination as to the true meaning and feeling of love. Aided with this knowledge, the reader can better understand an interpersonal relationship. Then the book focuses on the viable by-product of failed “love,” as most strongly illustrated by children of divorce. Piorkowski examines how they react and how they can manage their own relationships to avoid the pitfalls of the past.”–Floyd N. Nadler, P.C., Nadler, Pritikin & Mirabelli LLC
Product Description
Romantic love is often an elusive, fragile, and tenuous state, difficult to maintain across years. The rates of divorce, re-divorce, relationship violence, and abuse today attest to the fact that Americans are failing at romantic love. For teenaged and adult children of divorce, romantic love is especially elusive. Because they have no road map of a satisfying, stable romantic relationship derived from their own parents, they are confused about what love is and tend to make poor partner choices. Borrowing heavily from popular culture for their unrealistic standards regarding love, they become disillusioned when their all-too-ordinary lovers don’t measure up. Especially vulnerable to the problems their parents had, they tend to overreact in a similar negative fashion and are all too ready to consider divorce when unhappiness strikes. In trying to halt intergenerational transmission of divorce, Psychologist Piorkowski points out how American popular culture presents an over-sexualized, explosive, and superficial version of romantic love that can’t last. With this book, adult children of divorce can begin to recognize how they have been affected by familial experiences and develop a new, realistic map to provide directions for more fulfilling and enduring romantic relationships. Piorkowski, in an extensive review of literature, also looks at cultural factors and how they impact romantic love and marriage. In contrast to American popular culture’s shallow rendition of romantic love, many cultures elsewhere in the world emphasize compatibility, religion, and family allegiance. As a result, says the author, such marriages appear more stable than American unions built upon the shifting sands of emotion.
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Healing, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., links to articles | Tags: Astrology
Here’s an interesting article on Children and Adults who are resilient called “Resilience can be improved upon” written by L.J. Anderson in Palo Alto Daily News (http://www.paloaltodailynews.com/article/2008-4-1-anderson).
Anderson in particular talks about helping Children to learn how to overcome adversity. Of course, she lists all types of adversity that a child goes through without mentioning divorce: “Death of a parent, abandonment, or being victimized by violence.” Can’t say that I can get used to this. Obviously not getting angry over other people’s denial is a big one in surviving whatever life can throw at you.
Anderson mentions psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D who has done research on Resilience. Grotberg has written a book called Tapping Your Inner Strength: How to Find the Resilience to Deal with Anything.
I like in particular that she uses Keywords that are similar to Astrological Keywords. The meanings tend to blur in different directions from the Astrological Models. One Child of D who’s an astrologer told me that she figured her parents’ divorce didn’t affect her strongly because she had an empty 4th house. And indeed I have noticed in my research so far on famous Children of D that a lack of planets in the 4th house of Family and Home is in an indicator of success in the outside world. Putting planets in a certain house brings attention to those matters in the person’s life. When things go wrong in that area one is more likely to dwell on those issues. The 4th house is also tricky because it involves feelings, Keywords for this House are “I feel.” Grotberg’s Keywords literally relate to the 1st House of Aries (I Am), 2d house of Taurus (“I Have”) and 10th House of Capricorn (“I Can”). Her descriptions seem to involve all the signs included in the relative Cardinal and Fixed Houses. Interestingly, Mutable Sign Houses are left out. Those are the Houses with Keywords “I think” “I analyze” “I see” and “I believe.” This really does relate directly to why there are no Intellectual Children of D.
Here’s a huge chunk of the article.
Q: How resilient are children, and can parents help develop resiliency in their children?
A: Resilience is a human capacity to deal with, overcome, learn from, or even be transformed by the inevitable adversities of life. With that definition, we know that we already have the capacity. The challenge is to promote resilience so that it is there when needed to face adversities. And starting with children is highly desirable – assuming parents or other adults are already resilient. The resilience that I found in my research lent itself easily to three categories: I HAVE, I AM and I CAN, which include characteristics inherent in resilience.
1) I HAVE (external supports): one or more persons within my family I can trust and who love me without reservation; one or more persons outside my family I can trust without reservation; limits to my behavior; people who encourage me to be independent; good role models; access to health, education, and the social and security services I need; and a stable family and community.
2) I AM (inner strengths): a person most people like; generally calm and good-natured; an achiever who plans for the future; a person who respects myself and others; empathic and caring of others; responsible for my behavior and accepting of the consequences; and a confident, optimistic, hopeful person, with faith.
3) I CAN (interpersonal and problem-solving skills): generate new ideas or new ways to do things; stay with a task until it is finished; see the humor in life and use it to reduce tensions; express thoughts and feelings in communication with others; solve problems in various settings – academic, job-related, personal and social; manage my behavior – feelings, impulses, acting out; and reach out for help when I need it.
These factors are used in dynamic resilience with each other, changing as needed, to address the adversity. These are clearly for adults as well as children.
Filed under: Astrology stuff
While screaming about how obnoxious the psychoblabbers are I am reminded to say something that I’ve been pondering.
Don’t know if any studies have been done of this, but I sort of wonder if Introverted Children are harmed by Divorce much more than Extroverts. They certainly are not well accepted by society. An Extrovert might actually enjoy having two whole new sets of stepfamilies to smooze in. An Introvert is going to be driven inward even more and may develop some weird behaviors because of it. If you’ve got 2 families you have half the time to yourself that you would in a one family household and for an introvert this is lethal. And divorced parents are so needy.
There is a correlation to this in the Astrology charts I’ve been looking at. The Successful kids often have highly extroverted charts. In their charts, very often the House indicating Home and Family is empty. This would indicate that Homelife is simply not that big of a deal to these people so if something goes wrong there they won’t really be impacted, well, until….
I did have a conversation with a psychology student about Introversion among psychology people and she said that out of a class of 20 only two of the students were introverts. That certainly explains why the psych profession is so bad. How can extroverts delve into the depths of the human soul? They don’t even know it’s there. Well, Dante had Virgil to help him walk through Heaven and Hell and everything inbetween so maybe they have ways, dunno. Yeah, and Odysseus returning back from the Trojan War. He was certainly an extrovert. Same thing, he was confronted with all kinds of symbolic life distractions and he was always surrounded by his guys. I’m talking to myself here, an Introverted type of thing.
I just need to add more bio’s. hmpf.
Here’s a link to an article about “The Seven Year Itch” in Marriage. http://www.apa.org/releases/marriage.html.
It’s written by Psychologist Dr. Lawrence A. Kurdek who is the guy who found out that children take a big toll on the quality of their parent’s divorce. He studied newlyweds through their first 10 years of Marriage and found that there were declines in the Marriage right after the “Honeymoon is over” phase which comes early on. And then once again after about 8 years which he equates with the 7 year itch phase.
This is interesting to think about regarding astrology. In astrology there’s a big difference between 7 years which is associated with Moon (Family, Feelings), Saturn, (Reputation, Responsibility, Burdens) and Uranus (Divorce, Rebellion, Innovation) and the 8 Year Period which is associated with Sun (Ego, Will, Children, Fun) and Venus (Marriage, Partner, Family). Once one struggles with the issues of the 7 year period one just wants to move right into the Sun-Venus Fun Zone aspect I guess and tosses everything else aside.
Kurdek has written an article called “Children’s Perceptions of Their Divorce.” J.ofDiv. Vol. 3 #3 (10/20/88) which I’d love to read.
be of love (a little)
more careful than of anything.
– ee cummings
Astrologically speaking we’re in the middle of a very stressful transit right now. Mars, the planet of aggression, is undergoing a very long transit in Cancer (one of the waters signs, ruling feelings and family matters). And Mars is heavily afflicted opposite Pluto, the Sun (ego) and Jupiter (opinions). This could influence families to act out like crazy and say all kinds of dumb things (Jupiter rules opinions and is in the sign of Capricorn which rules Authoritarian behavior).
Mars-Pluto oppositions are extremely tense aspects as Pluto is considered a “higher octave” of Mars. It will react with aggression but in sabotaging, sneaky ways. Oppositions rule relationships. There is a contest of wills here.
This opposition is building all week and won’t be exact until January 2 so is coinciding with the Holiday Stress and Strain perfectly. Be careful driving, be careful with each other. If you use this energy immaturely you can be very destructive. If you use it wisely you can bring about great change as Mars rules Action and Pluto rules Change.
Gandhi had Mars opposite Pluto in his chart which includes a difficult aspect to his Moon (emotions) so you can see how a brilliant person can use reap benefits from these normally difficult aspects.
And e.e.cummings had Mars in Aries conjunct the Moon which is a similar very volatile emotional aspect. He was maybe using his poetry to talk himself down when he wrote the words quoted above.
