Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce, Stepfamilies, Violence, separate households
Tyler Weinman is 18 years old and has just graduated from High School. He was arrested just after midnight on Sunday night for the recent gruesome killings of cats in Southern Florida. At least 33 cats have recently been found dead in the areas where Tyler’s parents live, mostly in the area around his Father’s house.
Tyler lives with his Mother in Cutler Bay, Florida. His Father and Step-Mother live a mile or two away. Tyler Weinman is a Child of D.
Yes, Mom and Dad are Divorced and it seems that Tyler spends a lot of time trafficking between the two homes. And his path to and fro is where the cats are dying. Maybe it’s best if the parents live far apart so that their kids have to spend most of their travel time at the airport. Don’t think there’s a big cat population at the airport that they can take their frustrations out on.
So this is one of the few cases where a Divorce situation is being openly discussed by the media. And suddenly there is much discussion about how kids from broken homes are cat killers because, well, you know, it’s stressful coming from a broken home. (Strangely, the Psychologists and the Parents don’t know about this stress, but the Police know it, the Whiners from the Intact Families who always complain about how much better their childhoods would have been if only their parents had divorced, they suddenly know it too.)
So then we have to back track. Half of all the kids running around in the United States are growing up in Divorce. Half of all the kids in the country aren’t killing their neighbors’ cats. (Of course, it’s difficult to read about Tyler’s life and not feel a bit of empathy for how stressful it must be.) Tyler’s Father is remarried so at least one half of Tyler’s set of families is happy in the eyes of society. But that brings up the discussion about how he’s obviously a sociopath because he doesn’t get along with his Step-Mother. Mom’s life is not reported. I don’t know if Tyler has siblings. Tyler’s father is a Dentist which indicates money. To me that indicates a split financial situation between households and a lot of fighting over money, but the folks from the Intact Families say it’s a sure sign that: Tyler is a Spoiled Child of Divorce.
The police are not letting out pertinent information with regards to Tyler’s case. This could be fueling the media’s early “conviction” of Tyler based on his family status. What else are they going to talk about after all?
We don’t know if Tyler killed the cats but I suppose the police wouldn’t have arrested him if they weren’t pretty sure. They had secretly put a tracker on his car and had been following him around for weeks, after all. They had been staking out his Father’s house. Tyler has been released with an ankle bracelet and a big bond payment and he will receive psychiatric evaluations.
I may have wrong information here but I believe that Tyler’s first arrest came a couple of days after the first dead cat showed up. The neighbors immediately pointed their fingers at him. The police didn’t find cat blood but they did find pot in his car and discovered that he was driving with a suspended license according to this article. Then they stopped him for skateboarding at 2:00 am dressed in black. That’s suspicious unless your only other choice is to try to sleep in a house with a screaming parent. Of course, I don’t know about Tyler’s home life. You never, ever ask about the parents Divorce situation or mental status. It is assumed that they mean well.
The media has incorrectly reported that Tyler was first arrested while attending his Senior Prom. Tyler’s neighbors supposedly told the media that he was carted off while wearing his Tuxedo. It turns out that his prom took place 3 weeks before the first killing occurred.
There’s discussion over Tyler’s mugshot which alone really does seem to convict him. He looks pretty sociopathic because he’s smiling, smirking, as it’s being called. But, who knows what’s going here? Since he’s a pothead and was arrested late at night while at a party it makes sense that he was probably high. He may have not been very lucid and he may not have been told what he had been arrested for and he may have been assuming that this was another pot charge. Potheads always have those devastating smiles. The photographer had probably told him to wipe the grin off his face and in his state of mind this was the best he could do.
The media is concentrating on the fact that Tyler doesn’t get along with his Step-Mother and is obviously motivated to kill cats because she has cats. She has 9 cats which is a little OCD, IMO (and I’m a cat person).
It sounds like Tyler likes cats, anyway. If what I read is true and sorry I don’t have a link, one of Tyler’s Mom’s neighbors says that Tyler owns a cat which he took in as a stray. Tyler also has a girlfriend. Or had a girlfriend. His alleged homosexuality has come up for discussion as well as his Jewish last name. Boy, this is really creepy. With these attitudes I’d say that just about anybody living in South Florida would be capable of killing a cat.
I’m not saying that Tyler is innocent. If he did these crimes then he is seriously disturbed. But the media’s reporting of this case is even more disturbing. Guess I’m adding to it…
Filed under: Alcoholism, Bad Children of Divorce, High School Drop Out, Mentally Ill parents, PTSD, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., School Drop Out - High School or College, Violence, separate households
Today there is news that an ex soldier in Iraq has been found guilty of having Murdered a family in order to rape the 14 year old daughter. The ex-soldier is Stephen Green from Texas. He and a group of other soldiers had planned the rape. Green’s murders apparently came as a surprise. They were stationed in a particularly troublesome spot in the war zone known as The Triangle of Death. A Washington Post article by Andrew Tilgman tells about his meeting with Green and his group. It’s called “I came over here because I wanted to kill people.” Apparently, the reporter didn’t pay attention to Green’s words because he had heard this sort of brute honesty from all the soldiers. The article alluded to a troublesome childhood so grudgingly I looked to see if Green was a Child of D. Despite his minor offenses with the law and an angry personality Green was allowed into the military during a time when enlistments were down.
I’ve sort of been watching all this attention on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder regarding the Iraq War and have wondered if the problem is just now receiving attention or if all the Children of D are enlisting in order to get away from stressful situations and then are buckling under the extra stresses of war.
Green was born on May 2, 1985. Spent early years in Midland, TX. Parents divorced but don’t know what age. Green moved to Seabrook Texas with his Mother. She remarried when he was around 8 years old. Reports say that Green had a troubled, angry personality from about Junior High School years onward. His Mother is said to have “had problems” and was jailed for 6 months in 2000 and he went to live with his Father back in Midland. He dropped out in 2002 while in the 10th Grade but managed to get his equivalency degree in 2003 from a Community College. Green was in trouble with the law for minor offenses of smoking, pot, alcohol consumption. It was noted on the records that he must have had trouble at home because he didn’t list either parent as a contact. Green lived with his estranged step-father for a while at some point.
Source from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/14/us/14private.html
Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce, Birth Order, Courts, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., Prostitution, Violence, money, separate households
Between Apr. 10 and April 16 three women were bound and robbed in Hotel Rooms in Boston, Massachusetts and Rhode Island. They had all advertised as masseuses on CraigsList. One of the victims, Julissa Brisman, was shot multiple times and subsequently murdered. The other two women survived. 23 year old medical student Philip Markoff has been traced to all 3 attacks and is currently being held in jail. A gay man is also said to have contact with Markoff through an email (news about that is sketchy right now).
The media is going on and on about Markoff’s impending marriage which was to be held in August. It sounds as if Markoff’s family history is quite strained as well and, although, I can’t find the full picture, this is what I’ve figured out so far. The information may change. One thing is certain: Markoff is a Child of D.
People are blind sided by Markoff’s Double Personality. (Why are people never blind-sided by a Double Childhood that results from growing up in a Divorce?) Markoff is described as being very nice, clean cut, sort of nerdy (there’s that nerdy description again applied to a Child of D).
As an aside, I’ve tried to find information about Markoff’s alleged victims’ childhood status to see if they also were from Divorce. His alleged Murder victim, Julissa Brisman, had the same last name as her Father while her Mother’s last name is given as Guzman so there is a possibility that Julissa’s parents are divorced. In that case, it is not surprising that, like Markoff, Julissa led a double life. Her friends, apparently, had no idea that she worked as a masseuse. Children of D grow up as involuntary voyeurs of sorts. They witness much behavior in their families that can’t be discussed with anyone else due to extreme emotional behaviors, secrets, allegiances, betrayals, loyalities that it is not surprising to see how double lives can manifest later in life. Innocence doesn’t exist for Children of D. Distorted sense of lack of positive authority figures also is lacking. In a very few people this experience of childhood into extremely advanced states of consciousness and wisdom. In others it can cause problems as the child continues to show signs of normalcy to the outside world. And who knows? Maybe Markoff (assuming he’s guilty of course) is just a bad egg.
It would be interesting to know whether or not Markoff’s fiancee is from a Divorce or Intact family just for comparison’s sake but she’s going through enough Hell right now and doesn’t need any more scrutiny.
Markoff’s parents were divorced when he was very young. I don’t have an age. Right now I just know that it happened before he was 5 years old because that’s when his Mother gave birth to his sister who was his Step-Father’s child.
I’ve read that Markoff’s Father, Richard Markoff, is a Dentist so that probably puts Markoff in a wealthy class on his Father’s side. I’ve read that his Mother is or was a Casino worker. That definitely means that his Mother is not wealthy. If it’s true it paints a much different attitude toward money in that household and that Markoff would have constantly tried to reconcile two great schisms of class into his life (all the while trying to grow up). Children of D often grow up in two completely different financial classes. One can pretty accurately assume that the poor parent expresses great resentment over the other parent’s financial status. Even if that doesn’t happen, the child is a witness who is stuck in between. This can create detachment and just plain old weird behavior.
Markoff has an older brother, Jon, from his parents’ marriage. It seems that Jon is his closest relative. News reports showed that the Brother spent the most time visiting with Markoff in jail. Siblings in Divorce often have to take over as supports. One might imagine that Markoff’s parents probably can’t stand each other and are adding to the tension for Markoff. Anybody who has endured bringing both parents together for family “celebrations” like graduations and weddings knows how tense those situations are. Imagine if you’ve just been stuck in jail for murder and need emotional support from self-absorbed parents. At any rate, the Rich Dentist Father is probably so tired of hearing from the Mother about financial support problems that he’s not about to help his kid out here (my assumption about situation which is hopefully wrong).
Both of Markoff’s parents reportedly have remarried which means that Markoff was blessed with Step-Parents on both sides. Maintaining a sweet, nerdy disposition was probably Markoff’s greatest survival tool during childhood. He made everyone comfortable and was well liked for never making a fuss.
Markoff’s older brother reportedly moved in with his Father and Wife while Markoff lived with his Mother and her Husband. Don’t know what age.
When the oldest child moves out this can possibly show a couple of things. Who knows if they apply in Markoff’s case. First thing to think about is that the household that the only child is leaving is problematic. Second, the younger sibling will go through feelings of rejection, loneliness and grief over having been left behind. There could have been money problems, addictions, gambling, lack of compatibility.
By Age 5, Markoff had a younger half-sister through his Mother and Step-Father. So there are birth order changes as is typical of step-families.
Markoff’s Mother is said to have split from his Step-Father four years ago. Her last name at the time was Carroll. I heard on a News Cast that her current last name is Haines so perhaps she has remarried or perhaps the media just couldn’t get the all the family mish-mash information straight.
Either way, it looks right now as if Markoff’s Mother’s 2d divorce would have occurred in 2005. This is the same year that Markoff is said to have met his Fiancee. I believe he would have been around 19 years old.
Source: http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/04/alleged_craigsl.html#commentshttp://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/04/26/2009-04-26_suspect_and_victim_led_secret_lives_med_student_gambled__actress_gave_massages.html?page=0
Filed under: Abandonment, Alcoholism, Bad Children of Divorce, Courts, Custody, Mentally Ill parents, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., Violence, indifferent parents
Tess Damm is the Colorado teenager who allowed her boyfriend to murder her Mother. The teenagers than put the Mother’s body in the car and partied for about a month before neighbors called authorities. Tess’s Mother was what sounds like a raging alcoholic and her boyfriend, an adopted boy from India, had a split personality. I talked briefly about Tess Damm a while back and went back to see if I could find any new information about her situation as regards to her parent’s divorce because obviously this was an impossible situation which led to tragedy.
I found an article about Tess’ Father, Michael Damm, who left her Mother, Linda Juergens, when Tess was around 1 1/2 years old.
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2007/mar/02/damms-father-i-dont-know-those-people/
The Father’s attitude towards his daughter was totally distant. He said that “he didn’t know those people.” As is typical in Divorced families the Father can’t handle the stress of maintaining a relationship with the Mother who is totally insane. And he simply disappears. I tend to see how this is a practical way to lead one’s life. Unfortunately, from the child’s point of view this is very destructive.
According to the article, Tess’ parents married on June 29, 1991. Tess was born a month later so obviously she was a “mistake” child. The Father walked out in September 1992. He tried to maintain a long distance relationship with his daughter and was given what looks to me like very difficult rules to follow in order to do that. For example, he had to give 30 days’ notice in order to visit. Juergens filed for divorce in April, 1999. That’s a long time to remain separated so I sort of assume that he really was having struggling with trying to maintain connection with his daughter at least.
I wonder if it’s easier if these parents just cut the cord quickly. The child then doesn’t build up any false hopes and can live with reality much better. Of course, the best option would have been if he had been given custody since it sounds like he was the more stable parent but who knows? He may have been as unstable as the Mother.
The Father at the time of the writing is now living in Wisconsin, is remarried and has more children with his current wife. He talked very coldly about his daughter’s situation which I think is the attitude that a lot of Children of D receive from the missing parent. The child must suffer the Loss like a Death but also the Rejection of being Unworthy. The Father said he hadn’t talked to her in 10 years and didn’t intend to reestablish a relationship now. At any rate, one can see the Father’s coldness being projected into the mind of a daughter who plotted and carried out her own Mother’s death. He is quoted as saying:
“I have a family, and I’m living and loving life in Wisconsin,” he said. “I moved out of that situation when (Tess) was about 2.”
He is quoted repeatedly as saying that he has moved on in life. His Mother, Tess’ Grandmother, was also interviewed as saying that the family had moved on. Tess really was worth nothing to her family. Most Children of D don’t kill their parents, but they do share a similar style relationship with one of their parents.
The great philosopher Martin Buber said that the greatest evil in the world comes not from bad deeds but from indifference.
Filed under: Abandonment, Bad Children of Divorce, Mentally Ill parents, Movies About Growing Up in Divorce, Parents and their Dates, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D., Suicide, Violence, money
This movie, Savage Grace, completely destroyed my week-end. It’s the most miserable story in the world. Julianne Moore plays a rich socialite nymphomaniac who is murdered by her son. It’s based on the life of a woman called Barbara Baekeland and I don’t know how much of it is true. Barbara Baekeland married and was dumped by an heir to a Plastics fortune. She developed an abnormally close relationship with her son which can probably qualify in modern terms as Parental Alienation Syndrome, along with Incest and just plain old creep out. I sort of wonder if Incest (between parent and child at any rate) is sometimes connected with Parental Alienation Syndrome.
The Son, Antony Baekeland, was Gay and his Mother seduced him in order to try to convert him to normal, not that she’d have a clue what that was. The Father left Anthony to take care of his Mother alone as she descended into depressions and eventually a suicide attempt. There is a really great line in the movie where Anthony is writing to his father telling him that his only inheritance was taking care of his mother. Really interesting line in a family where inheritance and money seem to have caused so much trouble. The Father apparently did nothing to help his Son, typical behavior.
According to what I read on the Internet (sorry forget to get any links) Tony (Antony) was released from jail eventually and went to live with his Mother’s Mother. After a week he stabbed her. So, he was permanently destroyed. He eventually committed suicide in jail.
I have no idea how closely the movie follows what people know about the real story but I’ve found that movies are highly fictionalized. I don’t know if I recommend this to anyone who grew up in a difficult Divorce or suffered Incest or Suicides. Unlike the movie “About A Boy” which is partly about a boy witnessing his Mother’s suicide attempt, there’s no redemption to this story, made all the worse because it’s based on real life. Some of the reviews that I’ve read say that they don’t even believe it could be a real story, har har. The movie is based on a book by the same title.
Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce
Okay, here we go. Call Girl “Kristen,” Child of Divorce & Spoiled Brat:
“Frankly, as much as we love her, she was a spoiled brat,” said her aunt, Barbara Youmans of Seaside Heights.”
You can’t argue with New Jersey. Those people know a Brat when they see one.
According to Wikipedia, Kristen (real name Ashley Youmans), lived with her Mother and Step-father after her parents’ divorce. In High School she lived with her Father for a while. Father sold Surf Boards and Step Father was an Oral Surgeon, so Ashley had plenty of Surf Boards growing up and will never have big dental bills.
http://www.northjersey.com/news/crimeandcourts/Kristen_becomes_a_star_but_aunt_calls_her_a_brat.html
Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Violence, two religions
Henry VIII was the ultimate jerk of a husband and so his parenting left much to be desired. The example that he set in his relationships makes a good argument for why Divorce is a good idea.
In pursuit of a male heir Henry rampaged through wives like they were underwear at a 3 for 1 sale. He literally took the Church away from the Catholics and ran it himself so that he could assure himself of the ability to divorce anyone he pleased. Even so, he had two wives murdered in order to get them out of the way. This wasn’t a Greek Play, this was reality. The English Royalty know how to live their tragedies out in real life. I don’t think Henry had any of his kids beheaded, only the Moms.
Mary I was Henry’s first child born to his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. But, Henry, unhappy that his wife couldn’t bear a son, and unhappy that the Catholics wouldn’t let him divorce her, snuck off and married his 2d wife. Then the Church had to have the first marriage “voided.” Mary I was around 17 years old at the time.
Henry’s second wife was Anne Boleyn who gave birth to Elizabeth I. After Anne didn’t cough up a male heir, Henry had her beheaded. Elizabeth was 3 at the time. I realize that this is murder, not Divorce, but if Henry could have divorced Anne easily he maybe would have, he was just getting so frustrated…
Elizabeth was disinherited and Mary’s bitter Mother was forced to work as her Maid in Waiting where she constantly told her what a witch her mother had been.
The 3d Wife finally gave Henry a boy, Edward. Edward’s Mother died shortly after he was born and Edward was sickly himself. He became King for a short time and died young from some sort of awful chronic disease. I don’t know what age he was, my Internet connection is slow and I’m too impatient to have to look that up too.
After Henry VIII died, Mary became Queen and had Elizabeth imprisoned. Miaow.
After about 5 years of burning people at the stake (her nick was “Bloody Mary,” not the beverage) Mary died and Elizabeth became Queen because she was last in line for the throne. Mary made England Catholic and Elizabeth turned it back to Protestant. Is it the Protestants? I apologize, I’m very weak on Religious topics.
Elizabeth never married. No wonder. Her rule lasted 45 years. She left no heirs. She had a good following but from what I’ve read, she was sort of responsible for starting the African Slave Trade in order to make England some quick cash.
Do these two go under “Exemplary” or “Bad?” I’ll put them under both. Life is complicated after all and ruling England must be a real bitch especially after such a bad childhood.
Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce, Stepfamilies | Tags: Bad Children of Divorce
I guess I missed one on my Worldbeater’s list. (I got that name “Worldbeaters” from somewhere on the web, can’t remember where. Great name.) Osama is indeed a Spoiled Brat. Someone should just gather all the bitchy step mothers of the world to hunt this freak down. Let em at him. Well, his stepfather probably beat the shit out of him already anyway.
Osama bin Laden is the Leader of Al-Qaeda, a militant Islamcist organization. He was born Sunni Muslim to a rich Saudi businessman and his 10th wife. His parents divorced shortly after Osama was born. (I bet he was a product of rape). Osama lived with his Mother who remarried and gave birth to Osama’s 3 stepbrothers and stepsister. Wikipedia gives a bunch of different majors of studies from Osama’s college days. Either way, it sounds like Osama dropped out of college before graduating. That’s typical Child of D behavior.
Osama married his first wife when he was 17. He maybe has 4 other wives and between 12 and 24 children. He’s divorced two of his wives.
He has incredible organizational skills and quickly used them to start bombing people, places and things. The first bombing attributed to Osama was on Dec. 29, 1992. He claims responsibility for the 9/11 airplane bombings in New York and Washington. He’s either dead or has been in hiding ever since 2001.
Filed under: Bad Children of Divorce, Books, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Movies About Growing Up in Divorce, runaways
I don’t know whether to stick this guy under “Exemplary” or “Bad.”
Frank Abagnale wrote about the strange life he concocted for himself in reaction to his parents’ divorce in his autobiography called Catch Me If You Can. The story was made into a movie by Steven Spielberg and starred Leonardo di Caprio.
Abagnale was 16 when his parents divorced in 1964. (Edit, 4/19/2008: I’ve been listening to the audiobook of Catch Me If You Can and Abagnale says there that he was 12 when his parents separated and 14 when they divorced. He was 3d of 4 children who chose to live with his Father rather than his Mother. His descriptions of how his life progressed into what it did might be interesting for divorcing parents of teenagers to pay attention to but I don’t know if any of it is true). Stressed out by the situation, he ran away during a court appearance and made his living for the next 5 years as a Con Artist and Forger, taking on all kinds of personalities and fooling everyone around him. He was finally caught and spent some time in jail. He didn’t see his Mother for 7 years. His Father died and he never saw him again. I believe he now works for the Government detecting fraud.
One of the big regrets of my life is that I didn’t just run away when I was 15. I can easily say that my parents’ divorce was not worth living through. No redeeming experiences came to me through it. So, although I don’t condone crime, I really envy this guys’ brains and guts. Check out the Movie, it’s great.
(from: http://www.cinema.com/articles/1758/catch-me-if-you-can-production-notes.phtml)
The plot of “Catch Me If You Can” might have seemed a bit far-fetched even by Hollywood standards…were it not for the fact that it is based on a true story.
“Things that happen in real life are sometimes a hundred times more fascinating than anything a person could make up off the top of his head,” remarks Leonardo DiCaprio, the actor who portrays the subject of the story, Frank W. Abagnale, Jr.
“Catch Me If You Can” is based on Abagnale’s autobiography of the same name, which chronicles how he-as a runaway teenager, without so much as a high school diploma-managed to pass himself off as an airline pilot, a doctor, a lawyer, and a college professor, all while cashing millions of dollars in fraudulent checks.
Frank Abagnale offers, “It begins with my parents’ divorce and its dramatic effect on me. I ran away and suddenly found myself a teenager alone in the world. I had to grow up very quickly and become very creative in order to survive. But what started out as survival became more and more of a game. I was an opportunist, so when I saw an opening I asked myself, ‘Could I get away with that?’ Then there was the satisfaction of actually getting away with it. The more I got away with, the more of a game it became-a game I knew I would ultimately lose, but a game I was going to have fun playing until I did. “A bestseller, Abagnale’s autobiography has fascinated millions of readers, including director/producer Steven Spielberg. “I was like the many people who fell under the seductive influence of the real Frank William Abagnale, Jr. , just through his book. And when you meet him, you understand in a second how he could pull the wool over your eyes and convince you that he was a doctor or a lawyer. I was fascinated by the unique way he came of age. I really believe he was very strongly affected by the divorce of his parents. There are all sorts of ways kids act out against divorce, and Frank just happened to act out in a way that was so original, it was worth making a movie about. Personally, I have always loved movies about sensational rogues, like the Newman/Redford classics ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’ and ‘The Sting. ‘ They were breaking the law, but you had to love them for their moxie. “
