Filed under: Alcoholism, Books, Good Step-Parent Stories, Movies About Growing Up in Divorce, Parents and their Dates
I haven’t been going to many movies lately but this week-end I’ve gone to two. Both were about Children of Divorce.
First was Twilight. It’s a teeny bopper Vampire movie. The heroine, Bella, a high school Junior, moves to the Pacific Northwest to live with her Father who she hasn’t really spent much time with. Her Mother has just remarried a baseball player who travels around the country a lot so she can’t keep Bella around. Relations with Dad are awkward and there are a lot of telephone calls with Mom. Nobody, absolutely nobody, is angry.
However, the Pacific Northwest being what it is, everyone is pretty much depressed and pale, very pale. What a great situation for meeting and falling in love with a Vampire in Chemistry class. Vampires like the sunless landscape because they can hang around during the day. Anyhoo, all kinds of trauma erupts out of from this awkward, romantic, very steamy and innocent relationship. The Vampire is sort of a Vegetarian vampire who doesn’t kill people but he sure does lust after their blood. Bella throws herself right after him because she has some sort of compulsive need to prove that she can trust a guy with such intense instincts to hurt her. Is that Child of D stuff, or what? At any rate, I guess Vampire psychology involves all things that can wrong with … Blood Ties, ah hem…
I didn’t know what I was going to see and I liked the movie okay. The kids who read the books seem to universally think the movie is awful.
Out of curiosity I tried to see if the writer, Stephenie Meyer is a child of D. Apparently not; she just really worshipped the Brady Bunch as a kid. That’s so annoying.
The other movie I saw is called “Rachel Getting Married.” It’s a psychological drama about being psycho in a family setting. Kym is the psycho, very well performed by Anne Hathaway. She is an addict who is getting out of rehab to attend her Sister’s Wedding. The tensions of adjusting to real life in such an intense week-end sort of brings out her whole story. At 16 Kym committed an unpardonable sin while high and has to confront all of her family members over this for the first time sober. All the while preparing for the festivities. By the time she puts on the Brides Maid’s dress she is covered with scratches and has a Black Eye.
The relationship with the parents is well portrayed from a Child of D point of View. The Father is the dominant care taker. He’s loving and caring and completely forgiving. The Mother is the negative character who is left out and can’t deal with her sub-par role in the whole hierarchy. The Step Mother is totally cool and never complains about a thing. She also doesn’t leave the Father alone for a minute with the kids. I wouldn’t be surprised if these filmmakers really do come from Divorce. One of them certainly must be a step-parent.
Both movies portray positive images of Step Parents. That’s good for the Step-Parents. It might be good for the kids as well as they might get a piece of their inheritance down the road if they maintain a low profile in the family.
As a matter of fact I’m seeing nothing but positive images of Step-parents in the media. The new Coke commercial has a joyous jingle for the Season about the joys of Coca-Cola and Step-Families. Since all kinds of new scientific evidence is coming out about the toxicity of carbonated beverages I guess this makes sense. Plus, we all know who is in charge of Daddy’s money — Step-Mothers are a great target for the marketers. (Reminder: I’m not talking about all step-parents here, only the ones to whom it applies. Unfortunately, these people don’t know, or care, who they are).
I’m beginning to notice the way that Step-Mothers are very critical of Biological mothers. This happens in the movies and it happens more in real life. (Miaow, the cat fight never ends.) It certainly happened in my family. Women are still treating each other like poo. Liberation has a ways to go.
Neither movie showed Step-Sibling relations. The relationship between Rachel and Kym in “Rachel Getting Married” is very strong. Sibling relationships that go through this extra stress, of course, are going to be different from those in Intact families. Either the bonds are stronger or they are considered as ridiculous and expendable as the parents’ marriage. I don’t know if studies have been done. Probably not.
Filed under: Abandonment, Bad Children of Divorce, Good Step-Parent Stories, Suicide, indifferent parents
I regret having starting this category called “Bad Children of Divorce.” I sound like somebody’s Step-Mother already. The word “Bad” should be replaced with something like “Notorious” or “Misinformed.” Once you read what these people go through from their families it’s really difficult to call them “Bad.” Well, Rove seems to have been born a right-winger which is not necessarily good, but still.
I’m writing this to compare with the next blog entry about Barack Obama’s Advisor who is also a Child of Divorce. They are comparable in their understandings of how to work the systems, how to manipulate, depth of understanding of human nature, and also in a really creepy way, their actual stories. (Pay attention to Age 19 for both men.)
Ex-Deputy White House Chief of Staff, Karl Rove is a Child of Divorce. He was a Child of a Really Crazy unhappy Divorce too. Most of Bush’s political successes and failures are attributed to Rove’s strategic planning. His opinions are abnormally right wing and considering the family he grew up in this doesn’t make sense.
According to Wikipedia and other internet sources Karl Rove’s biological Father left his Mother when Rove was still very young. I’m still working on trying to find out what age. At the time Rove had one older brother. The Father was a Geologist.
Rove’s Mother married a second time to another Geologist. Rove grew up thinking this man was his Biological Father which wasn’t really that abnormal for that generation. It was certainly a stressful game for the parents to have to play, though, and the shame resulting from such games and the shock on the child when he/she finds out later is a good reason for keeping Divorce up and running in society. Best to make it safe for people to admit what they’ve done and move on.
The family had 3 more children; I believe two girls and another boy.
At Age 9 Rove was beaten up by a girl for defending Richard Nixon. In High School he says that he was a totally uncool nerd.
Karl Rove’s adopted Step-Father left his Mother and his family on Dec. 24, 1969 because he was Gay. This would have been the day before Rove’s 19th Birthday.
According to the website “The Carpet Bagger Report” Rove’s Mother took off shortly after and left Rove to fend for himself in College. She contacted him later on when he was in his mid-20’s when she needed money. In 1981 she committed suicide by gassing herself in her car in Reno, NV. If the following link is legitimate you can read Karl Rove’s emotional description of having to deal with this: www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/8531.html. It’s pretty sad. Basically he was abandoned and rejected by both of his real parents.
Meanwhile, at some point between the ages of 19 and 21, an Aunt and Uncle had told Karl that his adopted step-father was not his Biological Father. One account I read said that he met his biological father while in his 40s.
Karl Rove did not graduate from College.
Rove’s adopted step-father died in Palm Springs around 2004 from Lung Cancer. It is said they had a loving relationship although Rove is extremely anti-Gay.
Rove married his first wife in 1977. This marriage lasted only until 1979.
He has been married to his 2d wife since 1986. They have one son, Andrew, in 1989.
Some kid found this site through the following search:
“my stepmom caught me jerking”
Cute. Very cute. That’s a really difficult age.
Hope he found some sage advice somewhere for his predicament.
And may his stepmom be having a glass of wine for her troubles.
Filed under: Bad Step-Parent Stories, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Good Step-Parent Stories
The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Music…
Julie Andrews, that Great Nanny of Stage and Screen, is Child of D. She’s played every fairy tale character of single family households on Broadway, at the Movies and on TV: Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, Cinderella.
Andrews’ parents divorced when she was around 4. Her theatrical Mother fell in love with another actor, Ted Andrews, and her parents separated. Ted Andrews became Andrews Stepfather. Andrews’ Father also remarried. “I’ve got more mothers and fathers than anyone in the world.” (Wikipedia)
At first Andrews lived with her Father but moved in with her Mother and StepFather in order to develop her Musical talents. The entire family performed together. Andrews changed her name to her StepFather’s last name.
Andrews is herself once divorced and twice married. Her first marriage to Tony Walton lasted 14 years. They had a daughter, Emma Kate. Andrews is still married to her second husband, Blake Edwards. They have 2 daughters together, Amy and Joanna.
ADDITION: I’ve recently read that Julie Andrews has published an autobiography admitting that she was molested by her step-father.
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce, Good Step-Parent Stories, Living with Aunts and Uncles, Marital Success, Uncategorized | Tags: Exemplary Children, Good Stepparent stories
I remember once an Interview with Paul McCartney where the Interviewer asked Paul what he thought about current Rock music. Paul said he liked it but that he was proud that the Beatles sent out a message of Love rather than some of the darker messages of the current times. This made me particularly curious to check into the childhoods of the Beatles. Were they from loving homes themselves?
John Lennon’s parents were split. His Father was a Merchant Marine and was gone most of the time when John was very young. John’s Mother was left alone with severe money problems. When John’s Father returned 1944 his Mother didn’t want him around anymore. Lennon was around 4 years old at the time. His Mother’s Sister called social services and basically took John from his Mother so John lived with his Aunt and Uncle through most of his childhood.
In July, 1946 John’s Father abducted his Son with the intention of taking him to New Zealand. (John Lennon would have been on the side of a Milk Carton, Age 6!!!!). When the Mother wanted to come along also John was given the choice of deciding which parent he wanted to go with. Well, I think this is a wise thing on the part of the parents in some cases but astrologically it can be seen as child abuse in this case. The reason being John Lennon was a Libra Sun. Libras don’t like to make decisions, they don’t like to chose, they can’t because they can always see both sides of an issue. (This is a quote of Lennon’s in which you can see this kind of thing going on: “I remember a time when everybody I love hated me because I hate them.”) At any rate, this event must have completely traumatized him. He chose his Father twice but ran after his Mother as she walked away. He never saw his Father again until much later on when he was an adult. Lennon was raised by his Aunt and Uncle in Liverpool and led a Middle Class life after that. His Mother stayed in his life and taught him to play the banjo. He got his first guitar in 1957. He met Paul McCartney at Age 15 on July 6, 1957.
Tragically, Lennon’s Mother was hit by a car and killed on July 15, 1958. The deaths of their Mothers is said to have been a strong bonding element between John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Dropped out of Art School.
Paul McCartney’s parents did not Divorce, but his Mother died of Breast Cancer when McCartney was 13 years old (Oct. 31, 1956). As I just said McCartney met Lennon in 1957. He had met with George Harrison on the Bus in 1954 when he was 11. Dropped out of school.
Ringo Starr. Child of Divorce. His parents split when he was 3 years old. His Mother remarried and Starr liked his Step-father. He was a sickly child and dropped out of school when he was 13.
George Harrison came from a “Intact” Family.
What also fascinated me, was that, considering they were Rock Stars, the Beatles all enjoyed long-term marriage in their own right. Well, there were some nasty power plays. Yoko Ono broke up Lennon’s first marriage. And Patti Boyd left Harrison for his friend, Eric Clapton. Ouch.
I took a quick look at the family situation of the women involved in these relationships to see what kind of a family household they grew up in. Most of them grew up in the War so there were real problems but the families were intact.
From what I can gleam from their histories, Yoko Ono, Linda McCartney, Barbara Bach, Pattie Boyd and Harrison’s last wife, Olivia Trinidad Avias were all from Intact Families. Cynthia Lennon, John’s first wife, suffered the loss of her Father at Age 17. So, little groupie girls who want to strike it rich, take heed. Beware of this fact amongst your competition. If you hesitate in your relationships or give things a second glance or act in any way befuddled by Romance’s ability to fail or doubt your loveability, you are probably capable of you’ll miss out on some powerfully, fun times. In other words, I don’t think you can’t compete with these girls. You’re gonna have to make your own (and probably) better life.
Heather Mills McCartney is from a really nasty Divorced family situation, by the way. She’s got some good qualities but also some really nasty unresolved problems.
Filed under: Good Step-Parent Stories, links to articles | Tags: articles, Good Step-Parent Stories
The San Francisco Bay Guardian is running a story this week about the tiger who was killed on Christmas Day at the San Francisco Zoo. The Tiger, named Tatiana, somehow got out of her enclosure in order to attack some boys who by most accounts were taunting her. The newspaper story is called “Tiger Tales” and is written by Craig McLaughlin. The reason why I’m including the link here:
http://www.sfbg.com/entry.php?entry_id=5378&volume_id=317&issue_id=334&volume_num=42&issue_num=15&l=1.
is because the writer spent the latter half of his upbringing on his Stepfather’s wild animal farm and slept 100 feet away from a Siberian Tiger like Tatiana. He knows the Tigers. He shares his knowledge of tiger behaviors and the story is just really interesting. It’s nice to include a positive Stepfather story.
Here’s a bit:
“People have often asked me over the years why my stepfather had all of his animals. I like to tell them it was because he thought he was Tarzan. It’s not the absolute truth, but it is as valid as any other answer.”
Dhat’s soooo cuoooote. If your stepfather can love a big scary animal I guess he will be able to love you too. If you don’t behave, well, then, it’s to “Tiger Island” you go. (some of those scary beatches on the stepparents’ forums will be getting all kinds of ideas.)
McLaughlin gives all kinds of opinions that I don’t agree with. He says that the two brothers who taunted Tatiana are not to blame for their actions and meanwhile the news has been full of stories about what assholes they are. There’s no way in Hell they are not responsible for this tragedy. Probably spoiled brats from a normal family who have just never had to think about anyone else in their lives. 23 years old and still living at home. You don’t find that in Divorce. Christmas Day, Crap. Who has time for the Zoo? First you wake up at your Mother’s, open presents, wait for phone call, leave Mother sobbing by herself with bottle of Vodka, go to Father’s, listen to Stepfamily brag about how decadent their lives are now that they’re squandering your Father’s money, all parents drunk, all kinds of strangers walking in and out, kissy kissy, who’s Stepmother screwing now?, Grandparents crying, asking about Mother, Father shuddering at talk about Mother, long dinner, more presents, grinning, grinning, kissy kissy, drive back home, Mother’s smashed and getting ready to go out to the Bar. Now these Brothers have the nerve to sue the Zoo. (they got their friend killed by the way). I also don’t really place as much blame on the Zoo Director as McLaughlin does. That Zoo has had non-stop problems since before he got there. This guy sounds like a complacent autocrat. San Francisco has a rich tradition of blaming the authority figures. I lived there for many years and was fascinated by how few Children of D. could stand living in the place. I’d make a friend, Child of D. of course, they’d start screaming about how they can’t live in a Gingerbread City and move away so they can be around real people. The Children of Normal Families (Children of N.F.’s?) go to Support Groups forever and ever and ever and never stop complaining about their parents. And they are all divorced themselves (at least once) and doing a screwy job of raising their own kids so they get really defensive about this one sensitive topic. And they’re all Therapissssssssts.
At any rate, my Solution would be that some Rich Family needs to donate land so that the Zoo can be moved. It’s not fair to place such large sensitive animals so close to major traffic and shopping malls and teenagers on meth (hey, it’s San Francisco). Sorry. Just had to get in my two cents worth.
Read the story, it’s really nice.
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce, Good Step-Parent Stories | Tags: Good Step-Father, Inspirational Success Story
With the Holidays ramping up we’re feeling a little attacked already by all the embalmed Santas swinging Bells in our faces as we pay for our tranquilizers at the pharmacy check-out lines. Because of the negativity of this situation I have decided to add Inspirational Success Stories of Children of Divorce for Good Cheer. According to the Psychologists, about 75 percent of all Children of Divorce are completely fine suffering no fall out from having grown up in their Bipolar families. It’s important to give these people credit.
I am going to begin listing Astonishingly Great Children of Divorce who have grown up and performed admirably in spite of the fact that they are spoiled because they received two presents at the Holidays and yanked their parents’ chains in all kinds of ways that only manipulative, guilt freaking children will do.
First on the list is President Gerald Ford. Now that he’s passed people are remembering what a nice guy he was. However, nobody really appreciated him all that much while he was President; his short tenure was spent cleaning up after his predecessor who he pardoned against the wishes of many. But, Hey, Dude grew up in a Divorced Family and was in the habit of forgiving people. Pardon Nixon? Sure buddy, no problem. It’s all good. No worries.
Gerald Ford’s Mother split from his Father when Gerald was 16 days old because Dad chased her down while yielding a large Butcher Knife. Ford’s Mother remarried and Ford was adopted by his Step-Father. He wasn’t told about his Biological Father until he was 17. This was a pretty common way to handle matters back in those days. When he was 17, Ford’s real Father approached him at his little waitering job and gave him the lowdown about his past. According to the Wiki article they stayed in touch but Ford always considered his Step-Father to be his real Father. Those Butcher Knife stories are generally pretty alienating.
Thanks Ger! You’re a true inspiration and may you rest easy up there on whatever cloud they’ve got you floating around on!
I guess I’ll add a link for “Good Step-Parents” and “Evil Step-Parents” down below just to keep track of these guys.
The link to the Wikipedia biography on Gerald Ford is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_Ford
