Spoiled Children of Divorce


Heartbreaking Mother/Daughter Talk

Okay, so this is real. You’ll never hear one of the get help people talk about it. But, it’s real. I’ve overheard similar things. I’ve lived similar things.

https://blend.oola.com/restaurants/2386541/waiters-share-the-most-messed-up-thing-theyve-overheard-while-serving?utm_campaign=ola-quo-d-us-bdf8ae4a&utm_content=2026&utm_source=quo&utm_term=ola-quo-d-us-bdf8ae4a.tl51xahv.



Memoirs About Growing Up in Divorce

For some reason I suddenly became aware that there are several memoirs written by Children of Divorce. Just in case you need company during the Holidays…

(I haven’t read any of them yet)

Susan Thomas
In Spite of Everything

Clair Dederer
Poser

Mark Crandall
Eulogy of Childhood Memories

Amanda Stern
Little Panic: Dispatches from an Anxious Life



Sarah Colonna and Father’s Day Cards

Just heard comedian Sarah Colonna’s special called I Can’t Feel My Legs on Amazon Prime. Hope it’s ok to quote or paraphrase a part of her skit. I can’t write that fast and can’t read some of it. Awesome that the audience claps when she cracks a joke about having 2 dads. It might be safe to assume that she is a Child of Divorce but can’t say for sure. You don’t hear very many jokes about extended family stuff. A long time ago I was at a Comedy night and the comedian took a poll of the audience looking for Children of Divorce to see if it was worth it to crack Divorce jokes. He decided against. Only one girl raised her hand.

“I hate single grocery shopping because I’m not home a lot. I’m not in town a lot so I only buy a quick few things when I’m out at the grocery store.

I guess I need to make a list. Because if you make a list then you can look at what all your items altogether might look like to someone else when they’re in the basket.

Here’s an example. I was grocery shopping this (unknown word, can’t read my writing) in June which will make sense in a second. I was grocery shopping and had everything on the conveyor belt and there were two guys, early 30s and they were staring at me. ‘Oh here we go. Can’t even go to the grocery store anymore.’ I was bending over. Then I realize they’re not looking at me. They’re looking at the conveyor belt.

And that’s when I became painfully aware of what was on there. I had 2 bottles of vodka, you know, with the handle, the kind with the handle, tampons, skittles. I was hungry. And two Father’s Day cards (laughter & clapping). It’s like, O My God! Look at that girl with her period, her drinking problem, and all those Dads!!!”



Bullying and Step-Families

With all the mention of Bullying in the news I don’t think I’ve ever heard mention of how this happens in Step-Families. Unlike schoolyard bullying, bullying at home by step-parents is never addressed by the biological parents. They will sit back and watch it happen. The Teachers at school will sit back and watch it happen. Psychologists never do anything for anyone so I suppose I should not have mentioned them in the first place. The options are either for the child to ask to live with the other parent or another relative like a Grandparent or to tell a teacher so that Social Services will remove him/her from the home. All I can say, speaking from experience, is: do it.

If a child is bullied by a family like this he/she will be marked to be bullied later on in life. In family a child can’t escape this type of irrational behavior.



Okay, So if Mom’s Stressed, You’re Stressed, unless it involves Divorce and Then You’re Fine, Just Fine. But, Mom’s Still Stressed
August 30, 2018, 12:30 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Psychiatrist finds that trauma crosses generations.



Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder is an unwanted diagnosis. Therapists dread treating it. If you want to know more about it you can google the endless entries on the web. It’s kind of like being trapped in a kid’s mind as an adult because the personalities swing back and forth between hot and cold feelings very quickly. There is a fear of abandonment, a lot of self injury and suicidality. Sound like Child of Divorce issues?

While looking up well-known people who struggle with this disorder I found that a huge percentage come from divorced families. I also noticed that children who are diagnosed as Borderline have step-parents which could indicate they are victims of stressful homes.

Here’s is an article which says that Children of Divorce are more vulnerable to Borderline Personality Disorder. Here is a quote from the article on research from back in 1996:

JoelParis(1994,1996)suggested that biologicalvulnerabilityis necessarybutnot sufficient to cause BPD. Varying psychological factors can precipitate BPD inthe presence of biological vulnerability. Paris maintained that the impact of socialdisintegration and rapid social change, such as breakdown of the traditional familyand changing social norms, are nonspecific risk factors in the etiology of BPD.Cross-cultural studies reveal the possibility that structured traditional societiesdiminish the emergence of this disorder.

(PDF) Children At-Risk for Borderline…. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257827646_Children_At-Risk_for_Borderline_Personality_Disorder [accessed Jul 22 2018].

I wonder if this is one of those psychological diseases which could be deactivated if the therapist could actually talk about divorce. It really doesn’t take much. If you’ve read about how the ACE study brought remarkable results for adults who had traumatic childhoods, you will understand that often the practitioner just has to mention the problem, maybe fake concern, maybe add a couple of knowledgeable details. But, denial is the reality of growing up with leftover divorce trauma.



Movie – Divorce Corp

Just saw a great movie which portrays Divorce as a huge industry. It’s called Divorce Corp. The movie says that Divorce is a 50 Billion dollar industry in the United States. The way Divorce is handled in Scandinavia is compared. People rarely bring in a lawyer. Custody problems are rarely an issue, at least for the parents. Some information is given about how children who don’t have Fathers have a much more difficult time in life, 200 percent higher suicide rates, for example. It’s really interesting that a movie like this doesn’t interview a single child victim of a custody battle. That 50 Billion $ would grow massively if one calculated financial loss of children from divorce both through career, divorces of their own, health problems, etc.