Spoiled Children of Divorce

Children of The Beatles
August 1, 2020, 3:59 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

A fun article about the children born to the rock band The Beatles. Had no idea that the song “Hey Jude” was influenced by a song called “Hey Jules” written by Paul McCartney for Julian Lennon when his parents were getting a divorce. His Father, John Lennon had left his mother for Yoko Ono.


Professor T – Best Cop Show from Belgium (I think it’s from Belgium)
June 6, 2020, 7:37 pm
Filed under: Criminal tendencies, sex, sexual abuse, Uncategorized

Available on Amazon Prime until June 30 is a really amazing cop show. I think the show is from Belgium but I’ve never even thought about Belgium TV before so it seems I must be mistaken. The main character, Professor T, is a mentally ill Criminology Professor who is approached by a Federal Police Detective who had been his student. He has serious OCD and hallucinates occasionally as he is struggling with what looks like unresolved grief over his Father’s Suicide.

So, speaking of unresolved grief: the show occasionally discusses divorce and crime. It could do more. In the U.S. family court is the most violent court there is.

Criminology, apparently, is connected with Sociology and Sociologists will study pretty much anything. There is a Sociology textbook called The Family written by Philip N. Cohen which has a chapter on Divorce. It references some studies but, as usual, doesn’t really handle the topics with much interest. I took a class on Families with this textbook and did all my projects on Divorce but the teacher often corrected me on my negative (realistic) attitude about Children of Divorce. If you simply combine the words Children and Divorce you are conjuring up negativity.

So, in a very sick sort of way, I was thrilled to hear that Sex Offenders, at least in terms of Belgium TV, are highly likely to come from a family which divorced before they turned 16. They don’t give percentages and I don’t know if this is a statistical fact. The detectives mention Divorce as a motivating factor in a couple of other episodes. Although, I would prefer to hear about Children of Divorce in a more constructive way than just knowing that we all grow up to be criminals, it’s great to know that someone out there can at least speak the truth openly in public. Divorce is so stressful for a child that it makes the child much more likely to be a sex offender. Why is this? Is it Mommie’s boyfriends? Is it Daddy’s boyfriends? It is molestation by Mommy’s husband or by step-siblings? Is it just being left to be taken care of by strange adults because no one is home?  Is it because divorced parents are more likely to engage in addictive behaviors?

Census Report analyzes Custodial Parents
May 29, 2020, 11:42 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Current Population Survey (CPS) Child Support Supplement (CSS) has published recent findings in a study called “Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2017.” It’s written by Timothy Grall.

A quarter of children under Age  in the United States live with only one Custodial Parent. This study examines economics, race/ethnicity, and characteristics of who is in charge of these kids.

Bad news: 30 percent live in poverty. This is three times the poverty level of kids who live with both parents.

4 out of 5 are mothers. 50 percent are Black families.

Interesting topics: Which sex is most likely to have been married before having children? What types of child support and how much? What are the reasons why couples don’t make a legal agreement for child support? How many parents actually pay and who are they?

Why Thomas Jefferson Didn’t Marry Sally Hemings
April 22, 2020, 11:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This is a weird story. Maybe it isn’t true. We all know by now that Thomas Jefferson kept slaves and that he fathered children with an African American woman named Sally Hemings. I personally didn’t know that Sally Hemings was only a quarter African American and 3/4 white. Martha Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson’s wife (and third cousin), was half-sibling with Sally Hemings because her Mother was her Father’s servant (we can only hope that this was voluntary on her part).

It’s a good thing they didn’t have Therapists, Social Workers and Sitcoms back in those days because this crap makes Modern Family look like it was written by a bunch of Catholic Priests.

Story gets stranger. I just read that the reason why Thomas Jefferson never remarried after his first wife died was because his wife made him promise to never subject their children to a step-mother. Growing up, Martha Jefferson had had two step-mothers by the time she was thirteen. I don’t know where to go to get the specific behaviors which made the step-mothers such a stressor for Martha other than just the fact that step-families are usually stressful.

There is an autobiography about Martha Jefferson here describing the scene on her death bed where she asks Jefferson to never remarry. She died 19 years before he became President. https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/156001.

And her Wikipedia entry mentions her relationships with her step-mothers here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Jefferson#cite_note-50:

So that her children would not grow up with stepmothers,[37] Martha had asked Thomas Jefferson to never marry again, and he never did. Her request has been attributed to her own disagreeable relationships with her step-mothers. At her death, she was 33; he was 39.[41]

Census Survey which includes valuable information about Divorced Families
January 25, 2020, 1:28 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Census is probably the best place to look for research information about Divorce although it’s not very user friendly. If you have a technical background or are very patient you might find some interesting information included in the SIPP Survey. SIPP stands for “Survey of Income and Program Participation” which doesn’t say much. It interviews whole households over a period of 3 to 4 years and ask questions which can give valuable information about families that are going through divorce: their financial changes; their well being; their insurance; and their changes in work and housing.


MedCircle Interviews on Suicidal Ideation
January 24, 2020, 1:20 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

MedCircle is a great company which posts the interviews that you, or at least I, always wish I could find with a mental health professional. I suffer from chronic suicidal ideation which has come and gone a lot in my life. It started with my Mother’s suicide attempts during my parents’ divorce which caused severe PTSD which psychiatrists didn’t treat at the time and which I won’t ever receive any treatment or even recognition of. I was always the one who found my Mother and had to call for help. At one attempt she drank Clorox. She was also extremely drunk. The police took her to the Mental Hospital where she was locked in a room and left overnight. In the morning she had no pulse or heartbeat. My Father moved her to a private hospital. And he suffered from chronic suicidal ideation after that. My brother is lucky. He just blanks things out and doesn’t remember anything.

Anyway, here is a link to a MedCircle talk on Suicidal Ideation between the really excellent interviewer Kyle Kittelson and a brilliant psychiatrist, Dr. Judy Ho. Dr. Ho even mentions divorce as a reason for suicidal ideation a couple of times although she doesn’t mention child of divorce and suicide. I wonder what suicide rates are for children of divorce but I guess this is more suppressed information that we don’t discuss. There is a small segment included in the the last talk with a woman named Ginger. She does talk about the effect of her parent’s divorce on her depression. I think. I watched that a while ago and maybe am not remembering correctly.

At any rate, you can watch the whole show if you pay about $10/month. It’s worth it. There are other amazing talks as well. It’s much cheaper and more effective than starting with a $200 therapist who is a single divorced Mother who will become hostile if you mention your feelings.

Little dribs and drabs occasionally do pop up…

Leila Miller Book: Primal Loss
January 20, 2020, 11:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here’s a link to a blog at the Institute for Family Studies. The post, “The Adult Children of Divorce Find Their Voice.” from July 17, 2017 is written by Leila Miller who surveyed 70 children of divorce and wrote a book about it called Primal Loss:  The Now-Adult Children of Divorce.

Miller quotes from children from “happy divorce” and finds the following problems:  Unacknowledged feelings, abandonment, loss of first family, A different view of the world, and lifelong grief. This is really great. One of the reasons why I think grown adults remain silent about their experiences is because, as children, they did not have the words to describe what they were experiencing. Divorce is the most complicated relationship experience on known to humans and the children often go through it before they have developed a relationship with their parents. These are really great insights.

Miller says she is from an Intact Family herself.

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Writer James Ellroy

Here’s an article written by James Ellroy about trying to find his Mother’s killer. He also writes about being a Child of Divorce.

GQ (July 9, 2007):  “My Mother’s Killer.”

I think I’ve already written about Ellroy because I read his book. Sorry I’m too lazy to remember the title. He explains being a part of the Divorce boom of the 1950’s in California. Have met another man, a vacuum cleaner salesman, whose Mother was murdered by her date out in Las Vegas. I spent about 3 hours listening to his story. This was a while ago.

Divorce Statistics
December 20, 2019, 11:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A Law Firm in San Diego has put together statistics about Divorce.

Divorce Statistics: Over 115 Studies, Facts and Rates for 2018

Fathers don’t stick around if they only have daughters. Women take custody in 90 percent of divorces. That’s a lot of food insecurity.

Successful Women More Likely To Get a Divorce

An article, “Top jobs lead to divorce for women, but not for men” at World Economic Forum (weforum.org) discusses how successful women are more likely to get divorced than successful men. Variables leading to this are discussed in the article. Couples are less likely to divorce if they share parental leave, for example. They almost got around to discussing the effects of this on the kids… If a child’s parents are successful probably the child doesn’t see much of them so I guess divorce isn’t that big of a deal for them, is it?