Spoiled Children of Divorce

Tell Me What You’re Feeling
December 16, 2007, 5:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Psychotherapy’s only balm to offer the Spoiled Child of Divorce is Talk Therapy (Ritalin & Anti-D’s which transform later on in Lithium or Anti-P’s).

Some people think that if you get the kids to admit that they’re unhappy you’re releasing some demon. Well, I don’t think that’s how it goes. The feelings that are involved in watching one’s parents split are too complicated for adults to comprehend let alone kids. Many adults refuse to think about it. There are 10 million websites for adults trying to get over their divorce but nothing for kids.

If Mommy and Daddy are getting a Divorce in the first place there’s a strong chance that they’re not real strong in the communications department. The kid, however, must be Oprah.
What kid has verbal skills the likes of which are able to communicate the complex feelings involved with the confusion, fear, uncertainty of going through their parent’s divorced?

Kids need to be told to shut up. They are annoying and need to be silenced most of the time. in a secure environment this encourages them to go off and play and become independent. They need to go off and make mistakes and come back home and get guidance. It helps them to develop resistance to what comes later in life. In divorce, however, Mommy and Daddy are taking up all the “mistake” time and the kid turns into the wise parent.

Dragging a kid into a therapist’s office which is the most neurotic experience a grown adult can experience let alone a kid; expecting the kid to coherently articulate his repressed feelings of anger towards his Daddy for leaving his Mommy for another woman while not paying the child support and leaving him to sit for hours and watch Mommy cry all the while pretending not to notice so as not to make Mommy feel like she’s a Bad Mother is just total Bullshit.

There’s Art Therapy I suppose. Bring out the crayons and sit there watching him draw black & brown line drawings of his suitcase which is pretty much the only stable in his life as it exists at both Mommy’s house and Daddy’s house. That’s blatant child abuse.

Having to repeat everything you’ve done twice for each parent so each parent can feel loved and like a quality parent is simply stressful.

Kids need to be developing their own little personalities. They don’t need to help Mommy and Daddy redevelop their own inner processings. When the Child Support check stops coming at Age 18, when Mom and Dad can no longer fight over who is declaring the Deduction on their Taxes, they are on their own. They need to have a personality of their own.  Instead, many of us feel like we’ve failed as parents twice over.

The Therapists refuse to even listen. I went to someone once for some special eye training that is supposed to help with PTSD. She was one of the Emerald Flash Moms who moved out to California with her son on a whim.  She swung a pendulum and told me to follow it with my eyes and talk about my memory. I chose a memory that I couldn’t get out of my mind; of when my drunk mother came home at 3 am with some guy and yelled at me to come down and play music for them and how humiliating it was to have to wake up in the middle of the night and play for this guy who was simply interested in watching a psychotic drunk woman abuse her teenage daughter. My Mother actually did this repeatedly with other guys but the look in this guy’s eyes were really unforgettable.  Usually they were just really drunk and wanting a show.  This guy was enjoying the torture; he knew that I would be fucked up over it for life and it gave him a feeling of superiority.  The therapist said she couldn’t work with me anymore. All the people I’ve met who grew up in Divorced families have stories like this yet there are those out there who say they have normal lives.

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