Spoiled Children of Divorce

Success Story – Natalie Merchant
December 19, 2007, 10:27 pm
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce | Tags:

Natalie Merchant is a Platinum selling Singer/Songwriter who achieved early fame in 1981 as lead singer with the group 10,000 maniacs and then later on in her own solo career.

Her parents divorced in 1972 when Natalie was around 10 years old.  She was raised by her mother and her Mother remarried in 1975. Merchant left High School when she was 16.

She has been recently named Person of the Week by ABC News for her work in bringing awareness to the Homeless.  Here’s the link:  http://abcnews.go.com/WN/PersonOfWeek/story?id=3846275&page=1.

Success Story – Ellen Degeneres
December 19, 2007, 10:14 pm
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce | Tags:

Ellen Degeneres is one of the funniest women on Earth. She’s also an Astrology Buff’s Celebrity Dream come true because she gives exact dates for her parent’s divorce. At least the Wikipedia article lists them.

Degeneres has succeeded on stage as a Stand Up Comedian and on TV with her own TV shows. She broke through taboos in opening up the world to Gays when she allowed her character to come out of the closet on her TV show. She has written books and now has a popular Talk show. She loves animals.

Ellen grew up in Louisiana. Her parents split in 1973 when she was 15. Her Mother remarried soon after and they moved to Texas.

Successful Children of Divorce – Dare Wright
December 19, 2007, 10:01 pm
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Dare Wright was the author of The Lonely Doll children’s book series.  In her 40s, she wrote stories that centered around one of her dolls from childhood and illustrated them with exquisite black & white photographs. She was born in Canada and her parents split when she was under 3 years old.  Wright was raised by her Mother, a portrait painter, in Ohio.  Her Father took her brother whom she didn’t see again until she was in her 20s.  Wright had a very close, complicated relationship with her Mother.  According to Wikipedia, Julian Schnabel is making a movie of her life which will be out in 2009.

Here’s a link to a website dedicated to Dare Wright:  http://www.darewright.com/

was the daughter of a portrait painter mother. Her parents divorced before she was 3 years old. Wright had a very close relationship with her Mother her whole life. She became successful for her “Lonely Doll” series of children’s books. The photographs are really lovely. A book has been written about Wright called _____________________.

Successful Children of Divorce – Brian De Palma
December 19, 2007, 7:42 am
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce | Tags:

Brian De Palma is a famous filmmaker of scary movies.  He says that he started filmmaking while tracking his Father with video equipment in order to catch his infidelities.  I’m not sure what age he was when this was going on.  I just read a forum of complaining stepmothers talking about their evil stepchildren.  One woman set cameras up all over the house to catch her stepdaughter in the act. Maybe she should make her own scary movies.  Are these things all on YouTube now?

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Princess Diana
December 19, 2007, 7:02 am
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Princess Diana’s story is very well known.  I believe her parents split up when she was 5 and her parents fought over her custody.  She was eventually raised by her Father because he wouldn’t let her return to her Mother after her Christmas visit when she was 6.  She was married to and divorced from Prince Charles and said that she wanted to remarry about as much as she wanted a face rash.  She was killed very tragically  in a car crash while being chased by the media at Age 36.

Diana was known for her beauty and open personality.  She insisted on raising her boys as much like a normal mother as she could.  And she found her true voice by speaking out for less fortunate people like AIDS victims and Victims of Land Mine disasters.

Another Link, Mostly StepMothers Bitching About StepDaughters
December 19, 2007, 2:09 am
Filed under: Bad Step-Parent Stories, Uncategorized, Websites | Tags:

Here’s another link to a website where stepmothers talk about their evil stepchildren. If you’ve ever worked in an office full of catty women you know how torturous these bitches can be. They use the word “evil” towards 3 year old kids who are in the middle of really rotten childhoods and never take the time to explain what their part in the problem is. Simply the Children are Evil. These women see themselves as innocent young things, victim of everything that happens, full of love and light, are viewing evil for the first time in their lives and blaming it on small children. Isn’t this just a really weird mythology? Only a couple of the answers showed anyone with any parenting skills at all. None of these stepparents questions any of their own attitudes or behaviors.  They expect the kids to answer to their beck and call.  There was another website of parents discussing living arrangements with each other ad nauseum.  Man, the details, the resentment, the nit-picking.  At least if they’re doing it on the Internet their kids aren’t listening to them talk to each other on the phone like my generation did.

I think I may have already said this. But. If a woman is attracted to a man who is easygoing, the man will also be an easygoing parent, probably sort of negligent also. Kids who have negligent parents become little control freaks because they have to take care of themselves. The parents also marry people who are control freaks. You can’t put the positive end of a magnetic next to another positive end of a magnet, they repel each other. If this is your 2d, 5th, 13th marriage, then take it for granted that something is wrong with you especially with that special kind of “Love” you profess to have. Kids, Dogs, even the Toaster and the Computer will react to that, and not in a good way.

Folks, I’ll use your own words on you:  “Just Get Over It!!!!”


Why Are Some Some People So Mean to Their Step-Children?
December 18, 2007, 7:18 am
Filed under: Bad Step-Parent Stories, Uncategorized | Tags:

Here’s a link to a Question posed on Yahoo by someone who was commenting on how mean some of her friends’ stepparents are to them. She wants to know why so many stepparents are so mean. The answers were completely overrun by a crazy guy and a self-righteous stepmother who misread the question out of her own defensiveness. Touchy subject. Kids couldn’t even ask for help even if it were available.

Look, even if you’re a great person, the kid has to juggle you with a whole extra set of parents. That’s two sets of rules. Kids haven’t even mastered one set of rules yet. He or She is only a kid. Only a kid. You chose this relationship, the kid didn’t. If you can’t see that then you are a selfish idiot. Anyway, check out the strung out rage-oholics’ answer, it’s a gas. It’s followed up by the Moralistic Rules Bitch who agrees with what he says, things get even funnier.


“About A Boy”
December 17, 2007, 3:40 am
Filed under: Books, Movies About Growing Up in Divorce | Tags: ,

After years and years of psychotherapy in which I probably only mentioned my Mother’s suicide attempts once and with a non-chalant shrug, I finally got my first feeling of release from these horrible experiences while watching a movie called About A Boy. The movie stars Hugh Grant which I’m sure helped in the feelings department, of course.  In the movie, a mother tries to kill herself because she can’t handle how difficult her life has become.  Her little boy walks in and witnesses the whole rescue scene.  Later on he makes friends with irresponsible, irrepressible Hugh Grant who is a 30 something womanizing cad and he tells Grant’s character about what has happened.  Grant’s reaction is perfect.  He doesn’t try to react with wisdom, just blurts something British like “Bloody Hell,” but you can tell the information sinks in.  Hugh Grant actually listened and “got it.” Or at least he acted like he got it. He’s an actor so who knows what he actually gets and doesn’t get. Somebody on that set “Got it.” The movie is based on a book by Nick Hornby. Nick Hornby gets it.  Anyway, you can tell I prefer to talk about Hugh Grant over my Mother’s Suicide attempts any day, just not an easy topic.

My Mother tried to kill herself 4 times during the year that my Father left. The first time was before he had left, the other three times were after he left. They were both alcoholics so self-destructive behavior didn’t really seem out of place. Plus my Mother was part of the Valium generation so she had been slowly degrading for years, always out of energy and becoming more and more confused, always needing to go home to take a nap.

The last 3 suicide attempts came after my Father left and were part manipulation to try to get him to come back. I was the one who walked in and found her. I was 14. Lots of adrenalin that year and blinking ambulance lights. My Mother had two visits to the Mental Hospital. The County Mental Hospital, where she was taken first, almost let her die because they didn’t treat her for the Clorox she had drunk. County Mental Hospitals are some of the most frightening places in the world.  If you really want to die they give you every reason why you should do so.  My Mother was taken in in the back of a police car in the afternoon and by the morning she had no heart beat and no pulse and my Father had her transferred to a less deadly, private facility. My Father refused to show up after the first attempt because the police had handcuffed him and stuck him in the back of the car because of something my Mother had said. Eventually my Mother found a semi-stable boyfriend and stopped trying to kill herself, but she never calmed down. I never said anything about it and never felt anything about the scenes until about 10 years later. One day, I came home from work, put my key in the lock to the flat where I lived and all the memories cames rushing back to me. I remembered that every day when I came home from High School and opened the front door I would walk around the house to see if my Mother’s body was lying around.

My Mother only remembered the one Attempt and that’s because it led to the Mental Hospital which cost money. Once she scoffed about the time she tried to 86 herself. I didn’t say anything and that’s the only discussion I’ve ever had about it with a family member.

I haven’t read it but About A Boy is based on a novel by Nick Hornby. From all accounts I can figure, Hornby’s parent’s divorced when he was 11. He’s written a memoir that discusses his parent’s divorce and the obsessive love he developed of football, or soccer. Hornby’s English so maybe it’s Soccer. The book is called Fever Pitch.

December 17, 2007, 3:23 am
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce, Uncategorized

This is kind of a cute story.

The Great Philosopher Aristotle named his Treatise on Ethics for his illegitimate son Nicomachus who he fathered with one of his Slaves. Or, at least, when I was in school that was the story we were told. Now Wikipedia says that the book may have been written in honor of Aristotle’s Father who was also named Nicomachus. Nicomachus grew up to be a Philosopher just like dear old Dad.

Tell Me What You’re Feeling
December 16, 2007, 5:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Psychotherapy’s only balm to offer the Spoiled Child of Divorce is Talk Therapy (Ritalin & Anti-D’s which transform later on in Lithium or Anti-P’s).

Some people think that if you get the kids to admit that they’re unhappy you’re releasing some demon. Well, I don’t think that’s how it goes. The feelings that are involved in watching one’s parents split are too complicated for adults to comprehend let alone kids. Many adults refuse to think about it. There are 10 million websites for adults trying to get over their divorce but nothing for kids.

If Mommy and Daddy are getting a Divorce in the first place there’s a strong chance that they’re not real strong in the communications department. The kid, however, must be Oprah.
What kid has verbal skills the likes of which are able to communicate the complex feelings involved with the confusion, fear, uncertainty of going through their parent’s divorced?

Kids need to be told to shut up. They are annoying and need to be silenced most of the time. in a secure environment this encourages them to go off and play and become independent. They need to go off and make mistakes and come back home and get guidance. It helps them to develop resistance to what comes later in life. In divorce, however, Mommy and Daddy are taking up all the “mistake” time and the kid turns into the wise parent.

Dragging a kid into a therapist’s office which is the most neurotic experience a grown adult can experience let alone a kid; expecting the kid to coherently articulate his repressed feelings of anger towards his Daddy for leaving his Mommy for another woman while not paying the child support and leaving him to sit for hours and watch Mommy cry all the while pretending not to notice so as not to make Mommy feel like she’s a Bad Mother is just total Bullshit.

There’s Art Therapy I suppose. Bring out the crayons and sit there watching him draw black & brown line drawings of his suitcase which is pretty much the only stable in his life as it exists at both Mommy’s house and Daddy’s house. That’s blatant child abuse.

Having to repeat everything you’ve done twice for each parent so each parent can feel loved and like a quality parent is simply stressful.

Kids need to be developing their own little personalities. They don’t need to help Mommy and Daddy redevelop their own inner processings. When the Child Support check stops coming at Age 18, when Mom and Dad can no longer fight over who is declaring the Deduction on their Taxes, they are on their own. They need to have a personality of their own.  Instead, many of us feel like we’ve failed as parents twice over.

The Therapists refuse to even listen. I went to someone once for some special eye training that is supposed to help with PTSD. She was one of the Emerald Flash Moms who moved out to California with her son on a whim.  She swung a pendulum and told me to follow it with my eyes and talk about my memory. I chose a memory that I couldn’t get out of my mind; of when my drunk mother came home at 3 am with some guy and yelled at me to come down and play music for them and how humiliating it was to have to wake up in the middle of the night and play for this guy who was simply interested in watching a psychotic drunk woman abuse her teenage daughter. My Mother actually did this repeatedly with other guys but the look in this guy’s eyes were really unforgettable.  Usually they were just really drunk and wanting a show.  This guy was enjoying the torture; he knew that I would be fucked up over it for life and it gave him a feeling of superiority.  The therapist said she couldn’t work with me anymore. All the people I’ve met who grew up in Divorced families have stories like this yet there are those out there who say they have normal lives.