Spoiled Children of Divorce


Spoiled Rotten
January 3, 2008, 10:38 pm
Filed under: Bad Step-Parent Stories, indifferent parents, self-absorbed parents

I’m so happy. I have to congratulate the person, hopefully a kid, who put in the search “idiot step parents” today and found my blog.

Some kid finally decided to speak up. After weeks of watching nothing but searches of Stepparents complaining about Stepchildren, Boy, what a relief!

This blog doesn’t get a lot of hits but the Stats Counter thingee is providing the best education on who is out there complaining about Stepfamilies.  It’s the always the Stepparents.  And it’s almost always Stepmothers complaining about Stepdaughters. Interesting there’s never an issue with the Stepsons so it’s a Girlie Internet Power Thang.  Step Fathers will just go ahead and beat or rape the little shits, no problem, but the women are determined to work it out.  I’d like to think it’s a territorial domestic issue but I suspect the Stepmommies are just out for financial gain.  Maybe because that’s how it was in my family but I do know that marriage offers a woman a lot more prestige and social security than running around single.  In other words, it’s worth fighting for and if you have to take out a couple of little 8 and 10 year old girls in order to get what you want, so be it.  She has a whole nother family to run to after all.  They’re obviously the ones who spoiled her.

I guess the boys are just being thrown into walls.  I know they are catching shit.  I did name this blog because of what some obnoxious woman said about her boyfriend’s son. I know the personality that will take on this situation.  I know that she sincerely thinks she is loving.  I know that she comes from a secure family situation and that she complains endlessly about her Mother.  I also know her on a professional basis and know that she has taken credit for my work.  These types are out there.  They’re rotten people, just not criminal rotten.

Real parents apparently couldn’t care less about their spoiled children.  Or I guess if you love a kid you’ll accept that they are not perfect.  At any rate, I can guarantee that from watching these searches that kids in normal families don’t have to live up to this scrutiny.   And it’s the stepdaughters who catch the shit.  And since I grew up in this situation myself and I had a lot of outside support giving me outside opinions I simply want to choke at watching the injustices and power tripping that goes on in these situations.  I know how it marks you later on in life.  Mostly it’s just exhausting because the crap is coming from so many different directions.  And I have to say, women really are disgusting the way we treat each other.

This just makes me so sad.  I don’t think that these young girls have much of a chance.  I mean, most daughters have an issue with their Mothers.  But the ones who have to deal with this and with the StepMothers too.  And the StepMothers really are out to get them, it’s not at all delusional.

I never would never ever marry a guy who wasn’t interested in taking leadership of parenting his own kids.  I would never walk into a marriage if I didn’t like the kids.  If you hate your stepkids, it’s because you love yourself too much.  And you’re also really selfish and stupid about relationships. So there!  The games you’re playing are not a secret.

I guess this is a pointless rant. This blog is supposed to be about the kids.  I’ll try to refocus one more time.

Hmm, maybe the big problem is the loss of safety within step-families.  Families are supposed to make one feel secure.  Step-families make one feel anything but secure.


14 Comments so far
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Here’s a newsflash- when you marry a man with kids- at the end of the day , given that you’ve tried everything in yoru power to try and like the kids- you dont have to like them! and they dont have to like Stepmom/dad either. BUT RESPECT IS MANDATORY. By everyone- stepmom/dad towards stepchild and vice versa. No one would make it down the isle if they didnt like the stepkids because usually the disliking starts after the wedding- when the kids play you against one another and the spouses arent united (note: this happens in ‘in tact’ families as well not just stepfamilies)….your obviously are very narrow minded about stepmothers and their roles, you make it so obvious you have unresloved issues with your own stepfamily that you blame the whole world of stepmothers simply because they are venting their frustrations- just so u know …stepfathers AND biological fathers have been known to rape their daughter and sons. Anyone can rape- you sound young – are you a troubled teen?

Comment by Linda

Hi Linda,

I’ve deleted the rest of your comments because you sort of added them compulsively. This one actually has a couple of good points.

If you are this rageful, please remember that you are the one who needs the help. Don’t take it out on the kids.

Here’s a suggestion: Write your own damn blog and vent there. Do something constructive and pay attention to what works and doesn’t work in your relationship with your stepchildren. I’m guessing from your selfish attitude that you’ve got drug problems or are a sociopath, or both, so you may not have this level of insight to offer and prefer to fight with people who aren’t even talking to you. I guarantee you that angry stepchildren won’t leave the kind of b.s. that you step mothers are venting about on this blog because they just want people like you out of their lives.

I do not say that all step-parents are bad. I have never said that. Often they are the only sane adults around because the parents have to constantly fight with each other.

I do not think that divorce is bad all of the time. I don’t think it’s an optimal situation for the kids but it is reality in our society at this point. Divorce is very destructive much of the time and that is what I’m addressing on this blog. People can’t speak out because selfish people like yourself who do nothing but complain and bitch can’t get a handle on yourselves. Step families are a huge problem a whole lot of the time. That’s reality. You admit it but can see things only from your side. It’s worse for the kids than it is for you because they didn’t ask for it. You can’t even understand that. But, as I say, there’s something wrong with you. You can’t take responsibility for taking on relationships you can’t handle, or you’re just a bully and were looking for victims through your husband’s kids. Nobody with half a brain would ever think that what you walked into could be easy, unless you are very skilled at parenting, which you’re obviously not.

Comment by toothless

you think stepmother marry men with kids to have a little child to bully? your sick- being a stepmother is the hardest shit you will ever have to do- the problem isnt the kids- they may cause problems obviously but the real issue is the spouse. Also you seem to think stepmothers are selfish because they resent the way their being treated. What is that about? If you dont want to hear comments about your blogs, disable the comments or do it the ‘old fashion’ way and keep a diary, that way you can keep your pitty party to yourself

Comment by Linda

its hard for everyone – i dont resort to online blogging because i can speak to my husband about these issues, some stepmothers cant even speak to their own husbands about their concerns without makeing them blow up and being accused of hating their own stepkids- which is sad and who else do they have left? other than onlong side to a therapist- these issues are real ..and they are tough – i dont need to write a blog about that- maybe this is your form of therapy..who knows – but dont expect people to respect your one minded opinions on stepparents , the focus on all your blogs is one thing: how selfish stepmothers are, how kids are being bullied -etc….realise that the great majority of stepmothers ARE NOT like your stepmother, most of us actually love our stepkids — and if love isnt reached then thats ok because the reality is, our stepkids are not a product of us, that is a reality that all stepparents needs to accept

Comment by Linda

Linda, I just want to let you know that your IP address is given to me which means that I know your name, address and state. You might want to consider that before you start bullying people online. I couldn’t care less and from now on I will delete your posts. This blog has a lot of positive information on it as well that you have completely ignored and you are a rude, inconsiderate guest. Do you live in that town where all the high school girls got pregnant all at once? Seems like you have some freaky secrets that you’re trying to kick around.

I’ve said this before. I’ll repeat it again for your selfish little brain. I don’t say that all stepparents are bad. I’m saying that many kids are subjected to really awful stepparents and nobody is around to help those kids. This happens mostly because Selfish, Defensive women like yourself have to intimidate them from speaking up. The News is full of stories of kids being subjected to these problems. If you are indeed one of the decent steo-parents then you will understand what I’m doing here. Unfortunately, you have already proved that your own feelings are the only things that matter to you. If you contribute to those nasty step-mother bitch fests then you are simply a monster.

Comment by toothless

I am 40 yrs old. I met Marja when I was 11. I have been trying to look past stuff the whole time. Goldigger just choked me and cursed me and slammed me against a wall because I didn’t offer my father my kidney. Bitch! I was told to get out of pictures all my life because he wanted a picture of his girls -Marja and her daughters. NO car,no college,no visits to the hospital when I had my three kids. My mom died of breast cancer. When I was 12 Marja and my dad took my 8 year old brother and I out one Saturday. Marj had had had to go to this place that was all she could talk about- the erotic bakery where they made me and my brother stay outside. When they came out she had a box with a boob cake in it and she said to my father in front of us, “we should give this to Geri she needs one ” I hope that drunk witch rots in hell.

Comment by Michelle Pyle

I just wanted to say I am a step-mother, and your comment about just being in it for the money is totally off base. I am in it for the right reason, love. We are in no means rich, or even well off for that matter. And I would never treat my step-children badly, in fact I would say I do more for them than their own mother a lot of the time. I WOULD NEVER SET OUT TO GET MY STEP-DAUGHTERS!!!!! That’s awful.

Comment by Amanda

Amanda,

I don’t say all situations are bad. But, there are many bad step families out there where the kids can’t speak out. Probably most are extremely miserable. The fact that you as a bossy adult have to defend yourself over defenseless kids who have to live in these situations is a bad sign. The fact the you have to say that these situations don’t exist is yet another bad sign. The fact that you see yourself as being superior to the children’s Mother is stressful for the children.

Comment by toothless

These are kinda old but do you get along with your step siblings now that you’re older? I think its only natural for a birth mother to pay more attention and love the bio child more then her stepchildren but it does cause a rift between the natural bio child and the step child especially if they live in the same house all the time together.

Comment by Robyn

No, I come from a really bad situation. My Father married my best friend’s Mother. Six months before my Father died of Cancer my Step Mother had him rewrite his will to disinherit my brother and I. My step-sister is enjoying the money. I haven’t spoken with her since. She did almost run me over at a crosswalk one day a few years ago. She’s a really lousy driver (but drives a nice car).

Comment by toothless

I like how this blog talks about the step child’s experience. It is so hard to find anything that isn’t about the parents or written for their benefit or from their point of view. Thanks for keeping this blog up.

I’m writing a response because I wondered if anyone had a hard time with feeling like an alien or a foreigner in their “own” home because of having to live in a step family? I feel badly for everyone in step families mostly because there aren’t any real answers for anyone. Step children, in my experience, can be treated as outsiders their whole lives because they aren’t a whole part of anything. Most sites discuss how to deal with the immediate family situation and its step elements. But I’d like to read more about how step children aren’t even a whole part of their extended families either after divorce and remarriage have occurred. Having to go back and forth and miss family events because I was part of two step families has been my greatest loss. I’ve had to deal with a lot of painful jealousy over the years at how my step parents and siblings have been able to spend more time with and actually form real relationships with my blood relatives than I have. I wonder sometimes if I’m seen and felt no more than a ghost.

It’d be great to hear back from you sometime about this situation, if you have any insight into it: how being a step child makes you a lonesome traveler. It sounds like complete self-pity, and maybe that’s all that it is, but it sure creates a lot of pain. I’d imagine that some advice for myself and others in this situation is to just make a big effort as an adult to connect with your family. However, that is easier said than done when your families (due to the divorce) live thousands of miles away from each other and you have tried the long-distance thing and it simply doesn’t work.

Thanks for your blog. 🙂

Comment by Laura

Hi Laura, Thanks for visiting.

I think that, yes, most kids in step-families feel the same as you do. Strange, left out, not belonging. Actually, a lot of kids in divorce already feel that way, and kids grow through phases in childhood where they feel this way. I think the ones who get stuck in those phases become therapists. At any rate, I remember how a College friend observed that my parents (Father and Step-M) didn’t know I existed. I think that divorced parents tend to be a little more full of themselves in the first place (unless there was abuse and the marriage really had to end) and not as aware of other people’s feelings as it is. They just want to have fun and be happy.

I’m sure you know how much it hurts a parent’s feelings to have to think about how much he or she has compromised his child’s life. It’s fascinating how this subject is never discussed and yet there are all these experts out there telling people how to raise their kids. In the end, how do you really discuss this anyway? It’s opening up a can of worms full of what your parents did wrong and have no intention of fixing, so why bother?

I’m a little short on time.

Thanks for your comments.

Comment by wristwatch

Hi Kara

Blogs are biased. People share their opinions on their blogs. If they don’t like the comments that rotten people share with them they don’t have to publish them. That’s how it is. If this makes you angry, then you know just a teensy bit of how it feels to be a little kid with no voice who is thrown into his or her parents’ divorce.

Comment by wristwatch

I am so happy to have found this blog. I too am both a step-daughter of two awful step-mothers and now a step-mom for the second time and both are very difficult “positions”. I went through a horrid divorce and have actually started my own site http://www.eXmagazineonline.com. I would really love it if you would speak to these issues in the forum or write an article so that other step-parents could hear first hand what you went through. Additionally, there is a section within the forum that I am trying to expound on for “teens” only. Step children need a voice because honestly, it is hard for step-parents to know what young people are thinking. I think it would be so helpful. Thank you for your blog.

Comment by Portia




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