Spoiled Children of Divorce

Illogical Arguments
January 9, 2008, 6:39 pm
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I guess I’m writing this blog for a couple of therapists who are using the Internet to spam their latest books which makes me sad.  Maybe a couple of bitter rejected parents read it.  Probably some of those catty stepparents from the Catty Stepparent Forum will read it; I’m fairly certain nothing escapes their beady little eyes.  This blog is supposed to be for the 25-30 percent of the kids from Divorce who are considered “not quite right”.  Of that I guess 8 percent would have been Mentally Ill anyway. The others are just left to suffer.

I’m sort of having this odd passive aggressive conversation with the Stat Counter.  I’ve mentioned this before.  It tells the searches that people make that lead them to the blog.  So, I can see the internet searches that bring people here.  It’s really enlightening, especially the level of hatred that stepmothers project onto the girls in the families that they marry into.  Those numbers really do standout.  But the only comments have been from the one self-promoting psychotherapist spammer.  I don’t know how to read Statistics.  I’m the type of person who gets a Survey and tries to answer the questions in ways that I hope will screw up the results.  I’ve been told that the Surveys are written to detect gameplayers like me. But I have to at least try.

Today I got 2 searches for people looking for “Illogical Arguments.”  So here’s some thoughts in that regard.  They are logical to probably everyone in the World except the parents who are perpetually defending themselves.

Actions speak louder than words. You can tell your kids that you love them all you want, just don’t expect them to believe you.  If you’re lucky they’ll grow up never trusting their own feelings and looking to trust the feelings of others.

Love is unreliable and changeable. So be it.  We all have to learn this sooner or later, why not be the first on the block?

If Parents fell out of love with each other they will fall out of love with everything. They are devoted and faithful to nothing except themselves. The kid has to defend his parents’ actions to his friends and put up a false front of pride.  When kids on the playground ask about the Divorce the kid has to cover up for the parents’ unreliability.  Depending on the kid this could lead to a bunch of silly phonies or can lead to wiser kids, more intelligent, probably more spiritually questioning, so it’s not all bad.  Wisdom without self-esteem or self-worth is destructive though.

It’s good to learn that you’re not the Center of the Universe.  But it’s probably not good to learn that from your parents.  Your DNA becomes the Stranger Within.  Then there’s that weird subset of parents who picks one of their children to live their lives through and they are forever siphoning off each other.  This is sick but the kid seems to do well later in life.  I grew up by the seashore.  I think this is a natural type of relationship.

A kid is never free to express his own feelings under this unspoken pressure. That’s why kids from Divorce remain so silent. We talk amongest ourselves but never to the outside world.  When all the rest of the world has been whining in support groups about how their parents wouldn’t let them grow eyelashes, or whatever. In High School I used to sit in awe and wonder and listen to my Best Friends’ complaints about her parents and tried to absorb my teenage years through her.

There is no safety net, just another household to shift over to when things get too rough at the current one.

Kids’ presence is expendable. They are easily replaced.

Turning 18 is extra big issue for kids from Divorce.  As much a time of Freedom for the kids, it’s a Time of Freedom for the Parents. Everyone’s gleeful.  It only starts to hurt when one’s friends have a place to return to if things don’t work out in the real world.

The Children are living completely different lives from their parents. The parents have no idea about this.

Divorce is an event for the Parents.  It is a permanent lifestyle change for the children.

Good thing about Divorce:  Abuse is no longer to be accepted in society.

One Good thing about Divorce that never seems to end up being a good thing:  When the parents fight relentlessly during the Marriage it doesn’t really end after the Divorce.  Often it turns out that they’re just provocative people who pick fights. The Calm one will become a shameless self-promoting psychotherapist who spams blogs like this in a passive aggressive urge to win all fights with a big fat I TOLD YOU SO.

Wow, what a weird entry.  I’ve got a cold and am sitting around with nothing better to do but blow my nose and bitch.

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