Spoiled Children of Divorce

Psychologists from Divorced Families
January 27, 2008, 6:00 pm
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce, therapy, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

I suppose it’s easy to see why the Psych community is oblivious to growing up in Divorced Families. I just quickly ran over a list of the Forefathers of Psychology and, I may have made some errors, but it looks like none, nada, zippo, grew up in Divorce.

This is my list.

Alfred Adler; Carl Jung; Sigmund Freud; Erich Fromm; Richard Dawkins; Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, William James, Kay Redfield Jameson, Arthur Janov, Frederick Skinner, Alice Miller, Ken Wilber, Carl Rogers, Jean Piaget, R.D. Laing, Howard Gardner, Jerome Bruner, Jacques Lacan.

Who needs to listen to more problems if you’ve grown up listening non-stop to your parents’ problems?  I’ve known a couple of therapists from divorced families. They were highly manipulative people who worked at the most God awful social work jobs.  Definitely not the trailblazers of the profession. It always fascinates me to see books written about growing up in divorce that weren’t written by people who grew up in divorce. Written by the shameless self marketers who are looking for a niche. It’s the same thing with anorexia.  As an ex-anorexic I’ve been fascinated by the amount of fat therapists who want to work with anorexics.  They just love bowing down their heads to show off their 30 chins and tsk, tsk, tsk about how sick the anorexics are.   It’s literally abusive. I went to a free lecture in my community of a panel of people speaking on eating disorders.  They had a family speak, they had a psychiatrist speak, they had an ex fat woman speak, and they had a fat therapist speak.  There were no anorexics or bulimics telling their stories.  The fat therapist laughingly told about how much more full of joy fat people are to be around than the sad, wispy little control freaks in the clinic.  And no one thought anything of it.  Whenever I hear about psych studies that say that treatments don’t work, well, it’s just amusing.  Fat people who can’t go on a diet.  What can you do?  The psych industry is a multi-billion dollar industry with no accountability.  You can put on your puppy dog face and offer treatments that offer no cure and it’s legal.  Yoo hoo.

4 Comments so far
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That is a very poigent idealogy. What can someone really gain in support and advice from a person that really does not know what it is like to be in that particular situation? Can they even relate? The only answer that I can pose is that it is a differenct perspective. In the case of divorce, someone may not come from a divorced home but it is rare to find someone whom is not touched/affected by divorce in some way. Although, how much help can they really be? I work for http://www.firstwivesworld.com which is an online community for women going through the various stages of divorce. It is interesting because we have so many women whom blog, write articles, or even comment on others. We also have experts that post as well. The community seems to be most effective, it sppears as though people very much like to interract with those whom empathize with their situation. I have not come from a divorced family but I have seen it close to me, and my thoughts and opinions have surprisingly been accepted quite well coming from my perspective. I guess it is more about a nice balance, such is most things in life.
Just my two cents.
Ann Marie Miller

Comment by Ann Marie

Thanks for your comments.

Ann Marie, it sounds like you have talent, that’s rare. What you say can be very soothing and is a very important element of healing. I think that all problems need particular insights, though, in order to really get at the problem. (This isn’t necessary for everyone, though.) Nothing can replace experience. Someone has to meet you at your level. For me personally group therapy among peers is most healing and I certainly can understand how Internet and one-on-one can work for other people. Everyone’s different. Trained professionals with no life experience tend to alienate their clients (who are already alienated). With no experience a person listens to the wrong things and speaks in a generalized, often patronizing tone. This is especially true on the subject of kids in divorce because questions of Parenting comes up. I suspect that therapists have extremely high divorce rates. I’ve also found them to be the most difficult people to deal with in personal life when problems come up because they play so many games.

Good Luck on your Public Speaking career, Gerry. Jungian Comedy, wow.

Yeah, the early guys were really creative so they had to listen. I went to hear a famous psychologist speak about a year ago. And I’ll be honest I was expecting to hate him and I can’t remember his name but he was one of the guys who experimented with LSD. But he immediately explained that he started experimenting because he saw that what he was doing just wasn’t working. I wonder why all psychiatrists don’t do that considering the results. I’ve listened to Oliver Sacks tapes where he explained his approaches which are very individualized and individualized also. So I know there are some smart ones out there. Sacks is a neurologist so he might just be more intelligent anyway. It’s become a huge, clumsy industry with no quality control.

Comment by toothless

I would have a question regarding people who experienced divorce (themselves) and, after it, feel a need to become counselors, psychologists, for others in matters of broken relationships or relationships on the verge of breaking up.

Is it a way of compensation? Is it a permanent obsession of what they haven’t done right? What do you think? Can it mean they would try to reestablish their own broken relationship?

Comment by Diana

Thanks for your comment Diana. That’s a good insight.

Most psychologists I’ve met have gone through a Divorce so it would seem there is a connection here. They tend to think that this life experience is their key to understanding all other life experiences, they might call it empathy or wisdom. I personally find it annoying to pay someone to feel my pain for me and to not have any insight into how to deal with it.

I think they do encourage their married clients to divorce probably a bit more than they ought to.

Comment by toothless

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