Spoiled Children of Divorce


Resilience

Here’s an interesting article on Children and Adults who are resilient called “Resilience can be improved upon” written by L.J. Anderson in Palo Alto Daily News (http://www.paloaltodailynews.com/article/2008-4-1-anderson).

Anderson in particular talks about helping Children to learn how to overcome adversity. Of course, she lists all types of adversity that a child goes through without mentioning divorce: “Death of a parent, abandonment, or being victimized by violence.” Can’t say that I can get used to this. Obviously not getting angry over other people’s denial is a big one in surviving whatever life can throw at you.

Anderson mentions psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D who has done research on Resilience. Grotberg has written a book called Tapping Your Inner Strength: How to Find the Resilience to Deal with Anything.

I like in particular that she uses Keywords that are similar to Astrological Keywords. The meanings tend to blur in different directions from the Astrological Models. One Child of D who’s an astrologer told me that she figured her parents’ divorce didn’t affect her strongly because she had an empty 4th house. And indeed I have noticed in my research so far on famous Children of D that a lack of planets in the 4th house of Family and Home is in an indicator of success in the outside world. Putting planets in a certain house brings attention to those matters in the person’s life. When things go wrong in that area one is more likely to dwell on those issues. The 4th house is also tricky because it involves feelings, Keywords for this House are “I feel.” Grotberg’s Keywords literally relate to the 1st House of Aries (I Am), 2d house of Taurus (“I Have”) and 10th House of Capricorn (“I Can”). Her descriptions seem to involve all the signs included in the relative Cardinal and Fixed Houses. Interestingly, Mutable Sign Houses are left out. Those are the Houses with Keywords “I think” “I analyze” “I see” and “I believe.”  This really does relate directly to why there are no Intellectual Children of D.

Here’s a huge chunk of the article.

Q: How resilient are children, and can parents help develop resiliency in their children?

A: Resilience is a human capacity to deal with, overcome, learn from, or even be transformed by the inevitable adversities of life. With that definition, we know that we already have the capacity. The challenge is to promote resilience so that it is there when needed to face adversities. And starting with children is highly desirable – assuming parents or other adults are already resilient. The resilience that I found in my research lent itself easily to three categories: I HAVE, I AM and I CAN, which include characteristics inherent in resilience.

1) I HAVE (external supports): one or more persons within my family I can trust and who love me without reservation; one or more persons outside my family I can trust without reservation; limits to my behavior; people who encourage me to be independent; good role models; access to health, education, and the social and security services I need; and a stable family and community.

2) I AM (inner strengths): a person most people like; generally calm and good-natured; an achiever who plans for the future; a person who respects myself and others; empathic and caring of others; responsible for my behavior and accepting of the consequences; and a confident, optimistic, hopeful person, with faith.

3) I CAN (interpersonal and problem-solving skills): generate new ideas or new ways to do things; stay with a task until it is finished; see the humor in life and use it to reduce tensions; express thoughts and feelings in communication with others; solve problems in various settings – academic, job-related, personal and social; manage my behavior – feelings, impulses, acting out; and reach out for help when I need it.

These factors are used in dynamic resilience with each other, changing as needed, to address the adversity. These are clearly for adults as well as children.


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