Spoiled Children of Divorce


Decision v. Choice v. What’s For Dinner?
June 22, 2008, 7:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A few months ago I went to a lecture in which the speaker was differentiating between Decision and Choice.  He said that Decision is a deliberate act that requires planning and tenacity.  Choice is more of an intuitive thing where you just feel what’s in your gut and go with that. Parents who divorce for the reason that they just want to move on will teach how to make a “Choice” to their children rather than how to build a life through Decision making.

Since that lecture I’ve been seeing the word “Choice” everywhere but I don’t often see the word “Decision”. I believe that I’ve read that Divorce is a symptom of a wealthy society.  And our wealthy society seems to offer huge choices.  We have to chose between Whole Milk, 2 percent, 1 percent, Skim.  Paper or plastic?  Plastic, really? While you’re telling that to the bag person you’re also being asked by the cashier:  cash, credit or debit?  Plastic, really? Money back?

I wonder if this is the only way that marketers and psychologists can grab the attention of the Divorce crowd. The kids grow up having to chose everything. They expect to be barraged with these stupid questions all day.  I suppose this is a form of being spoiled. It’s also a very complex form of childhood. Children are supposed to be developing in harmony with the boundaries around them. They are supposed to be guided.  One would think that there would actually be more guidance from parents in a wealthy society.  Instead there’s a constant conversation stream of Do you want to visit your Father on Friday or Saturday night? Do you want to go for pizza or for for Chinese? Do you want to call me to get out of there early if his girlfriend starts bothering you? Choice. Choice. Choice. It sort of doesn’t matter what you chose. Just chose it and move on to the next thing.  The kids in intact families go home and just ask “what’s for dinner?”


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