Spoiled Children of Divorce

Talking With the Parents About their Wills
July 14, 2008, 1:58 am
Filed under: indifferent parents, Inheritance & Wills, money

The Sunday San Jose Mercury News was just brimming today with interesting articles to link to. The link below discusses talking with parents about their finances and last wishes.  People who grew up in split homes are likely to have grown up observing really intense negotiations over finances so this is either easier to do with their parents because it’s familiar behavior, or it will bring up long lost stress over having watched the fighting.

Just wait until the parents get old, sick and infirm.  You’ve got two sets of them to care for.  Each set doesn’t acknowledge that the other set exists.  Talk about a lonely existence and feelings of being used.  After all, if you grew up in a divorced family you already know that you received less parenting than people who didn’t.

Now you’ve also got their Spouses to fight with over who gets what.  This is already a taboo subject, very difficult to discuss.  People don’t want to discuss their Death. The don’t want to discuss their stuff and their money. They’ve already spent an entire Divorce or two fighting over that.  The step-parents will accuse the kids of being selfish if they bring the subject up.  And just try having to face doing it twice!!!  If the parents are remarried the kids at least will have less responsibility for their care.

Parents don’t understand that how they write their Wills and what they leave to their Children is their last statement to them and ultimately to the world. The kids won’t talk about being disinherited but it is an extremely humiliating and cold statement for a parent to make to his/her kid.

Someone called up my brother and I to ask about our Father.  My brother’s response was “I don’t have anything to share about him.  He didn’t even leave me a pencil. Forget about him.” (And then he gave a very nice statement).  My Father’s career will be almost forgotten.  His papers, which have probably become collectible, were all left to his wife who no doubt threw everything out that she couldn’t get some money out of.

The article is called:  “Talk with parents about their finances, last wishes.”  by Pamela Yip.  http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_9868273

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