Spoiled Children of Divorce

Change in School Systems to Accomodate Divorce
August 25, 2008, 10:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the public school systems are failing.  Where I live there is a huge drop-out rate, something like 40 percent in the lower income schools.

The main reason for this is poverty.  The second reason for this is oppression of minorities.  The 3d reason for this is no doubt Divorce.  There is a huge correlation between kids who grow up in single parent homes and kids who grow up in poverty.

Wouldn’t it be best to change the school system to something like what Europe offers.  At around Age 15 kids take a test.  The ones with Academic abilities go on to College.  The ones with trade abilities go into a trade.  It would get the kids off the streets and hopefully out of their hostile environments if they wish if they can find a decent way to make a living.  High School was a total waste of time when I was going way back when.  My ability to concentrate was completely destroyed by what was going on at home.  If a child could find a way to make a decent income and to get out of the house(s) they could avoid at least 2 years of dependency on their inadequate parents.  This is two years less of trauma.  It would also be great if in about 10 years they could have the option of moving into University studies in exchange for work so they don’t have to be stuck and filled with resentment if they chose not to be.  They can move on and not have to worry about being undercut in the markets by illegal immigrants who can charge less for labor.

They would have some time to stabilize their lives and also be adding a different dimension at the later age to the more intellectual workforce which has never had the benefit of learning practical skills.  This would create a healthier system.

Wicked Step-Mothers and Wicked Step-Fathers
August 25, 2008, 10:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

There’s been a lot of activity on the posts I’ve made about Step-Parents.  The Step-Mothers are on the War Path.  That’s nothing unusual for anyone who grew up dealing with a step-family, but it fascinates me how these women can bitch and complain endlessly and yet never even think to question what went wrong with their situations.  The shallowness with which they live their lives is astonishing.  Women tend not to be problem solvers. And, I’ve often been shocked by how women in general assume that they are automatically loving and caring so I guess they take on these “parenting” roles without thinking much about the consequences.  (Hmm, maybe I’ll re-read the myth about Epimethius and Promethius again). Yet if one searches the Internet it doesn’t take much to find a hoard of step-parents bitching and complaining.  A couple are stalking this blog just for the fight. They don’t ask questions, they’re not curious, they’re just bitching.  And we all know that they’re marking off the Calendar until the kids’ 18th birthday when he/she/it can be kicked out.

What I’ve noticed is that Step-Mothers pick on their step-daughters.  They don’t pick on the Step-Sons.  They complain about how manipulative the step-daughters are.  They don’t realize that their behavior is the same manipulation.  I suppose that birth mothers will complain about manipulative daughters.  They just don’t get on to public forums and rant about it and if this is considered a problem it is blended in with other more personal characteristics and a feeling of basic devotion to the child.

There is never a complaint about the step-sons from these women.  This reflects a really interesting dynamic that is mirrored in fairy tales where there are endless stories about wicked step-mothers and none about wicked-step-fathers.  I’ve linked to quite a few memoirs and novels that are written by men about their abusive step-fathers.

I suppose that abusive step-fathers and abusive fathers act in pretty much the same way.  And abusive step-mothers and abusive mothers may not.  Don’t know, just a thought.

And, of course, there is the problem of the myth for the step-mothers that comes down from the fairy tales.  Women used to have a very young death rate due to child birthing problems and many children had to grow up without a birth mother.  One can see that this is where the myths come from.  The reason why the “Myth” perpetuates in modern society is something entirely different.  Boys can act directly.  They can even act out. They are allowed to be selfish. Girls must be good and behave.  This is still true, even with Feminism, for whatever reason.  So women have to develop underhanded means of getting what they want.  Most women do this.  Whereas girls used to have to pick up this behavior from one Step-Mother who didn’t love them, now they have to pick up on it from two women at the same time.  A Mother who may have been dumped, may feel inferior to the Step-Mother, may fear that she will lose her child to this other woman and have to defend herself.  And the Step-Mother who apparently expects instant gratification because her relationship with her husband and not his family is what she married into.

There are also many stories in the newspapers about step-sons wigging out from the pressures of their families.  This is almost always attributed to adoloscence because of course that is when kids get hormonal.  Boys are expected to go off the beam.  Girls must “behave.”  I do remember listening to a really interesting audiobook written about girls who bully.

Link to a forum that discusses why there are so many Wicked Step-Mothers in fairy tales and no Step-Fathers.  Usually the Father is seen as being absent.  I personally am beginning to think that there is a real gender bias/prejudice.  It really comes out strongly in step-families.  The step-mothers don’t even think to complain about the sons.  As usual what I’ve read from the psychologists is useless, uninsightful gibberish.

I’ve also noticed another thing.  None of these women say that they grew up in a Step-Family themselves so they have absolutely no idea what they are doing.  They also don’t question this.  I’ve definitely noticed this among the psychologists.  I’ve also noticed the level of bias in the research among the psychologists.  When a kid is being abused by a real parent he/she still has a sense that he/she belongs to that parent.  There is no bond with the Step-Parent.  I think it would also be wise for future step-parents to realize that they won’t be afforded much generosity with regards to their own mistakes by the child who will go to the other parent and complain.  That’s just what kids will do.

Divorce when there are children really does create a stupid class of people in society.  When the politicians and financiers complain that the Middle Class is dropping out of society I believe this is the root of it as much as the other factors.

In the end, there is a social Global Warming going on as much as an Environmental Global Warming.  This is a rant.  I know that.

Suggestion to the Step-Parents.  Less is more.  Admit your selfishness. If you have a strong personality you will be hated.  The kids are just on overload with regard to their famil(ies) who give them nothing back in return.  The kids honest to God don’t need more parents.  Normal kids beyond the age of 14 don’t feel like they need any parents, let alone all the Sideshows which gets drummed up in multiple Split families.

Why Was Barack Obama the Only Senator to Vote Against the War in Iraq?
August 20, 2008, 6:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It sure would be interesting to poll the members of the Senate to see how many of the politicians who followed the pack and voted to go to War in Iraq are Children of Divorce.

Perhaps if, like Barack Obama, they had grown up in a battlefield they would have had the sense not to cater to the dictates of the needs and manipulations of the utterly selfish Bush Administration and to avoid entering an fruitless and dishonest battle. They would have seen through the manipulative tactics.  It would make sense that growing up in Divorce would give a person more foresight.  In this case it did.

I also wonder if the excessively high amounts of PTSD that the soldiers are experiencing is related to having low tolerance to stress due to their difficult childhoods.  It would also be a very interesting poll to see if there is a correlation.  If you’ve grown up in a battlefield and you have no place to go once you turn 18 of course you will enter the military.  It does provide a family atmosphere and financial assistance.

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Michael Phelps
August 12, 2008, 11:59 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

We’re only a few days into the Summer Olympics in Beijing, China and American Swimmer, 23-year old Michael Phelps, has already won 3 Gold Medals and has set 3 New World Records. Phelps went to the Athens Summer Olympics as a 19-year old and came away with 8 medals, 5 of which were Gold. According to today’s Wikipedia listing Phelps has won 28 World Records but that number is bound to increase as the week wears on.

What an unbelievably awesome surprise to find that Michael Phelps is also a Child of Divorce.

Phelps’ parents split in 1994 (according to Wikipedia) when he was either 9 or 10. I’ve found another article which says that his parents were High School Sweethearts who had split once before Michael was born and then got together. This article says that Phelps’ parents split in 1992. Maybe 1994 is the Divorce date? (“Phelps’ voyage” by Kevin Van Valkenburg (http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bal-te.sp.phelps03aug03,0,6832992.story)

Don’t know if either Parent has remarried.

His Father is a policeman/state trooper and his Mother is a Middle School Principal who was named “Teacher of the Year” twice in her career. Phelps’ Father left the family which had 3 children, Phelps and his two older sisters.

According to a Baltimore Sun article, Phelps has a difficult relationship with his Father but has a very strong bond with his Coach, Bob Bowman. (“Phelps’ voyage” by Kevin Van Valkenburg (http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bal-te.sp.phelps03aug03,0,6832992.story) Phelps seems to have gained extra ambition in his swimming career in 1996 when he saw the Summer Olympics in Atlanta. This is also the year that he started working with Bob Bowman.

Phelps started swimming at Age 7 in part because both of his sisters were swimmers and in part as a way to focus his Attention Deficit Disorder. From About.com article:

As a child, swimming provided Phelps with structure and a safe refuge after his parents’ divorce. His mom credits swimming for setting her hyperactive son on a singular path. Interestingly, it is his ability to hyperfocus on his swimming goals that has made such a difference in his success. Despite all the hoopla, pressures and expectations surrounding the Olympics, when Phelps walks up to the pool deck his mind is single mindedly focused on the job. “When I walk into a final, I walk in very focused,” he said. “I don’t mess around, I don’t joke around, I am focused on the job I have to do and want to do. It’s easy for me to do that. If I put my mind to it I can do just about anything.”

(edited 8/13/08, incorrect age info)

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Jack Black

According to today’s USA Weekend Magazine, Comedian/Actor Jack Black is a Child of D. He grew up in the Los Angeles area in California and is the product of two Rocket Scientists (Engineers of some sort) who divorced when he was 10 years old.  I’ve found sources saying that Black lived with his Mother and with his Father so I’m not sure which.  Sounds like the suitcase was his home.

Black has married Tanya Haden who he has known since High School. His wife is the daughter of Jazz musician Charlie Haden and is one of a set of triplet girls all of whom are professional musicians. It sounds as if they are also from a split situation although I can’t tell if Charlie Haden actually ever married their Mother.

Black attended UCLA but dropped out in his Sophomore year to pursue his Entertainment career.  Black and Haden met again 15 years after High School and fell in love.  They married in 2006 and currently have two children, Sammy and Tommy.

One of Black’s first successful roles was in the movie High Fidelity about a record store clerk.  I’ve mentioned the author of High Fidelity before, Nick Hornby, who is a Child of D as well and has written many humorous books that include the subject.

As well as short-term hobbies, his youth was defined by a long-term love of music. His parents suffered a difficult divorce when Black was 10, and he went to live with his mother in Culver City, near MGM Studios, where she rented out rooms to aspiring stars. A number of musicians passed through, instilling in Black a love of rock that finds its voice in the form of Tenacious D, his semi-comedic heavy metal band (who, incidentally, play second only to mega-group Metallica at the Reading Festival next month).