Spoiled Children of Divorce


Living With Strangers; Step-Families
November 14, 2008, 6:16 pm
Filed under: separate households, Stepfamilies, Uncategorized

It’s interesting in how acceptable it is to recognize that one does not get along with one’s In-Laws but that one must “Love” one’s step-parents.  In trying to get people from Intact Families to understand Step-Families I suppose I would describe the In-Law relationship as being most similar to Step-Families.  Same blending of dissimilar tribal habits, same blending of different styles of care and lifestyle, same trying to understand different senses of humor and same God-awful phoney grins as everyone tries to get along.

The Difference is that the Children are only kids and have no say whatsoever in what happens unless they act out.  The Parents are supposedly joining in Love, or at least faking Love in order to get stability and financial security.  The Children are being towed along and are probably being subjected to their parents’ blind eye to their partner.  The Children have no control over the situation whereas Mothers and Fathers in Law have been preparing to marry their children off to someone that they will probably loathe since the children are born.  Plus, the Children must be dependent on the Step-Parent.  And must live in close contact with Step-Parent.  In many countries it’s not uncommon for In-Laws to move in with In-Laws so people might be more accepting of living with strangers.  Divorce is also much less common in these societies I think but am not sure.  In the U.S. there is no societal precedent for living with strangers; a person’s family is supposed to be a special private and intimate affair.  A Child who lives in two families has two sets of these private, personal, often hostile environments to join together.  Tossing an overbearing, know-it-all step-parent into the mix would be overwhelming for anybody.  The kid knows two sets of secrets.

As I’ve said before, if an adult was thrown into the experience that a child must go through during a Divorce, he/she would leave the situation.  It’s simply too stressful.


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