Spoiled Children of Divorce


Internet Suicides Connected with Divorce?

A couple of weeks ago a 19 year old College Student named Abraham Biggs, Jr. committed Suicide from his Father’s home and broadcast his death over the Internet.  The stories don’t mention whether he was a Child of D but the fact that he was “living in his Father’s home” and text massaging his Mother indicates that the parents are separated.  If I’m jumping to conclusions I will have to delete this later on.  Since there have been a couple of other similar suicides broadcast over the Internet that have been connected with Divorce in the family there might be a connection.

Abraham was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and obviously wasn’t being helped by the meds — to an extreme degree — because he killed himself with them.   Biggs had tried to kill himself twice before.  I don’t know why the Medical profession isn’t more careful with psychiatric “treatments” but, what do I know?

The especially horrifying part of the story that is being covered in the media is the fact that the other members of the Internet forum were simply watching Abraham take the pills.  They were apparently goading him on and making fun of him.  I tend to think that this might be a Child of D type phenomenon.  Humiliation is probably not felt as strongly among Children of D simply because they are expected to cover up and buck up under the circumstances of their childhoods. Getting swept up in hatred is a normal part of divorced family life.  And asking for help?  That might make a parent feel guilty or threaten a therapist’s ego who simply refuses to believe that Divorce has negative effects on Children.

For a Child of D,putting one’s problem out into the public domain is not as extreme a behavior as it is for kids from intact families.  You grow up with so much more awareness of your parents’ personal problems that problems don’t seem like a private thing.  The relationships, the idea that everyone is replaceable, the money bartering, the fighting, the worthlessness, the extra responsibilities, having to repress your needs for your parents’.

Something else I’m beginning to notice about kids and divorce is that the younger children seem to get pulled under from the stress much worse than the eldest or the only children.  In all the cases of these Internet deaths the person committing the crime was a younger child.  Siblings in Divorce usually stick together.  They share a special set of secrets.  When the oldest one leaves the house, the youngest have to deal with the stress by themselves.  They actually act as a stable, non-strange part of the family that the eldest can always return to. The parents become the satellites who provide meals and quality time (if the kid is lucky) but are dependent emotionally and probably not considered reliable.

In this way, the youngest has to take on a lot of extra responsibility and as the youngest this responsibility is  never acknowledged.  There is also the possibility that, as in normal families, the youngest is spoiled with material possessions and is allowed to run around free.  Just as likely, the money runs out by the time the youngest is ready for prom dresses, regular meals, cars, college.  Divorce isn’t the most sensible experience from a financial standpoint unless one of the parents is just completely irresponsible and is cast out.

Either way, I hope that Abraham Biggs, Jr. will rest in peace.  I don’t wish his Parents anymore insults if they are indeed Divorced.  They certainly don’t need it right now.  But in the event that the parents were split I would like to raise awareness for others that this may be a problem for other kids.

******

The other American Webcam Suicide that I found was also a Child of D.  Brandon Carl Vedas, Age 21, who committed Suicide publicly on the Internet on Jan. 21, 2003 in Phoenix, AZ.   His parents were divorced and both were remarried.  His older brother has set up a very nice memorial website for him.

An Englishman, Kevin Whitrick, hanged himself while being goaded over the Internet through a webcam on Mar. 21, 2007.  I can’t find information about his childhood.  Whitrick was a 42 year old Engineer, Divorced with 12 year old twins.  Apparently he was upset over his Father’s recent death.

There was a 3d death which was listed on Wikipedia but I couldn’t come up with any information regarding the family.


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