Spoiled Children of Divorce

How to Talk Honestly About the Divorce In Spite of It All
March 11, 2009, 6:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Children of Divorce simply can’t talk about the Divorce. Divorce is thought to fix all family problems I guess.  The World can not accept the events that go on in the family post-divorce. It’s odd that this has been going on just as the New Agers and Psychologists have been claiming that baring one’s breasts of all past injustices and shame is ok.  Really, it’s safe…. really, it is, just as long as you know that it’s only your opinion about what happened and not really what did happen as your parents love you and they did it because they wanted happiness for all (and no discussion or dissention).

I don’t have a solution for this problem.

Almost all of my friends who are almost all from Divorce simply don’t talk about it.  They will mention one sentence and that’s that.  I doubt they ever discuss the situation as adult with their aging parents. Why bother?  It reminds me of what is considered “The Olden Days” when people’s parents died and they weren’t included in the conversations or the grieving processes.

I have found an article that skirts the issue nicely.  It’s an article written for “Slate” by Sean Wilsey.  I’ve mentioned Wilsey’s memoir “Oh the Glory of It All” in a previous post (Sorry about the Quote marks, I have trouble finding italics button on WordPress).

Wilsey’s parents were San Francisco socialites who got divorced because Wilsey’s Father walked out with Wilsey’s Mother’s Best Friend.  After the divorce, Wilsey’s Mother took kids on trips around the World to meet world leaders.  Her best friend, Wilsey’s new Step Mother, took over her social life in a way that was similar to what my Step Mother tried to do so I particularly like this story.

Wilsey discusses the problems that Memoirists have in relationships with the people who they are illustrating in their books.  I thought maybe the article would provide a clue about how to successfully discuss Divorce with one’s family but it looks as if maybe there is no decent way to do this.  It’s probably easier to do through a book which provides distance (after careful consideration from a pack of lawyers) than in person over dinner where people are eating with tongs and serrated edges which can be fisted angrily and overhandedly.

In his article “Publish, Then Flee.  How to tell your family you’re writing about them” Wilsey says that you can either outlive your relatives before publishing.  Or you can publish and then never expect to talk with them again. Wilsey seems to have interviewed everyone he could possibly locate from his past.  He talks at length with his Mother’s opinion of how she is represented which is very humorous.  She keeps reminding him that what he said may not have really happened and that it is only his Point of View.  He doesn’t discuss his Father’s reaction at all. Men never react?  He says that he didn’t discuss anything with his Step Mother and she was enraged but in the end is such an opportunist that she hired a publicist and made fame and glory off of the notoriety.

Fun article, don’t know if it helps.  Don’t know if anyone wants to pull these old rabbits out of their bags anyway.  Here’s the link:  http://www.slate.com/id/2162213/.

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