Spoiled Children of Divorce


“Night At the Museum 2”
May 28, 2009, 6:48 pm
Filed under: Movies About Growing Up in Divorce

Last week end I went to see the new Ben Stiller movie Night at the Museum 2.

Since the title has a “2” in it I suppose that this is a sequel which may have set up Stiller’s character better with regards to his divorce and his relationship with his one son.  At any rate, in this movie Stiller has become successful with his own business and finds that he really liked his old job.

Stiller’s character is a divorced single dad who shares custody with his ex for his one son.  I’m assuming that the first movie gave him more of a relationship with the son but in this movie I came away not understanding why they even put the kid in the show.  Stiller’s character is completely self-involved and his son isn’t involved in his transformation at all except as a tiny character who helps him with his problems from afar with his computer.  During the last big victory scene I don’t think the kid is present at all.  Stiller just walks off with his new love interest.

Is this how parents see their lives now in relation to their children?  What about the kids who are taken to see this movie?  This is how they see their role portrayed in their parents’ lives.  The kid doesn’t eat, he doesn’t have friends, he just sits at his computer and waits for his father to call to ask for help.  This is particularly bad because this movie is essentially a kid’s fantasy movie.



Autism Rates and Divorce
May 28, 2009, 6:39 pm
Filed under: ADD, Uncategorized | Tags:

After the blog entry on ADD, which appears to be caused in large part by Divorce, I found another article on the other big Childhood mental illness, Autism.

Studies have found that parents rarely divorce because a child has ADD.  On the other hand, parents of children who suffer from Autism have a very high divorce rate supposedly because of the child’s illness.

Or at least that’s my take on it after reading the following:

http://autism.about.com/b/2008/10/13/does-autism-in-the-family-lead-to-divorce.htm

This whole thing where people medicate the hell out of their kids … what’s that about anyway?



Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to be Prescribed Meds for ADD

An ADD Therapist, Jennifer Korestky, gives a link to a study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal which found that medications prescribed for ADD is twice as likely to be given to kids whose parents are recently divorced.

Koretsky tries to downplay the stress that kids go through in Divorce by promoting theories that ADD is genetic.  But loss of nutrition, reliable schedules, emotional security, finances, loss of time spent splitting up between two families, loss of friends, chugging way too much wisdom concerning relationships and money and betrayal and loss that are well beyond those of peers, in addition to stress of having to watch Mommy and Daddy fight, could also play a part.  That list is a string of irregular grammatical mistakes.  Oh well.

Blogged here:  http://www.experiencingaddvantages.com/2007/06/new_research_on.html.

Journal cited: CMAJ • June 5, 2007; 176 (12). doi:10.1503/cmaj.061458 Author:   Lisa A. Strohschein.



Bad Children of Divorce – Stephen Green, Rapist-Murderer-Soldier

Today there is news that an ex soldier in Iraq has been found guilty of having Murdered a family in order to rape the 14 year old daughter.  The ex-soldier is Stephen Green from Texas.  He and a group of other soldiers had planned the rape.  Green’s murders apparently came as a surprise.  They were stationed in a particularly troublesome spot in the war zone known as The Triangle of Death.  A Washington Post article by Andrew Tilgman tells about his meeting with Green and his group.  It’s called “I came over here because I wanted to kill people.”  Apparently, the reporter didn’t pay attention to Green’s words because he had heard this sort of brute honesty from all the soldiers.  The article alluded to a troublesome childhood so grudgingly I looked to see if Green was a Child of D.  Despite his minor offenses with the law and an angry personality Green was allowed into the military during a time when enlistments were down.

I’ve sort of been watching all this attention on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder regarding the Iraq War and have wondered if the problem is just now receiving attention or if all the Children of D are enlisting in order to get away from stressful situations and then are buckling under the extra stresses of war.

Green was born on May 2, 1985.  Spent early years in Midland, TX.  Parents divorced but don’t know what age.  Green moved to Seabrook Texas with his Mother.  She remarried when he was around 8 years old.  Reports say that Green had a troubled, angry personality from about Junior High School years onward.  His Mother is said to have “had problems” and was jailed for 6 months in 2000 and he went to live with his Father back in Midland.  He dropped out in 2002 while in the 10th Grade but managed to get his equivalency degree in 2003 from a Community College.  Green was in trouble with the law for minor offenses of smoking, pot, alcohol consumption.  It was noted on the records that he must have had trouble at home because he didn’t list either parent as a contact.  Green lived with his estranged step-father for a while at some point.

Source from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/14/us/14private.html



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Edgar Allen Poe

“Once upon a midnight dreary”

was written by a Child of D.  I suppose it makes sense…

Last week’s New Yorker magazine published an article about Poe’s life called “The Humbug” written by Jill Lepore.

(http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2009/04/27/090427crat_atlarge_lepore)

Edgar Allen Poe was born to an actress.  A year after he was born his Father left.  Two years after Poe was born his Mother died.  Poe and his siblings were separated and Poe was raised by a wealthy merchant and his wife.  He was never adopted by these people.  It seems that wild swings in financial fortunes and power plays dominated the household of Poe’s childhood and  Poe was out on his own by the time he was 17. 

He also had drinking and gambling problems from very early on. Financially strapped, Poe joined the military for a while and then attended West Point.  He wrote for money. It seems he moved around a lot.  His love life seems equally difficult.  The women in his life seemed to have suffered illnesses and to have passed away.  At age 27 Poe married his 13 year old cousin.  The marriage lasted about 12 years before Virginia, his wife, died of tuberculosis.  Poe died at Age 40.

Wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Allan_Poe



Philip Markoff – Jekyll and Hyde Or Child of Divorce?

Between Apr. 10 and April 16 three women were bound and robbed in Hotel Rooms in Boston, Massachusetts and Rhode Island.  They had all advertised as masseuses on CraigsList.  One of the victims, Julissa Brisman, was shot multiple times and subsequently murdered.  The other two women survived.  23 year old medical student Philip Markoff has been traced to all 3 attacks and is currently being held in jail.  A gay man is also said to have contact with Markoff through an email (news about that is sketchy right now).

The media is going on and on about Markoff’s impending marriage which was to be held in August.   It sounds as if Markoff’s family history is quite strained as well and, although, I can’t find the full picture, this is what I’ve figured out so far.  The information may change.  One thing is certain:  Markoff is a Child of D.

People are blind sided by Markoff’s Double Personality.  (Why are people never blind-sided by a Double Childhood that results from growing up in a Divorce?)  Markoff is described as being very nice, clean cut, sort of nerdy (there’s that nerdy description again applied to a Child of D).

As an aside, I’ve tried to find information about Markoff’s alleged victims’ childhood status to see if they also were from Divorce.  His alleged Murder victim, Julissa Brisman, had the same last name as her Father while her Mother’s last name is given as Guzman so there is a possibility that Julissa’s parents are divorced.  In that case,  it is not surprising that, like Markoff,  Julissa led a double life.  Her friends, apparently, had no idea that she worked as a masseuse.  Children of D grow up as involuntary voyeurs of sorts.  They witness much behavior in their families that can’t be discussed with anyone else due to extreme emotional behaviors, secrets, allegiances, betrayals, loyalities that it is not surprising to see how double lives can manifest later in life. Innocence doesn’t exist for Children of D.  Distorted sense of lack of positive authority figures also is lacking.  In a very few people this experience of childhood into extremely advanced states of consciousness and wisdom.  In others it can cause problems as the child continues to show signs of normalcy to the outside world.  And who knows?  Maybe Markoff (assuming he’s guilty of course) is just a bad egg.

It would be interesting to know whether or not Markoff’s fiancee is from a Divorce or Intact family just for comparison’s sake but she’s going through enough Hell right now and doesn’t need any more scrutiny.

Markoff’s parents were divorced when he was very young.  I don’t have an age.  Right now I just know that it happened before he was 5 years old because that’s when his Mother gave birth to his sister who was his Step-Father’s child.

I’ve read that Markoff’s Father, Richard Markoff, is a Dentist so that probably puts Markoff in a wealthy class on his Father’s side.  I’ve read that his Mother is or was a Casino worker.  That definitely means that his Mother is not wealthy.  If it’s true it paints a much different attitude toward money in that household and that Markoff would have constantly tried to reconcile two great schisms of class into his life (all the while trying to grow up).  Children of D often grow up in two completely different financial classes.  One can pretty accurately assume that the poor parent expresses great resentment over the other parent’s financial status.  Even if that doesn’t happen, the child is a witness who is stuck in between.  This can create detachment and just plain old weird behavior.

Markoff has an older brother, Jon, from his parents’ marriage.  It seems that Jon is his closest relative. News reports showed that the Brother spent the most time visiting with Markoff in jail.  Siblings in Divorce often have to take over as supports.   One might imagine that Markoff’s parents probably can’t stand each other and are adding to the tension for Markoff.  Anybody who has endured bringing both parents together for family “celebrations” like graduations and weddings knows how tense those situations are.  Imagine if you’ve just been stuck in jail for murder and need emotional support from self-absorbed parents.  At any rate, the Rich Dentist Father is probably so tired of hearing from the Mother about financial support problems that he’s not about to help his kid out here (my assumption about situation which is hopefully wrong).

Both of Markoff’s parents reportedly have remarried which means that Markoff was blessed with Step-Parents on both sides.  Maintaining a sweet, nerdy disposition was probably Markoff’s greatest survival tool during childhood.  He made everyone comfortable and was well liked for never making a fuss.

Markoff’s older brother reportedly moved in with his Father and Wife while Markoff lived with his Mother and her Husband.  Don’t know what age.

When the oldest child moves out this can possibly show a couple of things.  Who knows if they apply in Markoff’s case.  First thing to think about is that the household that the only child is leaving is problematic.  Second, the younger sibling will go through feelings of rejection, loneliness and grief over having been left behind.  There could have been money problems, addictions, gambling, lack of compatibility.

By Age 5, Markoff had a younger half-sister through his Mother and Step-Father.  So there are birth order changes as is typical of step-families.

Markoff’s Mother is said to have split from his Step-Father four years ago.  Her last name at the time was Carroll.  I heard on a News Cast that her current last name is Haines so perhaps she has remarried or perhaps the media just couldn’t get the all the family mish-mash information straight.

Either way, it looks right now as if Markoff’s Mother’s 2d divorce would have occurred in 2005.  This is the same year that Markoff is said to have met his Fiancee.  I believe he would have been around 19 years old.

Source:  http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/04/alleged_craigsl.html#commentshttp://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/04/26/2009-04-26_suspect_and_victim_led_secret_lives_med_student_gambled__actress_gave_massages.html?page=0