Spoiled Children of Divorce

Divorced Parents Have Weakened Immune Systems and Chronic Health Problems
July 27, 2009, 10:39 pm
Filed under: Health, links to articles, PTSD, separate households, Stepfamilies

As usual there is no mention about health effects of Children of Divorce, but a recent study from the University of Chicago Center on Aging has determined that people who suffer the loss of a marriage are 20 percent more likely to suffer from chronic health problems.  That makes for more responsibilities for the kids to have to manage along with weakened role models to emulate.

The study will be published in the Journal of Health & Social Behavior, Sept, 2009 issue.

I’ve said before that I think it probably matters in the quality of life for the children whether or not they live with the parent who decides to leave or the one who is dumped.  The child has much exposure to very complex and difficult emotions if living in the same house with a heartbroken parent.  The role of “Choice” is known in being a major factor in development of PTSD type of emotional problems and I think it makes sense that this will transfer on down to the kids, maybe only one of the kids in the family will absorb the responsibilities.  

I’m finding it very alarming how Step-parents are the only ones who seem to express any open reactions to split family situations.  The level of hostility in many of these situations can only be destructive and the biological parents need to take the most active role in setting up positive relations. 

Studies like these are also deceptive because they leave out the families who benefit from Divorce.  Either way these studies always seem to find that same 20-25% ratio of people who are affected by any stress that I keep seeing repeat itself.  I sort of suppose that 25% have extreme negative reactions, 25% benefit, and 50% plead complacency, but that’s a gross assumption.

From the Yahoo article called:   “Marriage Ends; Health Declines” by Randy Dotinga:

Other important factors include the nature of marriages and their breakups, said marriage researcher Janice Kiecolt-Glaser.

Her research has found that women and men who were recently divorced had weaker immune systems than those who had been divorced longer. “We also found that it mattered if you had chosen the divorce, or if your spouse was the one who asked for it,” said Kiecolt-Glaser, director of health psychology at the Ohio State University College of Medicine. “You are better off being the one who walked rather than the one who was left behind.”

Also, she said, those who remain preoccupied with thoughts of their former spouse — either pro or con — had immune problems.

Good Article for Single Parents
July 24, 2009, 4:50 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This blog is supposed to be written for kids of divorce but since there is little support for them (denial of the whole situation is actually demanded), I will add some articles that are written for parents because in the long run it helps the kids.

Since kids in divorce situations are so much more involved in/aware of their parents’ financial situations, and also have the complex task of watching two sets of financial situations going on at the same time which can be mind boggling even for a grown-up financial manager or trained lawyer, it’s good to have a helpful reference to offer parents for survival.  Stick this in your parent’s next Birthday Card, kids.  “7 strategies for single parents” by Steve Santiago (from Bankrate.com) is one.

Effects of Divorce – Rabbi Shmuley Boteach – Venus/Saturn
July 19, 2009, 3:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here’s a link to a great article on how Divorce affects Children called “How Divorce Scars Children.”  It’s written by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

Boteach grew up in a Divorced home so, unlike most experts on the effects of Divorce on Children, he can discuss the problems associated with the event honestly.  His parents split when he was 8.   From what my “research” on effects of divorce on different ages of children goes Age 8 is one of the most difficult for going through a Divorce as it represents a time span between 2 important astrological influences, one is associated with parenting and the other with marriage, among other things.

At Age 8, a child is coming out of his first attempts at maturation and self-development and is developing a sense that conditional love exists in the world.  This is due to the Saturn influence.  Generally this could show a time when he is beginning to become self-reliant and take on his own sense of  authority in the world.  When stressed by an event in the family where nobody is handling authority well problems can arise in his development as he will try to take the whole situation on and to fix everyone’s problems.  This can lead to an early but unhappy maturation in his character and a very heavy emotional burden that will eventually lead to lessons on how to control others and himself.  The child will probably react to the divorce by becoming very serious or he/she will develop a cold-hearted attitude towards others.  Sharing may become a source of great insecurity.  Saturn rules Authority figures and the Father and Lessons related to Conditional Love.  One can see how an event relating to those influences will perhaps permanently scar an child who is going through his first really stressful transit of that Planet later on.  There can also be a great amount of guilt that forms as a result of a bad Saturn influence.  For example, if the child doesn’t receive a caring apology from the parents over the event then he could be hooked into an underlying anger problem later on.

On the other hand, at Age 8, the child is moving into a time of when personal values and one-on-one friendships will be very important.  One’s ego is combining with his sense of “The Other” due to a  Sun-Venus influence so he is beginning to want to share with friends.  Venus rules Marriage and the child will be getting a very painful first insight into how love and commitment (both Venus aspects) work out in people’s lives (Sun).  Since parents often begin to rely on their children for friendship during divorce there may be some unhealthy transfer of this influence back into the family atmosphere when it should be working out into the outside world.  (A lot of recent movies seem to show this phenomenon lately, I’ve discussed a couple of them).  During Venus transits one is more likely to be going through an extra intense phase of comparing ones self to others.  A child from Divorce may have to go into denial about this through shame or just by having to defer to the greater needs of the parents.

Obviously a Divorce is going to provide a lot of negative difficult information through both the Saturn influence and the Venus influence.  The natal chart will often show that these planets are strong in the chart as it is.  In that case, a child needs extra support to be helped through those phases which be forfeited by the parents’ needs.  It’s just too bad if the parents are not available to provide support for these phases because left ignored they tend to cycle back into the child’s life later on as uncontrollable events. While his friends may see a little tiff on the playground with another child as the big influence at this age, the Child of Divorce will remember having to listen to hours and hours of complaining and fighting over money and parent’s relationships.  The child from the intact family goes home and has a very self-centered but helpful conversation with a parent.  The child from the Divorced home, God only knows what happens when he opens the door so I won’t even imagine.

The reason why I think these first transits are important to look at is because they are the first times that children experience their influences on a stressful level so they seem to form his development. When they match up to a exceptional life event they will become a very prominent influence in the individual’s personality that might not manifest very easily later on.   If an event is overly stressful this can lock a child into a negative cycle with this planetary influence which he/she will fall victim to later in life.

What To Do When Mom is Having Violent Sex in the Next Room

A 16-year old girl in Connecticut heard her Mother in the bedroom having sex with a boyfriend.  She thought her Mother was being abused and rounded up a bunch of guy friends who beat the boyfriend.

The Mother had the kids arrested and says the jail time will teach them a Valuable Lesson.  And that is that — they should have knocked on the door to ask if everything was ok before assuming that they should rush in with a bat.  That’s good to know.

Children of D have their own rules of etiquette to follow that haven’t been covered quite yet by Emily Post.  In other words, if an intruder breaks into the house offer the guy Milk & Cookies.  Just because Mom is tied to the bed and screaming her head off it doesn’t mean that she’s being hurt…  geez, everybody knows that… show some respect, will ya?

P.S., it’s very common for Children of D to be intimately aware of their parents’ sex lives.