Spoiled Children of Divorce

Information on Elizabeth Marquardt’s Research
May 3, 2010, 5:51 pm
Filed under: links to articles, Uncategorized

Found what looks like a compendium of reviews and articles on Elizabeth Marquardt’s word as shown in her book Between Two Worlds.

Kids from Divorce feel less safe than kids from Intact Families both physically and emotionally.

Spend much more time alone

Don’t seek help from parents

Are asked to keep secrets

More likely to think that their parents have different versions of the truth.

2/3 feel like they grew up in 2 families rather than one.

They feel that their parents’ worlds are “locked in lasting conflict” after the divorce.  Maybe I didn’t read that right just because it’s so true of my own situation.

Feel much more likely that parents have done things that are difficult to forgive (interesting, because the automatic response I get from most psychologists and adults about divorce is that kids just need to forgive their parents, as if the parents automatically deserve it).

Marquardt’s research only profiled kids who were still in contact with both parents so I suppose that they aren’t in the group that is more likely to be expelled from high school and to get pregnant as teenagers.

3 Comments so far
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I have to say that I love Elizabeth Marquardt and I kind of think of her as the first child of divorce really telling it like it is. I’m not sure if you read her story about feeling like a football (or maybe it was soccer) being punted to and fro. She didn’t think of this in an acrimonious way, just as something close to her truth. Of course, when she verbalized this to one of her parents,they flew off the handle about how of course she shouldn’t ‘feel’ that way.

Gotta love divorced parents.

Comment by Carolyn (The Grown Up Child)

Yeah, always walking on eggshells around that old guilt thing. The weird one was when I went to the divorced psychiatrist and told her I needed delayed help dealing with the divorce. She refused to write anything down about my history and told me that she doesnt do the “talkie talk.” It got worse from there. Man.

Comment by toothless

I did read her book but only vaguely remember the football imagery. That’s a good one. She did do a great service through her work. I probably get a bit more from Stephanie Staal’s book because she was around my age during her parents divorce and includes older kids in her research.

I’m mystified by the whole reaction that most divorced parents have towards their kids. Deny, deny, deny about the kids, but they complain, complain, complain. They could give up 1/4″ of their giginormous egos and let someone else have a feeling (without the gooey guilt and the walking on egg shells stuff).

Comment by toothless

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