Spoiled Children of Divorce


Parents Meet Through Kids’ Friends
June 10, 2010, 9:51 pm
Filed under: self-absorbed parents, step-siblings, Stepfamilies

Since my Father met my Step-Mother through my friend and I when were about 12, I sort of wonder how common it is for parents to meet through their children.  I’ve met 3 other people whose parents met, divorced, and married through the child’s relationships with a friend.  (That’s a difficult relationship to describe).  All of us were female and I wonder if that’s a coincidence.  Do parents ever want to screw and marry with their son’s friends’ parents, or is it only the girls who to enjoy this aspect of their parents’ marital discord?

Either way, I don’t think this is a very common experience for most Children of Divorce.  It certainly isn’t talked about.  Whenever I hear a Step-parent talk about how “manipulative” the step-daughter is, how difficult “Step Families” are, I pretty much “know” that this is as close to admission of guilt as most step-parents can get.

For me it added an element of further betrayal to the divorce which my brother didn’t have to go through.  I also had to spend the rest of my relationship with my friend/step-sister watching her slowly benefit and thrive from the stability that my Father’s existence in her life gave her.  She also inherited a shit load of money.  There was constant competition, sniping and blaming.  My Step-Mother’s behavior in other areas was just too rotten.  She would have had to spend the rest of her life writing apologies to people.  And, frankly, I don’t think she was that well bred to figure she would have too bother with such things.

My Father and Step-Mother, of course, took no responsibility for what they had done.  I always keep thinking that all they would have had to do was to come clean and say they were sorry.  This is just such a stupid little hook I guess for a parent, but for me as the kid it was really huge to think that my Father would have used me in such a way.  But they never did.  Both my step-sister and I had been very docile kids and we grew up to have terrible problems with rage.

My parents were chronically burdened and went to a therapist eventually.  The therapist gave my Father some anti-depressants.  I suspect that not even the Wizard of Oz could have given my Step-Mother a heart or a soul.  The therapist, I suspect, absolved them of ever having to deal with their children.  At that point it was too late anyway.


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