Spoiled Children of Divorce


Saying No To Divorced Parents
June 23, 2010, 10:38 pm
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Authority

Along with all the “why is my step-daughter such a manipulative bitch” searches in the WordPress stats section of the blog there was a really interesting search logged in today or yesterday.

Someone wanted to know what age is good for saying “No” to Split parents.  I suspect that many Children of Divorce struggle with this.  Double sets of parents, even when the parents are good and kind and knowing and nice, is just too much to deal with except for maybe a few uber extroverted types.  So, I think this is a great thing to ponder. And, as with all things having to do with divorce, the answers are going to change drastically according to individual circumstances.   This blog doesn’t provide advice, but I just want to make this problem more public.  It looks like someone out there with a real problem is looking for a real answer.  I suspect that both of the divorced parents will have conflicting ideas about what a child can and can’t do.  The idea of all the chit chat that has to go on, the committee parenting, just makes me ill.  Maybe, though, it’s better for the child because it brings up real discussion and argument about what is really best.  On the one hand, it’s very neurotic and on the other hand it could lead to some sort of enlightened childhood.  Mostly I just wonder if there is a real distinct point at which children in divorce really do need to decide to tell their parents that they can’t handle the stuff anymore.  There might be more boundary setting.  In Astrology, Boundary setting is ruled by the planet Saturn.  Saturn is also related to depression and fears and most of the really difficult emotional stunting that goes on due to bad parenting (Saturn rules Fathers and Discipline).  So this is a very difficult topic to handle.  It has been determined by experts that absentee Fathers are one of the biggest problems for kids who are growing up.  Literally, kids in Divorce often grow up without the “No” factor existing in their lives in a healthy way.

Saturn also rules Guilt.  We all know about the guilt that Divorced parents feel.  But, we never discuss the extreme levels of guilt that divorced kids feel.

In the Astrological Return Cycle phases kids would probably go through a few different types of saying “No” phases according to how they react to their parents’ divorces.  I’ve been theorizing that they react to their parents’ divorces most strongly according to what age they were at when the divorce first occurred.  They will forever see themselves as this age in a way because this was how they behaved back in the days when they had a family.  Often, parents and siblings impressions of them will freeze at this age as well because this is also when they stopped interacting with each other.

The first biggee Return Cycle I can think of connected with saying “No” is going to be the Mars Return type of “No.”  This is related to the Terrible Two’s and is based on impulse.  Kids have 9 Mars Returns by the time they reach Age 18 when they are officially considered adults.

There are other phases which might be related to saying “No.”  These are the Saturn phases.  The first is a square aspect (square means challenges) which happens around Age 7 or 8.  Children will want to make some decisions for themselves I suppose.  The second is the first Saturn opposition.  This occurs between Age 14.  The Opposition aspect is a way of relating to others by opposing them.  Saturn rules the Father and Authority figures.  These phases are related to a child’s development in using his own Authority which come to a complete rotation at around Age 29.   Saturn also rules Guilt, Bitterness, Resentment, Burdens, and Exhaustion.  So people at this age who are heavily influenced by their parents’ divorce in a Saturnian way will probably have to deal with saying No to their parents during these phases.  Strong Saturn types generally have less of a problem with saying No to other people.  Often they will, instead, struggle with saying “Yes.”  This is due to insecurities and fears.  Saturn literally rules Boundaries and Borders and Walls.

Age 8 and Age 16 are interesting Ages for children who struggle with learning how to say “No” to their parents.  Children who have a natal conjunction of Sun to Venus will experience a big return at these times.  These people seem to follow interesting 8 year cycles during their entire lives.  Venus is the ruler of relationships so these people will struggle especially in early life with feeling like they have to learn how to put up boundaries and borders with other people in order to not be used.  Venus types will often struggle to make up their mind about how much they ought to be relating to others.  Later on in life they often are very clever with politics because they will know more about how to relate to others.  The Sweet 16 Birthday is really significant for a girl.  It describes the Venusian type of personality very well.  A girl begins to date and saying “No” becomes a big part of her relationship awareness.  Or, at least it used to.

Interesting that kids begin to drive at this Age.  That seems to exist outside of anything astrological.

There are no new major planetary Return cycles of phases of cycles between the Saturn Opposition and the first Nodal Return which occurs a little before Age 19.  The kids are I suppose allowed to take off on their own whims and see how things go for them.  They still have to deal with transits, progressions and other problems.


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