Spoiled Children of Divorce

Step-Dad v. Step-Dad
September 27, 2010, 11:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Since the Step-Mothers are so verbally abusive I never get a real sense of what the Step-Fathers think of their step-children.  Aside from some drunk guy who was bitching about his step-children of the step-parents’ forums we don’t really hear from the fathers except when some news cast tells us about another one who has sexually molested and/or murdered his step-children.  I sort of assume that the presence of step-fathers is slightly different.  Perhaps this is only part of a generational thing that isn’t as common but in my day a major reason for remarriage was financial stability.  My Mother didn’t remarry and I didn’t have to live with any of her boyfriends.   Since all of them were alcoholics I never really felt obliged to hang around and have long friendly chats.  Some of the guys she met in bars would call in the middle of the night when she wasn’t home and want to have some pretty rancid chit-chat.

At any rate, a story about a Step-Father has hit the news.  A policeman found out that his step-daughter had had pre-age sex and while off duty motored on over to the boyfriends’ house while still in his uniform to yell at the kid.  This is kind of interesting because it’s probably a common thing for parents to call the cops to find their teenage kids to break up the sex.

The news reports don’t seem to know for sure that an off duty cop impersonating himself is a bad thing.  They keep asking the question, is this a concerned parent acting just a little out of control?  Or is this some guy who watches too many cop shows on TV where the guy is so lovable that he can get away with this kind of shit.  Guess he should have called another cop.  Thing is, as the policeman was yelling at the kid, the boys’  Step-Father was capturing the event on his cell phone.  Hahahahahhahahaha!  It looks like there’s a little racial tension going on here as well so in the end nobody’s going to back down on this one.

Now we have to wonder.  Will this cop lose his job?  Will he go to jail? Will he be told that this isn’t CSI?   Will he be forced to pay for his step-daughter’s therapy for all the relationships that she’s going to screw up in the future because of this event?  I sort of guess that she probably already feels a little oppressed by this guy’s bravado at home anyway. One can only imagine how tense that scene is.  Interesting that in the video which is linked to in the article a woman is interviewed as saying that people will have more understanding for the cop because he is a “step-father.”  I don’t know what she means by that.

The Statistics having to do with attitudes towards premarital sex is going to be drastically different simply because they have grown up watching their own parents date and have watched their parents enter intimate relationships with strangers.  Here’s a good article which reprises Judith Wallerstein’s research.  Parents who grew up in Intact families probably expect their children to have the same level of innocence that they grew up with.  If kids are traumatized by living so closely with their parents’ sex lives, they may also become repressed by trying to not repeat mistakes and may harm themselves by being afraid to have relationships.

Apparently, after yelling at the boy, the cop went home and put his step-daughter through the same thing. (Of course, the Mother just stood there passively watching and letting it happen).  The cop drove his step-daughter down to Juvenile Hall for her fake arrest.   Article is here. Wonder if this hurts less when it’s your real Father who does shit like this?  I think I might preferred to be abused by a stranger than by someone who really loves me.

Kids With Rich Intelligent Parents Have it Worse in Divorce?
September 27, 2010, 10:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A Judge in England is calling for reform of the English family justice system saying that parents have to stop using their children as weaponry during the proceedings.  He says that the more intelligent and wealthier parents are the worst.

That’s very interesting and something that I actually agree with.  Intelligent people are more manipulative and richer people are as well.  Rich people also tend to compete with their kids more and are simply more used to stomping on and objectifying other people in order to get what they want.  They also have prioritized their lives around their their work (and/or their money) rather than around their families so the kids just don’t mean as much to them.  Having grown up around upper middle class kids in divorce and having spent most of my adulthood around people from lower and middle class divorced families I definitely agree with this.  The stuff that went on in the families I grew up around was unbelievable.

Article here. The Judge needs a new wig.  That aside, thanks for speaking out, Dude.  Of course, we’ll rarely hear any intelligent observations like this coming from the “Get Help” communities.

“Well-off parents use children as weapons in divorce, says judge” by Steve Doughty.

“I.D.” by Joyce Carol Oates

Strongly recommend a story written by Joyce Carol Oates called “I.D.” which I had the good luck to hear her give a reading of in person.  This story was published in The New Yorker magazine.  This is an emotionally wrenching story about a young girl, I think around 13 years old, who is growing up in what I think is probably a pretty common picture of divorce.

The story of the girl, Lisette’s, relationships with both parents, though, is exaggerated (at least I’d like to say that it is) to emphasize the level of denial that children go in to in order to deal with their parents.  Lisette lives with her Mother who works in a casino and dates a lot of guys and is pretty unreliable as a parent.  Her Father, also unreliable, is in the military and seems to have War Fever.  He’s either on his third duty in Iraq or has just completed it.  He has literally beaten his daughter to the point where the nerves in her face have no feeling and she has a permanent tear that drains out of her eye that she keeps wiping away.  She has just completed a third surgery on her face, I guess that parallels her Father’s emotional scars from fighting in War?  The part of the story which explains the title is just too genius so I won’t give the spoiler.

Joyce Carol Oates and Willa Cather were the writers who got me through High School while my parents’ divorce was raging. At the time I remember wondering awestruck how Oates could portray the women characters in her story with so much understanding.  My parents’ divorce opened up all these feelings in all the women I was around like the proverbial can of worms.  It led to way too much enlightenment and shock, the opposite of denial, about how women really feel about their lives. And I was so mesmerized and grateful that Oates was actually putting these things into words.

Oates said that the main theme of the story was to understand how Denial helps as a survival tool.  I think one can see how Denial also hurts, though.  If we were to check back in with the main character, Lisette, in this story at Age 25 I suspect that we might see a person trying to constantly eradicate herself from quick sand which she can’t explain.  Maybe not.  I’m probably just talking about myself.

Son Abducted By Father, Finds Mother Through Newspaper Article 17 Years Later
September 17, 2010, 10:31 pm
Filed under: Abduction, Astrology stuff, Custody, Uncategorized

A 20-year old son will be reunited with his Mother 17 years after being abducted by his Father during a messy divorce.  The young man read about how to contact his Mother in an August 29 newspaper article and convinced his Father to surrender himself to authorities yesterday in Houston, Texas.  His Mother was notified Thursday afternoon.  She has remarried and has children from that marriage.

Some interesting Astrology in this case and am trying out my theories on this case.

The newspaper article was published during a Mercury Retrograde, Aug. 29 (Mercury 16 Virgo Rx).  Astrologers like to scare people about Mercury Retrogrades saying that all things Mercurial (newspapers/publishing is one of them) will not work or will go haywire.  There’s another interpretation for Mercury Retrograde which shows up in this case.  Mercury Retrogrades, and probably all the other planetary retrogrades, will bring back old news and people from the past back  into one’s life.  That makes sense since it relates to the idea that everything cycles back around. So maybe Mercury Rx’s are a good time for publishing old cases like this.

I also wanted to test my theories that the age that one is during parents’ divorce figures in strongly with later events in one’s life.  I almost flubbed this up by saying “no” because I incorrectly remembered Age 3 as begin signified by the Ceres Return Cycle.  This cycle first occurs around Age 4.6.  I related the ideas of Abduction to Ceres and Pluto in the child’s chart and was wondering if this would show up strongly in children.  Turns out that the birth date I’ve found for Stephen does show a very strong presence of Ceres because his natal Ceres is very strongly placed in his natal chart (1 Cancer) connected with a very strong t-square in his chart on the Aries points.  This shows strong family presence, possibly involving abduction as well as agriculture (perhaps his Father hid him by traveling with migrant farm workers?).  But Ceres is not the indicator that we would look for in his particular instance.  Maybe they hid out for a while by working in agriculture?  Who knows?

The planets/asteroid cycles which I connected to Age 3 are the Vesta Return and the first Jupiter square.  In short form interpretation:  Vesta keeps the “Home Fires Burning.”  How like a Child of D.

Stephen’s natal Vesta is placed at 5 Capricorn. It is involved in a very significant t-square in his natal chart which is also involved in a very signicant current transit t-square.  Stephen was born during the big outer planet conjunction of Uranus-Saturn-Neptune in first degrees Capricorn so Vesta is conjunct those planets.  Most people born within 6 months of this date will have these connections because these are slow moving planets.  Many people born within a year or two will share the Uranus-Neptune connection.  So it is a very significant conjunction/stellium which is affecting a huge amount of people born within a couple of years of each other.

In Stephen’s chart this stellium is also squaring a natal conjunction of personal planets, Sun-Mercury RX-Mars in late Virgo/early Libra, and is opposing natal Ceres and Jupiter in early Cancer.  Astrology buffs will recognize that this chart is receiving a huge hit from the current outer planet t-square transit from Jupiter-Uranus in Aries, Pluto-NN in Capircorn and Saturn-Vesta in Libra as it is.

Now I will whittle down the aspects to show just the Vesta and Jupiter placements to try to understand how this would personally affect Stephen’s development as influenced by a traumatic event such as Divorce/Abduction in his life.  Vesta and Jupiter square transits must figure strongly in his life and personality in order for my theory to work.   The Jupiter transits line up perfectly and figure strongly.  The Vesta transits do as well for the natal chart, but not for the abduction chart.  I can’t find a connection between the Vesta Cycle which relates the age at time of Divorce and current transit of Vesta.  I don’t know when Stephen’s parents divorced, so Stephen could be influenced more by cycles of development from earlier Returns such as Mars at age 2, and the other personal planets from the earlier ages.  (Just from looking at the dates, it looks like Stephen’s first Venus Return would have been extremely nasty (jealousy and revenge themes, but who knows)

And, again, I don’t know if I’m using the correct birth date, but I’ve located it in a couple of different places.

Stephen’s natal Vesta is at 5 Capricorn.  It is opposing natal Jupiter 9 Cancer.  These are hooked into a huge natal t-square which involved most of his natal planets.  The Cancer/Capricorn Axis naturally rules parents and family. Currently the Nodes are transiting through these signs.  (Pluto, major planet related to abduction, is conjunct the North Node in Capricorn (sign rules Father))

When Stephen was abducted natal Vesta was at 12 Aquarius.  I don’t know what that means, it doesn’t connect.  However, he was going through his first Jupiter Square.  Jupiter was transiting 11 Libra and was finishing up passing over his huge natal t-square of planets in early Cardinal Signs.

On August 29, 2010 transiting Vesta was in this spot at 10 Libra.  It was conjunct t. Saturn 4 Libra.  Saturn rules Fathers, Karmic Mistakes, Guilt, Taking Responsibility for past actions.  Jupiter is also involved as well in opposition to transiting Vesta.  T. Jupiter was at 2 Aries conjunct t. Uranus.

So, I can’t directly relate the Vesta Cycle to the Abduction, but she is strongly connected with Jupiter and  Stephen’s family life is strongly hooked into the Jupiter Squares.  Natally, since Jupiter is placed in Cancer, sign of the family this would make sense.   Vesta is also placed in the sign which relates to Fathers.  Capricorn is ruled by Saturn.  Since she is in conjunction with 3 huge influences in generational planets it will be interesting to see if Stephen begins to speak out about his experiences for his generation to learn from.  Hope so.  He certainly has been given a very difficult lesson about parental love early on in life. I wish him all the best in continuing his relationships with both of his parents.

The Jupiter significance might be connected to the fact that the Father was a Teacher of Languages (Latin in High School).  I’ve discussed what I thought the connections were with kids’ language development during the first Jupiter Square (3) and Trines (Age 4).  I seem to remember from my own schooling that most newspapers are written for 11 year olds.  This means that writing skills in society at large are based on what a kid going through his first Jupiter Return will understand.  I will discuss how many writers seem to come from Divorces from around this age.  So, it’s interesting that the younger Michael found his Mother while reading the newspaper during a very significant Jupiter transit (connected with big outer planet transit that hooks into natal chart).

There is a lot to look at in this chart but too much to communicate.  Ceres does figure in an interesting way.  On the date that Stephen was abducted by his Father, Ceres was at 19 Pisces conjunct Lilith and Mercury Retrograde in Pisces.  I will talk about Lilith as being connected with Age 9 Cycles.  I think I also discussed Lilith’s presence in Divorce as she represents the rejected 1st wife of Adam.  She also represents modern emancipated women because she was rejected for refusing to not be equals with Adam.  There is close to a Lilith Return going on right now from Stephen’s abduction date.

Notice also how much the Aries Points (1st degrees of Cardinal Signs) match up in the charts and seem connected with the big outer planet t-square transits of Jupiter-Uranus-Saturn-Pluto-Nodes that is currently stressing everyone out.  Saturn rules Fathers.  It is currently conjunct Stephen’s natal Sun-MercuryRX-Mars.  His progressed Mercury turned Directaround 2001 (around 26 Virgo within 3 degrees conjunction with natal Sun). Progressed Mercury is now conjunct 1 Libra.  First Degrees Cardinal Signs are strong points in Astrology.  They are the first days of each Season and so indicate the beginnings of new life cycles.  When they show up in charts, natal and transits, they are sometimes thought to show coming forth before the public.

So Mercury placement and its retrograde is strongly connected with this case by transit and by progression.  Mercury rules natal Sun in Virgo (if birth date I have is correct) so this is one of the very basic connections.

Stephen Michael Palacios

perhaps this is birth date:  Sept. 21, 1989  no place given, I used Waco, TX.

Abduction date:  Mar. 28, 1993  Waco, TX

Find Date:  August 29, 2010

Father Surrender and Notification Date:  Sept. 16, 2010, Houston, Tx

Mother:  Dee Ann Adams, Bedford, TX

Father:  Stephen Palacios, Jr. (II), Age 42?

Son:  Stephen Michael Palacios (III)

The Center for Missing Children site says that only 37 percent of abductions of children are with strangers.  They give information about how to fight off a stranger or abductor and what are the most common lures.  Most often the child will be someone the child knows, however.  The Center does not give statistics about children who are abducted because of Divorce proceedings.  I suspect this accounts for most of the abductions and the Center keeps silent about this because nobody wants to interfere with Society’s rosy picture of how Divorce makes everyone happy. Anyway, the article.

Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Spoiled Children of Divorce Blog

White Washing Child Abduction Cases to Paint Rosy Picture of Divorce.

Out Out Damn Spot
September 14, 2010, 5:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The situations we put ourselves in in life.  Very very rarely do the searches coming into this blog say things like “How do I deal with an evil stepparent?”  That makes me think that the kids don’t complain.  Of course, they have nothing much to compare a miserable experience with in life.  And if you start life with the worst relationships in the world then there is no place to go but up.  Of course, you’ll have grown up being blamed for everything that your parents screwed up during your childhood, but maybe this is something that most of us don’t pay attention to.  I think that most parents blame their misery on the fact that they have kids.  Kids are a pain in the ass.  If you love the kids then I guess there is a trade off.  If you feel that you have the chance to add something of yourself to the world through your kids maybe there’s pay off.

So, at any rate, I thought I’d share this search that came in.  It explains the ever existent misery of the step-parent.

worst job in the world step parent

Is parenting a job?  I know that probably most second and third marriages have a strong financial component.  Once you’ve gone through a divorce you will never enter another relationship without awareness of the financial gains of marriage.

The kids, though.  Do they think of “step-childing” as a job?  I know that the step-parents have chosen their job.  The step-children have had their “jobs” foisted upon them.  A relationship which the person has chosen to be in and which he/she calls the “worst” is a naturally stressful experience.  Of course, the shrinkeepoos would never relate this to PTSD? The words for the C of D’s is “Pity Party” and “Spoiled” and “Bitter” and, and, well, you get the point, don’t you?  (Well, actually from what I’m observing is that you don’t get the point, and that’s the point of this blog).

Perhaps then this isn’t really a job for the children.  The duty of a Child of Divorce is to duck and stay out of the way until age 18 or earlier when one escapes the Hell.  Funny.  “Duck” and “Stay Out of The Way” are actually the words that Californians use to prepare for earthquakes.  Perhaps Children of Divorce are natural Californians.  Either way, in Astrology Divorce and Earthquakes share the same rulership of Uranus.

As long as those stupid comments keep coming in I’ll keep writing these stupid posts no matter how much of a downer they are.

Book About Spoiled Children
September 7, 2010, 9:51 pm
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Books

Have been mindlessly perusing a book I found in the library called Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child:  How Parents Can be Both Firm and Loving and Help Their Baby Develop Into a Secure and Well-Adjusted Child by Burton L. White.  Kind of strange that the author who specializes in child development of up to 3 years old doesn’t seem to discuss divorce, meaning that he doesn’t seem to be aware of ALL THE SPOILED CHILDREN OF DIVORCE WHO ARE PLAGUING THE WORLD THIS VERY MINUTE!!!

Okay, Okay, calming down, inhale, exhale.

At any rate, babies begin to start crying With INTENTION at age 5 1/2 months.  And so, if Mom and Dad fall for that the kid will be a totally demanding mess for the rest of his/her life.

Hmmm, 5 1/2 months by Astrological Cycle standards.  Is there any way to associate these with why a baby would suddenly understand that he can intentionally make demands?  That would be around the time of the first Mercury and Venus oppositions (oppositions, relationships, balance) and the first Mars square (challenges).  Venus is probably the planet associated most with being spoiled through rulership of money and possessions, anything sugar coated.  Venus through Libra rulership can feel incomplete as a person, and, in an undeveloped state, will always be looking outside him or herself for Happiness.  (Venus rules the Feminine principle).  Mars is the planet associated with going ahead and doing what one wants regardless of what others think (the Masculine principle).  Mercury is the Trickster.  I wonder if it’s Mercury’s cleverness that is associated most with “Intention.”

At any rate, the writer tells parents how to decipher a real cry from an intentional one.  I have noticed that as someone who doesn’t have children I tend to assume that all children are crying intentionally just to be a pain in the ass.  I think this is probably true of how most step-mothers approach step-parenting.

The really interesting thing about Burton L. White’s work is that he separates the phases of development by the Jupiter Cycle.  He says that if you handle the first two years correctly your kid will be happy and easy going (Jupiterian words) by the Age of 3.  Then he says that Age 6, around time of first Jupiter Opposition, there’s another phase of development in which “Spoiled” will come up.  Basically, Jupiter’s negative side is that he overdoes everything.  Jupiter doesn’t handle restraints and barriers very well.  Often it’s really fun when Jupiter is overdoing things because generally he does it with fun and flair.  When you say that a person is acting “Full of Himself” often you are sort of describing his Jupiter side.  Jupiterians tend to be Charmers.  In adulthood I suspect that it’s more the Saturnians who are spoiled as adults.  Saturn will demand things left and right and it’s much more complicated a situation to deal with on an emotional level because Saturn tends to rule depression and feelings of failure and compensation.  I’m dragging my feet writing about the Saturn cycle at this point.

As I’ve said before, Childhood as described by the Astrological Cycles is described by the Inner Planets.  It seems to end at around the time of the first Jupiter Return which occurs around Age 11.

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Rick Moody

Interesting NPR radio show (http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201009021000)  that I again heard only a portion of while driving in the car.  Writer Rick Moody is promoting his new book and discusses his other books.  The Ice Storm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ice_Storm_%28film%29) was made into a movie so there was a humorous chat about that.  He says that he wrote the book in response to the “Rabbit” series of books written by John Cheever.  I haven’t read the books myself because I read a couple of short stories by Cheever and I didn’t like his tone.  He comes across as the over-privileged, superiority-complex-ed White Guy standing in the room at parties very smug in his attitudes about everyone else, and especially the daughters.

And it’s interesting that Moody says that The Ice Storm is written as a sort of kids’ revenge story on the parents because they reflect that awful 1960s and 70s disregard that parents had for their children.  That’s exactly what I remembered from the stories.  Growing up,  I know that most kids were afraid of their parents.  Certainly these are the parents who created the Divorce Boom.  This was the beginning of the great experiments in relationships.  Families got thrown in as an afterthought and I think that new families moving into the divorce and step-family thing sort of think these were happy times.

So, I had to look up The Ice Storm.  As usual, haven’t read it.  I saw the movie and I do remember being stressed out by it, but all I can really remember is the theater I saw it in.  No offense to Rick Moody.  I sort of stop reading novels after my Father died for some reason.  I really enjoyed listening to the NPR show today and highly recommend it.

So, of course, I was curious to see if Rick Moody is a Child of Divorce.  Found this in an interview on a blog about him (The Black Veil which is referred to is a memoir that Moody wrote – a reviewer called him something like the worst writer alive, probably just got offended because he said that the divorce hurt him):

Moody’s biography can seem a little conventional. Born in 1961, he lived in a scatter plot of Connecticut towns until, at 15, he headed off to boarding school. Amid this, Moody’s parents divorced — ”We were the first in the neighborhood to achieve that milestone,” he would write in The Black Veil — and his problems began in earnest.

Those problems included marijuana, hash, quaaludes, PCP, LSD, cocaine, speed and heroin, in addition to copious amounts of alcohol and “bad jags of promiscuity” (The Black Veil, again). Moody still managed to get into Brown University (he studied with John Hawkes and Angela Carter) and to get closer to his dream of becoming a writer (he attempted his first novel at 11). He earned an M.F.A. from Columbia University and got a job at a prestigious New York publisher, but his life, physically and emotionally, was no longer on a sustainable track.