Spoiled Children of Divorce


Your Parents’ Job Predicts His/Her Potential To Divorce?

Article at jezebel.com discusses a study published in Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology which has tracked which jobs carry the highest divorce rate.  If your Mommy and/or Daddy is a Dancer/Choreographer then they are most likely to run you through a divorce.  I suspect that they would also be much less likely to have children, though, because they are either Anorexic, Can’t give up use of their bodies for an entire season, or are Gay.  The next highest rates of divorce belong to bartenders, massage therapists, gaming cage workers, extruding machine operators (explanation of what that is is in the article), and people who work in food and tobacco factories.

Possible explanations given for this high divorce rate are low income and extroverted personalities.  Although there is discussion about whether or not an  extruding machine operators is a people person.

There is a link to another article which discusses professions with the lowest divorce rates.  Media and Communication Equipment workers have a 0 percent Divorce rate.  Maybe they never get married in the first place?  Also very low are Agricultural Engineers, Sales Engineers, Optomotrists, Podiatrists, Transit and Rail Police, The Clergy and Religious advisors, and Nuclear Engineers.  I’m surprised that psychologists aren’t included in this study (A little self-censorship in order to avoid embarrassment?).  Every psychologist I’ve been too has been divorced at least once and refuses to discuss that subject.

These professions are thought to bring in more cash, of course.  They also attract personality types who are stable, sober, and methodical.

So, I suppose this provides solace for the Children of Divorce who get to have Fun and Pretty Mommies and Daddies.  They are Fun, that is, until the divorce.  And then they are really not fun at all.  And it is also useful for Children of D to understand their psychological inheritance, hopefully in order to be able to mentally distance one’s self from it.

At any rate, my advice for the average Child of Divorce who is looking for some help from the Shrinkee professions is to seek out a criminal psychologist for the therapeutics.  They seem to have more realistic attitudes towards what’s going on in the family.

 

http://jezebel.com/5655036/dancers-bartenders-most-likely-to-divorce



Bartering Tools
November 30, 2010, 8:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

websearch of the day:

“in a divorce if the wife gets full custody does she get more money than shwe would with joint custody”

The kids have to hear themselves being talked about in this way.

How much were you worth to your parents?



“Fragile Family” Study
November 23, 2010, 7:54 am
Filed under: links to articles, Uncategorized

Link to Princeton and Columbia’s study on unmarried mothers called “The Fragile Families and Child Well Being Study.”  Not about divorce.  t’s never about Divorce because Divorce is about the parents.  These are the kids whose parents never married so they don’t experience a Divorce, of their bio parents at least.  I sure am glad to know that so much attention is being paid to these kids but the actual studies sort of give me the creeps.  The researchers have a way of judging the “warmth” levels of the parent.  If you are the type of person who would readily judge that kind of thing in a clinical study are you actually the type of person who would know what warmth is?  Is it warmth of character, or warmth of personality?  Or warm clothes?  Good food?  Oh, it’s hugs.  Ick.  Shrinks need lots of hugs, that’s why I had to quit going to 12 step programs.  I hate hugging strangers in California who don’t use deodorant.  As usual I struggle  with the mentality of the Psych professions.

There are 5,000 kids in the study born in big U.S. cities between 1998 and 2000.  They were followed by the researchers up to the age of 9.  Why did they stop at 9?  The Recession must have hit.



TIME Magazine Article on Changing Attitudes Towards Marriage
November 23, 2010, 7:29 am
Filed under: links to articles, Uncategorized, Websites

TIME Magazine published an interesting article about how attitudes towards marriage have changed in the United States since the 1960s called “Who Needs Marriage?  A Changing Institution” written by Belinda Luscombe (Nov. 18, 2010).  The article is based on some polls which were taken with the Pew Research Center.  I think I may have messed up the linkee thing so it will be down at the bottom of post as well.

Divorce boom peaked in 1978.  Lots more unmarried mothers now who are not necessarily single.  Couples who stayed married tend to be better educated and wealthier.  Most couples agree that marriage is the best situation for the kids, something like 70 to 80 percent.  That surprised me because it seems that everyone I’ve talked to about the research I was working has on attacked me.  I think someone even hacked into the articles cause they’re looking mighty cut and pasted in orders I don’t recollect doing on my own.  The 20-30 percent who think that marriage is best for the children must be the psychologists who are bottom feeding off the misery and the various child molesters who know that kids from single parent homes are easier prey.

Interesting differences in actual attitudes and beliefs as compared with reality and, uh, er, the statistics.  In Sweden, couples with children who cohabitate but don’t marry tend to stay together for longer than married couples with kids in the United States.  One must realize that Sweden is a much smaller country and doesn’t have a varied and transient population same as the United States so there is a much more stable society and culture which can provide stability in the background for a child in an unstable household.  So we can’t just compare ourselves with these other countries.

I don’t know really where the article gets its statistics from.  It was probably written there right in front of me and I didn’t notice.  As I’ve said before, Divorce Statistics for California aren’t tabulated at all (since 1984 I believe) and aren’t included in the national averages with the CDC, etc. Nobody knows what the Divorce rate in California is except for a couple of ambulance chasers in Southern California who estimate 65-70 percent. That throws the national average way off since California is the most populated state and has a very high rate of divorce.  And since so many of the shrinks intentionally do their research on 100 normal families who live out in the boonies of Ohio or wherever the hell these normal people live that research is silly.

From the article:

The Kids May Not Be All Right
Rarely is there a bigger chasm between what Americans believe to be the best thing for society and what actually happens than in the bearing and raising of children. Half or more of the respondents in the Pew poll say that marital status is irrelevant to achieving respect, happiness, career goals, financial security or a fulfilling sex life. When it comes to raising kids, though, it’s a landslide, with more than three-quarters saying it’s best done married.

Yet very few people say children are the most important reason to get hitched. Indeed, 41% of babies were born to unmarried moms in 2008, an eightfold increase from 50 years ago, and 25% of kids lived in a single-parent home, almost triple the number from 1960. Contrary to the stereotype, it turns out that most of the infants born to unmarried mothers are not the product of casual sexual encounters. One of the most extensive databases on such kids, the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study, a joint project of Princeton and Columbia universities, which has been following 5,000 children from birth to age 9, found that more than half of the unmarried parents were living together at the time their child was born and 30% of them were romantically involved (but living apart).

Most of those unwed mothers said their chances of marrying the baby’s father were 50% or greater, but after five years, only 16% of them had done so and only about 20% of the couples were still cohabiting. This didn’t mean that the children didn’t live with a man, however, since about a quarter of their moms were now living with or married to a new partner. That doesn’t always work out as well as it seems to in Modern Family or Phineas & Ferb. Offspring from earlier relationships put pressure on new ones. For the least wealthy children, Mom’s new boyfriend often means their biological father is less likely to visit and less likely to support their mother. Many stepparents are wonderful and committed, but a series of live-in lovers is not at all the same thing. “About 21% of American children will see at least two live-in partners of their mothers by the time they’re 15,” says Cherlin. “And an additional 8% will see three or more.” 

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962-4,00.html#ixzz165Wghh49

Thanks for the great article, Ms. Bascombe and TIME Magazine.  Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962-4,00.html#ixzz165SjbtMZ

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962,00.html



California Divorce Records
November 18, 2010, 12:49 am
Filed under: Denial

After 1984 the Office of Vital Records in California continued to record Birth, Death, and Marriage Records but gave up on recording Divorce.  I thought I might be able to try to find some way of figuring out exactly what the percentage is.  It seems like somebody somewhere would want to put together a couple of lists of statistics.  We know, for example, how many children of illegal immigrants are struggling to make it in the State but we don’t know a damn thing about what’s happening to the citizens, aside from the fact that the psychologists tell us that they feel bad, but not too bad (Heatherington’s amazing book, sorry if I misspelled the name).

There are a number of websites which offer to sell this information.  But they are offering my name for sale and I’ve never been married.  I don’t want names, I want numbers.  The CDC doesn’t offer numbers so I’m assuming that California doesn’t either.  The website state-divorce-records.com/california_divorce-records gives the following information:

California is the biggest state by population (36 million) but does it also have the most divorces? That cannot be officially verified one way or the other because the State of California does not keep track of the number of divorces, reason unknown! But to be sure, it does maintain public records of which California Divorce Records are a category per the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA).

California Divorce Records are one of the principal records maintained by the  California Department of Public Health, Office of Vital Records along with Birth, Death and Marriage. It runs the central registry of California Marriages and Divorces.

The office can only issue Certificates of Record of Divorce – and only for divorces that occurred between 1962 and June 1984, again reason for this lameness unknown, and the waiting time could exceed the quoted average processing time of 6 months! A Certificate of Divorce does not indicate a divorce was ever finalized in court or not either.

For divorce record documents which are more substantial than Certificates of Record, certified copies of original California Divorce Records such as decrees, certificates and so forth have to be obtained from the Superior Court in the county where the divorce was filed or that particular County Recorder’s office.

With 58 counties in California, conducting divorce record search at district level can be quite a challenge, the state being one of the more liberal ones in regard to public records notwithstanding. The smart way out is to engage professional record providers. The service from the leading ones are instant, 24/7 and affordable. Unlike government agencies, their databases are linked through all states.



In Memorium – Zahra Baker
November 16, 2010, 10:50 pm
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Living with Grandparents, Murder, Uncategorized, Violence

Zahra Baker would be celebrating her 11th Birthday today — if she were alive.  But she’s not alive.  Her remains have been found scattered around the North Carolina area where she had lived for about the last 2 years with her Father and Step-Mother.  Her Step-Mother is in jail and her Father is out on bail.  No one has been accused of the murders yet.  I don’t know how to read this strange part of the Judicial System, that’s for sure.

Zahra was a truly sweet little girl who led a really difficult life.  Her bio Mother is said to have had post-partum depression after Zahra was born Nov. 16, 1999 Giru, Australia (hope that info’s correct).  From what I can gather, the Mom left her family when Zahra was about 8 months’ old.  She perhaps also had a drug addiction.  Zahra lived with her Grandparents and her Father in Australia.  She was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2005 and with lung cancer two years later.  She had lost part of her leg to the cancer and most of her hearing from the cancer treatments.  Venus has been Retrograde in the signs of Scorpio and Libra since the time that Zahra was reported missing.  It was also in conjunction with Mars probably when she died.  This is an aspect often related to great intensity in relationships.  Scorpio is related to jealousy and revenge and murder and Venus is related to envy and marriage.

And then Zahra’s Father met her step-mother on-line and moved his daughter to the United States to be with this woman 2 years ago. I’ve read some accounts that the couple had drug addictions as well as the bio mom.  The step-mother, is no doubt, one of those lovelies that I saw on the internet forums when I first started writing this blog.

I don’t want this post to be about how terrible Zahra’s life was or what idiots her parents are.  I want it to be a celebration of her life.  She had a beautiful beautiful smile and her spirit positively glows from the photos which are posted of her. I read a story about how she and a friend had walked around picking up trash and had discussed wanting to be environmentalists.

But her life was tragic.  And she was only 10 years old.  I suppose it might be thought that it is rare for a child who is growing up in the type of hell that Zahra was living in to still manage to have such a lovely personality.  But, we really don’t know.  Kids hide these things well.

The media is all over this story, but still manages to avoid discussing the issue of what Children of Divorce suffer.  There is no discussion of how single parents become much more abusive if they fall off the beam through addiction and bad love life choices.  There are no warnings about how a parent must protect his/her child from abuse from the stranger who they force their child to live in the same home with.

I’m going to add this link to an article about Zahra.  There is some good discussion from people who grew up in divorce and had to deal with parents and step-parents who were less than ideal.  One person warns that an official never talks to the child in front of the torturer because the child can’t open up.  Another person adds her story about how her step-mother continues to bad mouth her over the internet.

I haven’t been watching shows like Nancy Grace which follow every inch of the legal proceedings.  Usually they bring in psychology experts to discuss a case.  So I don’t know if anyone has been discussing the situation or which topics they chose to discuss.  I’m pretty sure that they avoid discussing issues related to Children of Divorce and would concentrate on finances, mental illness, and addiction.  The step-mother can be accepted as evil.  The Father can be accepted as irresponsible.  But what is the child’s situation?  The Australian newspapers have discussed the actual relationships of the parents. But there will never be a  presentation of studies or statistics of what children go through.  If they can’t find mental health problems in the child then, well, this is just one of those big tragedies that we like to dote on.

One commenter mentioned how the media will be all over the judicial proceedings unless the court blocks access.  The commenter thought that this would be another disaster like the Caylee Anthony case.  I’ve been noticing how often the children of these big profile childrens’ cases tend to be from divorced homes.  Perhaps the parents, being on their own and also so full of guilt, that they can’t control this environment.  Or the parents seem to enjoy the extra attention.  Sometimes they become incredible activists like Polly Klaas’ father.  If the media can’t discuss the underlying issues which went on in the child’s life, then I certainly think they should ban the crappy reporting from the courthouse.  I know that the police are extremely aware of what actually goes on. Why doesn’t anyone mention all the low profile cases like this?  I’ve mentioned before that I had read a book written by a Detective who said that he will tend to assume immediately that when a child dies who lived in a step-family situation that almost always the step-father will be guilty of the murder.  This is of course a drag for the step-father’s who are innocent.  We generally hear about those cases immediately.  But we never hear about all the cases where the step-father really did commit the murder.  Where are the statistics for that one, Nancy?

It’s also important to remember how much more stressful it is for divorced parents to raise a child who becomes seriously ill.  Single parents usually are very self involved rying to keep their own heads above water.  How can they manage to take care of a child who gets Cancer?  Zahra had a solid family with her Grandparents, it sounds like, back home in Australia.  But she was thrown into a nut house with her Father’s internet marriage.

I’ve said here before that I don’t think that Divorce is necessarily bad.  I just think that the institution of marriage should be taken very seriously when kids are involved.  It was created in order to make the best possible situation for people to raise their kids to be as strong as possible. People need to take a serious look at what actually goes on behind all those closed doors.

Astrology wise, I’ll note that today is Zahra’s 11th Birthday.  That’s her Solar Return.  She has a natal Scorpio Sun in a one degree conjunction with Mercury Rx.  I once had a teacher who said that the thing about Scorpios is that they never have boring lives.  This sign is symbolized by a phoenix who flares up into flames in a ritual cleansing and purification process and then rebuilds himself out of the ashes.  This is a very determined sign because of that. Scorpio is often joked about as ruling Sex, Death and Taxes.

Because Zahra’s natal Sun at 24 Scorpio was widely conjunct natal Pluto and Chiron at 6 and 10 Sagittarius, her early Birthdays would always connected with the energies of these two planets (Chiron’s not a planet, asteroid).  Pluto rules Scorpio so this brings out the nature of that sign.  One can assume often that a child with this set up will suffer a lot of crises early in life.  Pluto is connected with health issues that run very deep within the body, like Cancer.  Chiron rules issues with Health which involve difficult healing.  Chiron was a Healer/Teacher who could heal everyone but himself.

Zahra’s natal Sun was squared by the long standing conjunction of Chiron-Neptune in Aquarius this year.  That’s very stressful   It also lines up with her step-mother’s chart.

The step-mother is going through a Neptune square transit this year.  This is a mid-life crisis aspect and is also often involved with out of control drug and alcohol use and getting stuck in situations of self undoing through unrealistic, rosy thinking.

At age 11 Zahra was past her Nodal Return at 8 Leo.  And she would have had a Jupiter Return at 27 Aries next year.

Her first Mercury Return would have been around November 29, 2000 and would have been opposing Saturn 27 Taurus Rx.

First Venus Return would have been around Sept. 6, 2000 and would have been involved in a Grand Trine with Saturn 1 Gemini trine Neptune 5 Aquarius Rx.  Venus stands out in her chart as this planet was Lead planet of a Locomotive chart pattern.  Venus is also in her own sign of Libra.  Of her early Returns, her Venus Return came first before Mercury and Sun.  And Venus was passing over Zahra’s North Node when she was 8 months old when her Mother left.  If the information I’ve got is correct that would have been when Zahra’s mother left.  I can see how women would play a big part in her life but doubt I would have suspected that it would turn out quite like this.

First Mars Return would have been around Oct. 18, 2001 at 23 Capricorn.



Pigs Got Caught Up in the Divorce Proceedings
November 16, 2010, 8:03 pm
Filed under: Abandonment

More than 900 pigs were found dead and in varying states of decay on a farm in Pennsylvania.  They had been herded into a barn and left to die.  The farm had been abandonned in August when it was put up for sale for $1.2 million during Divorce proceedings.  Veternarians and Animal Rights activists say there is no reason why the animals, which were to be put up for sale, would not have just been sold.  They also say they’ve never seen anything like this.

People just do the darndest things during a divorce…

If this couple has children are the children going to be allowed to still live with them?

We had 3 pets when my Father left.  In the 6 months after that date all 3 had been killed.  Our family dog which I had grown up with was very old and had to be put down.  But, my Mother decided that because she was going through the Divorce she couldn’t handle the trip to the Veternarian’s office so she made my Brother and I do it.  My Brother had just gotten his license.  About 5 months later I came home from school and after a couple of hours I asked if anyone had seen my cat.  My Mother said she had taken both of the cats to the humane society.  My cat was pretty wild and there’s no way that he would have survived even an hour in a cage and I have no doubt that he would have been put down.