Spoiled Children of Divorce

Miley Cyrus’ 18th Birthday Party Ushers in the Holidays
November 13, 2010, 9:28 pm
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce | Tags: , ,

Article discussing how Miley Cyrus’ birthday wishes to celebrate her birthday with her family are probably not the “healthiest” thing for the family because they don’t honor her parents’ divorce and inability to sit in the same room together.   Psychologists give advice.  I sure wish that Psychologists giving advice on how to raise Children of Divorce would identify themselves as having either come from divorce or not so we know what their own motivations.  I will give my own opinions about what ought to happen here.  Why not?  Opinions and belief systems, not science, are what seems to run the great Church of the Holy Roman Psychology Profession.  The writer of the article seems a bit stupid as well.  I’ll leave the name out.  I guess I’ve managed to add the poll so go ahead and give your opinion.  Only people who read this damn blog are evil stepmothers and East Indians looking to get out of their arranged marriages anyway.  They seem to always want to give their two cents.  Why don’t these idiots just shut up and realize that they can’t cope with the situation?

Miley Cyrus’ dilemma: Divorcing parents (Poll)

The Kansas City Star

Miley Cyrus, with dad Billy Ray Cyrus, is facing the same problems as other children of divorce this holiday season.
Evan Agostini
Miley Cyrus, with dad Billy Ray Cyrus, is facing the same problems as other children of divorce this holiday season.
Divorcing parents’ dilemma
Your vote has been counted, thank you for voting.

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Miley Cyrus turns a milestone 18 years old Nov. 23, and this is what she wants for her birthday.

“I’m not going to go crazy, just have a fun party and then maybe take a vacation with my family,” the pop star told MTV over the weekend. “That would be really cool. I think we need time to all be together.”

That would be really cool, considering that her parents, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, are getting a divorce after 17 years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences.

Ah, adding up the math we see that Miley was perhaps born of a shot-gun marriage.  If that’s true then there was a big pink elephant in the room growing up over that one.

Miley’s birthday wish poses a tricky situation for divorcing parents, whether it be coming together for the birthdays or the upcoming holidays.

“It’s completely understandable for her to want that, but is it the best thing for the family?” says Jesse Sieve, a marriage and family therapist for Looking Glass Therapy Center in Fairway.

“You can’t look at divorced families and children and say, ‘This is the one thing that is correct.’ All families are different.”

Yeah, how did they make it through those 18 years together in the first place, that’s what I want to know.  Friggin tolerance test. And if the kid spends only one holiday with both parents then the other kids from intact families won’t taunt about being spoiled at having received twice as many presents.

Miley wants her family together for her birthday “because what’s happening between her parents is also happening with her,” says Barbara Lucas, a marriage and family therapist in Overland Park. “This is something new for all of them, and it makes sense that the stronger pull is that we want to be together like it’s been all these years.

Yeah, it’s her entrance into adulthood.  They’re so rich they can stay in separate hotels after all.

“Nobody knows what this divorce is going to mean yet, what this divorce is going to look like yet.

Well, divorces are pretty unhappy.  If these guys couldn’t wait for another year before Miley moved out then they were really needing to exit the marriage, if you know what I mean.

Whether or not it can happen is a different story because now the parents are going to have to decide, ‘What do we need? Not what (Miley) wants, because we know what she wants. But what do we need?’ ”

This is their daughter’s 18th Birthday party for Christ’s sake.  They need to celebrate their daughter’s birthday.   Hope the trip isn’t too many days because that’s a bit overboard on the tolerance thing but how do I know what’s going on with these people?  And as I said they are rich and can stay in separate hotels.

For one thing, especially when the divorce is not yet finalized, as is the case with Miley’s parents, divorcing parents can unintentionally create unrealistic expectations in their children.

Like what?  Usually parents are so busy fighting over possessions and money and getting decent sex for the first time in so many years that they don’t even know the kids are around.  The kids learn how to duck when the clothes are being tossed out on to the front door steps.  They also learn how to pick locks so they can get into both parents’ houses if they can’t stand carrying around all those keys.

“You can instill hope in the child and give a false sense of perception that, ‘We might be getting back together because we’re doing typical family things together again,’ ” Sieve says.

Hope?  Miley was Disney’s Golden Girl.  She raised a whole generation on hope.

For another, it’s not helpful for families to reunite when both parents are acting bitter and resentful toward each other. Mom and Dad berating and belittling each other? That’s not healthy for anyone, let alone the kids, to be around, counselors say.

“If you’re going to come to the party and be hell on wheels, you are going to make that child’s party regrettable,” Sieve says.

I doubt that counselor Sieve grew up in divorce.  He doesn’t know what divorcing parents act like.  Actually it’s great to see the parents taking out their crap on each other rather than ranting in separate sessions to the kid about each other.  I remember grabbing the handle on the door to the car and constantly reminding myself that I could end it right there if my Mother’s ranting was just too much to listen to.  “Regrets” is what divorce is about.  That’s reality, baby.  It doesn’t matter if they are in the same room together or not.  The kid is still going to have to hear the you got two presents for Christmas you spoiled Child of D, you” comments from the other kids.

Although Miley might want her parents together on her birthday — rumors suggest she blames herself for her parents’ marriage failure — that might not be the best thing for them right now, says Gwynne McGraw, a counselor in Kansas City, North.

Rumors?  Is this counselor in the know in some way?  Did Miley screw her Dad and her Mom is jealous?  Isn’t psychology supposed to be based on Scientific inquiry and not on what some counselor  watched on Entertainment Tonight while applying her fake fingernails? As I said, Miley’s parents probably had to get married because they got pregnant with her.  I mean, I don’t know if that’s true, but it sure looks that way.  If it’s true I sure hope she can start singing about that.

“The parents have their stuff they have to work through, and yes, in the ideal world, everyone could get along and be together,” McGraw says. “But we live in the real world.”

Actually, Miley Cyrus has led a pretty incredible life that almost nobody can relate to.  “Real World” doesn’t apply to her.  And half of the kids in the U.S. live in houses where parents try to deal with each other.  I guess one kid’s reality is just another kids’ fantasy.

McGraw says she is no fan of letting kids call the shots in a marriage.If what Miley is saying is that “ ‘It’s my birthday and you’re going to be there, and you’re going to put on your happy face because that’s what I want,’ that’s not reality. I think it creates a lot of extra tension in an already-tension filled situation.”

It’s her fucking Birthday for Christ’s sakes.  Get over yourselves.  I agree that it’s going to be tense.  But, it will be tense either way.  If Miley has siblings she also wants to see the siblings together as well.  Put on a Happy Face?  Have you ever seen a picture of Miley Cyrus?  Her face is stuck that way.  And so is the rest of her family’s.

Sometimes it’s easy for divorcing parents to come together and play nice for a couple of hours, McGraw says. But if not, there’s nothing wrong with Mom and Dad having separate, special celebrations with the kids, counselors say, as long as they understand what’s going on.


Says Sieve: “You say, ‘This is what’s going to be different now. … My love for you will not change. We will always be on the same team. As we go through this change I’m probably going to make mistakes, and you’re probably going to make mistakes, and that’s OK.’ ”

IT’S HER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!  THAT’S NOT THE KIND OF DOWNER SHIT YOU SAY TO YOUR KID ON HER BIRTHDAY!!!!   TEAMWORK?  DURING A DIVORCE?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  (and, p.s., don’t ever tell your almost adult kid that bull shit about your constant love for them.  You’re fighting over assets right now and the almost adult kid is getting a real eye opener on what love is really about.  Do something to prove your love and your loyalty, admit you suck as a parent right now, and keep your stupid mouth shut on that gushy psycho babble.).

Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2010/11/12/2426788/children-of-divorce-face-a-holiday.html#ixzz15CFORHOD

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