Spoiled Children of Divorce

Do U.S. Governors Come From Broken Homes?
February 24, 2011, 1:57 am
Filed under: Exemplary Children of Divorce

Heard an interview on the radio this morning in which an expert on Osama bin Laden, Michael Scheuer, discusses the fact that Osama bin Laden is not mentally ill.  He says that, as a matter of fact, none of Al Qaida fits the description for mentally ill adults.  For example, they don’t come from broken homes, among other qualities which create mental illness.  Well, for one, Osama bin Laden does come from a broken home.  I don’t understand the term “expert” here.  And, for two, people who act like cretons sometimes come from broken homes, but more often they come from intact families.  And I don’t have any statistics on that.  But, Children of Divorce are generally not like the guy who just shot the Congresswoman in Arizona, for example.  For one, they usually have to get out of the house the day they turn 18 because the child support ends.

I know, I know, the blog is going to receive more malware messages which I may or may not download for saying this.  And Michael Scheuer is an expert only on what he reads and he has never read anything to the contrary about Children of Divorce.

Don’t get me wrong, coming from a Broken Home does mean that you’re from a Broken Home.  And that’s stressful.

But, anyway, this kind of little information malfunction about growing up in divorce that passes by in the news is never corrected so I’m getting my little jab in here.

So I thought about the teeny tiny information malfunction about Osama bin Laden for a little too long until I blew it way out of proportion with my usual catty curiosity.   I pulled up the Wiki listing of Current Governors in the United States to see if I could figure out how many of them are from Broken Homes.  This was inspired by yesterday’s post about the Minutemen.  I wanted to observe how Divorce is working out in politics.  I’ve looked at Bad Leaders on a Global Level.  Got frustrated by the lack of Intellectual Leaders.  Was annoyed by how many actors and actresses come from broken homes.  Now, I figure, who are the folks who aren’t securing the borders?  Not that they need to be secured, maybe it’s best just to completely erase the borders, what do I know on the subject?  Anyway, I’m mostly only going by the Wikipedia articles for my totally hasty and inept analysis here.  Children of Divorce are cagey.  We know when to keep our mouths shut.  Apparently like bin Laden, we are good at hiding under rocks no matter how many drones you send after us.

Out of the 50 Governors of the United States I could only affirm that 5 come from a single parent home.  The word “Divorce” is used I believe only once in a Biography.  We would rather hear about 30 years of somebody’s Mom battling the Big C before we would want to hear an adult confess that his parents went through  the Big D.  You lose your Divorced votes.  You lose your Catholics.  The Jews don’t care probably.  That’s nice.

In all Wiki bios it was better to say that the person was ” raised by a single Mother” than to say that the Governor “went through his/her parents’ divorce in such and such a year.”  As a matter of fact, 3 of the five had never met their Fathers.  One had been adopted by a Stepfather.  If a parent died you hear about what age the person was and how he overcame this horrible loss.  And, although, researchers have sort of admitted that coming from Divorce is harder on a kid than coming from a Parental Death, no one wants to hear about it while they are trying to decide how to vote for their leader.

So most of the Governors from splitsville never actually experienced their Fathers as parents at all.  There are some choice sarcastic comments I can say hear which I won’t.

These Governors have no recollection of  “Before the Divorce” and “After the Divorce.”  They know that people can like them if they play the poor single Mom card.  No one would vote for a Governor I suspect who admitted that he had a poor, single Father.  That’s not good genes for Governance.  (Or is it?)

Many of the Governors don’t discuss family of origin at all in their biographies.  That’s sometimes a sign that they went through the proverbial nasty divorce and know to keep their mouths shut about it.  If the Wikipedia post didn’t give any information I tried to google around a little to see if there was anymore mention of their upbringings. Some I just couldn’t affirm either way; it’s generally just assumed that a person will be from an Intact Family.

I do find it interesting to realize what a political hand grenade saying that one bounced from one home to another is.  President Obama did it.  I remember hearing all my P.C. friends say that his Mother was obviously an amazing woman.  They didn’t seem to be curious why Obama moved in with his Grandparents.  I don’t know about Senators and Congresspeople.  Maybe someday I’ll check some of them out.  I suspect that the numbers might open up a bit more.  Easier to discuss legislation and right and wrong on a broad scale in those jobs.   If you’ve never been Governed yourself on a personal level, how will you ever know how to Govern others on a massive level?  Actually, President Obama’s doing a pretty good job. And so are the 5 or so children of single Mothers who are currently governing.

(Mike Beebe, Democrat from Arkansas.  Deval Patrick, Democrat from Massachusetts.  Brian Sandoval, Republican from Nevada.  Gary Herbert, Republican from Utah.  Christine Gregoire, Democrat from Washington. That’s my list.  Can’t vouch for accuracy).

I do suspect, with the Divorce rate assumed to be around 50 percent that one can not really say “I went through my parents’ divorce.”  That’s an auto-delete on the voting ballot for all the people who don’t want to be reminded of themselves.  In California, where we haven’t kept track of the Divorce rate since I believe 1984, (but which is probably well above the “National Average”) all of the Governors who have been elected since the 70s have come from Intact homes.  Probably not Happy Intact Homes, but at least Homes that instilled the amount of confidence that it takes to govern a State with a sense of honor (as compared with the scrappy Minutemen who are running around shooting each other’s heads off down by the Border).

Whose Borders Are the Minutemen Defending?

Ew, this is looking bad.  This is a difficult little post to write up. It looks like the Minutemen community has been assembled by Children of Divorce.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Because, of course, we don’t have statistics.  Makes sense.  As adults we try to fix what we didn’t have as a child.  And Children of Divorce don’t have borders.

Shawna Ford is a former Minuteman member who has just been sentenced to Death Row in Arizona for the murders of a Father and his Daughter in their home in Texas.  Forde’s bio states that she was booted from the original Minutemen group for being mentally unstable and formed her own group.

Is Shawna Ford from Divorce?  Well, yeah, hate to say it.  Ford had one bad childhood.  It’s described in the Daily Beast.

Ford was the 7th of 9 children who were from 5 different Fathers.  I guess that it’s sort of difficult to know whether you are officially from Divorce, in that case.  The school shrink would have tested Ford for ADHD before he/she would have counseled her on how to cope with that type of background.  Ford’s Mother abandonned her to a relative when Ford was 10 months old.  (Astro stuff:  natal Venus 30 Libra, she would have already have had her first Venus Return, n.Venus c. South Node in Libra, that explains the loveability issues along with narcissistic personality disorder, Mother gave her away because M’s b-f- didn’t like her).  (The newspapers are announcing that she is officially a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you have to read on to find out why).

There were Foster Homes and then at Age 5 Ford was placed in a permanent home.  Or, at least, I think that’s what happened.  Ford has been in trouble in pretty much all places where trouble can exist.  Guess it’s a bit difficult to see the illegal aliens hogging up all the social services when you yourself could use some help.

So I looked up the original founders of the Minutemen.  The media writes them up as being completely insane.  http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-05-24-minuteman-goals_x.htm?csp=34.

Chris Simcox, a former kindergarten school teacher is a Child of Divorce.  It’s always amazing how the media never discusses divorce from a children’s point of view except when wanting to turn the public against the person who is being written about.  Like this article from USAToday. If the media were to persecute every immigrant who leads the exact same life that Simcox has led, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But, they don’t.  Anyway, Simcox is from Divorce.  He has been married 3 times himself and apparently is going through a journalism followed 3d divorce in which he threatens to kill everyone around him.  He has one child with his 2d wife, but has lost custody.  Guy has a bad dependency on guns, that’s for sure.  I wonder if his parents divorced when he was going through his Mars Return.

Simcox formed the Minutemen with James Gilchrist on Oct. 1, 2004.  They became a big hit really fast and it seems to have gone to their heads.  This is probably one statistical study that some Latina psych major will bite her teeth into:  What percentage of the Minutemen are Children of Divorce? Sorry, it just seems that Latinas do the Psych major thing a little too much, guess it reminds them of Lifetime TV.

If your parents didn’t make you feel secure, probably you will have complexes about how the Government doesn’t do anything about your security either.  Either way, Children of Divorce are probably more likely to act like vigilantes.  I mean, if you grow up in a blended home, you’re pretty much used to this type of tension already, aren’t you?  You are on your own.  You know you are replaceable.  You can’t complain the way the immigrants do.  You can’t even mention the big D in your Wikipedia entry, for Christ’s sake.

Other founder of the Minutemen, is James Gilchrist.  This guy is hopelessly conservative.  Wikipedia doesn’t mention what happened to Gilchrist’s Mother.  He’s still protecting her no doubt.  His greatest quote online, though, says it all.  “I have struck the mother lode of patriotism.”

Wikipedia says that Gilchrist lived in Kansas and Texas with his Father and older twin brothers.  And Gilchrist moved out at Age 17 to get away from his Father and Step-Mother.

Yo, doggy, it does look like the U.S. Borders are being protected by vigilante Children of Divorce.  Since I do agree with the basic idea that something needed to be done to control the huge influx of immigrants, I can’t say that the original intent was bad.  I’m very much against the guns.  So I’m adding to both Bad and Exemplary Children of Divorce categories.

Bad Children of Divorce – Mickey Rooney’s Stepson

Actor Mickey Rooney has filed a restraining order against his Stepson who has been abusing the 90-year old Actor.  Article reports that the Stepson, Chris Aber, has been verbally abusive, has meddled in Rooney’s finances, and has forced Rooney to work when he didn’t want to.  Without knowing anything about the relationship it’s difficult to understand what is happening.  I can see how an abusive stepchild would take advantage of a rich step-parent for financial gain.  I can also see how a elderly step-parent would accuse a child, step- or no, of taking advantage of him.   The lawyers may also be the culprits in this case.  Who can say?  I suspect that the step- relationships would be the first to suffer in elder abuse situations because blood is thicker than water. On the other hand, I know from personal experience that Step-Children really like to go after the step-parents’ money.  Since they don’t have strong familial connections, they sort of think they ought to be paid for the emotional anguish of not belonging (or something like that, ask my ex-step-sister and step-brother, if you want an answer to how they can live with themselves).

According to Wikipedia, Rooney has 9 children from 8 marriages.  He has been married to his current wife for 30 years.

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts

Today Yahoo carries an article about an upcoming 60 Minutes interview with Senator Scott Brown who talks about being sexually molested by a Camp Counselor.  The article barely touches on the fact that Brown was molested by a Step-Father as well because, of course, growing up in Divorce and in blended families is never, ever discussed from a Child’s point of view.  Anyway, the molestation was never consummated and the counselor threatened to kill Brown if he said anything.  So, this is how it goes.  Brown posed almost nude for Cosmopolitan Magazine while he was in law school.  Often children who are molested, and women who are raped, will become promiscuous, not that Brown is promiscuous.

Brown talks about how Camp Counselors will take advantage of children who are from disadvantaged homes.  Guess they know who to prey on.  I’ve already discussed in previous posts that I’ve noticed (just observational, no statistics so hopefully there’s nothing to this) that women from divorce seem to show up in the news as victims of husband/partner abuse & homicide.

Brown’s entry on Wikipedia is more enlightening.  And, wow, if you can grow up in the situation that Brown grew up in and still manage to become a Senator, I guess parents really do have the right to toss out all those parenting manuals.  The human spirit is resilient (some of the time).

Brown’s parents divorced when he was around one year old.  That’s the Solar Return, maybe Mercury and Venus.  Astro Notes:  N. Sun 20 Virgo; N. Moon Cap or Sag;  n.Mercury 15 Virgo; n. Venus 2 Virgo.  By 1st Birthday (Solar Return) had had both Mercury and Venus Returns already, (same as Marilyn Monroe).  Mercury 1 Libra;  Venus 13 Libra.

Brown’s parents have each remarried three times.  Great financial difficulties in families, working Mother on welfare for a time.  Brown bounced between different relatives’ households.  I don’t know if he has siblings.  Brown is married and has two children.

60 Minutes, this upcoming Sunday.  I’ll watch it.  Brown is promoting his memoir which has just been published.


After I watched the movie Biutiful last night, all 2.45 hours of it, I was not feeling very good.  It’s Spanish movie about a guy who is dying and, all I could really think was that I must have aged out of the European movie market.  I figured I just can’t handle the reality anymore.  Then, this morning I woke up thinking, “O my God, Uxbal is my Father!”

So, why I’m listing this movie on this blog is because Javier Bardem, as always, gives the most amazing performance of a Father who is divorced.  One realizes how much he loves his children and wants to provide for them.  He has custody because the children’s Mother is Bipolar and unreliable. There are two children in the story.  The oldest daughter has her 10th Birthday during the time that the movie takes place.  Her parents do everything they can to make it special for her, but their complicated lives and personal problems turn the celebrations in to one catastrophe after another.

I don’t know who the actress is who plays the wife/ex-wife, but she is brilliant.  Society really has come a long way when one sees that children are not expected to live with their Mother when she is that mentally ill.  My generation; usually the Father couldn’t handle it, and took off, the way mine did.  This character acknowledges that his children will turn out however they will turn out, whether he is around or not in the same way that he and his brother both turned otu, but he also acknowledges the importance of providing for them as a parent.  This centers around his obsession with leaving enough money to keep the rent for their apartment.

But, here, what is so incredible is to see the portrayal of this Father from so many different angles.  He sees his life through his spiritual side, which is strongly related to death and unresolved grief, as both his parents died when he was very young.  He makes a few extra bucks helping newly dead people to pass over.

One sees that he just keeps going, focusing on fixing other people’s problems but perpetually unable to break out of the slums that he is born into.  Finally his body just gives out.  Incredible scene where he goes to the toilet;  looks out the window to see a guy passed out in the street, you can see that he is feeling bad for the guy and meanwhile looks down to see that his urine is full of blood.  He himself has waited too long before going to the Doctor.

Better description than what I can provide here.


NPR Show on Step-Families

This wasn’t the best Talk of the Nation show that I’ve ever listened to on NPR radio, but, at least they’re trying.

Neal Conan interviews Brenda Ockun of Stepmom magazine and Andrew Cherlin, writer of The Marriage-Go-Round.  The point of the show is to market blended families to the public by saying that the word “Step” creates a negative stigma that needs to be dropped.  Both interviewees represent the Step-Parents’ points of view and were honestly trying to discuss how difficult the situation can be. Ockun seemed sort of nervous to be interviewed but speaks from a pretty honest point of view.  Cherlin said that it typically takes 7 years for a blended family to get used to each other.  If he had said, wow, that’s a huge chunk of your kids’ or your partners’ kids’ childhoods to screw up, isn’t it?  I would have felt that he was being fair.  As it is, I felt that this old school of narcissistic attitudes towards families is still as abusive (in a passive aggressive way, of course) as it always was.  Beating the square peg into the round hole kind of thing.

The callers who phoned in seemed to represent a wide variety of situations.  I don’t remember any bio Mothers calling in, which is telling.

Two phone calls came in from children who had grown up in blended families.  The first was a guy who said that as an adult he avoids his step-family (alcohol).  The second was a woman who tried to honestly describe her situation with her step- or half-siblings who came from an earlier marriage of one or more parents.  Interviewer Conan somehow twisted the situation around to get her to admit that she manipulated her parents into giving her stuff.  It was weird, actually seemed blatantly sexist because he waited to pick on the female, but typical of how NPR has aged out of progressive thinking.  That old Spoiled child thing.  Makes me feel grumpy.  Wish they had said that it’s important for the parents to have at least a year of counseling/education before committing their kids to the misery.

There were no distinctions made about the difference between blended families that come from death of a parent as opposed to blended families that come from divorce.  But, they really didn’t discuss Divorce at all.  Isn’t that weird?  As I said, it was a bad interview.  And I think that people are trying to heal people without trying to looking at what’s ailing them.  Do most parents really think of their children as household pets?

Rising Stroke Rates in Children
February 9, 2011, 10:16 pm
Filed under: Health

I blogged a few weeks ago about the current publishings from Researchers at the University of Toronto who found that Children of Divorce from my era are twice as likely to suffer from strokes.  As I understand it, the research ruled out all other reasons why the divorce rate would be so high.  The study was initially done on people to try to understand long term effects of abuse on children.  The findings about Divorce were just a side finding of the study.

Today there is a new article on Yahoo about how younger people are suffering rising stroke rates.  This study says that it figures that the reason for this is childhood obesity.  Other physical reasons are considered as well.  Divorce, of course, isn’t.  Enjoy. (I’m sort of wondering if use of electronics like computers and cell phones isn’t connected with the cause, but what do I know?)

“Blue Valentine”

Saw the movie Blue Valentine this week-end, a movie about a married couple whose relationship is falling apart.  They have one daughter.  The story is about the struggle to stay together together, the shock of not being able to make it work.  There is one child, a daughter.  The movie unfolds in a series of flashbacks which shows both why the relationship came together and why it fell apart. The deciding scene takes place in a creepy motel room called “The Future Room” in which one can see that there is no future here.  The acting, by Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, is really incredible.

I don’t think I’m going to say more, except to say that the husband is from a divorce background.  One can see his Child of D personality as he is abnormally sensitive to other peoples’ feelings but also can’t put his life in forward gear.  This is dragging his wife down.  Gosling’s characters’ Mother left the family when he was 10 and was never seen again.  He didn’t finish college and and has worked in low paying jobs his whole life, maintaining a light hearted personality while dragging his life down with obsessive smoking and drinking.  He has no ambition to do anything in his life, and has no connections with the past.  He is portrayed in all kinds of mercurial relationships with home and house.  First he works as a mover, unpacking an old man’s belongings in the old folks home with uncharacteristic care.  Then he works as a house painter, delighting in seeing other people so happy with the improvements he can make in their homes.  Meanwhile, his own inability to find his own passion for living is what destroys his family.

Michelle Williams’ character is surrounded by family, although not necessarily a happy harmonious family.  I couldn’t tell if her parents were divorced.  She is mostly connected with her grandmother.  Williams’ character works as a nurse.   Gosling’s character met her just at the moment when she became pregnant from a bad boyfriend and rushed in to making a family with her.

Kind of interesting how in the final scene I felt a tinge of relief as they moved on, even though it was pretty clear that Gosling’s character was probably going to just get worse.   Of course, the last scene shows the daughter being ripped from her father, and, quickly recovering.

Maybe someday there will be a realistic movie about how she deals with her Mother’s second marriage.

No.  Wait.  Here we go:     Brady Bunch Theme Song.

Here’s a review.


Sister Sledge 1979
February 1, 2011, 2:23 am
Filed under: creativity, Feminist Attitude, siblings, Songs

We Are Family.

Get the Ringtone.

Married Parents v. Divorced Parents
February 1, 2011, 1:25 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

It seems that when parents are divorced and single they are very, very aware of how open they must be to all types of living and ways of life (I know that Iceland and Africa say they have these attitudes all the time so I’m talking about the United States here).  Divorced parents see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.  They are extremely sensitive to how it feels to be judged.

Once parents are married, however, they return to that closed-minded, self satisfied attitude of superiority over those who are living different lifestyles.  I doubt it makes a difference if it’s a first, second, third or fourth marriage.  They seem to just snap back into that closed off mindset: family values.

I guess this is the reason why a person like Po Bronson would write a “modern” book about parenting and avoid discussing Divorce.  He is currently married.  Therefore, he can’t think about Divorce, or he might “catch it.”  Sorry to be critical of Bronson, I’m enjoying his book, but these pop books on parenting so lack the sensitivity, fascination, intelligence and humanity of the Gessell Center books.  Maybe kids from divorce are lucky, and are more free from this generation of parents who thinks of them as part of a data set.