Spoiled Children of Divorce


Sleep Disorders Related to Divorce

I suffer from sleep disorders.  I know that what I went through with my Mother after the divorce is a major reason for sending the problem over the top.  But, I’ve never had this recognized by a shrink.

I had no problem until after I stopped living with my Mother.  That is, the problem of being kept awake all night and screamed at among other things just stuck with me.  I didn’t notice it until after the other problem was removed from my life.

During my first year in College I had a kind of funny and loud roommate.  The guy living in the room next door asking me how I could stand it.  Truth is, I didn’t notice it.  I did flunk out of that college almost immediately after entering.  I did notice a huge problems in the next college I went to.  The problem wasn’t so much that I couldn’t sleep, it was because I had been put in to a room that was under a really noisy guy.  At that point, my anorexia had gotten a lot worse.  I had several severe nutritional deficiencies because of it.  One was a Vitamin B deficiency which was noticable because the sides of my mouth were cracked.  Vitamin B is related to nervous disorders.  So that could possibly be a problem.

But I think my problem went back further than the divorce.  If my parent’s problems, and specifically my Mother’s problem, had been handled responsibly (she was the loud one), I probably would have outgrown the problem.  But my Father removed himself from the situation and it became worse for the rest of us because of it.   As a child, I was sick all the time in the era when antibiotics were given away like candy by the doctors.  I was asthmatic and was given a medication which was composed of uppers and downers and some sort of extremely toxic asthma medication which was only effective at the dosage which it became fatal.  Asthma is considered a psychiatric problem by the Medcial Community., At least I know it has been up til pretty recently because I had a roommate, a Nurse, who used to bitch about her difficult asthmatic patients.  (Hang a rope around your neck and dangle for a day and you’ll know the psychology that’s behind asthma).  Another interesting thing is related to an unbelievably obvious environmental situation.   My bedroom was always right next to the kitchen.  And that’s where my parents used to party all night.  I had no choice about sleeping on those nights.  It was loud.  The piano was right up against my bedroom wall.  If I complained my Mother would yell at me, because, she was drunk, and an alcoholic.  And she was fun.  And I wasn’t.  I was grumpy because I couldn’t sleep, for one thing.

So, I found this old book in the library, from 1985.  (1984 is the last time that California counted Divorce Statistics. ) That’s when the “No Fault Parenting Laws” snuck in under the “No Fault Divorce Laws.”  At any rate, when I pick up these self help books I know that there won’t be a whole chapter which discusses “Divorce”.   I go straight to the index.  In this case, probably because parents were still aware that their children existed, there are a large amount of listing: 5 listings (small listings) of the word “Divorce.”  More recent books have completely stopped using the word.  It makes the parents unhappy.

So here we go:  Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.  By Richard Ferber, M.D., Director, Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders, Children’s Hospital, Boston, 1985, this is paperback published 1986, Simon and Schuster.

p.  39 Chapter called “Developing Good Sleep Patterns”  Section called:  Should Your Child Sleep in Your Bed?”

It’s about how sleeping alone helps a child develop independence.  Kids can come between the parents, it can be a power play.  Single parents are lonely and will often want a kid to sleep with them and this creates problems for the child.

Author could have added a comment about how different this situation is for a child with a step-parent.  That child will know early on that he can’t go into his parents’ bed because of well, there’s a stranger in bed with Mommy and/or Daddy and they’re having #$&^%$ and ##%## sex (verbage censored to protect the parents who suffer from hypocrisy and arrogance).  We won’t discuss children of divorce who have to lie awake listening to their parents doing the deed with whomever.

p. 46-47:  Chapter 4 Nighttime Fears:  The Child Who is Anxious.

“At any stage of your child’s development, specific events may intensify certain anxieties.”

  • Separation Anxiety, If you become sick your child may not be able to leave your side because of guilt,
  • Toilet training trauma, that must have been a big ordeal for me thank god I don’t remember it,
  • “worries about ability to control herself” (funny, how the gender thing takes over in this writing because back in 1985 grammar was pretty conservative and writers always used the masculine).
  • Scary movies.
  • Fear of kidnapping.

Oook here it comes:  There’s one paragraph for toilet training anxieties, 6 lines about scary movie anxiety, then:

  • “And significant social stresses of any kind, over which the child has little control — illness, parental fighting, separation, divorce, alcoholism, death — may lead to a great deal of worry, guilt, anxiety, and fear at any age.”
  • Shit, give me a scary movie and a bowl of ice cream any old day.

Here’s what happens after you have been tucked in during your munchkin years with regards to dealing with anxiety in your life:

“During the day it is much easier to keep worries under control.  Most children keep pretty busy and don’t have time to brood over their problems.  But at night as your child gets into bed, turns out the light, and prepares for sleep, she may begin to worry.  If she lies quietly in bed, there is little to do but think, and her fantaises may run free.  As your child gets sleepy, her ability to avoid certain thoughts diminishes.  She has less control over her feelings, urges, and fears.  In this state she begins to feel, and may even act, more childish.   In this “regressed” state at night, a four-or five-year-old may need the same reassurance that a two- or three-year-old needs during the day.

Today, they just say it’s genetics and they gork the kid out on psych drugs.  Notice once again the referral to the female gender.  Today we know that boys suffer more because of divorce overall and are 3 times more likely to grow up suicidal.  So, maybe sexism is protective is some way.  Dash out their dreams young and they won’t grow up to disappoint.

Thank God that this last year tons of oil was spewed in to the Gulf Coast and radiactive Plutonium is spewing into the Pacific Ocean from Japan.  People at this time last year were worrying about how all the psych drugs were killing off the fish.  Pharmaceutical Industry is let off the hook for what people have been urinating into the oceans.

After this there is a long pause concering sleep problems existing as a result of parental divorce.  We don’t find another mention until page 154.  There are chapters about parental behavior, scheduling situations, medical causes.  Then the Big D again comes up under the “Interruptions during Sleep” Chapter (Mommy having Sex with b.ff in room next door?)  in a Chapter called “Sudden Partial Wakings.”  That’s funny because the planet Uranus is associated with Sudden Shocking Events, Divorce, Hopes, Wishes and on rare occassions, Spiritual Awakenings.  The spiritual astrologers calm their clients fears about what Uranus is doing to wreck their lives by telling them that these events are happening in order to give them great spiritual insights that they otherwise would have not been able to learn.  We are all in this ucky muck together, if we have control and order we can’t have chaos and chaos is what creates a happy society.  Stuff like that.  I don’t doubt that some of it is true.  I also fear Uranus transits like the plague.  Nothing says “We Love You but in a Distant, Irresponsible type of way because there’s just too much going on in our own lives” quite like a Uranus transit.  Uranus rules rebellious behaviors against Status quo.  So, it’s great for rebelling against things like the Catholic Church and starting a new business that looks to improve society through innovation., The problem is that Uranus is one of the last rulers of the Astrological Wheel.  It is a very adult energy which looks at communities as a whole and its placement on the chart sort of shows the trigger energy that makes the whole world just keep rolling around.  He’s the energy that says that nothing is permanent or lasts because permanence, in itself, is evil and keeps things from getting better.  He lets Aquarius Sun Dick Cheney stand in front of the World and promote anti-Gay propaganda all the while campaigning with his daughter who is Gay.  Weirdness.  I told you, it’s an adult energy.

At any rate, p. 154 begins talking about a boy named Christopher whose Father has recently died.  So, it’s not about Divorce, it’s about Death of a Parent.  Christopher would wake up an hour after falling asleep and scream out and wouldn’t respond to his Mother.  Then he would sleepwalker around the house until 4:00 am.  Mom got sick and was gone for two weeks, then she remarried and had a new baby.  Christopher got a lot worse and was doing his thing multiple times a night.  How to get Christopher to calm down?   So here’s what the Doctor found:

“When I saw Christopher he was a nice quiet youngster, but despite his calm exterior he seemed very tense and anxious.  I learned that his father and stepfather were alcoholics and there was some violence within his home.  He had many angry feelings toward people around him but was afraid to express them.  He was quite frightened at his lack of control of the world about him and was surely distraught that his parents could not seem to control themselves.  He devoted much of his own energy toward rigid self-control.  He worried that if he did not control his feelings, there would be dire consequences.”

The Dr. then sends Christopher and his Mom to counseling.  As I said the Father is dead.  The step-father, an alcoholic, doesn’t need counseling?  The Dr. gives the kid some drugs because the Mother is so angry about being kept up all night.  There’s nothing about divorce in this one, I don’t know why I tagged it.  I guess to just study about how the step-parenting thing isn’t discussed.  This is between the subset relationship within Christopher’s family, him and his Mom.

The next mention of the Big D is on p. 196-7 in a Chapter called “Headbanging, Body Rocking, and Head Rolling.

Kind of interesting that kids generally start headbanging around Age18 months.  That’s right before the first Mars Return. Mars rules the head.  And banging.  If a child stops doing this around Age 3 or 4 there’s nothing to worry about. The second Mars Return occurs right before Age 4.  Kids do these “rhythmic behaviors.”  Those ages are under the influence of Jupiter and Jupiter rules abstract thought.  Maybe there’s a connection between giving one’s self a concussion and being capable of abstract thought?  Weird.  Teething begins around the same time as headbanging and rocking so the kid might just be in physical pain or discomfort.  Interesting.

There’s discussion about an 8-year-old girl named Jessica who began Head Thumping after her parents’ divorce.  She would lie on her stomach and thump her head on the bed repeatedly.

“She was afraid she might cause her mother more unhappiness, and , if this happened, she would suffer even more loss of love.  It was clear that the recurrence of Jessica’s headbanging was in response to her current emotional struggles.”

Yeah, she just want to feel the pain on a physical level.  But, I wonder if Jessica is one of the Adult Children of Divorce who has gone on to become twice as likely as Children from Intact Families to suffer a stroke later on in adult life.  The Dr. says to ignore it and let the child outgrow it.  He says that concussions don’t happen from this.  This was written in 1985, so maybe things have changed.



Unexpected Legacy of Divorce Redux
March 29, 2011, 6:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Link to a review of Judith Wallerstein’s The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. Discusses the long term effects of divorce on the adult children such as the fear of commitment thang, the lack of a college education thang, etc. etc.  Funny how Divorced parents easily put an entire family of 7 children from an immigrant’s home through college, but won’t put their own children through college.  Now social services, journalism, politics, legal profession have all been hijacked by these folks.  Possibly, just possibly could the lack of reporting of divorce rates in California be connected?  That’s reason for a Class Action suit against the Government for faulty governance based on neglecting to record the facts.  Funny how overloaded the Psych profession is with Mexicans while this happens.



Spoiled Children of Poverty
March 25, 2011, 11:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Spoiled Child thing, when you think about it, is really hilarious.

Children of Divorce are much more likely to spend their childhoods in poverty.  Check out the writings of Elizabeth Warren, Leo Gottlieb Professor of Law at Harvard Law School.

Children of Divorce don’t even have parents for huge chunks of their childhood because their parents are obsessed with their own problems.  And then there’s finally the great moment when one or both of the parents remarries.  Step-Families take 7 years for adjustments.  Good-bye childhood.  Uranus is the planet which rules Divorce, Step-Families, Weird and Shocking behaviors.  And Uranus is related to 7 year pseudo cycles in Astrology because it changes signs every 7 years.



U.S. Divorce Rates from Census Bureau
March 21, 2011, 9:58 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Statistical Abstract for Marriages and Divorces in the United States from the U.S. Census Bureau.  Most recent year included on this chart is 2008.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Arianna Huffington

I’ve noticed that the Huffington Post publishes a lot of articles about Divorce, sometimes even about the children, and finally found this article written by Arianna herself.  It’s the introductory post about a whole special section in the Huffington Post centered around the topic of Divorce.  Huffington has experienced Divorce from both sides in her life.  Her parents split when she was 9 years old.  And she is divorced and Mother of children. She has two daughters and says in the article that the oldest was 8 years old at the time of the split.

As always it’s interesting to compare how people discuss their parents’ divorce in order to compare which planetary return transit or phase they were going through.  Seems to always leave an impression that relates directly to the planet which relates to the child’s age.

Huffington, according to my theory, ought to have been influenced very strongly by her first Lilith Return and her first Nodal Opposition because her parents divorced when she was 9.  Lilith is sort of the “First Wife” syndrome.  In mythology she was Adam’s first wife and he dumped her because she demanded equality.  Lilith is not a planet, but a recently used abstract point in astrology.  She is related to the dark side of the Moon, the apogee point, or farthest point away from the earth (as opposed to SuperMoons which are the closest of the closest points in the orbit). This is expressed in a sort of a dark way which is a lot like the female version of Pluto ruler of Scorpio.  Lilith can be often related to behavior relating to sexual abandon.  So, it’s interesting that Huffington’s summary of her parents is to say that her Father was a philanderer.    It’s also interesting to see how the Lilith influence is postively influencing Huffington’s power as a media mogul.

I’m not real clear yet on how to interpret the partial Nodal Axis transits except to say that the difficult ones coincide in the Gessell Institute studies with very positive stages of personality development  in children.  The ages of around 5 and 10 years point to a time where kids’ personalities seem to harmonize for a while as observed by those researchers.  All the planets have a Nodal Axis, the biggee is generally considered the Moon’s Nodal Axis and that’s what I’m talking about here.  Interesting how at this age there are two abstract points in the sky which I’ve pinned down as major influences in how a child reacts to divorce.  Moon rules the family and the Mother, so maybe there’s something to it.

I’m observing that traumatized Nodal Axis emphasis from childhood seems to develop in adults as people who can succeed in life through their personalities.  They also may tend to repeat their parents’ mistakes in some sort of weird unconscious behaviors and then, in some cases, use that information to slightly modify the mistakes.  The Nodes are related to a subconscious life path which must always be balanced in some way.   I’d need a lot more examples to see if this is true for sure.  And, as with all of these, there are a lot of particular influences, signs, house placements, transits, etc. which will make each individual’s experience different.

Ariana discusses how her daughter at Age 8 really struggled with the loss of parenting.  Funny the difference a year makes.  This shows a completely different influence.  This age relates strongly to the first Saturn square.  Saturn rules the Father in the chart.  Often kids who experience divorce under Saturn and Prog. Moon influences will swing back and forth between compatibility with each parent during childhood, will even play around with gender preferences sexually for a while.  This is supposed to be related to a time in a child’s life when he plateaus at a level of maturity and begins to express his own social skills and self management, Saturn stuff.  When traumatized it will revert back to parenting problems, control, guilt, repressed anger, abnormal self-reliance, fear of failure, among other things.

Age 7-8 and Age 13-14 are really bad ages for kids to go through their parents’ divorces, it appears.   This relates to prog. Moon and Saturn which share difficult aspects of relating to the Axis in the chart that rules Parents, Home, Social standing, Goal Setting.  Because of the hard aspects, kids need the backdrop of the solid, traditional family foundation to have something to grow away from.  Divorce knocks that out from under their feet and they really do hold on to the trauma (these are already difficult transits).   It’s interesting that Huffington and her husband intuitively played that out for this daughter by continuing to celebrate holidays together as a family.  It definitely looks like there are ways to work around the problem.  In Stephanie Staal’s book one boy said that he felt his Mother saved him by always making sure that the family continued to have dinner together every night.   Moon and Saturn need to feel safe and that’s what traditions are for, essentially.

Huffington has recently sold her online paper so I don’t know if this section will continue.

As she says in the post, the idea for the Divorce section was Nora Ephron’s.  Ephron is currently married to her third husband.  I don’t think she grew up in divorce.  She has published a nice piece about her own divorces in which she sort of pistol whips herself every time she mentions what a bad effect the divorce will have on her children.  I’m sorry, but I tend to feel so emotionally unhooked and relieved when I hear divorced parents admit that divorce isn’t good for the children.



Depressed Fathers Spank Their Babies More
March 16, 2011, 12:14 am
Filed under: Mentally Ill parents, Relationship with Father, Violence

Article which explains that up to 25 percent of new Mothers suffer from Post-Partum Depression and up to about 7 percent of new Fathers suffer from it as well.  A study has found that Depressed Fathers are much more likely to spank their 1-year old babies.  This is a behavior that a one year old isn’t going to understand at all.  I assume that a Mother won’t understand what is going on either.  Violent physical behavior in men was considered “normal” while I was growing up and I really appreciate this kind of research.  But … sure wish they could hook in some questions on parental harmony/discord/divorce and the children.

Am not going to link to it but there was also an article about how spoiled children are more intelligent.  Maybe I’ll quit griping about Children of Divorce are always accused of being spoiled.  I know we are more intelligent, for sure, dude.

http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/14/dads-dark-side-new-fathers-with-depression-spank-their-babies-more/



Mental Health of Infants and Toddlers
March 10, 2011, 4:01 am
Filed under: Shrinks

Article about some studies discussing how infants and toddlers can suffer mental health problems.  The researchers want insurance to cover treatment.  The idea of putting an infant through a psychotherapy session is pretty disgusting to me. 

Do researchers want the baby to come in once a week, or maybe on a daily basis?  

Aren’t pretty much all babies bipolar?  What DSM # is that?

Hahah, I’m going on and on.   One thing is for sure, the therapists aren’t going to discuss any God Damned Divorce with the kid.  That’s just what happens to spoiled brats.