Spoiled Children of Divorce


Saw this movie a while ago, so don’t know how well I remember it.  Thirteen is supposed to be an autobiographical movie directed by Catherine Hardwicke who also directed the Twilight movies.  I’m not sure how the autobiography part is related.  I believe that Hardwicke wrote it with her 14 year old daughter and it is based on the behaviors of the daughter of an ex-boyfriend.   It’s the story of a teenager going through a pretty brutal rebellious phase.  Story includes the liberal Mother, the boyfriend in Rehab, the Father who isn’t around, the destructive girlfriend and her Mother.  And, of course, experimentation with drugs and sex.  And the daughter is completely rehabilitated by Age 14.

Yahoo explains it better.

3 Comments so far
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Thirteen is such a watershed with kids – girls especially.

Comment by itsnotaboutdying

Hi, this is not really related to your post above, but more in general to the issues you raise here. I’ve provided an account based on my own experiences of separation, in England, during the 1970s as a child around the age of 9.

My parents are both still alive and very hurt by what I have written, and interestingly, my mother’s response was ‘at 73, I wanted to bury all of this, not have it raked up’. I understand her feelings totally, but my purpose was not to harm or hurt, it was to inform and act as a form of conciliation.

I am interested though in proof that divorce or separation alone causes social anxieties and behavioural issues that are not circumstantial or even genetic. There are a range of issues we, as children, all developed later in life, but I believe much can be traced back through to genes, rather than the circumstance of divorce, but I would be interested to know.

Here’s a link to my blog, about what I felt:

Comment by djpnz

Hi djpnz,

Thank you for sharing that post. I’m always surprised to hear that parents are hurt when the children talk about their own experience of the divorce. It sounds like your Mother was very sick and it must have been very confusing to try to understand what was going on. It amazes me that the generation that finally understood that children’s feelings of death of a parent need to be acknowledged, are so confused that divorce requires the same acknowledgement. I keep hoping that parents are a lot more aware at this point in time because down the road they really don’t want the children revisiting all that trauma without their consent.

I have no idea how to understand what parts genetics play as opposed to experience in social and behavioral issues. Psychology has gone overboard as usual trying to pin everything on just one cause. I think it’s just a balancing act of so many different aspects. To deny one aspect, though, will throw the rest out of balance, especially such an obvious one as divorce which the parents’ roles play such a heavy part in. In the end one just wants to look at each individual child to try to understand individual needs at a certain time.

So, you were Age 9, huh? Your blog says Age 10. According to what I’m looking at in Astrology that’s a Lilith Return Action and a Nodal Opposition. Lilith is known in Astrology/Myth as “the first wife.” She demanded equality with Adam so Adam dumped her. I think she offers a lot of lessons about Divorce, of course. And, of special needs of women that are overlooked by society but shouldn’t be. Your Mother had to deal with the shame of not being able to continue with the family thing, and so you have also picked that up, maybe that’s connected with how you felt that you were to blame for the divorce. The Nodal Axis is related to life path and destiny. You may have been at a well balanced point in your own development at that point. But Nodal Oppositions can bring great confusion about what is going on with the rest of the world. Oppositions often literally represent relationship struggles, so a divorce would have a deep impact on your feelings about relationship in general. The Lilith Cycle is about every 9 years so I wonder if events in your life have gone through big changes every 9 years. And the Nodal Axis goes through a 18.9 year cycle, so I’m wondering about that as well. I’m impressed that you remember the month as well as year, very valuable information.

I’m not very good at explaining these things and wonder if you can relate to any of it.

Comment by wristwatch

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