Spoiled Children of Divorce


Gabrielle Giffords, Evil Stepmother Not
November 29, 2011, 2:41 am
Filed under: Good Step-Parent Stories

Kind of strange to think that anyone would think of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords as an evil step-mother.  But, according to their new book, Gabby, this is what astronaut Mark Kelly’s two teenage daughters thought of Giffords when she became their step-mother in 2007.  When Giffords was tragically shot early this year in Arizona, the two daughters immediately changed their attitude towards their step-mother.  Kelly says that this is one of the good things that came about as a result of the tragedy.  It’s a good lesson for a child to learn.

I suppose that this just goes to show how the actual personality of a step-parent might not always be the real issue here (although I don’t want to discount when it is).

 



Horror Movie about Dad’s House
November 21, 2011, 9:12 pm
Filed under: Horror, Movies About Growing Up in Divorce

Don’t like Horror movies but this one is about having to go live with Dad and his Girlfriend in a haunted house.  In this case, the hauntings are done by 19th century artists who turn into tooth fairies.  And the house gobbles up the Girlfriend so everyone’s happy in the endDon’t Be Afraid of the Dark.



Ask Amy
November 21, 2011, 8:59 pm
Filed under: biological, Blame, Living with Grandparents, Long Term Fallout, Stepfamilies

The advice columnist Ask Amy tries to tackle the issues of how to deal with kids and divorce.  Her advice isn’t great because she doesn’t take a stand but at least she publishes articles from all sides, from the point of view of the parents that is.

The Biological Mother who resents the ex-StepMother calling the kids “her own:” 

The StepMother who resents not being able to call her stepdaughter’s kids her “Grand children.”  This one is interesting because the blame is placed on the daughter. No mention of how overwhelming it would feel to have to take car of your first child, your Mother’s resentment of the overbearing and needy step-mother, as well as the overbearing and needy step-mother.  Oh and there’s the noncomittal father who doesn’t give a shit but mostly blames his daughter for his wife’s b.s.  The message is written as if the Father had written it.  Which never happens because Father’s never intervene, so obviously the column is bogus.  Amy says that he can’t expect anyone to “reason” things out.  I think the daughter is being extremely reasonable about how much she really owes her parents.  She is probably trying to not repeat their mistakes, after all, and in that case, the girl-child can’t give into everyone else’s selfish needs all the time or she will end up hating her husband just the same way her Mother probably hates her Father.

Anyway, Amy does actually publish this stuff, so at least she’s not in denial that the issues exist.  Advice columnists, like Psychologists, are like large corporations.  They know where the bread is buttered and they side with the money.  Amy could tell the parents that their situation is simply way too stressful for most children to handle and to back off.  I guess that would get boring to read week after week.  And who wants to confront an overbearing woman who has taken on the role of “Stepmother?”



British Family Courts: Out of Denial But Into the Wayback Machine

If a couple in England plans to have children then they had better not get married. The courts have completed a new study which rewrites the laws to try to put the welfare of the children first.  Boy, this is really shocking.

A review on family justice which was headed by a man named David Norgrove has just published a 220-page study on divorce which is intended to become law.  I’m not sure if it actually is law at this point or is just pointing out that current studies show what is actually best for the children.  And that’s scary.

The study suggests that couples do their own divorces rather than jam up the legal system.  I’m sure if they could, they would, but anyone who has seen a divorce from a kid’s point of view knows that parents going through a divorce don’t exactly think in logical, straight lines.

Nearly half of all British children will become Children of Divorce by the time they are 16 years old.  That’s higher than in the U.S.

Britain has free health care and can track children’s health better so probably can truly look at the effects of divorce on children. One of the following links says that 75 percent of children are said to suffer significantly from their parents’ divorces.

Grandparents have very restricted access to their grandchildren and will have to apply through the courts for access to visit grandchildren.  There’s something in this that I’m not understanding.   In the U.S. I doubt that Grandparents create worse conditions.  I think that kids whose Grandparents let them live with them are in better shape a lot of the time.  I think that this might be true if there is only one boy in the family, because Grandmothers probably favor their grandsons.  That might not be true, but, who knows?  There aren’t any studies in the U.S.

I’m not sure what the study actually has to say about this but there appears to be a tightening on father’s rights as parents.  It has been decided that children suffer too much from being shuffled back and forth between households so Fathers will have less access to their children.

I agree that the shuttling back and forth seems nuts to me, but I think that it works in some families.  It’s great that the courts are aware of this and it’s too bad the parents and the shrinks stayed in denial on this one.   In the U.S. there are studies about how boys suffer from divorce because they don’t have Father figures, so I doubt that back-peddling into the single Mother household mentality helps.  Boys end up hating themselves if they have to see how much their Mothers suffer because they are alone.

To be honest, I doubt that daughters will suffer too much by having limited access to their step-mothers and step-sisters in most cases.

I think that it’s much more important for courts to make certain that remarriages don’t screw kids out of their education, healthcare, and inheritances, than by trying to intervene and deny parent-child relationships.  Those are areas which I think a court should write in to the law.  If the parents can’t provide an emotionally safe situation for their kids then I don’t think that the courts will help by controlling who has access to the kids.  In the end, I agree with Norgrove, but I don’t think that his study is coming up with the correct solutions.

It would definitely make sense if Britain completely got rid of marriage since the divorce rate is so high anyway.



Town With Most Divorced People
November 5, 2011, 6:33 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Bloomberg BusinessWeek has compiled statistics from the U.S. Census on Most Extreme Towns (20,000 people or more) in America.  The town which ranks as having the most divorced people is Denison, TX.

According to the U.S. Census 1 out of 5 people, age 15 and older, in Denison is divorced.

Amongst the children, 41 percent live in a single parent home.  The national average is said to be 31 percent.

Age is a factor in small towns where people marry very young.