Spoiled Children of Divorce


Banning the “D” Word

Okay this is too much.  I thought that New Yorkers were intelligent.   I thought they liked to talk about stuff.  I thought that it was only the Man-Childs and Baby-Womans of the California Dreamin’ crowd who couldn’t put up with the feelings of real live children.

But, no Edna, the New York City Schools have decided to join the herd.  For religious reasons.

CNN reports that the public school systems in New York are planning on banning the word “Divorce” from all school tests.

For one, as any Child of Divorce knows, talking about one’s parents’ divorce is simply not done.  People can’t handle the info.  Shrinks especially. Except when discussing how those kids are so spoiled, they get everything they want, you know, because of the guilt.

For two, and this is because of “For one”, the word Divorce probably doesn’t exist on the tests in the first place because Children of Divorce probably didn’t graduate from College and so did not write the tests.

The kids now have my express permission to write “The Death of my Parents’ Marriage” in stead of Divorce as answers on all of their written tests.  When the teacher wants to discuss your suicidal feelings please write “The Death of my Parents’ Marriage destroyed my desire to live because I now know that the Love that they profess for me is a shallow and transitory thing and could change on a dime if I screw up in any way.  I may even have to pay alimony if I complain.”

Maybe Divorce is more Scorpio than Uranian.  You put it in that clump along with other House 8 social secrets that nobody can talk about.  Namely:  Sex, Death and Taxes.  Rather:  Daddy’s Girlfriends’ Big Boobs; Mommy’s Alcoholism, Depression and Early Death from Destructive Lifestyle choices;  Tax Deduction #1 and Tax Deduction #2; the School Administrators’ deep and darkest desires to silence all feelings except their own. And the biggest of all:  “Power Trips.”

Not only is “Divorce” the big elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about, but, so are the kids.  They’re just kids.  They’ll get over it.  Don’t let them ever, ever talk about it, at least.

The words on the list of 50 banned words are said to be “Loaded.”  Loaded, as in guns?  Read the article and be prepared to drop your jaw wide open in disbelief.  Here’s the paragraph which explains why “Divorce” can’t be allowed.

Halloween may suggest paganism; divorce may conjure up uneasy feelings for children in the midst of a divorce within their family. One phrase that may surprise many, the term “Rock ‘n’ Roll” was on the “avoid” list.



Tragedy in Florida – Trayvon Martin
March 26, 2012, 10:56 pm
Filed under: multiple households, separate households, teenagers, Total Weirdness, Violence

It seems that Florid is extra hard on Children of Divorce.  Kids from divorced families are often wandering around, trying to escape tensions at home.  It seems that the Florida community can’t handle this.

A while back, I wrote a post about the high school senior, Taylor Weinman, who was stalked by the police for more than a month and then arrested and held by house arrest for more than a year.  Taylor was skateboarding around the neighborhood in the middle of the night, back and forth from his mother and father’s houses, during a time when people’s cats were being mauled.  The media convicted and humiliated Tyler.  Everyone called him the Cat Murderer. 

A reader left a message on the blog entry I wrote giving an update on Tyler’s criminal status.  Turns out a forensics expert determined that stray dogs were responsible for the cat killings.  Tyler was exonerated of the crimes.  He was arrested right before his high school graduation and missed a couple of keys years in there.  Last report I read he was planning to go to College.  Hope he made it and is doing well.

Here’s another story even more tragic.  Trayvon Martin was 17 years old.  I believe he lived with his Mother in Miami but had just been expelled from high school for truancy for 5 days.  He was staying at his Father’s girlfriends’ house in Sanford, Florida.  Trayvon wandered out to the store to buy some candy and drinks.  He was talking to his girlfriend on his phone when he noticed that some guy was following him.  Trayvon was African American and it turns out that there had been a bunch of robberies in the neighborhood and people suspected some Black boys of committing the crime.  So, a guy named George Zimmerman, who works as a security guard for the gated community where Martin’s Father’s girlfriend lives, saw Trayvon, called the cops, and then decided to pursue the kid on his own.  We don’t know what happened beyond that.  After the last 3 weeks or so of media frenzy and stoning, the police now say that Trayvon had attacked Zimmerman for following him but that he’s considered the aggressor in this case.  Trayvon was shot in the chest and killed.  George Zimmerman says that he was fearing for his life and has not been arrested. 

Again we have an unbelievable media frenzy convicting everyone.  The African American community is in an uproar over the racial undertone of the problem.   Meanwhile, they are insisting that George Zimmerman is White when Zimmerman insists he’s Hispanic.  People, even clergymen, are wearing hoodies in defense of what they feel is the main reason that Zimmerman attacked Trayvon.  I’m not sure if there’s anyway that Trayvon could have known that Zimmerman was a security guard, if he had a uniform on or what.  I haven’t been able to find that information.  If Zimmerman was just driving around the neighborhood I can certainly see that there’s a big problem here.

With regards to growing up in Divorce I guess it would be great for people to develop awareness that strange kids will show up in the neighborhood.  These kids and their parents should maybe be very aware that if there are problems in the neighborhood that they have to be more aware than the average population about anything they do that isn’t typical.  Teenagers in stepfamilies may spend a lot more time out of the house because they feel uncomfortable. If they live with a single parent they may get out of the house to get out of their parents’ hair because they don’t want to be a burden.  They may just not be as watched and parented as kids from intact families. 

Strangers need to be aware that it’s a good sign if these kids are outside taking breathers.  Often their lives are extremely stressful.   They may only live in the neighborhood part time and may receive a lot of suspicious glances.  It seems that Trayvon’s Mother lives in one place, and he was staying at his Father’s girlfriends’ house.  His Father may live at that last house or may have his own house.  That would make for 3 neighborhoods.  And a kid who might look like he doesn’t belong anywhere and who looks more suspicious because of that.

Trayvon Martin’s Mother is now merchandising slogans associated with the uproar.  In a Time interview with the parents information about Trayvon’s past is revealed.  The parents’ divorce is discussed:

After his parents divorced — an amicable parting — Trayvon served as a liaison between them, “sending little messages back and forth between us,” says Martin. Fulton, who works as a government programs manager, says, “Trayvon was a mama’s boy. He would give me a kiss in the morning. He would check on us in the evening before I went to bed.” When he talked about wanting to attend Florida A&M University in Tallahassee, he blushed when Fulton kiddingly replied, “What, and just leave me at home?”

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2110066,00.html#ixzz1qGQUqPMqead more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2110066,00.html#ixzz1qGQUqPMq

It looks like Trayvon played football at his high school.  He looks like an incredibly nice kid.  He actually looks a lot like President Obama and Obama made a comment in that regard.  –Had to look up the astrology to see if there was some kind of planetary connection and it’s amazing.  A person’s physical appearance is ruled by the sign that was rising when they were born.  Obama’s got an Aquarius Rising.  Trayvon’s natal Sun is in conjunction with Obama’s rising sign within just a few degrees. 

Rest in Peace, Trayvon.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Will Farrell

Comedian Will Farrell comes from divorce.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  His Wikipedia entry says that he was the type of kid who just said “Hurrah, I get to have two Christmases.”

So I wanted to take a look at his chart to see what would indicate why he doesn’t feel that his parents’ divorce drank him down the drain like some of us do.

For one, Farrell is an oldest child.  I think that oldest children do not feel the loss as much as younger children.  I have no proof for this.  I just seem to keep seeing that it crop up.  Oldest children are said to be more successful no matter what type of home they are coming from.  There might be a study out there that confirms this.  I think that a reason particular to divorce is that they don’t have the feeling of being completely abandoned when there is still a familiar household to come back to, such as both parent and sibling living together.  That might just be me dreaming again.

Farrell’s parents split when he was 8 years old.  By astrology cycle standards this would put him developmentally influenced by his first Saturn Square.  I’ve said before that the worst ages you can get a divorce at are when your children are 7-8 and 13-14 because this sets them in either a secondary progressed Lunar cycle or a Saturn Cycle.  Maybe I’ll have to modify that and just say that secondary progressed Lunar returns can be rougher than most.  During childhood they seem to come slightly earlier than the Saturn Cycle transits, but not always so it’s not always clear.

I have noticed that the kids whose parents divorce when they are Age 8 often have the discipline to achieve significant career gains, especially in the types of career which come early in life.  Early on they have to learn how to parent themselves.  Often they will cut themselves off emotionally and drive themselves to achieve in school and then fall apart later on, but with mentoring or other guidance they can often work through the problems.

Saturn is the planet associated with the Father, and Discipline and Ambition and difficult life lessons.  Career and Social Responsibility can also be connected with Saturn.  Saturn can have problems dealing with failure and can lapse into depression because of it, but is often connected with being determined to succeed.  Saturn likes to work, so will work through emotional struggles as well as everything else.  He likes feeling responsible.  Saturn is not often associated with natural talent for sports or for acting or comedy because it is cautious and not often not connected with being able to improvise, but I have noticed that athletes will often come from this age group, especially the ones who don’t work on teams.

That certainly doesn’t follow anything related with Will Farrell’s style as he is very talented at improv.  But, Saturn is connected with a style of humor in a dry, reserved kind of way and is connected with a good sense of rhythm.

The Gessell Institute studies showed that kids at Age 8 go through a positive and socially mature phase.  They are bright and interactive at this age.

Saturn in Farrell’s natal chart is placed in the sign of Aries.  It is not very happy in this sign as Aries is impulsive.  Farrell’s Saturn is also placed on the cusp of the 8th house which shows some kind of difficult secret concerning the Father, probably related to death or money or inheritance.  It is squaring natal Mercury in Cancer in the 10th house of career and Father.  Mercury is retrograde in Farrell’s chart.  This planet and Farrell’s Sun in later degrees of Cancer in H11 would have been activated around the time of the divorce.  Mercury represents communication and analytical thinking abilities.  So, perhaps as a child Farrell didn’t feel that he could express himself verbally but he learned a lot through these feelings of insecurity and subsequently developed a heightened talent/discipline for knowing just what to say and not to say in his acting.

Often Saturn shows us where our true lessons are in life and point us where our ability to succeed in the Real World lie.  This is all very strongly featured because Farrell’s Saturn is the handle planet of a bucket shaped chart.  All the rest of the planets in his chart are placed on the left side of the chart which means that Farrell feels that he is master of his own destiny.

Farrell was born in the late 1960s during a big conjunction of Uranus-Pluto and this conjunction connects with his Ascendant.  This is a generational aspect because these planets move so slowly and were hanging around together for a long time thus imprinting a lot of people.   In conjunction with the Ascendant this describes Farrell’s physical appearance and personality.  Pluto will show some sort of self control and ability to confront difficult topics.  Uranus represents shock and surprise and light heartedness.  Both planets are associated with crisis, so one can see the connection to comedy in a way.  I’ve said before that these planets are the major rulers of divorce and this conjunction was the major reason for the big divorce boom in the 70s.  So, having this conjunction on one’s Ascendant would indicate that one could become the poster child for divorce of that time period.

Unlike what Farrell’s chart shows, People who have planets mostly placed on the right side of the wheel will naturally feel strongly influenced by other people and situations in life.  This might show a problem for children in divorce because their parents won’t just be there in the background for them throughout life.

Also, one wants to notice in a chart if most of the planets are placed above the horizon or below it.  It is said that people with planets mostly below are more introverted and don’t rise above the problems presented to them in childhood.  This might be true in the U.S. where extroversion is a strong indicator for success.  In either event, I have noticed that successful children of divorce often have an empty 4th house.  This is the house associated with the bottom of the chart which represents infancy and homelife and nurturing.  If this house contains a lot of planets the person will automatically identify with history and childhood and deep feelings like blood ties and family — all the types of things that disappear after divorce.  For these types I imagine that the divorce will present more loss.

One also wants to look at the signs that are on the cusps of the 4th and 10th Houses to see how he/she views his parents’ parenting styles.  Farrell has the signs of Gemini and Sagittarius on his IC and MC axis.  Farrell sees them already as being changeable and maybe a source of his humor and intellect, and, anxiety.  He’s not burdened by a sense of overwhelming responsibility over how they conducted their lives.  Dealing with his family is maybe sort of a game.  Maybe he feels more at home with neighbors and people from other cultures.



“A Separation”

The 2012 Oscar for Best Foreign Film was given to a movie made in Iran.  It’s called “A Separation.”  It’s also a movie about Divorce, but the Hollywood film scene thinks it’s a movie about a couple struggling to make a better life for themselves in a different country. 

Anyway, this isn’t another immigration story with a happy ending. Unless you want to move to Iran because artists and intellectuals there are capable of expressing deep thoughts.  The IMDb database describes it as:

A married couple are faced with a difficult decision – to improve the life of their child by moving to another country or to stay in Iran and look after a deteriorating parent who has Alzheimer’s disease.

If that’s what the U.S. viewer thinks this is the story he’s going to see he’s in for a rude awakening, especially if he’s a divorced parent.  Or, at least I think he might get an awakening.   Divorced parents are pretty stubborn people.  Hollywood certainly didn’t get it.  If it had it certainly wouldn’t have given an award to it.

So, during the first scene you see the couple explaining their divorce to a judge.  They both give their arguments.  Things get tense, the judge has to tell them to shut up a couple of times and then they file for the divorce which the wife wants and the husband doesn’t want.  They have a 12-year old daughter who wants to stay at home with the father and grandfather. 

The Mother goes to live with her parents and the Father is faced with having to hire someone to stay with his Father all day long.  He hires someone who is not comfortable with the job.  Things get worse and worse and the caretaker ends up leaving the grandfather in the house alone tied to the bed.  This leads to the Father coming home and getting really angry and shoving her out the door.   Pregnant, she falls and suffers a miscarriage.  The Father is taken into court for murdering the unborn child and the dirty laundry and guilt/innocence of everyone involved gets aired.

Where things get interesting from a Child of Divorce’s point of view is seeing the divorce through the 12-year old daughter’s eyes, of course.  Through all the emotional traumas both the parents’ flaws come to the forefront.  One can see that they are both good people and loving parents. One can also begin to see why they don’t get along.  One can also see that they can’t discuss the other’s flaws with each other.  And while they can’t talk to each other they can easily tell the daughter what they are thinking and feeling.  She then relays the message because, as a 12 year old she is trying to figure the whole situation out herself.  The flaws sort of seem like trivial differences.  The daughter can see the games that men and women play with each other long before she learns about this from her own relationships as is natural. 

The daughter’s presence was strongly felt throughout, but I realized that her point of view was never shown until somebody asked her a question and the camera stayed on her face and she just stared off blankly not saying anything.  There it was.  The amazing silence!

After that I was emotionally involved with her.  Divorce is an extremely emotional experience about relationship failure, but during divorce people don’t think about feelings or relationships, they talk and they talk and they think it will all be okay once the papers are signed.  They are intent only on the action of splitting, even if it means splitting the kid in half.   The way the movie handles the silences and the communications is unbelievably brilliant.   The last scene brings an extreme emotional shock which brings this idea of Silence and the impossible feelings that exist within Divorced families. 

 What was even more shocking was to be watching the movie in a theater in California with mostly older couples.  California being the Divorce capital of the world, I can only assume there were some couples were working on second and third marriages in that room.  Either way, the air in the room was thick when I walked out, and, nobody was talking.  I hadn’t felt that in a long time because my parents have been dead a long time.  It would always lead to my step-mother making a weird sucking sound in her throat and to my Mother havin to go out and get drunk.  My Father would act as if the family were normal.  It involved guilt and denial and blame.  I always knew that life would be easier if I just avoided talking at those points.