Spoiled Children of Divorce


Huffington Post Divorce Statistics
May 27, 2012, 4:37 am
Filed under: Astrology stuff | Tags:

Article on Huffington Post gives interesting statistics that seem to agree with astrology. Most divorces are filed in February. That’s when the sun is in Aquarius which is one of the signs most associated with divorce. On the other hand, most marriages are said to happen when the sun is in October. That’s when the Sun is in libra which is in the ruler of marriage. . Don’t know if these statistics are accurate as I always thought June was the traditional month for marriage, followed by august. Sun in Gemini is one of the duplicitous signs associated with multiple partners so not maybe the best placement for marriage.



Children of Divorce, Stalking, CyberSex

I don’t know if Children of Divorce are more likely to become Stalkers, but according to the book How To Stop a Stalker by Detective Mike Proctor they are more likely to be victimized by stalkers.   I’ve already discussed Stranger Danger and Divorce.  I’ve already stated that I think that grown Children of Divorce become victims more often than Children of Intact families.

Here is a quote from the chapter “Limiting Your Stalking Exposure”:

“…dealing with cyberpredators has shown that children in the following categories seem to be more at risk for being stalked than others on the Internet:  those who are shy, withdrawn, and/or who have low self-esteem; those with a weight problem; and those who have divorced parents.  We in law enforcement continually encounter such youths, who become victims not only of stalking but also of other crimes associated with being bullied and harassed, usually by their peers.  They are continually searching for acceptance.”

This information is paraphrased by the author from a meeting he had with Investigator Mike Harris who, along with his wife Cassandra, specializes in law enforcement investigations on cyberstalking of children.  This couple was interviewed by Oprah.  This was 10 years ago so I imagine that there is now more awareness of cyberstalking.

Sexual solicitations can be reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children CyberTipline (703) 274-3900.  I haven’t called to check if that number is still valid.  I wish that Psychology Schools would aggressively recruit burnt out cops because they could bring invaluable insight and skills into that profession.

I’ve said before that I think that introverted children might suffer from their parents’ divorces much more than extroverted children. I am certainly not an expert on this and am just giving my opinion but since no one else dares to have an opinion I might as well give mine.

I suspect that Divorce is a more comfortable experience for Extroverts than for Introverts.  I tend to suspect that Psychologists tend to be extroverts which is why they personally don’t think that there’s anything wrong with growing up in Divorced homes.  They also may have lower iq’s than the normal college graduate, and in most cases that average taxi driver, trash collector, electrician and plumber, but I suppose that will never be tested.

With all the media attention on bullying lately I wonder if any studies have focused on Children of Divorce to see if they are more or less likely to bully others.   I know that the folks from Intact Families who always have to state that they wished their parents had divorced are in a way bullying the Children of Divorce not to speak.  I mean, if it’s something that you always wanted, wouldn’t you be interested in what others who have actually experienced want to say about it rather than immediately butting in on their territory (so to speak) and whining with your grass is always greener problems?



Early Puberty and Growing Up In Divorce
May 18, 2012, 5:29 am
Filed under: Adolescence | Tags: , , ,

Heard an interview on NPR Fresh Air with Terry Gross which mentioned a possible physical problem that seems connected with girls who are raised by single parents. Girls raised by single parents enter puberty earlier than their peers. Children are entering puberty earlier these days as a whole. The book is actually about breasts which are now bigger than they used to be and fuels of toxic chemicals. Some of the reasons thought responsible are diet and the rising obesity rates. Plastics might be connected as they simulate estrogen when they enter the human body. Chemicals can even enter a body through the chemicals in printed shopping receipts. This connects with children of divorce, of course, who must shop twice as much
because they belong to two households.

The researcher/writer interviewed was Florence Williams. Her book is called “Breasts.” .

Here’s an article which describes some of the findings by researchers regarding stressful childhoods and early puberty. 6 year olds are said to be most vulnerable to stress in the home. This correlates with the age of the first Jupiter opposition and maybe the first secondary progressed lunar opposition. Jupiter is connected with growth and the moon is connected with female
reproductive system. Girls who have fathers who have psychological problems such as addiction, alcoholism, suicide, etc. Also develop more quickly.



Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  I meant to hunt down some articles but since there usually aren’t any that focus on divorce I let it go.  Did hear part of an interview on the radio.  Barbara Simpson interviews a rich woman on how to raise kids as a divorced parent.  It seemed like good advice.

Just read an article at Salon.com called “How I Met My Mother” by Taffy Brodesser-Akner.  The writer talks about how she and her Mother didn’t get along and that she didn’t understand or appreciate her Mother’s screaming until after the birth of her second son.  She says that her parents divorced when she was a child.  I can’t tell what age, it would have been maybe around Age 9 because she says they were married 10 years.  She says she was a difficult child and her Mother was a screamer.  She lived with her Father for a year at some point because of the tension in her relationship with her Mother.  And she is now also a screamer Mother.

Comments are interesting.  Someone said that her Mother was a screamer until the divorce and then was calm.  Another person gave the writer some possibly psychiatric diagnoses for both her and her Mother.  Turns out her Mother had a heart condition which might be a reason for the screaming.  There might be heart medications now that will help.

It’s just interesting to me how people discuss divorce, or don’t discuss it.  They will discuss all other levels of chaos and crises.  It’s like no one has the words to discuss it.  Oh well, on Mother’s Day you don’t really want to rock the boat anyway.



Parental Decision Making in Step-Family Situations

Story out of Minnesota about a Mother and her boyfriend who shaved the head of the Mother’s daughter and forced her to wear diapers and run around outside their house.  They locked the girl out of the house and when police showed up she was understandably crying and hysterical.  To make matters worse about 50 neighbors were standing around staring at her.

The parents were arrested and were said to be laughing as the police put them in the police car.  They are charged with a misdemeanor crime.

They

Just

Didn’t

Get

It.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to have a kid. You have something to bully and humiliate.  The reason the Mother and the boyfriend gave for this crime was that the daughter wasn’t doing well in school.  I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t be doing well in school…  A really large percentage of children from Divorced families don’t do well in school.

I suspect that parenting becomes much more sloppy in divorced families and even worse in step-families.  Maybe somebody would do a study someday to come up with a couple of statistics.

Here’s another one out of Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Dad’s got 3 kids.  Mom’s got one.  They all pile into the car and drive off to the liquor store because the adults are drunk and Dad gets the idea of how this group must somehow form a family.  He straps the kids to the hood of the car to give them a ride.  It was probably kind of fun until the guy at the liquor store called the police and the police called the U.S. Marshall and the U.S. Marshall pulled them over. They made it 3 blocks.  Nobody was hurt.  The Dad’s kids were picked up by their Mother.  The Mom’s daughter was put into protective custody.  This is some sort of Felony in Indiana.  Dad was crying at he was arrested.  Mom admitted the children were in danger.  Dad should dry up and open an amusement park.  It sounds like Indiana needs one.

There are many step situations with Mom and Dad’s Lovers where this doesn’t happen.  The tension is much more subtle.  Or it’s not there at all.  Often money will happily replace it.  I’m just saying, parenting is difficult.



Divorce v. Adoption
May 2, 2012, 2:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

While listening to a talk show about adoption on NPR this morning I was struck by a couple of similarities between growing up as an adopted child versus growing up as a child of divorce.

I on iPad and may not get the link right so here’s the URL:

http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201205011000

The interviewer is Michael krasny and the interviewees are a panel of 4 adults who were adopted and telling their stories.

Adoptees talk a lot about the importance of genetics which may or may not make a difference to them. They often recognize the importance of this as they need the information for their medical records. They also desire having a relationship with their birth parents. Children of divorce who have step families go through a similar ( but not exactly the same) set of problems. If one parent disappeared the child has to undertake similar lessons in trying to understand the psychology why. It’s often not socially acceptable to question any of these relationship problems, which shows how children of divorce are so far behind adopters.

One father called in to say that his adopted daughter had committed suicide. He said that in looking back he realized that she, like many adoptees, never mentioned her feelings about being adopted and feels that having to stuff those feelings was largely behind not being able to cope with feelings as an adult. The father said that he feels that many adoptees tend to not talk about adoption. This is certainly similar to children of divorce.

Obviously there are many ways in which growing up in divorce is not similar to being adopted. For one, it’s ok to talk about the experience as a personal struggle rather than something that your parents went through…

That’s a nice show and is part of a series about how people live. Don’t know if there will be a similar show about growing up in divorce. Something tells me, no.