Spoiled Children of Divorce


People in Their 40s Most Delinquent on Student Loans…Related to Divorce in Childhood?
July 20, 2012, 11:45 pm
Filed under: College Drop Out, Long Term Fallout, money, poverty

A Huffington Post article describes how people in their 40s currently have higher delinquency rates on their student loans than other age groups.

These people would be born between 1963 and 1973.  This means they were born at the peak of the Divorce Boom.  I wonder if any studies will ever be made which try to see if these defaults could be connected with long term fall out from growing up in divorce.

People who grew up in divorce have a higher drop out rate from college.  There could be multiple reasons for this the most obvious is because of money.  They may have to enter or re-enter college later on in life when they are already burdened with other responsibilities.

In addition there could be historical social/financial factors involved. There were recessions around 1973, 1981 and 1990 so maybe this generation just grew up with an extra weakened immunity to financial problems during their childhoods.  Divorce would have compounded the problems for them personally.  Kids going through their parents’ divorce often suddenly plummet into poverty in the years after the divorce.  I ‘ve discussed this before.  I even mentioned a study a while back that found that even a 1 month length of time living below the poverty line can cause serious damage to a child.

They may actually be at the age that their parents were when they divorced so are repeating the same behaviors on a subconscious level.

Perhaps the younger generations won’t suffer the same problems.  Times are special now because of the extended Recession/Depression.  I’d like to say that society has a more sophisticated attitude towards shielding kids from their parents’ life style choices, but I know on a personal level that this is not the reality.  Psychiatry seems to have turned to creating actual weaponry for the government through “Non Violent” tortures and interrogations, so is even less interested in helping kids from divorce than it was before.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Oliver Stone

It’s amazing how many Children of Divorce, the guys at any rate, grew up to become famous movie Directors.

This morning I was listening to the NPR radio station in my area and heard a very interesting interview with Oliver Stone.  He was talking about his life as well as his movies.  And Michael Krasney, the interviewer actually asked him to speak about his parents’ divorce. (awesome!, and of course Stone couldn’t really find the words to discuss it.)

Stone was born into comfort in New York and Connecticut. His Father was a stockbroker.  Wikipedia says that his parents divorced when Stone was 15 because his Father tended to end up having affairs with family friends.  Stone had a strong relationship with his  father, but his Mother was absent much of the time.  In the interview Stone says that he was sent to boarding school when he was 14 and this in connection with the divorce was a time of great loss.  Can’t remember his exact words because I was driving while listening to the interview.

I suppose that growing up in divorce trauma not only gives one a heightened of how to tell a story emotionally but to have an extra layer of understanding about human motivations.  One also has the freedom, in a sense, to devote one’s time to something outside of family and relationships.  Movie sets probably become like little families that disperse quickly.

Stone graduated from the boarding school and was accepted at Yale but dropped out after a year.  According to one article he decided to reinvent himself and went to Asia.  Religion appears to have played a big part in Stone’s life.  His Father was Jewish, his Mother was Catholic and they decided to raise him Episcopalian.  That’s nuts of course.  Stone has studied Buddhism for most of his adult life.

Stone fought in the Vietnam War and has made 3 movies about this experience.  The most famous is Platoon.

It seems to be a very positive survival step when Children of Divorce decide to completely reinvent themselves soon after leaving home around Age 18 or 19.  Changing one’s name, throwing one’s self into a career (one that doesn’t require College), seeking out a new religion and a better way of life than one has been brought up in is a big potential gift that one can take from this upbringing. Uranus rules Divorce so those who can enjoy Uranian lifestyles perhaps do better than those who don’t.

In the interview, Stone talks about his problems with addiction and his mental health issues as an adult.

He discusses the motives behind choosing many of the themes for his movies.  One can sense that being a witness to the reality behind one’s parents’ wedded bliss can really trigger the seeker in all of us.   Stone  seeks to find the real truth.  Political fraud.  Violence.  What really happens in history outside what one reads from textbooks and news reports.  Okay, okay, and there’s a lot of dramatization, exaggeration, and conspiracy theory there.  And those last reasons are what sell his movies.

Stone is on his third marriage.  He has two sons from his second marriage and has a daughter with his third and current wife.  Stone himself was an only child.



“Blue Valentine”

Saw the movie Blue Valentine this week-end, a movie about a married couple whose relationship is falling apart.  They have one daughter.  The story is about the struggle to stay together together, the shock of not being able to make it work.  There is one child, a daughter.  The movie unfolds in a series of flashbacks which shows both why the relationship came together and why it fell apart. The deciding scene takes place in a creepy motel room called “The Future Room” in which one can see that there is no future here.  The acting, by Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, is really incredible.

I don’t think I’m going to say more, except to say that the husband is from a divorce background.  One can see his Child of D personality as he is abnormally sensitive to other peoples’ feelings but also can’t put his life in forward gear.  This is dragging his wife down.  Gosling’s characters’ Mother left the family when he was 10 and was never seen again.  He didn’t finish college and and has worked in low paying jobs his whole life, maintaining a light hearted personality while dragging his life down with obsessive smoking and drinking.  He has no ambition to do anything in his life, and has no connections with the past.  He is portrayed in all kinds of mercurial relationships with home and house.  First he works as a mover, unpacking an old man’s belongings in the old folks home with uncharacteristic care.  Then he works as a house painter, delighting in seeing other people so happy with the improvements he can make in their homes.  Meanwhile, his own inability to find his own passion for living is what destroys his family.

Michelle Williams’ character is surrounded by family, although not necessarily a happy harmonious family.  I couldn’t tell if her parents were divorced.  She is mostly connected with her grandmother.  Williams’ character works as a nurse.   Gosling’s character met her just at the moment when she became pregnant from a bad boyfriend and rushed in to making a family with her.

Kind of interesting how in the final scene I felt a tinge of relief as they moved on, even though it was pretty clear that Gosling’s character was probably going to just get worse.   Of course, the last scene shows the daughter being ripped from her father, and, quickly recovering.

Maybe someday there will be a realistic movie about how she deals with her Mother’s second marriage.

No.  Wait.  Here we go:     Brady Bunch Theme Song.

Here’s a review.

Imdb



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Liza Lou

Biographies of Modern Artists are difficult to come by.  Artists speak through their work first and if they’re successful a biographer comes along and explains the life experience from which the art springs.  I was really pleased to find that Artist Liza Lou is from a divorced family.  Lou is an American Artist who makes unbelievably beautiful sculptures which are covered in tiny beads.  She became famous for her life-size portrayal of a modern american kitchen which sparkles and gleams.  It’s a feminist commentary.  It’s also interesting that she chose to show an idealized version of something related to home.

Lou’s childhood seems very strange.  Her parents were bohemian artists living in New York until they found God and became Born Again Christians and moved to the suburbs.  Lou’s Father seems to have gone off the deep-end.  She has performed a piece about his abuse.  Lou has a sister.  I don’t know what age she was when her parents divorced.  She is said to be still close to her Mother.

Excellent article (with pictures) here.

From the article:

“Liza’s work is an imitation of life, where nothing is real,” says her Paris gallerist, Thaddaeus Ropac. “At the same time, it’s so present that it can be very frightening.” According to art historian and critic Robert Pincus-Witten, it offers a unique synthesis of issues deriving from conceptualism, Pop art and feminism. “There’s that ambiguity between the extremely luxurious and the politically terrifying,” he says.

You don’t have to dig very deeply into Lou’s personal history to find the wellsprings for her works’ conflicting themes. Her parents lived determinedly bohemian lives in Manhattan until 1965, when they attended a revival meeting and became born-again Christians. After burning all of their books and artworks, including Roy Lichtenstein paintings that were gifts from the artist, they moved to Minnesota, where they worked for various fundamentalist churches. Lou and her sister grew up watching exorcisms and speaking in tongues.

At a certain point in her teens, Lou began to question some of the tales she’d been told: Did King David really speak to her mother in the hospital after Lou was born, to explain that the baby was a blessing unto this world? (Today, although not exactly an atheist, Lou says she isn’t a believer, either: “Certain things have to line up for me in terms of logic.”) In 1989 she took a summer trip to Europe, and in the cathedrals of Florence and Venice, she experienced revelations, though they had less to do with Jesus than with mosaics and Byzantine domes. “As an American kid who grew up in the suburbs—postmodern churches with plastic chairs and all that crap—it was totally transforming to be in a place that took hundreds of years to make,” Lou says. “That blew me away.”



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Edgar Allen Poe

“Once upon a midnight dreary”

was written by a Child of D.  I suppose it makes sense…

Last week’s New Yorker magazine published an article about Poe’s life called “The Humbug” written by Jill Lepore.

(http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2009/04/27/090427crat_atlarge_lepore)

Edgar Allen Poe was born to an actress.  A year after he was born his Father left.  Two years after Poe was born his Mother died.  Poe and his siblings were separated and Poe was raised by a wealthy merchant and his wife.  He was never adopted by these people.  It seems that wild swings in financial fortunes and power plays dominated the household of Poe’s childhood and  Poe was out on his own by the time he was 17. 

He also had drinking and gambling problems from very early on. Financially strapped, Poe joined the military for a while and then attended West Point.  He wrote for money. It seems he moved around a lot.  His love life seems equally difficult.  The women in his life seemed to have suffered illnesses and to have passed away.  At age 27 Poe married his 13 year old cousin.  The marriage lasted about 12 years before Virginia, his wife, died of tuberculosis.  Poe died at Age 40.

Wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Allan_Poe



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Courtney Cox
December 22, 2008, 10:48 pm
Filed under: College Drop Out, creativity, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Uncategorized

As I’ve said before I don’t like to add a whole lot of Actors and Actresses to the Exemplaries List.  Not because their lives and feelings don’t count, but just because Superstardom is sort of an unusual life experience that doesn’t apply to a lot of people.  A whole lot of it depends on having the “It” factor and so much of real success in life comes from hard work, determination, self-confidence, intelligence, etc. 

(Also, I suspect that Children of D might overall be more attractive than kids from Divorce.  I think that it might be more difficult for attractive and magnetic Parents not to give in to temptations like having affairs (and being vain and egocentric and arrogant) and so might be more likely to do things which lead to having multiple relationships in life.  They are more likely to want to pursue something better and bigger and more perfect in life.  Their kids might be better looking and more genetically enhanced from a physcial stand-point in this regard and so more easily successful in fields that require such attributes.  This is just a supposition of mine).

Actress Courtney Cox is the Actress best known for her hilarious portrayal of Monica in the Friends series on TV.  Turns out she’s a Child of D.  Cox’s parents divorced in 1974 when she would have been around Age 10.  Her childhood is described on Wikipedia here:

Cox was born Courteney Bass Cox in Birmingham, Alabama to a wealthy Southern family. Her parents were Courteney (née Bass) and Richard Lewis Cox, a contractor.[1] Cox has two older sisters (Virginia McFerrin and Dottie Pickett), an older brother (Richard, Jr.) and nine half-brothers and half-sisters. Her parents divorced in 1974, and her father eventually settled in Panama City, Florida, where he opened a company called Cox Pools, while Cox grew up with her mother and her stepfather, New York businessman Hunter Copeland.

She is speaking out in the link listed below about how her own attitude to her marriage is reflected in her Father’s attitude to his Divorce.

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/courteney-cox-divorce-is-not-an-option/16824?nc

This is the revealing part:

Cox’s parents parents divorced when she was a child. “Before my dad died, he said one of his big regrets was that he hadn’t worked on their marriage enough. I don’t know what the future’s going to hold, but divorce isn’t really an option,” she said.

How much is “enough?”  Who knows?  Each family is different.  What’s right for one person, or family, isn’t right for another person or family.  Thing is, the kids are part of the marriage.  They also have to live with the divorce for the rest of their lives.  Something that the parents don’t really have to do.



What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? Exemplary Children of D – Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp gave an incredible performance of an oldest Son growing up while living with a helpless, obese, single mother and younger brother  in the movie:  What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

Probably not really good Holiday Viewing, though.  Just happened to think of it right now.

Johnny Depp is a Child of D.  His parents would have divorced around the time that Depp was 15.  Here’s an except from his biography on Wikipedia.

Depp was born in Owensboro, Kentucky, the son of Betty Sue Palmer (née Wells), a waitress, and John Christopher Depp, Sr., a civil engineer.[3] He has one brother, Danny, and two sisters, Christie (now his personal manager) and Debbie. … The family moved frequently during Depp’s childhood, and he and his siblings lived in more than 20 different locations, settling in Miramar, Florida, in 1970. In 1978, Depp’s parents divorced. He engaged in self-harm as a child, due to the stress of dealing with family problems and his own insecurity. He has seven or eight scars from practicing self-harm. In a 1993 interview, he explained his self-injury by saying, “My body is a journal in a way. It’s like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist”.[8]

1980s

Depp’s mother bought her son a guitar when he was 12, and Depp began playing in various garage bands. His first band was in honor of his girlfriend, Meredith. A year after his parents’ divorce, Depp dropped out of high school to become a rock musician. As he once explained on Inside the Actors Studio, he attempted to go back to school two weeks later, but the principal told him to follow his dream of being a musician. …