Spoiled Children of Divorce


Brain on Fire – Susannah Cahalan
In her recently released book Brain on Fire, Susannah Callahan describes her battle with a rarely diagnosed autoimmune illness which attacked her brain.  I heard an interview with her on NPR’s radio program Fresh Air.
Callahan became very sick very quickly in February 2009 when she was 24 years old.  At first she figured she was suffering from the stress of her new job as a reporter at The New York Post but as her symptoms became worse she went through diagnosis after diagnosis and eventually chewed up 1 million dollars worth of scans and tests. A doctor could correctly figure out her illness by the simple test of  having her draw a picture of the face of a clock.
Calahan had been living with a boyfriend for 6 months.  Her parents were divorced and she had become estranged from her father after the divorce.  Both parents sound like they were great caretakers and cooperated with each other throughout the long month when Susannah was in the hospital.  Much of this time she doesn’t remember.
Callahan also describes how her relationships changed throughout her illness.  I suspect that this is probably more important for Children of Divorce because we often can’t expect our parents to help because they don’t have the support of a family unit, or can’t stand being around the other parent which causes even more stress.  Then again, each case is different and parents are hopefully more savvy now than they used to be.
 Just before her hospitalization Susannah had moved back in with her Mother and her Mother’s husband/boyfriend.  The night before the hospitalization she spent with her Father and his Wife/Girlfriend.  Since both parents had significant others for support this might actually be an improved circumstance as there were 4 adults doing the caretaking.  (Also, sorry, but I seem to have forgotten the exact relationship that the parents had with their significant others.)
From a Child of D standpoint there’s an interesting comment about how during this night with Father and Stepmother Susannah hallucinates that her Stepmother is complaining about how spoiled she is.  Since I named this blog after a woman who had said that kids from divorce are disgusting because we are all spoiled I like that little quirk in Cahalan’s mind, in particular.  In the Fresh Air interview Susannah says that she figures that most people at the early part of her illness figured that she was just acting arrogant because she was a spoiled rich kid (didn’t mention divorce).  The interviewees of one her interviews with the Post ended the interview because they thought she was drunk.  The first therapist declared that she simply needed to stop drinking, something which she says she doesn’t normally do.  One can see how many extra prejudices a Child from Divorce has to deal with in trying to get diagnosed with a mental or, in this case, neurological, disorder.  Many divorced parents are probably very quick to have their children institutionalized.  I just remember the coworker of an old friend of mine whose Mother had had him put into a mental hospital so she could go to Medical School.  These things do happen.
Susannah develops a new wonderful bond with her father where previously they had been estranged.  He keeps a detailed diary of her illness which is a great resource for her book.
Cahalan had to write the book about herself from the point of view of a journalist, piecing together what everyone else said had happened because she doesn’t remember much of it.
The astrology is possibly unbelievably interesting.  I don’t have Cahalan’s birth info so this is all probably really stupid to mention.  I’m mentioning it anyway because there is possibly a really incredible connection between planetary cycles which hook the divorce with the illness.  Cahalan keeps describing her illness and recovery in terms of divorce and marriage in many ways and that so hooks into one of the significant planetary cycles that she may have been going through.
Cahalan was 24 during the time of her illness.  This hooks her into 2 possible planetary cycles.
The first would be her second Jupiter Return which occurs roughly Age 23-24.  The first Jupiter Return would have occurred when she was roughly 11-12.  Since Jupiter is connected with publishing and writing and getting lucky it makes sense that this cycle would find her gainly employed at a new stressful job with a newspaper.  Her Jupiter is possibly in Gemini which makes this even more sense as Gemini also rules writing and communication.  Gemini is connected with the nerves in the body so, if this is Susannah’s placement it would show some sort of overwhelming load on her nerves.  Jupiter rules the liver and the hips.  So, it actually is pretty interesting that the initial reactions to her behavior were to assume that she was drunk — the liver is heavily affected by alcohol.
Another cycle which I’m particularly interesting in is the 8-year Sun-Venus Rx cycle.  This is one of the most precise cycles in the planets and was used by the Mayans for measuring time.  The Sun is in conjunction with Venus Retrograde every 8 years.  Within this period there are 5 Sun-Venus Rx conjunctions which occur very close to the same degrees of the Zodiac.
In her book, Susannah says that her parents divorce had occurred 8 years previously which is why I can’t control myself here. Venus, through the sign of Libra, rules Marriage and one on one relationships.
A person whose natal chart is affected in some way by this conjunction would receive a lot of attention from these 2 planets and things that they rule during his/her lifetime.  That can be a very good thing for anything connected with social life or the arts, and can bring issues involving relationships.  Age 16 is considered the Sweet 16 party for girls so is very much connected with the Sun-VenusRx cycle.  (The part where kids start to drive, which is Mars and Mercury is maybe not such a great idea at this age.)
The person would internalize events that occur at this age very strongly and would act out on them through life and would possibly connect with an 8 year cycle through out their lives.
(I did find a birth date for Cahalan that doesn’t have a Sun-Venus Rx conjunction but still receives significant hits and I have no idea if it is a correct date.  My research is saying that divorce possibly will hook kids into these cycles and provide extra information to use for interpretation beyond the natal chart.)
Venus goes Retrograde about once a year and is never farther than 2 signs away from the Sun.  The Retrograde transit is an illusion which is seen from the earth because Venus spins around the Sun and not around the Earth.   Because of the elliptical orbits, Venus appears to stay at a standstill and to move backward in the sky during the Retrograde periods.
And Venus during the 8-year cycles that Susannah Cahalan may be hooked into is in the sign of Aries.  Aries is ruled by Mars and Mars rules the Head and Inflammation in the chart because it is a fiery planet.  It also rules Male energy and is a symbol for the Fighter and Warrior in people.
Venus is said to rule two signs.  She always is said to rule Female Energy.  The first is Taurus which rules the neck and lower part of the head, possibly the brain stem.  The second sign Venus rules is Libra which rules the Kidneys.  Venus is very strongly connected with the 8th cranial nerve because she rules the voice, hearing to some extent, Harmony, and sense of balance.  Venus, of course, is the ruler of marriage and relationships and connected with the Sun (vitality, creativity, ego expression) is very connected with social life.
Mercury and Uranus would also be interesting to look at in Susannah’s chart as they rule the nerves.  Mercury rules nerves themselves and the hands and communication skills.  Uranus rules any circulatory system and in particular the electrical system in a person.  Anything that happens suddenly is ruled by Uranus.
I’m not sure what rules rare diseases or autoimmune disorders.  I suspect that the sign of Libra is connected just because AIDS occurred during a transit of Pluto passing through Libra.  Libra is the female end of relationships which has to learn to set boundaries. Mars is impulsive and sort of thoughtless and reckless and has to learn Venusian traits.
Neptune often indicates an illness which is difficult to diagnose or treat.  Uranus and probably Jupiter generally can rule situations in which truth and enlightenment  come about so I would assume that this planet figures strongly in Susannah’s chart as she was lucky enough to receive a diagnosis and treatment.
Autoimmune encephalitis inflammation of brain
Here are dates of the Venus Rx’s and conjunctions with the Sun on 8 year cycles.  Again, I have no idea if this has anything to do with Cahalan’s chart.  Hopefully she’ll soon write more books and her birth date will be available because I’m dying of curiosity.
1985
  Venus Rx mar. 14, 1985 23 Aries
  Venus sd apr. 25, 1985 7 Aries
  Sun con. Venus Rx apr. 4, 1985. 4 Aries
Parents divorce Age 16?
  Venus Rx mar. 9, 2001. Venus 18 Aries
  Venus sd April, 20, 2001. 2 Aries
  Sun con. Venus Rx. Mar.30, 2001 10 Aries
Illness onset February, 2009, hospital march, 2009  Feb. 17?
  Sun con. Venus Rx march, 28, 2009. 8 Aries
  Venus Rx mar. 7, 2009 16 Aries
  Venus sd April. 18, 2009. 30 Pisces
Imagines stepmother telling father she’s a spoiled brat. Chapter called Buddha
Oldest daughter
Couldn’t remember metropolian museum visit Madame x postcard, Feb 17, 2009


Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  I meant to hunt down some articles but since there usually aren’t any that focus on divorce I let it go.  Did hear part of an interview on the radio.  Barbara Simpson interviews a rich woman on how to raise kids as a divorced parent.  It seemed like good advice.

Just read an article at Salon.com called “How I Met My Mother” by Taffy Brodesser-Akner.  The writer talks about how she and her Mother didn’t get along and that she didn’t understand or appreciate her Mother’s screaming until after the birth of her second son.  She says that her parents divorced when she was a child.  I can’t tell what age, it would have been maybe around Age 9 because she says they were married 10 years.  She says she was a difficult child and her Mother was a screamer.  She lived with her Father for a year at some point because of the tension in her relationship with her Mother.  And she is now also a screamer Mother.

Comments are interesting.  Someone said that her Mother was a screamer until the divorce and then was calm.  Another person gave the writer some possibly psychiatric diagnoses for both her and her Mother.  Turns out her Mother had a heart condition which might be a reason for the screaming.  There might be heart medications now that will help.

It’s just interesting to me how people discuss divorce, or don’t discuss it.  They will discuss all other levels of chaos and crises.  It’s like no one has the words to discuss it.  Oh well, on Mother’s Day you don’t really want to rock the boat anyway.



“May die 2day”

Taboo subject here.  Even more forbidden than trying to seek help about how to deal with abusive step-parents.

This article is about a Mother who couldn’t get food stamps to feed her 2 children.  During an almost 7 hour stand off at the Welfare Office in Laredo, Texas, Rachel Grimmer’s 12-year old daughter posted a few frightening messages on her Facebook account about what she was going through as Mommy waves her gun around in despair.  At one point, she says she’s bored.  Guess perhaps she grew up listening to threatening rants.

At around midnight the Mother shot her two children, the 12 year old daughter and the 10 year old son in the head.  They have survived but are both in critical condition.  Ms. Grimmer then shot and killed herself.  I guess the welfare office supervisor wasn’t harmed.

Obviously, the Social Worker could have used some training.  He’s obviously telling lies all over the place about what was done to help.  And there are obviously some racial issues going on here.

The kid in this situation doesn’t ask for help, probably would resist it if it were offered, and it won’t be offered anyway because family, friends, and psychoblabbers  can’t stand the drama or even actually are amused by it.

The article tries to make sense out of the relationship between this family and the welfare system and it can’t.  It’s so unbelievable it sounds like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

This brings up a lot of issues.  But, for right now,  I pray that those kids will recover.

Here’s a good article from Australia about Filicide.  That’s people who kill their children.  Talks about connection with Divorce.  And the tendency for everyone around, friends, family, therapists, etc., to go into denial, or at least do nothing.   The grandmother wrote back on Facebook to her granddaughter that she was “there for you.”   She could have at least told the kid to take her brother and go hide or to fake a convulsion to distract the adults.

“Mental Health, Filicide, Parental Separation and Divorce:  The need for early intervention and a better coordinated approach.” by Dr. Daniell Tyson and Prof. Thea Brown.

EDIT added December 28, 2011:  Both of Rachel Grimmer’s children died within 2 days of the shooting.  May they Rest in Peace.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Tom Arnold

Tom Arnold maybe isn’t considered the most successful entertainer in Hollywood but he is to be commended for speaking out about his personal life. I saw him in an interview this past week talking about his childhood. His parents divorced when he was 4 years old and his Mother married and divorced 7 times. He has begun performing in a new show in which he looks at these parts of his life through humor.

Arnold’s first marriage was to Roseanne Barr and was highly publicized as probably the most dysfunctional relationship in Hollywood in the 1990s. He has since married 3 times and is still married to his 4th wife. I became interested in seeing if I could notice anything in particular related to his astrological cycles which would play out in his successive marriages and found some pretty interesting stuff.

In the interview, Arnold discussed seeing the influence of a 4 year cycle in his relationships. He was 4 years old when his parents split and his first 3 marriages lasted 4 years each. He’s been married to his 4th wife for what looks like 2 years so far so hopefully he will have broken this cycle. I wonder if he likes to play golf, I think they shout out the word “Four” a lot although I don’t know what it means.

At Age 4 there are multiple cyclic influences. I’ve mentioned before that it seems that were more children from this age group whose charts I have studied than any other. Since I still have such a small selection of charts to look at this may not mean anything. But, it sort of does seem that whatever age of development, psychologically or astrologically that children are at helps them to become successful later in life if they go through their parents’ divorce at this age. I seldom see charts of successful people who come from such disruptive childhoods. Often multiple marriages by a parent guarantees that the child will not become famous for whatever reason.

Between the Ages of 3 and 4 children go through the first returns of many of the asteroids which are held between the orbit of Mars and Jupiter. The ones I’m looking are the bigger ones. Then also we look at the first return of Ceres. These generally describe various female energies in a person. Ceres is the nurturer. Pallas represents Divine Wisdom. Juno represents the First Wife. Vesta represents the Home Fires. I think that happens earliest in the 3d year. Should look it up but I’m too lazy. Tom Arnold has a conjunction of Pallas to Juno in Libra, the sign of Marriage. So the asteroids show that he could possibly spend a lot of time looking at the institution of marriage in some way. Juno was Zeus’ wife and Zeus was a philanderer. And Pallas Athene was born out of her Father’s head and never had a Mother and never married because she was very, very, very, very smart. So one can see that viewing the Institution of marriage can often bring up complex thought processes regarding such issues.

The only major planetary return that occurs at Age 4 is the second Mars Return. That shows completion of a second cycle of mastery in all things Marsian which basically means that Mom and Dad made it through the toddler phase without killing the child.

I focused on the partial Jupiter cycle phase at this age when studying this age group. This is just after the time of the first Jupiter trine to itself. You can try to read what I wrote wherever it is. Someone hacked into all that stuff and changed everything because I’m being gang stalked by illegal aliens who are learning how to use computers. So, in addition to my laziness about editing and inability to express myself, someone else edited according to however people in India and Mexico lingo. Jupiter represents international relations so I guess it’s all relevant in this case. The trine phase is a time of ease. Children at Age 3 when the first Jupiter square occurs are learning vocabulary words at a very rapid pace (Jupiter rules abundance, fast growth, law, religion, publishing, and opinions) and by the time they are turning 4 they are feeling accomplished in these areas and are talking trash out of their little potties mouths. This is why Jupiter is often connected with humor and openmindedness which makes sense that a comedian would have strong Jupiter influence in his chart.

In Tom Arnold’s case he’s got a very strong Jupiter influence. Jupiter rules his first chart which means that it rules his entire chart. It is also in conjunction with his Ascendant. It is also opposing Mars in the 7th House of Relationships. So one can see that age 4 a huge part of Arnold’s personality was forming just as he was experiencing the trauma of his parents’ relationship falling apart. 4 year cycles would be a huge influence in his life no matter what, but in this case they are hooked in with emotional trauma which relates his own relationships (H1 and H7) with his parents’ divorce. Mars and Jupiter literally describe the freedom and happiness and playfulness and lack of self consciousness of childhood. They are related to overdoing things and not knowing when to stop.

Oh yeah, and Jupiter is in conjunction with Ceres (Demeter) in Arnold’s chart. Ceres describes one’s ability to nurture. She also represents farming. Pretty interesting that Arnold is from Iowa and worked on a pig farm. He describes how he was very good at killing pigs, was even given a nickname, can’t remember what it was. That’s the Mars-Jupiter influence. And he describes how psychically damaging it was to have to do his job. That’s the Ceres in empathetic H12 influence. The rest of Arnold’s chart shows a lot of insecurities that conflict but also balance out this energy. He has Saturn in the first house which squares Mercury and Venus. That puts a damper on some impulsiveness.

I looked at Arnold’s Divorces to see if they hooked in at all with his Jupiter Cycles in order to see if this works for predictive purposes. The Jupiter Cycle is roughly 11-12 years long. Jupiter takes about one year to pass through one sign. Wikipedia gives the date by year of the divorces so I looked at the charts of Arnold’s Solar Returns. In other words I don’t have correct placements for Jupiter during those years but perhaps see what was working for Arnold’s ego (i.e. Sun) during that year). There does often seem to be some sort of hook up, but, again, I don’t have a lot to go on.

Arnold began stand up comedy at Age 23. This would have been around the time of his 2d Jupiter Return.

First divorce from Roseanne Barr was in 1994. This would have been around the time of his 3d Jupiter Return.

Second divorce was in 1999. This would have been the 3d Jupiter Return of where Jupiter was when Arnold turned 4, right around the time of his parents’ divorce.

Third divorce was in 2008. This might not be accurate as Wikipedia says that he was married in 2002 and that would mean that his 3d marriage lasted 6 years. This could possibly correspond with a Jupiter Opposition, but don’t know so won’t say much about it.

The asteroids also show some interesting correspondences but this post would be ten times longer and I’m worried about what the Mexicans are sticking in the air vents of my car right now.



Malnutrition and Growing Up in Divorce
July 18, 2011, 5:41 pm
Filed under: ADD, Astrology stuff, Guilt, Health, Nutrition, poverty, Uncategorized

The study of Nutrition would probably help children of divorce more than any other. The connection between “meal time” is often the one subject which connects family members more than any other. There are a whole lot of issues which can come up concerning food when there is a divorce. The physical harm that is done to a child by being fed irregular meals of inferior quality is the first issue. There are social issues that crop up as well is a child is not fed and allowed to interact in mealtime. Within the home this will just develop as the usual, but once a child begins to make friends with children who come from normal homes the child might feel neglected or ashamed or lesser than. There are also basic psychological damages that can occur. The stress of having one’s weekly visit with Daddy dominated by his new date while Mommy sits at home feeling left out is probably a typical stress activity for some. It was for me at least.

Money with which to buy food becomes a problem. Children are exposed to parents who are totaling up how much they need in order to buy food each month.

If there is a loss of income on either parents’ side this can be a source of great stress. In my family the money always went first for alcohol and cigarettes. What was left would go for food. I remember my step-sister opening the empty refrigerator and screaming. Our parents would still be asleep at 11:00 am. Older children will often complain about the problem openly. Younger children will probably feel guilt for having needs which obviously won’t be filled through normal channels. Behaviors have to be developed in order to get fed. I became Anorexic so I stopped needing food. Meal times in my family were so heavily connected with Alcoholism I figure I would have had problems anyway, but the divorce made the situation much worse. I also became the one who went with my Mother to the grocery store and helped her with the budget. Sometimes her hands would shake so much writing the check that I would have to sign for her.

Issues of priorities that have been set within families concerning who is responsible for what duties can become an issue. In conservative families where women do the cooking there will be issues. I remember my older brother going through his bad adolescence screaming at me to stop doing homework in order to cook the dinner because girls do the cooking. In my family now, the women become stressed about cooking that the men do practically all of it, by the way.

I picked up an old collection of essays and lectures from 1981-82 about Nutrition from a library sale. It’s interesting to see all the studies which have been done on child development and nutrition. Researchers found that motor skills are heavily affected in children who suffer malnutrition as babies. This so corresponds with the first astrological cycles it’s just amazing. Mercury represents fine motor skills and it’s first cycles play a huge part in a baby’s development during the first year. Mars represents gross motor skills and Mars’ influence plays a big part in the 2d year (and first year as well). So, I hope to read more from the book in order to connect these two. I wonder if Nutritional Scientists have tried to discover ways to fix nutritional deficiencies that have occurred early on in the physical level. I know they figure that the psychological scars are probably either ADD or Autism. And, certainly, anyone who has been involved in Nutritional Science hasn’t done much of anything considering how what conventional farming has done to the food and how much junk food there is.

I hope to do more research to see if the other astrological cycles/stages of development correspond with physical problems relating to malnutrition issues. I erased the name of the book. The language in most of it is very techniical and too difficult for me to understand.

One thing I can think of in order to create a solution is for parents to try to section off a piece of land in order to get kids involved in growing their own food organically. Maybe they are already doing this. It seems that the benefits would be huge in many different areas. The parents could share babysitting so could have some free time to do their own thing. Kids could connect with the land and with food which could be a good substitude for not having a stable family. Kids could eat more nutritious and flavorful food and could have some positive guidance from adults in learning to grow it. I know this is part of the campaign which First Lady Michelle Obama started. The problem with these types of “cures” is that parenting and scheduling becomes such a stressful part of growing up in Divorce that most people will just stop following any of these activities. The stress of following through on these artificial cures becomes too stressful. Many people just don’t have easy access to land at this point. Of course, there are urban gardening techniques where one can grow some things in just a few pots kept in a window.



Birth Order Changes Not Mentioned Again

It’s as if the past 40 years of Divorce Boom haven’t happened among Birth Order aficionados.  Article “How Birth Order Affects Your Love Life” by Lisa Lombardi sounds straight out of Psychology Today c. 1978.

The article doesn’t mention Divorce.  It doesn’t mention Step- and Blended Families.  Of course it doesn’t mention children of unmarried parents, children who have had a parent who died, children who have grown up Foster Families or children who are adopted.   Those are the people who need the information.  Kids from these backgrounds all experience shifts of birth order.  I suppose that it’s most likely that an oldest child will be least likely to experience change of birth order.  I suppose that they might be most hurt by loss of being first.  Middle children probably won’t experience the greatest upheaval but they might be most upset because they are naturally least noticed and demanding and most accommodating.

If we live in an open minded community where people bob in and out of relationships like it’s Halloween, then why are we so close minded about what we are forcing the babies to go through?

It’s just so weird that nobody even thinks to update this b.s.  It would be a big seller probably.  Maybe it would be too complicated to contain within one of those slim self help books, though.  DSM-9,000,000.

Anyway, read the article.   Think about who you are most likely to get involved with and see if it lines up.

Geez, I’m getting way too negative even for me.  Have run out of exemplary children of divorce to write about.



Sleep Disorders Related to Divorce

I suffer from sleep disorders.  I know that what I went through with my Mother after the divorce is a major reason for sending the problem over the top.  But, I’ve never had this recognized by a shrink.

I had no problem until after I stopped living with my Mother.  That is, the problem of being kept awake all night and screamed at among other things just stuck with me.  I didn’t notice it until after the other problem was removed from my life.

During my first year in College I had a kind of funny and loud roommate.  The guy living in the room next door asking me how I could stand it.  Truth is, I didn’t notice it.  I did flunk out of that college almost immediately after entering.  I did notice a huge problems in the next college I went to.  The problem wasn’t so much that I couldn’t sleep, it was because I had been put in to a room that was under a really noisy guy.  At that point, my anorexia had gotten a lot worse.  I had several severe nutritional deficiencies because of it.  One was a Vitamin B deficiency which was noticable because the sides of my mouth were cracked.  Vitamin B is related to nervous disorders.  So that could possibly be a problem.

But I think my problem went back further than the divorce.  If my parent’s problems, and specifically my Mother’s problem, had been handled responsibly (she was the loud one), I probably would have outgrown the problem.  But my Father removed himself from the situation and it became worse for the rest of us because of it.   As a child, I was sick all the time in the era when antibiotics were given away like candy by the doctors.  I was asthmatic and was given a medication which was composed of uppers and downers and some sort of extremely toxic asthma medication which was only effective at the dosage which it became fatal.  Asthma is considered a psychiatric problem by the Medcial Community., At least I know it has been up til pretty recently because I had a roommate, a Nurse, who used to bitch about her difficult asthmatic patients.  (Hang a rope around your neck and dangle for a day and you’ll know the psychology that’s behind asthma).  Another interesting thing is related to an unbelievably obvious environmental situation.   My bedroom was always right next to the kitchen.  And that’s where my parents used to party all night.  I had no choice about sleeping on those nights.  It was loud.  The piano was right up against my bedroom wall.  If I complained my Mother would yell at me, because, she was drunk, and an alcoholic.  And she was fun.  And I wasn’t.  I was grumpy because I couldn’t sleep, for one thing.

So, I found this old book in the library, from 1985.  (1984 is the last time that California counted Divorce Statistics. ) That’s when the “No Fault Parenting Laws” snuck in under the “No Fault Divorce Laws.”  At any rate, when I pick up these self help books I know that there won’t be a whole chapter which discusses “Divorce”.   I go straight to the index.  In this case, probably because parents were still aware that their children existed, there are a large amount of listing: 5 listings (small listings) of the word “Divorce.”  More recent books have completely stopped using the word.  It makes the parents unhappy.

So here we go:  Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.  By Richard Ferber, M.D., Director, Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders, Children’s Hospital, Boston, 1985, this is paperback published 1986, Simon and Schuster.

p.  39 Chapter called “Developing Good Sleep Patterns”  Section called:  Should Your Child Sleep in Your Bed?”

It’s about how sleeping alone helps a child develop independence.  Kids can come between the parents, it can be a power play.  Single parents are lonely and will often want a kid to sleep with them and this creates problems for the child.

Author could have added a comment about how different this situation is for a child with a step-parent.  That child will know early on that he can’t go into his parents’ bed because of well, there’s a stranger in bed with Mommy and/or Daddy and they’re having #$&^%$ and ##%## sex (verbage censored to protect the parents who suffer from hypocrisy and arrogance).  We won’t discuss children of divorce who have to lie awake listening to their parents doing the deed with whomever.

p. 46-47:  Chapter 4 Nighttime Fears:  The Child Who is Anxious.

“At any stage of your child’s development, specific events may intensify certain anxieties.”

  • Separation Anxiety, If you become sick your child may not be able to leave your side because of guilt,
  • Toilet training trauma, that must have been a big ordeal for me thank god I don’t remember it,
  • “worries about ability to control herself” (funny, how the gender thing takes over in this writing because back in 1985 grammar was pretty conservative and writers always used the masculine).
  • Scary movies.
  • Fear of kidnapping.

Oook here it comes:  There’s one paragraph for toilet training anxieties, 6 lines about scary movie anxiety, then:

  • “And significant social stresses of any kind, over which the child has little control — illness, parental fighting, separation, divorce, alcoholism, death — may lead to a great deal of worry, guilt, anxiety, and fear at any age.”
  • Shit, give me a scary movie and a bowl of ice cream any old day.

Here’s what happens after you have been tucked in during your munchkin years with regards to dealing with anxiety in your life:

“During the day it is much easier to keep worries under control.  Most children keep pretty busy and don’t have time to brood over their problems.  But at night as your child gets into bed, turns out the light, and prepares for sleep, she may begin to worry.  If she lies quietly in bed, there is little to do but think, and her fantaises may run free.  As your child gets sleepy, her ability to avoid certain thoughts diminishes.  She has less control over her feelings, urges, and fears.  In this state she begins to feel, and may even act, more childish.   In this “regressed” state at night, a four-or five-year-old may need the same reassurance that a two- or three-year-old needs during the day.

Today, they just say it’s genetics and they gork the kid out on psych drugs.  Notice once again the referral to the female gender.  Today we know that boys suffer more because of divorce overall and are 3 times more likely to grow up suicidal.  So, maybe sexism is protective is some way.  Dash out their dreams young and they won’t grow up to disappoint.

Thank God that this last year tons of oil was spewed in to the Gulf Coast and radiactive Plutonium is spewing into the Pacific Ocean from Japan.  People at this time last year were worrying about how all the psych drugs were killing off the fish.  Pharmaceutical Industry is let off the hook for what people have been urinating into the oceans.

After this there is a long pause concering sleep problems existing as a result of parental divorce.  We don’t find another mention until page 154.  There are chapters about parental behavior, scheduling situations, medical causes.  Then the Big D again comes up under the “Interruptions during Sleep” Chapter (Mommy having Sex with b.ff in room next door?)  in a Chapter called “Sudden Partial Wakings.”  That’s funny because the planet Uranus is associated with Sudden Shocking Events, Divorce, Hopes, Wishes and on rare occassions, Spiritual Awakenings.  The spiritual astrologers calm their clients fears about what Uranus is doing to wreck their lives by telling them that these events are happening in order to give them great spiritual insights that they otherwise would have not been able to learn.  We are all in this ucky muck together, if we have control and order we can’t have chaos and chaos is what creates a happy society.  Stuff like that.  I don’t doubt that some of it is true.  I also fear Uranus transits like the plague.  Nothing says “We Love You but in a Distant, Irresponsible type of way because there’s just too much going on in our own lives” quite like a Uranus transit.  Uranus rules rebellious behaviors against Status quo.  So, it’s great for rebelling against things like the Catholic Church and starting a new business that looks to improve society through innovation., The problem is that Uranus is one of the last rulers of the Astrological Wheel.  It is a very adult energy which looks at communities as a whole and its placement on the chart sort of shows the trigger energy that makes the whole world just keep rolling around.  He’s the energy that says that nothing is permanent or lasts because permanence, in itself, is evil and keeps things from getting better.  He lets Aquarius Sun Dick Cheney stand in front of the World and promote anti-Gay propaganda all the while campaigning with his daughter who is Gay.  Weirdness.  I told you, it’s an adult energy.

At any rate, p. 154 begins talking about a boy named Christopher whose Father has recently died.  So, it’s not about Divorce, it’s about Death of a Parent.  Christopher would wake up an hour after falling asleep and scream out and wouldn’t respond to his Mother.  Then he would sleepwalker around the house until 4:00 am.  Mom got sick and was gone for two weeks, then she remarried and had a new baby.  Christopher got a lot worse and was doing his thing multiple times a night.  How to get Christopher to calm down?   So here’s what the Doctor found:

“When I saw Christopher he was a nice quiet youngster, but despite his calm exterior he seemed very tense and anxious.  I learned that his father and stepfather were alcoholics and there was some violence within his home.  He had many angry feelings toward people around him but was afraid to express them.  He was quite frightened at his lack of control of the world about him and was surely distraught that his parents could not seem to control themselves.  He devoted much of his own energy toward rigid self-control.  He worried that if he did not control his feelings, there would be dire consequences.”

The Dr. then sends Christopher and his Mom to counseling.  As I said the Father is dead.  The step-father, an alcoholic, doesn’t need counseling?  The Dr. gives the kid some drugs because the Mother is so angry about being kept up all night.  There’s nothing about divorce in this one, I don’t know why I tagged it.  I guess to just study about how the step-parenting thing isn’t discussed.  This is between the subset relationship within Christopher’s family, him and his Mom.

The next mention of the Big D is on p. 196-7 in a Chapter called “Headbanging, Body Rocking, and Head Rolling.

Kind of interesting that kids generally start headbanging around Age18 months.  That’s right before the first Mars Return. Mars rules the head.  And banging.  If a child stops doing this around Age 3 or 4 there’s nothing to worry about. The second Mars Return occurs right before Age 4.  Kids do these “rhythmic behaviors.”  Those ages are under the influence of Jupiter and Jupiter rules abstract thought.  Maybe there’s a connection between giving one’s self a concussion and being capable of abstract thought?  Weird.  Teething begins around the same time as headbanging and rocking so the kid might just be in physical pain or discomfort.  Interesting.

There’s discussion about an 8-year-old girl named Jessica who began Head Thumping after her parents’ divorce.  She would lie on her stomach and thump her head on the bed repeatedly.

“She was afraid she might cause her mother more unhappiness, and , if this happened, she would suffer even more loss of love.  It was clear that the recurrence of Jessica’s headbanging was in response to her current emotional struggles.”

Yeah, she just want to feel the pain on a physical level.  But, I wonder if Jessica is one of the Adult Children of Divorce who has gone on to become twice as likely as Children from Intact Families to suffer a stroke later on in adult life.  The Dr. says to ignore it and let the child outgrow it.  He says that concussions don’t happen from this.  This was written in 1985, so maybe things have changed.