Spoiled Children of Divorce


“Blue Valentine”

Saw the movie Blue Valentine this week-end, a movie about a married couple whose relationship is falling apart.  They have one daughter.  The story is about the struggle to stay together together, the shock of not being able to make it work.  There is one child, a daughter.  The movie unfolds in a series of flashbacks which shows both why the relationship came together and why it fell apart. The deciding scene takes place in a creepy motel room called “The Future Room” in which one can see that there is no future here.  The acting, by Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, is really incredible.

I don’t think I’m going to say more, except to say that the husband is from a divorce background.  One can see his Child of D personality as he is abnormally sensitive to other peoples’ feelings but also can’t put his life in forward gear.  This is dragging his wife down.  Gosling’s characters’ Mother left the family when he was 10 and was never seen again.  He didn’t finish college and and has worked in low paying jobs his whole life, maintaining a light hearted personality while dragging his life down with obsessive smoking and drinking.  He has no ambition to do anything in his life, and has no connections with the past.  He is portrayed in all kinds of mercurial relationships with home and house.  First he works as a mover, unpacking an old man’s belongings in the old folks home with uncharacteristic care.  Then he works as a house painter, delighting in seeing other people so happy with the improvements he can make in their homes.  Meanwhile, his own inability to find his own passion for living is what destroys his family.

Michelle Williams’ character is surrounded by family, although not necessarily a happy harmonious family.  I couldn’t tell if her parents were divorced.  She is mostly connected with her grandmother.  Williams’ character works as a nurse.   Gosling’s character met her just at the moment when she became pregnant from a bad boyfriend and rushed in to making a family with her.

Kind of interesting how in the final scene I felt a tinge of relief as they moved on, even though it was pretty clear that Gosling’s character was probably going to just get worse.   Of course, the last scene shows the daughter being ripped from her father, and, quickly recovering.

Maybe someday there will be a realistic movie about how she deals with her Mother’s second marriage.

No.  Wait.  Here we go:     Brady Bunch Theme Song.

Here’s a review.

Imdb



Runaway Children, Abductions and Divorce
April 19, 2010, 6:53 am
Filed under: Abduction, High School Drop Out, runaways, Uncategorized

Chicago article finds link between kids from divorce and runaways.  Kind of a strange comment in the article saying that kids run away because they think they are responsible for the parents’ split.  I sort of doubt that, but who knows?  Why can’t anyone admit that living in a divorced home is just extremely stressful?

I wish there were some sort of alternative lifestyle for kids to go to in order to get away from a difficult home(s).  If other family members can’t take them in, then they should be able to go to a trade school where they can train for a job while making enough to live and perhaps take classes one day a week to stick to a college plan.

All kids from divorce need to go to College and finish.  I didn’t finish.  It was a mistake.  Big mistake.  If you can’t have a family to fall back on you at least need credentials to fall back on.

If I were to advise myself about what I should have done at that point I guess I would have suggest taking the GED and applying to College early to see if I could get in.  Emotionally I wouldn’t have been ready, but considering the life I led after my parents’ divorce I was being prepared to not be emotionally ready for anything for years.  It would have helped to have taken the situation in my own hands for my own health and well being.

I used to collect the advertisements that used to be printed on milk cartons and used to be sent in the mail because they gave birth dates and I wanted to see if there is a signature in a child’s chart to be a victim of abuse.

“Have You Seen Me?”

It turns out that most of those faces belonged to kids going through custody battles.  The fliers and advertisements never openly stated that because it’s never okay to admit that children growing up in divorced homes are going through hell.  These aren’t the kids who are studied by the psychologists.  Their existence is manipulated out of the statistics.

P.S. I never really found out the Sun Sign that is most likely to be abducted.  For a long time it was looking like the Virgos were going to win.  They are very lovable little kids.  (In no way, do I want to make light of children who are victims of any type of abuse here, whether through strangers or through parents or whomever. )



Bad Children of Divorce – Stephen Green, Rapist-Murderer-Soldier

Today there is news that an ex soldier in Iraq has been found guilty of having Murdered a family in order to rape the 14 year old daughter.  The ex-soldier is Stephen Green from Texas.  He and a group of other soldiers had planned the rape.  Green’s murders apparently came as a surprise.  They were stationed in a particularly troublesome spot in the war zone known as The Triangle of Death.  A Washington Post article by Andrew Tilgman tells about his meeting with Green and his group.  It’s called “I came over here because I wanted to kill people.”  Apparently, the reporter didn’t pay attention to Green’s words because he had heard this sort of brute honesty from all the soldiers.  The article alluded to a troublesome childhood so grudgingly I looked to see if Green was a Child of D.  Despite his minor offenses with the law and an angry personality Green was allowed into the military during a time when enlistments were down.

I’ve sort of been watching all this attention on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder regarding the Iraq War and have wondered if the problem is just now receiving attention or if all the Children of D are enlisting in order to get away from stressful situations and then are buckling under the extra stresses of war.

Green was born on May 2, 1985.  Spent early years in Midland, TX.  Parents divorced but don’t know what age.  Green moved to Seabrook Texas with his Mother.  She remarried when he was around 8 years old.  Reports say that Green had a troubled, angry personality from about Junior High School years onward.  His Mother is said to have “had problems” and was jailed for 6 months in 2000 and he went to live with his Father back in Midland.  He dropped out in 2002 while in the 10th Grade but managed to get his equivalency degree in 2003 from a Community College.  Green was in trouble with the law for minor offenses of smoking, pot, alcohol consumption.  It was noted on the records that he must have had trouble at home because he didn’t list either parent as a contact.  Green lived with his estranged step-father for a while at some point.

Source from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/14/us/14private.html



What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? Exemplary Children of D – Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp gave an incredible performance of an oldest Son growing up while living with a helpless, obese, single mother and younger brother  in the movie:  What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

Probably not really good Holiday Viewing, though.  Just happened to think of it right now.

Johnny Depp is a Child of D.  His parents would have divorced around the time that Depp was 15.  Here’s an except from his biography on Wikipedia.

Depp was born in Owensboro, Kentucky, the son of Betty Sue Palmer (née Wells), a waitress, and John Christopher Depp, Sr., a civil engineer.[3] He has one brother, Danny, and two sisters, Christie (now his personal manager) and Debbie. … The family moved frequently during Depp’s childhood, and he and his siblings lived in more than 20 different locations, settling in Miramar, Florida, in 1970. In 1978, Depp’s parents divorced. He engaged in self-harm as a child, due to the stress of dealing with family problems and his own insecurity. He has seven or eight scars from practicing self-harm. In a 1993 interview, he explained his self-injury by saying, “My body is a journal in a way. It’s like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist”.[8]

1980s

Depp’s mother bought her son a guitar when he was 12, and Depp began playing in various garage bands. His first band was in honor of his girlfriend, Meredith. A year after his parents’ divorce, Depp dropped out of high school to become a rock musician. As he once explained on Inside the Actors Studio, he attempted to go back to school two weeks later, but the principal told him to follow his dream of being a musician. …