Spoiled Children of Divorce

Google Scholar Articles
December 2, 2011, 12:26 am
Filed under: links to articles

A little slow, finally found Google Scholar where one can look up Scientific studies about Children of Divorce.

Characteristics of Parents Who Divorce
June 15, 2011, 9:31 pm
Filed under: links to articles

The Huffington Post is a treasure trove for articles which monitor the effects of divorce. Articles on the site which revolve around the kids are mostly written by Divorced Mothers who say that their children don’t have problems.

That’s not true. It’s one of those Big Cultural Lies that Hitler wrote about. Something like, if you want to influence the public you have to tell them a big lie because the common man/woman only understands small lies and won’t know what the hell you are talking about.

Women are probably more likely to believe big lies because we don’t think abstractly as well as men do (The reason for this might be hard wired or it might be forced into us by society, I’m not saying which, all I know is it is true, just go to a Knitting Stitch n Bitch group and you will see how petty minded women are, even in knitting the men tend to be better, but some of the younger designers are catching up. You can also go to College and see the difference).

The Huffington Post wrote a really interesting article about how Happy People are most likely to Divorce. I doubt the study was truly scientific. I’ve noticed that most alcoholics see themselves as being very Happy and Fun people and non-drinkers as sticks in the mud, so I sort of wonder what scale was used for measuring Happiness. It’s so subjective. Happiness is kind of one of those emotions which is best viewed through fuzzy thinking so I’m not sure I would believe that it can be measured. I’ve mentioned before that Divorce is for extroverts and extroverts will act extra happy because they want lots of people to hang with. Introverts couldn’t care less, they’ve already got plans.

Now Huffington Post has added another article. A male researcher did a study which found that women who lose their virginity early in life are more likely to Divorce later on. The article ends with saying that the study didn’t differentiate between women who were victims of sexual abuse and women who simply developed early. Men were not studied.

I don’t mean to say anything negative about Huffington Post. I appreciate that they are covering the subject at all. It’s just frustrating to see that they have nothing much to report on Children of Divorce from the kids’ point of view. And then they go ahead and post the shit that the parents write. Mostly successful writers who don’t have any experience that is similar to the general public except for maybe a couple of middle managers working in big corporations.

So here’s the negative again: I’m getting a Jeremy Irons type of vibe from the guy who researched the new study. What’s that movie he starred in about the psychotic twin gynocologists? A woman’s worst fear. This is like when I went to the Anorexia Lecture Panel and no Anorexics spoke. Everyone on stage, all expert in the field, was completely flumoxed by the entire illness. It’s good because it made me realize that this is what being Anorexic is all about for many of us, we have grown up being the invisible ones. Our presence is not necessary. Funny how this is true for Children of Divorce as well, but probably in different ways. At that talk, one speaker, an specialist who herself was obese, literally blurted out that she can’t stand how morbid anorexics are, fat people are at least fun because they have energy (it’s call malnutrition, bitch).

How can you know what you are studying if you haven’t bothered to ask questions? You can’t. But, apparently you can develop a whole career and a nice living out of it.

Anyways, young girls who are raped/molested often become very promiscuous afterwards and make bad decisions with regards to relationships because of it. So it would make sense that they would dive into a destructive marriage. Rape lowers the victim’s self esteem, yadda yadda yadda. If it was your step-father or step-mother that of course complicates the situation for your parent.

On the other hand, a young bipolar girl, becomes very promiscuous because mania makes one that way. That would be because of heightened self esteem. And it can get confusing if the Bipolar girl gets raped and has to deal with both lowered and heightened self esteem. It’s also very sad when the psych pros diagnose the sexual abuse victims as Bipolar because they exhibit rage and suicidal tendencies. And, of course, the Bipolar girls will make up stories about their own rapes because they’re working the situation.

And, then, God forbid, there be a young girl who simply develops early on. That means that she has watched TV and has friends. It might be because that’s just how she is. And she might require extra parenting which she won’t get because her parents are distracted. It might be because her culture is so sexist that her culture and family only accepts women as future housewives and mothers. And cultures which have been “that way” for so long aren’t going to change overnight.

The explanations can go on and on. Layer a two household parenting fiasco and you have madness. Total madness. Best to get out. Get laid and get out.

And then It’s easier to believe the big lie. Divorce does not hurt the kids.

So, there we are, we are at least making “in roads” in trying to identify what type of personality that you as a Child of Divorce are most likely to have been raised by. These are the people who will become your shrink. Remember, Happy People are really pleasant. They are also very shallow.

It’s good to know that if you are also characterized as a Happy Person then you fit the mold. Your parents won’t have to think about you and can concentrate on their own sex lives and relationships. If you are considered a Sad Person then get ready to be pilled, or at least hold the pills under your tongue and spit them out later, that stuff doesn’t work out of the public sewer systems and is killing the fish and has been proven not to work anyway. Truth is, your parents probably place a higher value on their own Happiness than on their responsibilities. Truth is, you don’t really have a family and your first attempts to create one for yourself away from your Bio’s is probably going to be a negative assortment of addicts and mentally ill people with no motivation to improve their lot in life. Your parents’ desires to be sure that you are Happy is practical. Happy people don’t complain. They also don’t solve problems and aren’t very creative. Socially, Happy people make those around them Happy which is a great advantage in the world. They also tend to talk your head off which can be quite boring especially in combination with the fact that they are crappy listeners. That’s why they had to get divorced in the first place.

So, go ahead and ask your Mother what her first sexual experience was like. No doubt she needs someone to talk to about it. Beware. Happy people often come up with the saddest stories. That’s because they don’t use caution. And, if you are under the Age of 9 you are probably not supposed to think about these things so you must keep it a secret from the Social Workers who are no doubt knocking your doors down.

Peace out. Be mellow. The drama rages.

Article About Siblings During Divorce

Here’s a great article from Huffington Post:

“Do Siblings Help Each Other When Parents Divorce?” by Judith Wallerstein.

Parental Alienation Syndrome / Custody Fights / Nathan Grieco

This post has grown a life of its own.  Don’t know if I’ll be able to get it under control.

It started out when I picked up a used book called A Kidnapped Mind  by Pamela Richardson.  Haven’t read it yet, but Richardson discusses her custody fight for her son which ultimately led to her son’s suicide.  Richardson discusses how Parental Alienation Syndrome destroyed her son’s life.  The Father had alienated him so that he refused to see his Mother.  Since the boy is dead we can’t hear his side.

Then I somehow got distracted by the story of the man who coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”  Dr. Richard A. Gardner was a psychiatrist who wrote the first book about Children of Divorce.  He coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” in 1985 and self published a book about it in 1992.  Gardner was divorced twice, had three children a son and two daughters. His astrology chart is really interesting to look at in this regard.

(Astrology stuff:  Gardner’s chart reflects the current huge outer planet t-square that we have been currently going through in his chart.  In the Cardinal Signs, strongly related to relationships on one pole and to family on the other pole.  Uranus, planet of divorce, is conjunct the North Node in Aries (conflict).  This squares an opposition of Saturn in Capricorn (strong influence of Father style of parenting, empirical science) to a conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto in Cancer (Mother, Power, Law).  Just as he was developining his theory about what goes on in these areas in 1985 his progressed Sun was changing signs and was at 29 Gemini-1 Cancer.  That point will bring one’s views before the public, in this case, views having to do with family.)

His theories are highly debated because he did not publish through peer related publishing methods and his ideas are considered non-scientific.  Mostly he defended Fathers whose ex-wives bad mouthed them to the children so that the children would not want to see their Fathers.  What grabbed my attention was the fact that Gardner committed suicide in a really gruesome way.  First he tried to overdose.  When that failed he stabbed himself to death.  This was because he was in pain from a disease called reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Sorry, but that was just more interesting to me because it was so brutal.

Then I was, of course, curious about the stories about how the courts would side with Gardner’s testimony over the pleas of children in custody disputes.  When confronted by the fact that he had set the children up with abusive parents who had then been hurt by their parents he didn’t show any remorse.  Well, that sounds pretty typical especially connected with children and divorce.

The most painful story involved 3 boys in Pennsylvania who were forced to visit their Father by court order.  If they didn’t show up and if they didn’t act happy around their Father the Judge threatened to send their Mother to jail.  That’s not legal and it’s really weird, but, hey, this is divorce.

The oldest boy, Nathan, was so distraught over his screwed up life that he committed suicide when he was 16. The kids were 4,6, and 8 when their parents split.  They grew up and during the year that they were 12, 14, & 16, when they were at the age when kids are supposed to be breaking away from family stuff, the parents and the courts were forcing them to continue to act as if they were 4, 6 & 8.

The astrology is what is grabbing me here because it possibly fits with my astrological theories which connect the planetary cycles with understanding how trauma will unfold in children later on.  It will possibly show how each particular child will react to the trauma and what kind of time frame to look for in order to understand future times when the trauma will resurface.

Nathan Greico was 8 years old when his parents divorced.  Age 8, as I’ve discussed is connected with the first Saturn square in a child’s level of development.  Saturn is related to first stage of maturity, the Father, restriction, depression, social grace (authority and the courts), and depression.  As a person, Nathan was not very good, apparently, at social and physical activities.  I don’t know what that means exactly but he was being treated for ADHD (and I haven’t got a clue what that means except that it shows that he was on drugs).  As I’ve said, I suspect that Ages 7-8 are among the worst for a child to go through parents’ divorce because they represent ages of development that will directly be affected by homelife, tradition, parents and parenting and are often connected with not feeling safe and not being able to handle failure.  In overly simplified terms, Moon is moodiness and feeling picked on.  Saturn is bitterness, guilt, and depression.

Age 8 also figures strongly in another cycle which I wonder doesn’t involve Nathan’s natal chart.  I wonder if he had a conjunction of Sun-Venus.  It would fit too well if he did.  This is because there is a cycle of the Sun and Venus Rx which repeats every 8 years and often you can see this 8 year cycle strongly figured in their charts, hopefully not the traumatized version.

I noticed that when Nathan committed suicide on Feb. 27, 2007 there was a conjunction of Venus 1 Pisces to the Sun 9 Pisces.  The sign of Pisces is often connected with feeling suicidal and like a lost cause so that could be enough of a motive to end it all if things are not going well.  And, as I say, I have no idea what Nathan’s natal chart looks like.  But, Age 8 is the earlier completion of a cycle of these two planets together.  Venus is the sign which rules marriage, harmony, partnerships.  A person who has this planet strongly figured in his chart is thought to become very distressed by any lack of balance in his life because he is extremely sensitive to it.  The Sun adds an element of self-expression of self confidence and wanting to express one’s self creatively and openly.  Often when these planets show up in a negative way, they are also related to suicide.  Sun rules a heightened sense of drama.  Venus represents Love and just doesn’t want tension.  Nathan was upset about everything Venusian.  He had just written about how upset he was over a break-up in his love life and over his parent’s ongoing custody battle and this forced visitation with his Father.  The problems with the Father began when the Mother remarried and the new step-father came in.  The Father’s reaction became subversive and violent.  There is no discussion about Nathan’s feelings about this.  If a Venusian he might just be more upset by people who are fighting rather than wanting to be the dominant male in the family the way other boys might figure in.  It’s also very interesting that he was involved in an argument over brainwashing which could be construed as a Venus type of problem.

So, as theoretical as this is, I suppose it shows another example of what I’m talking about.  Perhaps what to look for in individual children.  And what to avoid. And when.

Article about Nathan Griecohttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMILYCOURTREFORM/message/4183

The Pittsburg paper wrote a really great series about the Greico Divorce and the misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome as used by the courts in child custody hearings.

http://www.post-gazette.com  http://www.post-gazette.com/custody/parttwo.asp

The surviving brothers talking about how the minute they turn 18 they are out the door.  The older one says that he will bring the younger one with him.  Protective.

Here’s another article about how this theory is sending more children into harms way with abusive people:

Mar. 2, 2011 article from SF Weekly newspaper:  California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody”  by Peter Jamison.

The basic argument, I guess, is that it’s great that parents want to stay in their children’s lives.  But, people who are going through a divorce are really not the healthiest people in the world to be around.

copyright 2011.  All rights reserved, spoiled childrenofdivorce

California’s Dirty Little Secret?

Answers.com has an answer for everything, even for the California divorce rate.

((((((((((((68-83 percent from 1990 to 2008)))))))))))))

from Statistical Information and Demographics.

Birth Order Changes Not Mentioned Again

It’s as if the past 40 years of Divorce Boom haven’t happened among Birth Order aficionados.  Article “How Birth Order Affects Your Love Life” by Lisa Lombardi sounds straight out of Psychology Today c. 1978.

The article doesn’t mention Divorce.  It doesn’t mention Step- and Blended Families.  Of course it doesn’t mention children of unmarried parents, children who have had a parent who died, children who have grown up Foster Families or children who are adopted.   Those are the people who need the information.  Kids from these backgrounds all experience shifts of birth order.  I suppose that it’s most likely that an oldest child will be least likely to experience change of birth order.  I suppose that they might be most hurt by loss of being first.  Middle children probably won’t experience the greatest upheaval but they might be most upset because they are naturally least noticed and demanding and most accommodating.

If we live in an open minded community where people bob in and out of relationships like it’s Halloween, then why are we so close minded about what we are forcing the babies to go through?

It’s just so weird that nobody even thinks to update this b.s.  It would be a big seller probably.  Maybe it would be too complicated to contain within one of those slim self help books, though.  DSM-9,000,000.

Anyway, read the article.   Think about who you are most likely to get involved with and see if it lines up.

Geez, I’m getting way too negative even for me.  Have run out of exemplary children of divorce to write about.

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Arianna Huffington

I’ve noticed that the Huffington Post publishes a lot of articles about Divorce, sometimes even about the children, and finally found this article written by Arianna herself.  It’s the introductory post about a whole special section in the Huffington Post centered around the topic of Divorce.  Huffington has experienced Divorce from both sides in her life.  Her parents split when she was 9 years old.  And she is divorced and Mother of children. She has two daughters and says in the article that the oldest was 8 years old at the time of the split.

As always it’s interesting to compare how people discuss their parents’ divorce in order to compare which planetary return transit or phase they were going through.  Seems to always leave an impression that relates directly to the planet which relates to the child’s age.

Huffington, according to my theory, ought to have been influenced very strongly by her first Lilith Return and her first Nodal Opposition because her parents divorced when she was 9.  Lilith is sort of the “First Wife” syndrome.  In mythology she was Adam’s first wife and he dumped her because she demanded equality.  Lilith is not a planet, but a recently used abstract point in astrology.  She is related to the dark side of the Moon, the apogee point, or farthest point away from the earth (as opposed to SuperMoons which are the closest of the closest points in the orbit). This is expressed in a sort of a dark way which is a lot like the female version of Pluto ruler of Scorpio.  Lilith can be often related to behavior relating to sexual abandon.  So, it’s interesting that Huffington’s summary of her parents is to say that her Father was a philanderer.    It’s also interesting to see how the Lilith influence is postively influencing Huffington’s power as a media mogul.

I’m not real clear yet on how to interpret the partial Nodal Axis transits except to say that the difficult ones coincide in the Gessell Institute studies with very positive stages of personality development  in children.  The ages of around 5 and 10 years point to a time where kids’ personalities seem to harmonize for a while as observed by those researchers.  All the planets have a Nodal Axis, the biggee is generally considered the Moon’s Nodal Axis and that’s what I’m talking about here.  Interesting how at this age there are two abstract points in the sky which I’ve pinned down as major influences in how a child reacts to divorce.  Moon rules the family and the Mother, so maybe there’s something to it.

I’m observing that traumatized Nodal Axis emphasis from childhood seems to develop in adults as people who can succeed in life through their personalities.  They also may tend to repeat their parents’ mistakes in some sort of weird unconscious behaviors and then, in some cases, use that information to slightly modify the mistakes.  The Nodes are related to a subconscious life path which must always be balanced in some way.   I’d need a lot more examples to see if this is true for sure.  And, as with all of these, there are a lot of particular influences, signs, house placements, transits, etc. which will make each individual’s experience different.

Ariana discusses how her daughter at Age 8 really struggled with the loss of parenting.  Funny the difference a year makes.  This shows a completely different influence.  This age relates strongly to the first Saturn square.  Saturn rules the Father in the chart.  Often kids who experience divorce under Saturn and Prog. Moon influences will swing back and forth between compatibility with each parent during childhood, will even play around with gender preferences sexually for a while.  This is supposed to be related to a time in a child’s life when he plateaus at a level of maturity and begins to express his own social skills and self management, Saturn stuff.  When traumatized it will revert back to parenting problems, control, guilt, repressed anger, abnormal self-reliance, fear of failure, among other things.

Age 7-8 and Age 13-14 are really bad ages for kids to go through their parents’ divorces, it appears.   This relates to prog. Moon and Saturn which share difficult aspects of relating to the Axis in the chart that rules Parents, Home, Social standing, Goal Setting.  Because of the hard aspects, kids need the backdrop of the solid, traditional family foundation to have something to grow away from.  Divorce knocks that out from under their feet and they really do hold on to the trauma (these are already difficult transits).   It’s interesting that Huffington and her husband intuitively played that out for this daughter by continuing to celebrate holidays together as a family.  It definitely looks like there are ways to work around the problem.  In Stephanie Staal’s book one boy said that he felt his Mother saved him by always making sure that the family continued to have dinner together every night.   Moon and Saturn need to feel safe and that’s what traditions are for, essentially.

Huffington has recently sold her online paper so I don’t know if this section will continue.

As she says in the post, the idea for the Divorce section was Nora Ephron’s.  Ephron is currently married to her third husband.  I don’t think she grew up in divorce.  She has published a nice piece about her own divorces in which she sort of pistol whips herself every time she mentions what a bad effect the divorce will have on her children.  I’m sorry, but I tend to feel so emotionally unhooked and relieved when I hear divorced parents admit that divorce isn’t good for the children.