Spoiled Children of Divorce


People in Their 40s Most Delinquent on Student Loans…Related to Divorce in Childhood?
July 20, 2012, 11:45 pm
Filed under: College Drop Out, Long Term Fallout, money, poverty

A Huffington Post article describes how people in their 40s currently have higher delinquency rates on their student loans than other age groups.

These people would be born between 1963 and 1973.  This means they were born at the peak of the Divorce Boom.  I wonder if any studies will ever be made which try to see if these defaults could be connected with long term fall out from growing up in divorce.

People who grew up in divorce have a higher drop out rate from college.  There could be multiple reasons for this the most obvious is because of money.  They may have to enter or re-enter college later on in life when they are already burdened with other responsibilities.

In addition there could be historical social/financial factors involved. There were recessions around 1973, 1981 and 1990 so maybe this generation just grew up with an extra weakened immunity to financial problems during their childhoods.  Divorce would have compounded the problems for them personally.  Kids going through their parents’ divorce often suddenly plummet into poverty in the years after the divorce.  I ‘ve discussed this before.  I even mentioned a study a while back that found that even a 1 month length of time living below the poverty line can cause serious damage to a child.

They may actually be at the age that their parents were when they divorced so are repeating the same behaviors on a subconscious level.

Perhaps the younger generations won’t suffer the same problems.  Times are special now because of the extended Recession/Depression.  I’d like to say that society has a more sophisticated attitude towards shielding kids from their parents’ life style choices, but I know on a personal level that this is not the reality.  Psychiatry seems to have turned to creating actual weaponry for the government through “Non Violent” tortures and interrogations, so is even less interested in helping kids from divorce than it was before.



“May die 2day”

Taboo subject here.  Even more forbidden than trying to seek help about how to deal with abusive step-parents.

This article is about a Mother who couldn’t get food stamps to feed her 2 children.  During an almost 7 hour stand off at the Welfare Office in Laredo, Texas, Rachel Grimmer’s 12-year old daughter posted a few frightening messages on her Facebook account about what she was going through as Mommy waves her gun around in despair.  At one point, she says she’s bored.  Guess perhaps she grew up listening to threatening rants.

At around midnight the Mother shot her two children, the 12 year old daughter and the 10 year old son in the head.  They have survived but are both in critical condition.  Ms. Grimmer then shot and killed herself.  I guess the welfare office supervisor wasn’t harmed.

Obviously, the Social Worker could have used some training.  He’s obviously telling lies all over the place about what was done to help.  And there are obviously some racial issues going on here.

The kid in this situation doesn’t ask for help, probably would resist it if it were offered, and it won’t be offered anyway because family, friends, and psychoblabbers  can’t stand the drama or even actually are amused by it.

The article tries to make sense out of the relationship between this family and the welfare system and it can’t.  It’s so unbelievable it sounds like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

This brings up a lot of issues.  But, for right now,  I pray that those kids will recover.

Here’s a good article from Australia about Filicide.  That’s people who kill their children.  Talks about connection with Divorce.  And the tendency for everyone around, friends, family, therapists, etc., to go into denial, or at least do nothing.   The grandmother wrote back on Facebook to her granddaughter that she was “there for you.”   She could have at least told the kid to take her brother and go hide or to fake a convulsion to distract the adults.

“Mental Health, Filicide, Parental Separation and Divorce:  The need for early intervention and a better coordinated approach.” by Dr. Daniell Tyson and Prof. Thea Brown.

EDIT added December 28, 2011:  Both of Rachel Grimmer’s children died within 2 days of the shooting.  May they Rest in Peace.



Bad Children of Divorce – Mickey Rooney’s Stepson

Actor Mickey Rooney has filed a restraining order against his Stepson who has been abusing the 90-year old Actor.  Article reports that the Stepson, Chris Aber, has been verbally abusive, has meddled in Rooney’s finances, and has forced Rooney to work when he didn’t want to.  Without knowing anything about the relationship it’s difficult to understand what is happening.  I can see how an abusive stepchild would take advantage of a rich step-parent for financial gain.  I can also see how a elderly step-parent would accuse a child, step- or no, of taking advantage of him.   The lawyers may also be the culprits in this case.  Who can say?  I suspect that the step- relationships would be the first to suffer in elder abuse situations because blood is thicker than water. On the other hand, I know from personal experience that Step-Children really like to go after the step-parents’ money.  Since they don’t have strong familial connections, they sort of think they ought to be paid for the emotional anguish of not belonging (or something like that, ask my ex-step-sister and step-brother, if you want an answer to how they can live with themselves).

According to Wikipedia, Rooney has 9 children from 8 marriages.  He has been married to his current wife for 30 years.



Your Parents’ Job Predicts His/Her Potential To Divorce?

Article at jezebel.com discusses a study published in Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology which has tracked which jobs carry the highest divorce rate.  If your Mommy and/or Daddy is a Dancer/Choreographer then they are most likely to run you through a divorce.  I suspect that they would also be much less likely to have children, though, because they are either Anorexic, Can’t give up use of their bodies for an entire season, or are Gay.  The next highest rates of divorce belong to bartenders, massage therapists, gaming cage workers, extruding machine operators (explanation of what that is is in the article), and people who work in food and tobacco factories.

Possible explanations given for this high divorce rate are low income and extroverted personalities.  Although there is discussion about whether or not an  extruding machine operators is a people person.

There is a link to another article which discusses professions with the lowest divorce rates.  Media and Communication Equipment workers have a 0 percent Divorce rate.  Maybe they never get married in the first place?  Also very low are Agricultural Engineers, Sales Engineers, Optomotrists, Podiatrists, Transit and Rail Police, The Clergy and Religious advisors, and Nuclear Engineers.  I’m surprised that psychologists aren’t included in this study (A little self-censorship in order to avoid embarrassment?).  Every psychologist I’ve been too has been divorced at least once and refuses to discuss that subject.

These professions are thought to bring in more cash, of course.  They also attract personality types who are stable, sober, and methodical.

So, I suppose this provides solace for the Children of Divorce who get to have Fun and Pretty Mommies and Daddies.  They are Fun, that is, until the divorce.  And then they are really not fun at all.  And it is also useful for Children of D to understand their psychological inheritance, hopefully in order to be able to mentally distance one’s self from it.

At any rate, my advice for the average Child of Divorce who is looking for some help from the Shrinkee professions is to seek out a criminal psychologist for the therapeutics.  They seem to have more realistic attitudes towards what’s going on in the family.

 

http://jezebel.com/5655036/dancers-bartenders-most-likely-to-divorce



Alycia Mesiti-Allen
August 17, 2010, 1:27 am
Filed under: Courts, Custody, money, Murder, Violence

About 4 years ago a 14 year old girl went missing.  Her name was Alycia Mesiti-Allen.  Alycia and her older brother went through 8 years of moving around as their parents struggled to get their lives together and eventually divorced.  On November 22, 2005 a court made the decision to hand both children over to the care of their Father and they went to live with him in Central Inland California.  Thing is, the Father ran a Meth lab and he was violent and the children and their Mother had been running from shelter to shelter trying to get away from him.  The Mother also had some problems, no doubt in part related to the abuse that she suffered from her violent husband.  She didn’t have enough money to pay for an attorney so couldn’t represent herself in court.  (I suppose if one can pay for a lawyer one is considered the better parent by the courts, even if one gets one’s money from cooking Meth at home instead of dinner).

Alycia went missing on Aug. 14, 2006.  Because the Father said that she had gone on a camping trip and had run away, the police dropped the case.  Alycia’s body wasn’t found until the police detective handling the case retired and a new detective reviewed it.  Alycia’s body was discovered in the back yard of the house where her Father had lived on Mar. 25th, 2009 (Ceres, CA).  It is thought that she was murdered by her Father.

So, Alycia’s Mother is trying to have the case reviewed by the courts.  Since he’s already in jail on drug charges they won’t be bothered (this is murder, isn’t it?)  Alycia’s Mother also wants low income families to have representation in court.

“We do not want another child to meet Alycia’s fate, nor do we want another family to suffer this incomprehensible pain because of mistakes made in family court.  We want low income families to have a chance at fairness in court proceedings.  So far, judicial and legal officials in Santa Clara County have turned a deaf ear to our pleadings.  How can they be so complacent about the preventable murder of a defenseless and innocent child?”

An article with more detail about the case is here.

I wish Alycia’s Mother much healing and thank her for her activism.  I wish Alycia’s brother well.  And I hope that the Courts will pay attention and try to review how they deal with representation of lower income parents.

Rest in Peace, Alycia.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

First Lady of the United States, Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis was a Child of Divorce.  Her biography is on Wikipedia and here.  Her Father was a Stockbroker who had many affairs and her parents split when Jacqueline was 10 years old.  Jacqueline had one younger sister, Lee, with whom she had both a very close relationship and intense rivalry.  The sisters lived with both parents.   The Mother remarried to an heir to the Standard Oil fortune two years later and had two more children who became Jacqui’s half sister and half brother.

The link given above says this about how the Divorce possibly affected Jackie:

Her parents’ angry quarrels developed Jacqueline’s ability to tune out unpleasant things—a skill she would employ in her own marriages—and her penchant to escape into literature, art, fantasy, and horses. Her parents’ divorce left her with deep insecurities and a gnawing emptiness that haunted her, fueling her needs to purchase extravagantly and to marry men of wealth.

Jacqueline Bouvier graduated college and then met John Kennedy in 1951 or 52.  They married a year and half later.  The couple had a miscarriage and a still-birth before daughter Caroline and son John were born in 1957 and 1960.  Another son was born in 1963 but unfortunately died a couple of days later.

Jacqueline Kennedy became the First Lady of the United States  in 1961 when her Husband took office.  She was a great Hostess and was very popular.

President Kennedy was tragically assassinated on Nov. 22, 1964 in Texas.

Jackie remarried to Greek  Shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis in October, 1968.  The couple eventually separated but never divorced.  Onassis died in 1975.

Jackie went on to have a successful publishing career.  She found a solid relationship after the age of 50.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis passed away on May 19, 1994 from Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.



Burning Down the House
May 26, 2010, 11:47 pm
Filed under: money, Uncategorized

A few months ago I heard an NPR show on the radio that was marketing a special type of divorce which provides therapy as well as legal advice.  The Lawyers and the Therapists are trying to create a special interest in counseling the parents about the children.

During the call-in segment a divorced woman called in to say that she had benefited greatly from the service.  She herself was a lawyer and she talked about all the different problems that come up in divorce and these mostly had to do with splitting assets.  A Lawyer or Therapist on the radio show end of the line reminded her that she had a daughter and at that time she said something about the child, sort of as an afterthought.  But,  it was sort of clear that the most important concerns were dealing with the material aspects of the split.  Of course, the woman was a lawyer, and lawyers are generally not the most emotionally complicated people on earth, you wouldn’t want one that was in most circumstances.  And on a practical level this is the wisest thing to do since most people are at war with each during a divorce and if you don’t fight for what you’ve built over the time of the relationship you may become destitute.

At any rate, I thought this was tragic.   What occurred to me was that if this same woman had gone through some other tragedy concerning her assets, her reaction would have been so much different and more humane.  If her house had burned down, for example, then the first thing that would have come out of her mouth would have been, “At least we are all okay. I still have my daughter. You really understand what is most precious in life during times like these.”

I think that this is where things are so much different for the children than they are for the parents.  Kids don’t understand the act of ownership.  For the child in either situation, the house has burned down.