Spoiled Children of Divorce


Abducted Children of Divorce

Have never seen an interview on a TV show of the massive quantities of children who are abducted by a parent during a custody battle but always wanted know what their experiences were like. Guess they might do everything to avoid receiving anymore drama in life so would make for a boring interview? We used to read the “Have You Seen Me?” posts on the sides of the milk cartons. I remember feeling really jerked around when I discovered that most of the kids are custody abductions. Makes me wonder if abducted children tend to be lactose intolerant.

The FBI calls this phenomenon “Domestic Custodial-Motivated Child Abductions” and talks about it here: https://leb.fbi.gov/2013/august/domestic-custodial-motivated-child-abductions. It seems the children learn early on about retaliation and threats in relationships. The FBI gives examples of actual abductions and law enforcement’s heroic role in fetching them. The children in the examples are all babies so they don’t remember it. (Astrology-wise, that gives super power to the Moon in a natal chart — nobody wants to hear the astrology. So what. Means that they probably love milk, though)

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children says that 6 percent of the 20,500 missing children cases in 2016 were domestic abductions. 90 percent of the missing children cases were endangered runaways. They don’t say how many runaways are from single parent families. Of the runaways, one in six were probably abducted into the sex trafficking trade. 86 percent of those were in the care of Social Services. There is no mention of whether they were from single parent households. The link for this info is here: https://leb.fbi.gov/2013/august/domestic-custodial-motivated-child-abductions.

Much of the Statistics I want are supplied on the blog The Fatherless Generation. Don’t know if this information is accurate. It’s absolutely terrifying though.
https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/.

Okay, so you know that you are loved and wanted. Many Children of Divorce are just in the way or grow up knowing that they are a burden. And, yes, some have it all figured out and are spoiled rotten.

In the end, most Children of Divorce are not from either of these situations. Nobody knows what they are feeling because nobody ever asks and in order to survive they have had to suppress their own feelings about the situation. This keeps the pharmaceutical industry in business and is probably why there is no good art anymore. Just my opinion, of course.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Barry Manilow

Blockbuster singer/songwriter Barry Manilow is a Child of D.  Manilow’s parents divorced just after he turned 2 years old and he grew up with his Mother and Grandparents in Brooklyn, New York.   Manilow changed his last name to his Mother’s maiden name when he was around 13 years old.  I’m not sure how much of a relationship he had with his Father.

Both parents remarried.  Manilow’s Mother remarried at some point in the late 1950’s.  Manilow would have been in his mid to late teens. Manilow credits his Step-Father with having introduced him to Jazz.

I’m unclear about sibling relationships.  According to a website, Manilow was raised basically as an only child, but had two step-brothers from his Mother’s remarriage.  He possibly has a step-brother and a half-brother through his Father’s remarriage.  I’m not real sure about this information, though.

Below is an except of an interview on the TV show Larry King Live from 2002 in which Manilow desribes his childhood.  (Full transcript of the show is here. //transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0205/17/1k1.00html. Sorry, I messed up the link thingee).  Manilow had just put out an album called Here at the Mayflower which apparently was based on the apartment building where he and his family (Mother’s side) lived.  It featured two hits  “Turn the Radio Up” and “They Dance.”  Manilow’s music is all about being positive and making people feel good.  “Turn the Radio Up” is about using music to combat misery and worry.

According to Wikipedia, Manilow is Jewish on his Mother’s side and Jewish-Irish on his Father’s side.  His Step-Father is Irish.

KING: Was your childhood tough?

MANILOW: No. I don’t say it was tough. No.

KING: Your parents were divorced?

MANILOW: Parents were divorced. I was raised by my mother and my grandparents and a lot of relatives around this Williamsburg, Brooklyn, Mayflower…

KING: Jewish neighborhood?

MANILOW: Jewish neighborhood, Jewish, Puerto Rican. It was very ethnic. I loved it.

KING: But your stepfather though was Irish, right?

MANILOW: Yes. I just saw him. He lives down in…

KING: You close?

MANILOW: Well, we’re not close. He lives in Florida and I don’t. But he was the guy that turned my musical motor on.

KING: Really?

MANILOW: Well, before Willie Murphy (ph) came into my life, I was playing the accordion, and “Have Nagila” and all of the folk songs that my grandparents loved.

KING: Worked at bar mitzvahs?

MANILOW: Well, I should have been so lucky. I wasn’t even up to bar mitzvahs. I was just playing folk songs on the accordion.

KING: (UNINTELLIGIBLE)

MANILOW: You got it. And I wasn’t bad, believe it or not. But that would have been it, had Willie not come into my life.

KING: What did he do?

MANILOW: He came into my life with a stack of albums that turned my musical motor on. He brought a stereo system in that I never had and a stack of albums that had people like Stan Kenton and June Christy and Broadway show music like “The Most Happy Fella” and “Kismet” and “Kiss me, Kate” and on and on. It was a stack of gold.



Even More About Kristen

*****post deleted*****

My apologies to Kristen.  Amber’s message woke me up.  I was kicking you when you are down.



Kristen & Client 9

Eliot Spitzer has resigned from his job as Governor of New York because he rents prostitutes. I don’t care a whole lot about a Politician’s sex life but I suppose it’s odd that Spitzer passed a law last year that is very harsh on Johns. Spitzer may have to serve more time in Jail now because of his own law. This is an odd story.

The media has come forth with the identity of the Prostitute that Spitzer knew as “Kristen.” Don’t know why but I don’t want to use her real name here. Here’s a link to an article about her although I suppose everyone has had their fill already (http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/13/spitzer.kristen/index.html).

Here’s Kristen profile of herself from her MYSPACE website:

When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own.

This is the part that we’re concerned about here in bold:

When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own.

Why this repeated theme of Loss?:

… a broken family.

First off, I’d like to remind myself right here that, according to the psychologists, Kristen’s welfare doesn’t matter.  It’s the 70 percent of Children of Divorce who are OK and don’t need help that the psychologists will concentrate all their talk on.  (Is it Hypocratic Oath or Hypocrite Oath? And that’s not including the people from the 70 percent who don’t feel quite right about their parents’ divorce either.

I’m probably about the age of Kristen’s mother. In my day we never admitted that what was going on at home was bad. Talking about your parents’ divorce was sort of a back alley conversation that was done in private. In public it either invited either apathetic resentment or gooey empathy.

I only tell people I grew up in Divorce when I’m trying to feel them out to see if I can have any emotional intimacy with them. I keep the statement short and concise and use it more as Code to see how they react. It’s a lot like Senator Larry Craig’s foot tapping in bathroom stalls in Airports. “I’m Gay and that’s Taboo in my World and I just need some relief.” “I grew up torn apart and can’t handle being judged.” R U my Friend? Don’t know how to type out that lingo the kids have now.

And I admit when I read Kristen’s description my first reaction was “Oh Gawd. A basketcase. She’s out of control.” I don’t even know why. I think it must be conditioning to think on society’s terms. My first reactions to other people’s emotions are sometimes pretty cold I guess, like society’s.

My second reaction was to remember all the psychiatrists who have told me that this Codeword: “Growing up in Divorce” meant nothing and was not connected in any way with my depression, certainly it could not have invoked a traumatic reaction in any way. They also never asked a single question about the situation that I lived in as if all Divorces are exactly the same. Psychotherapists are absolutely useless to talk to because they are all divorced themselves and very self defensive. You can see those lips pursing the second you use the code on them. Either that or they are gooey Empaths who have no information to share but a lot of slime to smear all over you. Told you I’m cold but I keep remembering this one family service therapist who assured me that psychology studies Children of D now. And then she said nothing further about it.

My third reaction? I don’t really remember. I suppose just to feel sadness and to wish Kristen and her family well. There was prostitution in my family and I understand why women turn to it. It’s money. It’s from not having alternatives in society. It’s from being in a hurry. It’s from that line “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” “I’d do it anyway.” “They often just want to talk” is actually a marketing ploy that Call Girls tell to prospective “co-workers” to draw them into the pain. Women love to do this kind of thing to each.

The media is saying Kristen is self-victimizing. When the media plays these stories over and over again do they think of themselves as self-victimizing? When we the public watch these stories do we call it self-victimizing? Anyway, Kristen is probably working out a book and movie deal right now as we speak.  She grew up being fought over as a tax deduction and a bartering tool for child support (which was probably never paid or came around the 20th of the month).  If that’s what you are to your parents then that’s what you can be to your John’s.  And at $1000 /hour, hey, how many months of begging from real life Daddy would it take to pull that kinda dough in?

The girl’s 22 and living in a $3,500 / month apartment. She knows she’s worth $1000 hour. I’m still at the $3.75 /hr self worth profile. When I was 22 I was working as a secretary feeling debased everyday anyway. And I was living in a basement apartment. It sort of freezes me to think about it right now.

So when we look at Spitzer’s bio we notice that he is not from a broken home. What can I say? Another sad product of a Normal Family.

Eliot Spitzer’s bad relationship with his Father was discussed in one Internet article. His father was such an Authoritarian that he reduced Spitzer to tears. That is a problem that kids from Normal Families seem to have. They seem to have a single moment where their parents reduce them to a smithering idiot. This is considered survival tactics. It produces Killer Instinct. I don’t have any proof of this, but it seems to instill an intense relationship with Authority in the little tots. It seems to drive them to abuse Authority in their careers (if you’ve ever worked in a large office for Middle Management you know exactly what I mean).

I think that’s maybe the one thing that Children of Divorce don’t really have as much of a sense of. Authority.

“This is for your own good” coming from a Divorced Parent will often just make the kids laugh. The parents act too much like the kids or some really old friends. Then in walks a step parent. Coming from a step-parent “the own good” statement is plain old sadistic. How many Authority Figures is a kid supposed to answer to without completely dissolving into a puddle of nothingness? Eliot Spitzer’s Father made him cry. Times that by 4 for each parent. Go ahead, do the math, it won’t hurt your head too much. Or will it?

Although often it can be a sign of anti-social behavior in a young person, I don’t think this lack of unquestionably approving Authority figures is a bad thing necessarily. Barack Obama, for example, was able to speak up in the Senate against going to War in Iraq because he doesn’t seem to have this blind stupid regard for Authority when Authority is wrong. (Of course, he’s a nice guy with good manners and a great education and a great wife and an ability to speak with pearls and diamonds.)

Wow, what happened here? Long ramble.



Success Story – Rebecca Walker

Rebecca Walker is the daughter of the poet Alice Walker & Mel Leventhal, a famous civil rights lawyer. She is a feminist and writer herself and has written about growing up in a mixed race family(ies) and of her parents’ divorce in Black, White & Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self. Time Magazine has named her one of the 50 Future Leaders of America.

Rebecca’s parents divorced when she was in the 3d grade. She switched back and forth between her parents, 2 years with one then 2 years with the other which meant that not only was she living with 2 separate parental households, but she was living on different coasts in the U.S. every other year, as well as having to living with biracial ethnicity. “Exhausting” is how she now describes bouncing between families of two races and two religions. She went through a drug phase and got pregnant when she was 14. When she was 18 she switched her last name from her Father’s surname to her Mother’s.

She is bisexual and has currently had a baby boy. She is estranged from her Mother. Her most recent book is about her attitudes and experiences with Motherhood.

Here’s a quote and link from a 2001 article about Walker’s book:

http://www.rebeccawalker.com/article_2001_coloredparent.htm

Trapped in a destructive cycle, needing to re-invent herself every couple of years (and having had little clue as to who she was in the first place), Rebecca found she belonged simultaneously to two worlds and to none. Not surprisingly, some of the adjustments she made took on a racial twist: Denying part of herself each time she shuffled from city to city, from Jewish to black, from status-quo middle class to radical-artist bohe-mian, she trained herself to keep the code, not to say anything too white when she was with friends from the inner city, not to say anything too black when she was at Jewish summer camp.

But mostly Rebecca Walker’s story, as she tells it, is about raising herself. Her mother bragged in interviews that she and her daughter were like sisters, but as Rebecca points out, “being my mother’s sister doesn’t allow me to be her daughter.” So while Alice Walker was off on speaking engagements, sometimes for days on end, her “sister” Rebecca was choosing her own high school, taking drugs, having sex and generally fending for herself.