Spoiled Children of Divorce


What Happens On Your Wedding Day?

This is a very touching story. A woman named Brittany was being walked down the aisle on her Wedding Day by her Biological Father. Her Father stops and runs back to ask Brittany’s Step-Father to help walk her down the aisle as well. The Step-Father is in tears.

The story does not sugar coat the divorce and the custody disputes and the contentious relationship between the Fathers. That kind of honesty is much appreciated. Brittany was 6 years old when her parents divorced.

Congratulations on your new life, Brittany!



Parental Decision Making in Step-Family Situations

Story out of Minnesota about a Mother and her boyfriend who shaved the head of the Mother’s daughter and forced her to wear diapers and run around outside their house.  They locked the girl out of the house and when police showed up she was understandably crying and hysterical.  To make matters worse about 50 neighbors were standing around staring at her.

The parents were arrested and were said to be laughing as the police put them in the police car.  They are charged with a misdemeanor crime.

They

Just

Didn’t

Get

It.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to have a kid. You have something to bully and humiliate.  The reason the Mother and the boyfriend gave for this crime was that the daughter wasn’t doing well in school.  I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t be doing well in school…  A really large percentage of children from Divorced families don’t do well in school.

I suspect that parenting becomes much more sloppy in divorced families and even worse in step-families.  Maybe somebody would do a study someday to come up with a couple of statistics.

Here’s another one out of Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Dad’s got 3 kids.  Mom’s got one.  They all pile into the car and drive off to the liquor store because the adults are drunk and Dad gets the idea of how this group must somehow form a family.  He straps the kids to the hood of the car to give them a ride.  It was probably kind of fun until the guy at the liquor store called the police and the police called the U.S. Marshall and the U.S. Marshall pulled them over. They made it 3 blocks.  Nobody was hurt.  The Dad’s kids were picked up by their Mother.  The Mom’s daughter was put into protective custody.  This is some sort of Felony in Indiana.  Dad was crying at he was arrested.  Mom admitted the children were in danger.  Dad should dry up and open an amusement park.  It sounds like Indiana needs one.

There are many step situations with Mom and Dad’s Lovers where this doesn’t happen.  The tension is much more subtle.  Or it’s not there at all.  Often money will happily replace it.  I’m just saying, parenting is difficult.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Tom Arnold

Tom Arnold maybe isn’t considered the most successful entertainer in Hollywood but he is to be commended for speaking out about his personal life. I saw him in an interview this past week talking about his childhood. His parents divorced when he was 4 years old and his Mother married and divorced 7 times. He has begun performing in a new show in which he looks at these parts of his life through humor.

Arnold’s first marriage was to Roseanne Barr and was highly publicized as probably the most dysfunctional relationship in Hollywood in the 1990s. He has since married 3 times and is still married to his 4th wife. I became interested in seeing if I could notice anything in particular related to his astrological cycles which would play out in his successive marriages and found some pretty interesting stuff.

In the interview, Arnold discussed seeing the influence of a 4 year cycle in his relationships. He was 4 years old when his parents split and his first 3 marriages lasted 4 years each. He’s been married to his 4th wife for what looks like 2 years so far so hopefully he will have broken this cycle. I wonder if he likes to play golf, I think they shout out the word “Four” a lot although I don’t know what it means.

At Age 4 there are multiple cyclic influences. I’ve mentioned before that it seems that were more children from this age group whose charts I have studied than any other. Since I still have such a small selection of charts to look at this may not mean anything. But, it sort of does seem that whatever age of development, psychologically or astrologically that children are at helps them to become successful later in life if they go through their parents’ divorce at this age. I seldom see charts of successful people who come from such disruptive childhoods. Often multiple marriages by a parent guarantees that the child will not become famous for whatever reason.

Between the Ages of 3 and 4 children go through the first returns of many of the asteroids which are held between the orbit of Mars and Jupiter. The ones I’m looking are the bigger ones. Then also we look at the first return of Ceres. These generally describe various female energies in a person. Ceres is the nurturer. Pallas represents Divine Wisdom. Juno represents the First Wife. Vesta represents the Home Fires. I think that happens earliest in the 3d year. Should look it up but I’m too lazy. Tom Arnold has a conjunction of Pallas to Juno in Libra, the sign of Marriage. So the asteroids show that he could possibly spend a lot of time looking at the institution of marriage in some way. Juno was Zeus’ wife and Zeus was a philanderer. And Pallas Athene was born out of her Father’s head and never had a Mother and never married because she was very, very, very, very smart. So one can see that viewing the Institution of marriage can often bring up complex thought processes regarding such issues.

The only major planetary return that occurs at Age 4 is the second Mars Return. That shows completion of a second cycle of mastery in all things Marsian which basically means that Mom and Dad made it through the toddler phase without killing the child.

I focused on the partial Jupiter cycle phase at this age when studying this age group. This is just after the time of the first Jupiter trine to itself. You can try to read what I wrote wherever it is. Someone hacked into all that stuff and changed everything because I’m being gang stalked by illegal aliens who are learning how to use computers. So, in addition to my laziness about editing and inability to express myself, someone else edited according to however people in India and Mexico lingo. Jupiter represents international relations so I guess it’s all relevant in this case. The trine phase is a time of ease. Children at Age 3 when the first Jupiter square occurs are learning vocabulary words at a very rapid pace (Jupiter rules abundance, fast growth, law, religion, publishing, and opinions) and by the time they are turning 4 they are feeling accomplished in these areas and are talking trash out of their little potties mouths. This is why Jupiter is often connected with humor and openmindedness which makes sense that a comedian would have strong Jupiter influence in his chart.

In Tom Arnold’s case he’s got a very strong Jupiter influence. Jupiter rules his first chart which means that it rules his entire chart. It is also in conjunction with his Ascendant. It is also opposing Mars in the 7th House of Relationships. So one can see that age 4 a huge part of Arnold’s personality was forming just as he was experiencing the trauma of his parents’ relationship falling apart. 4 year cycles would be a huge influence in his life no matter what, but in this case they are hooked in with emotional trauma which relates his own relationships (H1 and H7) with his parents’ divorce. Mars and Jupiter literally describe the freedom and happiness and playfulness and lack of self consciousness of childhood. They are related to overdoing things and not knowing when to stop.

Oh yeah, and Jupiter is in conjunction with Ceres (Demeter) in Arnold’s chart. Ceres describes one’s ability to nurture. She also represents farming. Pretty interesting that Arnold is from Iowa and worked on a pig farm. He describes how he was very good at killing pigs, was even given a nickname, can’t remember what it was. That’s the Mars-Jupiter influence. And he describes how psychically damaging it was to have to do his job. That’s the Ceres in empathetic H12 influence. The rest of Arnold’s chart shows a lot of insecurities that conflict but also balance out this energy. He has Saturn in the first house which squares Mercury and Venus. That puts a damper on some impulsiveness.

I looked at Arnold’s Divorces to see if they hooked in at all with his Jupiter Cycles in order to see if this works for predictive purposes. The Jupiter Cycle is roughly 11-12 years long. Jupiter takes about one year to pass through one sign. Wikipedia gives the date by year of the divorces so I looked at the charts of Arnold’s Solar Returns. In other words I don’t have correct placements for Jupiter during those years but perhaps see what was working for Arnold’s ego (i.e. Sun) during that year). There does often seem to be some sort of hook up, but, again, I don’t have a lot to go on.

Arnold began stand up comedy at Age 23. This would have been around the time of his 2d Jupiter Return.

First divorce from Roseanne Barr was in 1994. This would have been around the time of his 3d Jupiter Return.

Second divorce was in 1999. This would have been the 3d Jupiter Return of where Jupiter was when Arnold turned 4, right around the time of his parents’ divorce.

Third divorce was in 2008. This might not be accurate as Wikipedia says that he was married in 2002 and that would mean that his 3d marriage lasted 6 years. This could possibly correspond with a Jupiter Opposition, but don’t know so won’t say much about it.

The asteroids also show some interesting correspondences but this post would be ten times longer and I’m worried about what the Mexicans are sticking in the air vents of my car right now.



Parasite v. Host

Bad mood. Walking through library. Books on carts that need to be shelved. I see the word “Parasite” and immediately think of my step-family.

The Art of Being a Parasite by Claude Combes.

Reading on I find that this is probably the best study on understanding the politics of blended families. Within these families there are Winners and Losers. You win not by working hard and building a following and doing chores and finishing homework and setting the table, but by discerning where the richness is and just moving in on it with a fantasitic degree of ruthlessness. Whichever bloodline can gang up on and humiliate the other one wins. There’s the Conqueror family and the Conquered family. The Step-Mother always knows she’s right

(isn’t that just so bizarre how they all say that? It must be how women get their rocks off, maybe the battle for the husband is the lure, destroying another woman’s kids is the ultimate sexual turn-on)

Wondrous. Remember, your family loves you and will always be there for you? Stranger Danger applies to everyone except Mommy and Daddy’s dates? Here’s another crap fact about growing up in Divorce.

Chapter 8 Parasites in Time and Space

The Art of Being a Parasite by Claude Combes

From this same Chapter is an explanation of what types of hosts are most likely to attract parasites. The author reminds us that these do not always apply, so you still have to watch your back even if you’re all clear in these departments. The author is using Fish and Sealife as an example but I think the ideas can pretty easily transfer over to Host and Parasite Family Structures.

So, you may be more likely to attract and have your blood/home/parent/security/inheritance siphoned if:

1. You spend a lot of time in many different places (large area range v. small area range).

2. You are extroverted and spend a lot of time within a large community. Writer calls this “gregarious.” Parasites are less likely to cling to solitary fish.

3. You live in the depths like a mollusc. Don’t cling to rocks. Rolling stones gather no moss.

4. You are migrating. I see this a lot in California which has a Divorce rate so high the CDC doesn’t bother to include it in its statistics. People come out to California as a couple and almost always split up.

5. Writer calls this one: “Species richness of the phylum.” Wow, can’t say I understand the jargon. I guess this means that you are more likely to attract a parasite from someone you are similar to because parasites enjoy a particular diet. If you hang out with people who you are like you are more likely to pick up a parasite because parasites like to feed off of hosts which are similar. If you are wealthy and you hang out with wealthy people you already know that you will attract parasites. Makes sense.

6. Size. Large hosts attract more parasites because there is more area to attach to. Well, I became anorexic, so don’t know if this is very true on a physical level. The parasitic step-host family kept siphoning. I did learn that it’s not worth being successful because you have to always be on guard about the crap that shows up on your doorstep looking for dinner.

From pages 209-210, Aging Anorexias from Divorce know that even if you stopped eating as a result of your parents’ divorce that the Host family with keep right on chomping away. There’s gristle on your bones, after all, marrow inside for making soup, and compost to be made with what is left. Since food becomes scarce growing up in divorce, everyone for himself. And regular meals become an emotional burden of trying not to ask each other how they’re doing because that’s going to lead to long stories about greed, betrayal, rejection, lawyer and shrink visits, money and asshole boyfriends who disappear at Christmas. Plus, all those “I have it worse than you ever will” comments.

“Parasites “circulate” in the ecosystem. Some follow simple routes and others complex ones through life cycles in which unrelated hosts follow one another. One interesting and still poorly studied aspect of parasitology consists of reconstructing such routes in order to acquire key knowledge about the functioning of the ecosystem itself. The strategy is, if you tell me who parasitizes you, I will tell you whom you eat.”

Haven’t read the entire book, of course. But, it looks as if the author, Claude Combes, likes parasites. They keep the whole eco-system moving. They toss your half baked family into your step-mother’s complaining arms. Is this really how the human species evolves? Sounds a little bit like the bubonic plague to me.



Whose Borders Are the Minutemen Defending?

Ew, this is looking bad.  This is a difficult little post to write up. It looks like the Minutemen community has been assembled by Children of Divorce.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Because, of course, we don’t have statistics.  Makes sense.  As adults we try to fix what we didn’t have as a child.  And Children of Divorce don’t have borders.

Shawna Ford is a former Minuteman member who has just been sentenced to Death Row in Arizona for the murders of a Father and his Daughter in their home in Texas.  Forde’s bio states that she was booted from the original Minutemen group for being mentally unstable and formed her own group.

Is Shawna Ford from Divorce?  Well, yeah, hate to say it.  Ford had one bad childhood.  It’s described in the Daily Beast.

Ford was the 7th of 9 children who were from 5 different Fathers.  I guess that it’s sort of difficult to know whether you are officially from Divorce, in that case.  The school shrink would have tested Ford for ADHD before he/she would have counseled her on how to cope with that type of background.  Ford’s Mother abandonned her to a relative when Ford was 10 months old.  (Astro stuff:  natal Venus 30 Libra, she would have already have had her first Venus Return, n.Venus c. South Node in Libra, that explains the loveability issues along with narcissistic personality disorder, Mother gave her away because M’s b-f- didn’t like her).  (The newspapers are announcing that she is officially a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you have to read on to find out why).

There were Foster Homes and then at Age 5 Ford was placed in a permanent home.  Or, at least, I think that’s what happened.  Ford has been in trouble in pretty much all places where trouble can exist.  Guess it’s a bit difficult to see the illegal aliens hogging up all the social services when you yourself could use some help.

So I looked up the original founders of the Minutemen.  The media writes them up as being completely insane.  http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-05-24-minuteman-goals_x.htm?csp=34.

Chris Simcox, a former kindergarten school teacher is a Child of Divorce.  It’s always amazing how the media never discusses divorce from a children’s point of view except when wanting to turn the public against the person who is being written about.  Like this article from USAToday. If the media were to persecute every immigrant who leads the exact same life that Simcox has led, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But, they don’t.  Anyway, Simcox is from Divorce.  He has been married 3 times himself and apparently is going through a journalism followed 3d divorce in which he threatens to kill everyone around him.  He has one child with his 2d wife, but has lost custody.  Guy has a bad dependency on guns, that’s for sure.  I wonder if his parents divorced when he was going through his Mars Return.

Simcox formed the Minutemen with James Gilchrist on Oct. 1, 2004.  They became a big hit really fast and it seems to have gone to their heads.  This is probably one statistical study that some Latina psych major will bite her teeth into:  What percentage of the Minutemen are Children of Divorce? Sorry, it just seems that Latinas do the Psych major thing a little too much, guess it reminds them of Lifetime TV.

If your parents didn’t make you feel secure, probably you will have complexes about how the Government doesn’t do anything about your security either.  Either way, Children of Divorce are probably more likely to act like vigilantes.  I mean, if you grow up in a blended home, you’re pretty much used to this type of tension already, aren’t you?  You are on your own.  You know you are replaceable.  You can’t complain the way the immigrants do.  You can’t even mention the big D in your Wikipedia entry, for Christ’s sake.

Other founder of the Minutemen, is James Gilchrist.  This guy is hopelessly conservative.  Wikipedia doesn’t mention what happened to Gilchrist’s Mother.  He’s still protecting her no doubt.  His greatest quote online, though, says it all.  “I have struck the mother lode of patriotism.”

Wikipedia says that Gilchrist lived in Kansas and Texas with his Father and older twin brothers.  And Gilchrist moved out at Age 17 to get away from his Father and Step-Mother.

Yo, doggy, it does look like the U.S. Borders are being protected by vigilante Children of Divorce.  Since I do agree with the basic idea that something needed to be done to control the huge influx of immigrants, I can’t say that the original intent was bad.  I’m very much against the guns.  So I’m adding to both Bad and Exemplary Children of Divorce categories.



“Safari” by Jennifer Egan

Heard a partial short story reading on NPR while driving tonight.  “Safari” by Jennifer Egan.  As happens while driving the car I usually haven’t got a clue what I’m listening to and for some reason it’s always really interesting that way.  Egan was interviewed after the reading and explained parts of the story which have to do with “unstable family situations.”  She discussed her own childhood and her parents’ divorce.  So I had to come home to see if the story is available on the Internet.  Turns out there’s an editor at The New Yorker who doesn’t mind publishing stories about Children of Divorce:

Safari.

The story is about a “family” going on a Safari vacation together for three weeks.  Dad is twice divorced and has brought along his new girlfriend.  Two of his children are there.   All the characters are weaving in and out of understanding of what their relationships with each other are.  The story is told from the fractured points of view of each character and with a fractured sense of timing, a sort of whirlwind of who, what, when, why where, which expresses the unstable situation.  Relationships, Sex, self understanding, grief, boredom are all told by characters at completely different places in their lives and without any cohesive tribal understanding of the events.  In the background, meanwhile, there is the structured scheduling of the trip and on another level the lives of each character past, present and future is told with a sort of innocent but frightening frankness.   I think that this is sort of the attitude that Children of Divorce take on in life in order to try to make sense of it all.  There was no sense of emotion, the characters continue with their lives trying to follow along the way they have followed the scheduling of this trip.  Event after event is told with a sort of inability to really feel what is going on.  In the end there is this matter of factness about how life unfolds along with a great sense of emotional loss.  (Sorry went on a little too long here, but I really liked the story)

Jennifer Egan’s parents divorced when she was around 2 years old.  Her Father was an alcoholic who rehabed in his 40s.  She was her parents’ only child together and was the oldest in her new family that her Mother created with her Step Father.  Egan was born in the Midwest.  Moved to San Francisco when she was 7 years old.  She is married and I believe has two sons and lives on the East Coast.  I can’t vouch for the accuracy of any of these details.



When Parents Meet Their New Loves Over the Internet
December 13, 2010, 10:50 pm
Filed under: Alcoholism, Death of a Parent, Murder, Parents and their Dates, Violence

Guess there’s an extra special problem when one’s parent meets a new relationship online.  Lately the news is carrying some pretty ugly stories.  The most publicized so far has been the story of Zahra Baker, the 10 year old Cancer survivor who was reported missing by her Father and Step-Mother.  Zahra’s Father met Zahra’s Mother online.  They met and married.  I’ve written the details in a previous posts.  I don’t think that either Step-Mother or Father has been charged with murder yet.

Then there’s another problem.  Something which I’m sure that parents will be more concerned about if not for the safety of their children than for the fact that they don’t want their children stealing their boyfriends and girlfriends.  This is a story which was written about in the novel Mildred Pierce where Mildred’s daughter steals her husband.  I don’t think in those days that child molestation was ever considered.  The daughter was a spoiled brat which fits right in with the Children of Divorce imagery from the Intact Family’s point of view.

The news now carries a story about Brittany Mae Smith, a 12-year old girl who went missing after her Mother, Tina’s, body was found in their home.  Brittany and the Mother’s live in boyfriend, Jeffrey Scott, were identified all the way across country from where they had lived.  There are no details about whether Brittany was abducted or went willingly.  And there is discussion about how Jeffrey Scott is a Child Molester who could have used Brittany’s Mother to get to Brittany.  The Mother met her boyfriend online over the Summer and he had moved in with the women last October.  Article discussing the case here along with some nice warnings to parents to be a little more careful. At least the warnings aren’t coming from me.  They certainly won’t be coming from the parent’s shrinks.

Wow, single parents are better off meeting their lovers in bars than over the internet.  Things change, yet things still manage to stay the same.