Spoiled Children of Divorce


People in Their 40s Most Delinquent on Student Loans…Related to Divorce in Childhood?
July 20, 2012, 11:45 pm
Filed under: College Drop Out, Long Term Fallout, money, poverty

A Huffington Post article describes how people in their 40s currently have higher delinquency rates on their student loans than other age groups.

These people would be born between 1963 and 1973.  This means they were born at the peak of the Divorce Boom.  I wonder if any studies will ever be made which try to see if these defaults could be connected with long term fall out from growing up in divorce.

People who grew up in divorce have a higher drop out rate from college.  There could be multiple reasons for this the most obvious is because of money.  They may have to enter or re-enter college later on in life when they are already burdened with other responsibilities.

In addition there could be historical social/financial factors involved. There were recessions around 1973, 1981 and 1990 so maybe this generation just grew up with an extra weakened immunity to financial problems during their childhoods.  Divorce would have compounded the problems for them personally.  Kids going through their parents’ divorce often suddenly plummet into poverty in the years after the divorce.  I ‘ve discussed this before.  I even mentioned a study a while back that found that even a 1 month length of time living below the poverty line can cause serious damage to a child.

They may actually be at the age that their parents were when they divorced so are repeating the same behaviors on a subconscious level.

Perhaps the younger generations won’t suffer the same problems.  Times are special now because of the extended Recession/Depression.  I’d like to say that society has a more sophisticated attitude towards shielding kids from their parents’ life style choices, but I know on a personal level that this is not the reality.  Psychiatry seems to have turned to creating actual weaponry for the government through “Non Violent” tortures and interrogations, so is even less interested in helping kids from divorce than it was before.



Poem in Your Pocket Day – Pat Schneider
April 23, 2012, 12:12 am
Filed under: creativity, Mentors, poverty

While driving through a town on the California coast I stopped off at the local library to use the Internet. The library had put together an incredible display for Poem in Your Pocket Day at Poet’s.org. The librarians had printed out a bunch of poems, rolled them up with rubber bands and set up a sign instructing people to put the poem in their pockets.  On April 26 we’re supposed to share our poems with other people.

Following is the one I received. I had never heard of the poet before and really love this one.

The Patience of Ordinary Things

By Pat Schneider

It is a kind of love, is it not?
How the cup holds the tea,
How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare,
How the floor receives the bottoms of shoes
Or toes.  How the soles of feet know
Where they’re supposed to be.
I’ve been thinking about the patience
Of ordinary things, how clothes
Wait respectfully in closets
And soak dries quietly in the dish,
And towels drink the wet
From the skin of the back.
And the lovely repetition of stairs.
And what is more generous than a window?

From Another River:  New and Selected Poems. 2005

Pat Schneider is a writer and teacher of writing who goes out of her way to help people living in poverty remain connected with their souls. She has held a workshop with single mothers who are living at homeless shelters and in jails.  She has written a book called Writing Alone With Others.

I’m not sure if Pat Schneider’s parents were ever married.  Her website talks about how she spent her early childhood in the country and moved with her Mother to the city when she was around ten years old.  Her family was destitute and she eventually ended up in an orphanage.  In spite of this story she managed to obtain a Master’s Degree and has raised a family, write and teach.

www.patschneider.com

More of Pat’s poems are linked to here.

Great inspiration.



Banning the “D” Word

Okay this is too much.  I thought that New Yorkers were intelligent.   I thought they liked to talk about stuff.  I thought that it was only the Man-Childs and Baby-Womans of the California Dreamin’ crowd who couldn’t put up with the feelings of real live children.

But, no Edna, the New York City Schools have decided to join the herd.  For religious reasons.

CNN reports that the public school systems in New York are planning on banning the word “Divorce” from all school tests.

For one, as any Child of Divorce knows, talking about one’s parents’ divorce is simply not done.  People can’t handle the info.  Shrinks especially. Except when discussing how those kids are so spoiled, they get everything they want, you know, because of the guilt.

For two, and this is because of “For one”, the word Divorce probably doesn’t exist on the tests in the first place because Children of Divorce probably didn’t graduate from College and so did not write the tests.

The kids now have my express permission to write “The Death of my Parents’ Marriage” in stead of Divorce as answers on all of their written tests.  When the teacher wants to discuss your suicidal feelings please write “The Death of my Parents’ Marriage destroyed my desire to live because I now know that the Love that they profess for me is a shallow and transitory thing and could change on a dime if I screw up in any way.  I may even have to pay alimony if I complain.”

Maybe Divorce is more Scorpio than Uranian.  You put it in that clump along with other House 8 social secrets that nobody can talk about.  Namely:  Sex, Death and Taxes.  Rather:  Daddy’s Girlfriends’ Big Boobs; Mommy’s Alcoholism, Depression and Early Death from Destructive Lifestyle choices;  Tax Deduction #1 and Tax Deduction #2; the School Administrators’ deep and darkest desires to silence all feelings except their own. And the biggest of all:  “Power Trips.”

Not only is “Divorce” the big elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about, but, so are the kids.  They’re just kids.  They’ll get over it.  Don’t let them ever, ever talk about it, at least.

The words on the list of 50 banned words are said to be “Loaded.”  Loaded, as in guns?  Read the article and be prepared to drop your jaw wide open in disbelief.  Here’s the paragraph which explains why “Divorce” can’t be allowed.

Halloween may suggest paganism; divorce may conjure up uneasy feelings for children in the midst of a divorce within their family. One phrase that may surprise many, the term “Rock ‘n’ Roll” was on the “avoid” list.



Children of Divorce and The Great Recession

1.46 million people in the United States are living on $2 a day.  This equals $60 a month.  Or $720 a year.

These numbers are provided by a Survey of Income and Program Participation which is conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau.   This is called “Extreme Poverty” by Financial experts.  Apparently food stamps and housing subsidies are provided by social services for those who can think straight and find the help they need on their own.  At this level there are other problems, like self esteem, which make going through the bureaucratic b.s of getting these things difficult.  And, the social services are pretty much taken over by the illegals at this point anyway.

I can’t exactly understand the details of “extreme poverty.”  Kids from this section make up about 14 percent of all kids who live in normal “poverty.”  I guess those kids are exposed to cash.  I do know that kids who are going through Divorce right now during what is called the Great Recession, are hardest hit.  Parents lose their jobs, their house.  One parent becomes too weak to survive and breaks off from the stronger parent. Who knows where the kids end up?

from http://www.wsws.org/articles/2012/feb2012/pove-f25.shtml:

“Children have been especially hard hit. The brief estimates that “about 2.8 million children lived in extreme poverty at the beginning of 2011.… This was roughly 16 percent of all children in poverty.” The number of households with children in extreme poverty has risen sharply since November 2008. The study dismisses the notion that the American safety net “is strong, or even adequate, when one in five poor households with children are living without meaningful cash income.”

As to the demographics of families living in destitution, the NPC researchers found that 37 percent of the households in extreme poverty in 2011 were headed by a married couple and 51 percent by a single female.

Some 48 percent of these households were headed by white non-Hispanics, 25 percent by African Americans and 22 percent by Hispanics in 2011. “

A USA Today article on the same topic written by Marisol Bello (http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2012-02-23/extreme-poverty-increase/53227386/1).

describes how Children of Divorce are among the worst hit of this sector as it takes into account people who live in poverty over a one month period.
Here’s a blurb:

“Robert Rector, senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank, says most aid to the poor today is in non-cash assistance. Last year, he says, the federal and state government spent $900 billion on 70 programs that assist the poor, from health care and food stamps to energy assistance and college grants.

“When you look at that type of family, you don’t see the type of deprivation this study suggests,” he says.

Because the study shows households in extreme poverty for a month, it is more reflective of people losing jobs, getting divorced or having short-term crises, he says.

Shaefer says, “We are trying to document the growth in deep poverty. … Even one month living at this level is concerning.'”

Did you see that mention of the Big D?  Go back and look again, it seems to pass by too many people’s eyes.  G-E-T-T-I-N-G D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D.   Cut it out and show it to your shrink.  Oh Yeah, you can’t afford to go to the shrink.

Another USAToday article says that Child Homelessness is up 33% in the last 3 years.

The states where homeless children fare the best are Vermont, Minnesota, Nebraska, North Dakota and Maine.

It finds the worst states for homeless children are Southern states where poverty is high, including Alabama, Mississippi and Arkansas, and states decimated by foreclosures and job losses, such as Arizona, California and Nevada.

Kids in these types of households need to be encouraged to find guidance outside the home through books and music and art and by developing adventurous spirits.  I think I wrote about Charlie Chaplin who talks about his childhood with parents with mental illness and a divorce.  He developed a strong bond with his brother in London.  E.O Wilson, one of the greatest sociobiologists of all time, also says in his autobiography that if he hadn’t been allowed to wander around the countryside he wouldn’t have developed any of the ideas which he invented.  Of course, he lost an eye due to neglect, but I guess that’s another story.



“May die 2day”

Taboo subject here.  Even more forbidden than trying to seek help about how to deal with abusive step-parents.

This article is about a Mother who couldn’t get food stamps to feed her 2 children.  During an almost 7 hour stand off at the Welfare Office in Laredo, Texas, Rachel Grimmer’s 12-year old daughter posted a few frightening messages on her Facebook account about what she was going through as Mommy waves her gun around in despair.  At one point, she says she’s bored.  Guess perhaps she grew up listening to threatening rants.

At around midnight the Mother shot her two children, the 12 year old daughter and the 10 year old son in the head.  They have survived but are both in critical condition.  Ms. Grimmer then shot and killed herself.  I guess the welfare office supervisor wasn’t harmed.

Obviously, the Social Worker could have used some training.  He’s obviously telling lies all over the place about what was done to help.  And there are obviously some racial issues going on here.

The kid in this situation doesn’t ask for help, probably would resist it if it were offered, and it won’t be offered anyway because family, friends, and psychoblabbers  can’t stand the drama or even actually are amused by it.

The article tries to make sense out of the relationship between this family and the welfare system and it can’t.  It’s so unbelievable it sounds like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

This brings up a lot of issues.  But, for right now,  I pray that those kids will recover.

Here’s a good article from Australia about Filicide.  That’s people who kill their children.  Talks about connection with Divorce.  And the tendency for everyone around, friends, family, therapists, etc., to go into denial, or at least do nothing.   The grandmother wrote back on Facebook to her granddaughter that she was “there for you.”   She could have at least told the kid to take her brother and go hide or to fake a convulsion to distract the adults.

“Mental Health, Filicide, Parental Separation and Divorce:  The need for early intervention and a better coordinated approach.” by Dr. Daniell Tyson and Prof. Thea Brown.

EDIT added December 28, 2011:  Both of Rachel Grimmer’s children died within 2 days of the shooting.  May they Rest in Peace.



Brazil Feeds Girls From Broken Homes to Men Being Held in Jail

Read an article in USAToday which said that child abuse tends to go up when the country is in recession.  The article says that most of the abuse is aimed against babies and very young children as their parents can’t handle the stress of financial problems and caring for a child.  Why don’t pediatricians ever talk out about this type of problem as it is connected with Divorce.  Doesn’t matter I suppose.  My parents divorced during a recession so maybe the excuse is that I was abused because of the financial problems and not because of the divorce.  The type of mentality that can separate this stuff is called “Denial.”  Nobody practices “denial” more than folks connected with the medical profession — that’s only my opinion.

Really scary stories coming out of Brazil.  A 14 year old girl was released from a jail on Saturday night after being held in prison for 4 days.  She was gang raped the entire time by a group of men who were also in her cell.  Apparently this is typical.  The police capture young women on minor or even false charges in order to feed the men who are being kept in the jails.  A 15 year old girl was arrested (I originally wrote “captured” in stead of arrested because that’s a more accurate description) on Oct. 21, 2007 and held for weeks in a cell with 21 men.

Another time a 23 year old prostitute was held for a month as well.

This article describes how both the 15 year old and 23 year old victims were naturals for being victims of this type of crime because they come from “Broken Homes” and had been molested by step-fathers.

In the U.S., of course, nothing like this could possibly happen.  Nah, never.

I’ve discussed before the relationship I’ve noticed how the news of women who are murdered by Husbands/Boyfriends often seem to come from Broken Homes.  Even without the molestation from the step-father this seems to be a trend.  There’s  a statistic floating around on the internet which backs up my theory but haven’t got a clue if it’s accurate.

What’s fascinating about all the articles which discuss child abuse is that they never seem to come with information that will help the victims.  It seems that if a kid is reading that type of thing he/she should be given some advice.  Guess they can’t do that because the kids from intact homes will hog up all the services.  Kids with healthy self-esteem scream loudest.

 



Malnutrition and Growing Up in Divorce
July 18, 2011, 5:41 pm
Filed under: ADD, Astrology stuff, Guilt, Health, Nutrition, poverty, Uncategorized

The study of Nutrition would probably help children of divorce more than any other. The connection between “meal time” is often the one subject which connects family members more than any other. There are a whole lot of issues which can come up concerning food when there is a divorce. The physical harm that is done to a child by being fed irregular meals of inferior quality is the first issue. There are social issues that crop up as well is a child is not fed and allowed to interact in mealtime. Within the home this will just develop as the usual, but once a child begins to make friends with children who come from normal homes the child might feel neglected or ashamed or lesser than. There are also basic psychological damages that can occur. The stress of having one’s weekly visit with Daddy dominated by his new date while Mommy sits at home feeling left out is probably a typical stress activity for some. It was for me at least.

Money with which to buy food becomes a problem. Children are exposed to parents who are totaling up how much they need in order to buy food each month.

If there is a loss of income on either parents’ side this can be a source of great stress. In my family the money always went first for alcohol and cigarettes. What was left would go for food. I remember my step-sister opening the empty refrigerator and screaming. Our parents would still be asleep at 11:00 am. Older children will often complain about the problem openly. Younger children will probably feel guilt for having needs which obviously won’t be filled through normal channels. Behaviors have to be developed in order to get fed. I became Anorexic so I stopped needing food. Meal times in my family were so heavily connected with Alcoholism I figure I would have had problems anyway, but the divorce made the situation much worse. I also became the one who went with my Mother to the grocery store and helped her with the budget. Sometimes her hands would shake so much writing the check that I would have to sign for her.

Issues of priorities that have been set within families concerning who is responsible for what duties can become an issue. In conservative families where women do the cooking there will be issues. I remember my older brother going through his bad adolescence screaming at me to stop doing homework in order to cook the dinner because girls do the cooking. In my family now, the women become stressed about cooking that the men do practically all of it, by the way.

I picked up an old collection of essays and lectures from 1981-82 about Nutrition from a library sale. It’s interesting to see all the studies which have been done on child development and nutrition. Researchers found that motor skills are heavily affected in children who suffer malnutrition as babies. This so corresponds with the first astrological cycles it’s just amazing. Mercury represents fine motor skills and it’s first cycles play a huge part in a baby’s development during the first year. Mars represents gross motor skills and Mars’ influence plays a big part in the 2d year (and first year as well). So, I hope to read more from the book in order to connect these two. I wonder if Nutritional Scientists have tried to discover ways to fix nutritional deficiencies that have occurred early on in the physical level. I know they figure that the psychological scars are probably either ADD or Autism. And, certainly, anyone who has been involved in Nutritional Science hasn’t done much of anything considering how what conventional farming has done to the food and how much junk food there is.

I hope to do more research to see if the other astrological cycles/stages of development correspond with physical problems relating to malnutrition issues. I erased the name of the book. The language in most of it is very techniical and too difficult for me to understand.

One thing I can think of in order to create a solution is for parents to try to section off a piece of land in order to get kids involved in growing their own food organically. Maybe they are already doing this. It seems that the benefits would be huge in many different areas. The parents could share babysitting so could have some free time to do their own thing. Kids could connect with the land and with food which could be a good substitude for not having a stable family. Kids could eat more nutritious and flavorful food and could have some positive guidance from adults in learning to grow it. I know this is part of the campaign which First Lady Michelle Obama started. The problem with these types of “cures” is that parenting and scheduling becomes such a stressful part of growing up in Divorce that most people will just stop following any of these activities. The stress of following through on these artificial cures becomes too stressful. Many people just don’t have easy access to land at this point. Of course, there are urban gardening techniques where one can grow some things in just a few pots kept in a window.