Spoiled Children of Divorce


Exemplary Children of Divorce – Will Farrell

Comedian Will Farrell comes from divorce.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  His Wikipedia entry says that he was the type of kid who just said “Hurrah, I get to have two Christmases.”

So I wanted to take a look at his chart to see what would indicate why he doesn’t feel that his parents’ divorce drank him down the drain like some of us do.

For one, Farrell is an oldest child.  I think that oldest children do not feel the loss as much as younger children.  I have no proof for this.  I just seem to keep seeing that it crop up.  Oldest children are said to be more successful no matter what type of home they are coming from.  There might be a study out there that confirms this.  I think that a reason particular to divorce is that they don’t have the feeling of being completely abandoned when there is still a familiar household to come back to, such as both parent and sibling living together.  That might just be me dreaming again.

Farrell’s parents split when he was 8 years old.  By astrology cycle standards this would put him developmentally influenced by his first Saturn Square.  I’ve said before that the worst ages you can get a divorce at are when your children are 7-8 and 13-14 because this sets them in either a secondary progressed Lunar cycle or a Saturn Cycle.  Maybe I’ll have to modify that and just say that secondary progressed Lunar returns can be rougher than most.  During childhood they seem to come slightly earlier than the Saturn Cycle transits, but not always so it’s not always clear.

I have noticed that the kids whose parents divorce when they are Age 8 often have the discipline to achieve significant career gains, especially in the types of career which come early in life.  Early on they have to learn how to parent themselves.  Often they will cut themselves off emotionally and drive themselves to achieve in school and then fall apart later on, but with mentoring or other guidance they can often work through the problems.

Saturn is the planet associated with the Father, and Discipline and Ambition and difficult life lessons.  Career and Social Responsibility can also be connected with Saturn.  Saturn can have problems dealing with failure and can lapse into depression because of it, but is often connected with being determined to succeed.  Saturn likes to work, so will work through emotional struggles as well as everything else.  He likes feeling responsible.  Saturn is not often associated with natural talent for sports or for acting or comedy because it is cautious and not often not connected with being able to improvise, but I have noticed that athletes will often come from this age group, especially the ones who don’t work on teams.

That certainly doesn’t follow anything related with Will Farrell’s style as he is very talented at improv.  But, Saturn is connected with a style of humor in a dry, reserved kind of way and is connected with a good sense of rhythm.

The Gessell Institute studies showed that kids at Age 8 go through a positive and socially mature phase.  They are bright and interactive at this age.

Saturn in Farrell’s natal chart is placed in the sign of Aries.  It is not very happy in this sign as Aries is impulsive.  Farrell’s Saturn is also placed on the cusp of the 8th house which shows some kind of difficult secret concerning the Father, probably related to death or money or inheritance.  It is squaring natal Mercury in Cancer in the 10th house of career and Father.  Mercury is retrograde in Farrell’s chart.  This planet and Farrell’s Sun in later degrees of Cancer in H11 would have been activated around the time of the divorce.  Mercury represents communication and analytical thinking abilities.  So, perhaps as a child Farrell didn’t feel that he could express himself verbally but he learned a lot through these feelings of insecurity and subsequently developed a heightened talent/discipline for knowing just what to say and not to say in his acting.

Often Saturn shows us where our true lessons are in life and point us where our ability to succeed in the Real World lie.  This is all very strongly featured because Farrell’s Saturn is the handle planet of a bucket shaped chart.  All the rest of the planets in his chart are placed on the left side of the chart which means that Farrell feels that he is master of his own destiny.

Farrell was born in the late 1960s during a big conjunction of Uranus-Pluto and this conjunction connects with his Ascendant.  This is a generational aspect because these planets move so slowly and were hanging around together for a long time thus imprinting a lot of people.   In conjunction with the Ascendant this describes Farrell’s physical appearance and personality.  Pluto will show some sort of self control and ability to confront difficult topics.  Uranus represents shock and surprise and light heartedness.  Both planets are associated with crisis, so one can see the connection to comedy in a way.  I’ve said before that these planets are the major rulers of divorce and this conjunction was the major reason for the big divorce boom in the 70s.  So, having this conjunction on one’s Ascendant would indicate that one could become the poster child for divorce of that time period.

Unlike what Farrell’s chart shows, People who have planets mostly placed on the right side of the wheel will naturally feel strongly influenced by other people and situations in life.  This might show a problem for children in divorce because their parents won’t just be there in the background for them throughout life.

Also, one wants to notice in a chart if most of the planets are placed above the horizon or below it.  It is said that people with planets mostly below are more introverted and don’t rise above the problems presented to them in childhood.  This might be true in the U.S. where extroversion is a strong indicator for success.  In either event, I have noticed that successful children of divorce often have an empty 4th house.  This is the house associated with the bottom of the chart which represents infancy and homelife and nurturing.  If this house contains a lot of planets the person will automatically identify with history and childhood and deep feelings like blood ties and family — all the types of things that disappear after divorce.  For these types I imagine that the divorce will present more loss.

One also wants to look at the signs that are on the cusps of the 4th and 10th Houses to see how he/she views his parents’ parenting styles.  Farrell has the signs of Gemini and Sagittarius on his IC and MC axis.  Farrell sees them already as being changeable and maybe a source of his humor and intellect, and, anxiety.  He’s not burdened by a sense of overwhelming responsibility over how they conducted their lives.  Dealing with his family is maybe sort of a game.  Maybe he feels more at home with neighbors and people from other cultures.



Article About Siblings During Divorce

Here’s a great article from Huffington Post:

“Do Siblings Help Each Other When Parents Divorce?” by Judith Wallerstein.



Birth Order Changes Not Mentioned Again

It’s as if the past 40 years of Divorce Boom haven’t happened among Birth Order aficionados.  Article “How Birth Order Affects Your Love Life” by Lisa Lombardi sounds straight out of Psychology Today c. 1978.

The article doesn’t mention Divorce.  It doesn’t mention Step- and Blended Families.  Of course it doesn’t mention children of unmarried parents, children who have had a parent who died, children who have grown up Foster Families or children who are adopted.   Those are the people who need the information.  Kids from these backgrounds all experience shifts of birth order.  I suppose that it’s most likely that an oldest child will be least likely to experience change of birth order.  I suppose that they might be most hurt by loss of being first.  Middle children probably won’t experience the greatest upheaval but they might be most upset because they are naturally least noticed and demanding and most accommodating.

If we live in an open minded community where people bob in and out of relationships like it’s Halloween, then why are we so close minded about what we are forcing the babies to go through?

It’s just so weird that nobody even thinks to update this b.s.  It would be a big seller probably.  Maybe it would be too complicated to contain within one of those slim self help books, though.  DSM-9,000,000.

Anyway, read the article.   Think about who you are most likely to get involved with and see if it lines up.

Geez, I’m getting way too negative even for me.  Have run out of exemplary children of divorce to write about.



Sister Sledge 1979
February 1, 2011, 2:23 am
Filed under: creativity, Feminist Attitude, siblings, Songs

We Are Family.

Get the Ringtone.



“Safari” by Jennifer Egan

Heard a partial short story reading on NPR while driving tonight.  “Safari” by Jennifer Egan.  As happens while driving the car I usually haven’t got a clue what I’m listening to and for some reason it’s always really interesting that way.  Egan was interviewed after the reading and explained parts of the story which have to do with “unstable family situations.”  She discussed her own childhood and her parents’ divorce.  So I had to come home to see if the story is available on the Internet.  Turns out there’s an editor at The New Yorker who doesn’t mind publishing stories about Children of Divorce:

Safari.

The story is about a “family” going on a Safari vacation together for three weeks.  Dad is twice divorced and has brought along his new girlfriend.  Two of his children are there.   All the characters are weaving in and out of understanding of what their relationships with each other are.  The story is told from the fractured points of view of each character and with a fractured sense of timing, a sort of whirlwind of who, what, when, why where, which expresses the unstable situation.  Relationships, Sex, self understanding, grief, boredom are all told by characters at completely different places in their lives and without any cohesive tribal understanding of the events.  In the background, meanwhile, there is the structured scheduling of the trip and on another level the lives of each character past, present and future is told with a sort of innocent but frightening frankness.   I think that this is sort of the attitude that Children of Divorce take on in life in order to try to make sense of it all.  There was no sense of emotion, the characters continue with their lives trying to follow along the way they have followed the scheduling of this trip.  Event after event is told with a sort of inability to really feel what is going on.  In the end there is this matter of factness about how life unfolds along with a great sense of emotional loss.  (Sorry went on a little too long here, but I really liked the story)

Jennifer Egan’s parents divorced when she was around 2 years old.  Her Father was an alcoholic who rehabed in his 40s.  She was her parents’ only child together and was the oldest in her new family that her Mother created with her Step Father.  Egan was born in the Midwest.  Moved to San Francisco when she was 7 years old.  She is married and I believe has two sons and lives on the East Coast.  I can’t vouch for the accuracy of any of these details.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Natasha Trethewey

Pulitzer Prizewinning Poetess Natasha Trethewey is a Child of Divorce.  I heard her interviewed on the NPR Program Fresh Air yesterday.

I was first attracted to the interview because I couldn’t believe what amazingly long sentences Trethewey can spin.  She can assemble more thoughts into a single sentence in a way that still makes sense than anyone I’ve ever heard.  So it made sense that she’s a poet. Her personal story is even more amazing.

Trethewey won the Pulitzer for her collection of poems called Native Guard.  Some of these poems are about her Mother who was murdered by her Step-Father when Trethewey was 19 years old.  Trethewey’s younger brother witnessed the murder when he was 11 (or 12) years old.  (Sorry I was listening while driving in the car and I can’t remember the details really well).

Trethewey was born in Mississippi. Her parents divorced at some point before Trethewey started grade school.  She lived with her Mother in Georgia and spent Summers in New Orleans with her Father and with her Grandmother in  Mississippi.

Her new book is about how her family was affected by Hurricane Katrina.  Her Brother was destroyed financially and, out of desperation, turned to dealing drugs.   It turns out that he was arrested for possession of Cocaine the same day that Trethewey was awarded the Pulitzer.  Have to sit down with this astrology chart at some point in the future when I can be very very quiet…  This date will be interesting to look at from an astrological point of view as it was 10 days before Trethewey’s 41st Birthday.  By coincidence, Trethewey’s Mother was killed 10 days before her (the Mother’s) 41st Birthday as well.  It’s amazing to hear a very articulate poet discuss the complicated and confusing feelings and methods of coping with this amount of tragedy.  I sure would like to hear her ideas, if any, about her parents’ divorce.  I’m a little slow at reading poetry but I’ll be looking for both books.  The new book is called Beyond Katrina.

Trethewey is bi-racial.  Her Mother was an African American Social Worker and her Father is a White College Professor.  Her Step-Father (don’t know race, etc) was a Vietnam Veteran and worked for an Air Conditioning and Heating Company.  The story about what Trethewey’s brother had to go through is unbelievable.  As I said he was 11 or 12 years old at the time of the murder.  His parents had already divorced and I don’t know what age he was at that point.



Good Advice

Was stunned to actually read a column in this morning’s newspaper concerning divorce.  A guy writes an advice column called “Male Call.” Today’s article is titled “Beware if he’s just not that into your kid.”  The answer is right on and it’s even humorous.  A woman, turning 30 and obviously desperate, writes in that she’s in a relationship with a guy who really wants kids, but when she watches him with her son from a previous marriage she observes that they don’t seem to get along.  “Male Call” warns her about how if she marries this guy and has kids that her kids will live in the “two tiered” household where the son from the previous relationship will always feel left out.  “Say you do choose to procreate with this fellow.  Will it end up being a two-tiered family?  As in, your child is merely tolerated, but the new ones are the ‘real’ family?  That’s an excellent recipe for ‘acting out’ on the part of your child, also known as ‘Cage Match With Step-dad’ after he/she reaches puberty.

It’s interesting how the sexes understand different parts of parenting.  To hand it to this mother, she is asking.  A Father would never ask for the advice in the first place.  He would just marry a woman and figure that she and the kids can sort it out on their own.  You notice that step-mothers never mention anything about their husbands as being part of the problem.  Everything is blamed on the kid and the ex-wife.  (That’s because of money, of course).  But concerning the advice for understanding the actual problem I think I might recommend deferring to the guys.  They aren’t afraid to look into the future and see an unsolvable problem.

From the last paragraph in this column is:  “So we’re not really sure there is a way to ‘ease the transition’ for the boyfriend.  He either gets along with your kid, or he doesn’t.  And if he doesn’t maybe you should give this a little more time before deciding to have another child.”  How nice to be asking this question before taking more big leaps in the relationship.  How nice to wait and see and give it more time.

Of course, with women, I think there is an added power control issue within a relationship.  If she rushes in and adds a child of her own to the mix then she has a lot more control in all the relationships.

I remember going to a sort of Lilith fest for writers in the San Francisco Bay area one year.  Not that I’m a writer but at that point I really wanted to be.  The key speaker was a remarkably witty, funny person and she made a point out of pointing out that her half brother or sister (can’t remember which) simply never got over her Mother being in their lives.  She, of course, was the Golden Girl who grew up with her own Mother and her own Father and her own House. And these others were just visitors who made everyone grumpy.  And, as an adult, still, she is still defensive about how must easier she had it than her siblings with that good old “Oh come on, can’t we just get along?”

Kind of funny how a writer who writes mostly about family issues just doesn’t want to discuss a problem that anyone else in her family is having.

Anyway, Mr. Male Call, hope you aren’t offended that I’ve linked to you from my hostile blog about the unsolved problems of the world.  I hope you get syndicated.  Thanks for the humor, too.  I strongly urge everyone entering into a step- situation to take martial arts classes too.