Spoiled Children of Divorce

Census Survey which includes valuable information about Divorced Families
January 25, 2020, 1:28 am
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The Census is probably the best place to look for research information about Divorce although it’s not very user friendly. If you have a technical background or are very patient you might find some interesting information included in the SIPP Survey. SIPP stands for “Survey of Income and Program Participation” which doesn’t say much. It interviews whole households over a period of 3 to 4 years and ask questions which can give valuable information about families that are going through divorce: their financial changes; their well being; their insurance; and their changes in work and housing.


MedCircle Interviews on Suicidal Ideation
January 24, 2020, 1:20 am
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MedCircle is a great company which posts the interviews that you, or at least I, always wish I could find with a mental health professional. I suffer from chronic suicidal ideation which has come and gone a lot in my life. It started with my Mother’s suicide attempts during my parents’ divorce which caused severe PTSD which psychiatrists didn’t treat at the time and which I won’t ever receive any treatment or even recognition of. I was always the one who found my Mother and had to call for help. At one attempt she drank Clorox. She was also extremely drunk. The police took her to the Mental Hospital where she was locked in a room and left overnight. In the morning she had no pulse or heartbeat. My Father moved her to a private hospital. And he suffered from chronic suicidal ideation after that. My brother is lucky. He just blanks things out and doesn’t remember anything.

Anyway, here is a link to a MedCircle talk on Suicidal Ideation between the really excellent interviewer Kyle Kittelson and a brilliant psychiatrist, Dr. Judy Ho. Dr. Ho even mentions divorce as a reason for suicidal ideation a couple of times although she doesn’t mention child of divorce and suicide. I wonder what suicide rates are for children of divorce but I guess this is more suppressed information that we don’t discuss. There is a small segment included in the the last talk with a woman named Ginger. She does talk about the effect of her parent’s divorce on her depression. I think. I watched that a while ago and maybe am not remembering correctly.

At any rate, you can watch the whole show if you pay about $10/month. It’s worth it. There are other amazing talks as well. It’s much cheaper and more effective than starting with a $200 therapist who is a single divorced Mother who will become hostile if you mention your feelings.

Little dribs and drabs occasionally do pop up…

Leila Miller Book: Primal Loss
January 20, 2020, 11:30 pm
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Here’s a link to a blog at the Institute for Family Studies. The post, “The Adult Children of Divorce Find Their Voice.” from July 17, 2017 is written by Leila Miller who surveyed 70 children of divorce and wrote a book about it called Primal Loss:  The Now-Adult Children of Divorce.

Miller quotes from children from “happy divorce” and finds the following problems:  Unacknowledged feelings, abandonment, loss of first family, A different view of the world, and lifelong grief. This is really great. One of the reasons why I think grown adults remain silent about their experiences is because, as children, they did not have the words to describe what they were experiencing. Divorce is the most complicated relationship experience on known to humans and the children often go through it before they have developed a relationship with their parents. These are really great insights.

Miller says she is from an Intact Family herself.

Divorce Statistics
December 20, 2019, 11:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A Law Firm in San Diego has put together statistics about Divorce.

Divorce Statistics: Over 115 Studies, Facts and Rates for 2018

Fathers don’t stick around if they only have daughters. Women take custody in 90 percent of divorces. That’s a lot of food insecurity.

Successful Women More Likely To Get a Divorce

An article, “Top jobs lead to divorce for women, but not for men” at World Economic Forum (weforum.org) discusses how successful women are more likely to get divorced than successful men. Variables leading to this are discussed in the article. Couples are less likely to divorce if they share parental leave, for example. They almost got around to discussing the effects of this on the kids… If a child’s parents are successful probably the child doesn’t see much of them so I guess divorce isn’t that big of a deal for them, is it?

U.S. Census Data on Child Support

The U.S. Census does extensive work to track what kinds of financial support children receive from separated parents. It looks like the latest tabulated results are from 2015. Can’t say I can interpret them very easily but appreciate reading all the different categories. I think that non-custodial parents spend as much on gifts as they do on food. And, either way, that might not be much.

I remember the check coming sometime in the middle of the month. I remember being called Child #2 and my older brother was called Child #1. I remember the bartering over who will get the tax deductions this year. I remember being left alone in the house with boxes of cereal and gallons of ice cream to eat. I remember eating from my Mother’s doggie bags from her dates. I remember my Step-Mother bragging about how decadent the restaurant was that she and my Father had recently eaten at. I remember my Step-Sister ordering the Lobster to screw my Father out of his money.


Child Custody Battle is Allegedly Reason for 2015 Roden Family Murders in Ohio

After about 3 years’ investigation law enforcement arrested 4 family members for the 2015 murders of 8 family members in Ohio. At the time it seemed obvious that the murders were drug related as pot farms were found at three of the four homes where victims were found.

Daily Beast article here.

Instead, guess what? It was a custody battle. The lives of three of the children living in the homes were spared. Their parents and grandparents were murdered execution style while they slept. The alleged murderers are from the Wagner clan:  George “Billy” Wagner III, Angela Wagner, George Wagner IV, Edward “Jake” Wagner. They had been planned for months and then moved to Alaska after the murders. Two grandmothers were arrested as accomplices.

Jake was an ex-boyfriend of Hanna Roden. They shared a 3 year old daughter. Hanna had just given birth to a daughter 5 days before and at age 19 was one of the victims. Jake thought he was also the newborn’s father.

Remember the lyrics “You only hurt the ones you love….” Family Court is the most violent court there is. Most mass murders are family related. Apparently potheads aren’t as non violent as they are made out to be. And there isn’t as much publicity about family problems as there are about drug dealing because the press has kept pretty silent.

From the article:

“According to Governor Mike DeWine (article says DeWine is Attorny General but I don’t think that’s correct). … “‘This is just the most bizarre story I’ve ever seen in being involved in law enforcement,’ …. adding that the defendants had an “obsession” with custody and controlling children connected to the victims.”

“In April 2016, eight members of the Rhoden family—ranging in age from 16 to 44—were found shot and killed in their beds in four different homes. Three of those houses had large marijuana farms, authorities said.”