Spoiled Children of Divorce


Exemplary Children of Divorce – James Ellroy
June 11, 2018, 11:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Don’t know why I found out about two crime novelists/Children of Divorce at the same time. Good things happen in pairs, I guess. Both novelists are centered in California.

Along with Raymond Chandler, James Ellroy, is another great classic who has written The Black Dahlia, L.A. Confidential, and the awesome Child of Divorce/Murder My Dark Places. This last one is the result of working with a detective for 15 months on the cold case of his mother who was raped and murdered.

Like Chandler, Ellroy didn’t start writing until he was much older. He has suffered from Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Addiction, Homelessness and a Criminal Past.

There are many interviews on the Internet with Ellroy which I recommend. Here is one from the TV News show 60 Minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI0rpNoSLwA.

I think Ellroy’s parents divorced when he was seven years old, but am not positive on that because for some reason I didn’t write it down. The parents were given split custody. James lived with his Mother, a nurse, during the week and with his Father on 3 week-ends a month. He preferred living with his Father. In My Dark Places, there is a really eerie description of how he felt nothing after his Mother’s death and was happy to be able to finally live with his Father. There are humorous and sad descriptions of typical parental alienation games between parents. His Father called his Mother a whore and his Mother called his Father something else. Can’t remember, but Ellroy couldn’t have become a good writer without these words, no doubt.

Didn’t know that there were previous divorce boom’s in California but apparently there were. California just sort of “booms” a lot with Gold, Real Estate, Movies, Immigration, Divorce. In addition to the 70’s divorce boom which blew the small town where I grew up there was one in the 1950s. According to the CDC there was also a boom in the 1920’s. “In 1956 my mother moved us from West Hollywood to Santa Monica. I enrolled in a cut-rate private school called Children’s Paradise. The place was a dump site for disturbed kids of divorce. “A flurry of single moms hit the gate at 5:10. I developed a yen for women in their late thirties.” (My Mother’s Killer by James Ellroy, gg.com, July 8, 2007). The town, El Monte, place of where Elroy was living with his Mom, was called “The City of Divorced Women.” (p. 25).

My Dark Places is mainly about Ellroy dealing with his complicated feelings for his Mother. Her murder led him to obsession with crime. Reading about crime and committing it. He apparently had an obsession with older women even before that which led to his first novel The Black Dahlia which is about an unsolved murder of a beautiful woman in L.A. just like his Mother.

I suppose the Child of Divorce part of the story comes from the complexity of feelings for his Mother as a result of the stress from the Divorce. It is just not recognized as a catalyst, so maybe it wasn’t.

Here is a nice tribute of his feelings for her which is posted at the beginning of the book. I think a lot of us can relate to us especially when dealing with the grief of our parents’ deaths:



Trying to Get Help if a Parent Attempts Suicide
June 11, 2018, 9:50 pm
Filed under: Abandonment, Suicide, Uncategorized

This is a morbid topic but probably much more applicable to Children of Divorce than to Children from Intact Families. Divorcing parents can try to end things. In the last week two celebrities have committed suicide leaving behind children. The 13-year old daughter of fashion designer Kate Spade was at the beginning of her parents’ divorce process and the 11-year old daughter of Chef/Journalist Anthony Bourdain has been separated from her Father for awhile. I’m not listing names in order to respect their privacy and wish to send my condolences.

The Veterans Health Administration has published a page on their website devoted to providing information to children who are exposed to suicide within their families. https://www.mirecc.va.gov. Rocky Mountain MIRECC for Suicide Prevention. It is nice that different age groups are addressed.



Mom’s Obit
June 8, 2018, 12:20 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“Son who wrote viral revenge obituary about his mom explains why he did it”



Talking About Mental Health

Here’s an interesting discussion. Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps discusses his problems with Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal feelings. He talks with David Axelrod who talks a bit about his Father’s Suicide which he said he never talked about with anyone for 30 years. (In astrobabble terms, that’s a Saturn Return. Saturn rules the Father and also Depression). Neither interviewer or interviewee discusses being Children of Divorce. The stigma is just that strong.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/michael-phelps-helping-others-with-depression-light-years-better-than-olympic-gold/CBSnews. Michael Phelps discusses mental health.



Are You Happy & Optimistic Even Though Your Parents’ Behaviors After the Divorce Were Off the Charts?
June 30, 2017, 6:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Researchers in the U.K. found that having a sister will make you happier and more optimistic, especially if you come from Divorce.

Tony Cassidy and Liz Wright figured this out somehow. Don’t know how they possibly could have thought to ask about Divorce because no one ever does. Maybe that’s only in the U.S.

He said: “Sisters appear to encourage more open communication and cohesion in families. However, brothers seem to have the alternative effect. Emotional expression is fundamental to good psychological health and having sisters promotes this in families.”
Girls who had sisters also tended to be more independent and keen on achievement, according to the findings.
The effects were stronger among children from broken homes, suggesting that sisters might lean on each other more for support when their parents divorce.

“Having a Sister Makes You Happier and More Optimistic, Say Psychologists.” by Kate Devlin. Apr. 2, 2009. The Telegraph.co.uk.



What Happens On Your Wedding Day?

This is a very touching story. A woman named Brittany was being walked down the aisle on her Wedding Day by her Biological Father. Her Father stops and runs back to ask Brittany’s Step-Father to help walk her down the aisle as well. The Step-Father is in tears.

The story does not sugar coat the divorce and the custody disputes and the contentious relationship between the Fathers. That kind of honesty is much appreciated. Brittany was 6 years old when her parents divorced.

Congratulations on your new life, Brittany!



Astrology Lecture on Cycles of Jupiter and Saturn in Child Development
April 8, 2017, 5:27 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here is a great lecture with astrologer Alex Trenowith which discusses how the Jupiter and Saturn cycles affect children throughout childhood. She worked in the education field and was able to match her observations of the children with astrological cycles. This is very similar to my research which has been looking at how trauma of divorce affects children (but much better presented).

SFB RF Alex Trenoweth: Astrology in Education: Research
from The Kepler Conference

Kepler Conference / Alex Trenowith Lecture