Spoiled Children of Divorce


Step-Father, Child Molester, Stupid Laws
July 18, 2011, 3:17 am
Filed under: Stepfamilies, Uncategorized, Violence

Story about a stepfather who beat the crap out of his 8-year-old stepdaughter’s molester. The molester had been invited to celebrate Thanksgiving.

The story talks about how the legal system is easier on the molester than it is on the stepfather. As the law stands now, the step-father and his brother will receive more time than the abuser. It also says that the stepfather and his brother would have received only slightly longer sentences if they had killed the molester. Obviously the California legal system needs some revisions and I hope it happens with this case.

From the point of view of writing a blog about growing up in Divorce and blended homes this story is interesting to look at. For one, from the point of view of the little girl who was molested, I suspect that she will suffer less from the experience because people stepped in to defend her. Although I don’t condone violence, the guy had it coming. I have read enough times that child molesters seldom mend their ways. I hope that the family will continue to provide support for the victim so that she won’t suffer long term effects.

I’m wondering about something else regarding stepfathers. It seems that perhaps they will be more likely to act/react with regards to their stepchildren. This can tend to be bad in many situations where perhaps the blood tie connection makes a guy a little more tolerant. On the other hand, perhaps blood ties will often overlook abuse within the family in order to keep the peace. Biological Father’s hands will be tied because of loyalties. A stepfather will see the whole situation from an outsider’s perspective which will often be more objective.

As much as I think that parents and adults in general are neglectful when it comes to understanding and facing how divorce affects their children I think that the irrationality of “family values” is just as bad.

And my typing on my iPad is worse than anything on earth so I apologize for that.



Parental Alienation Syndrome / Custody Fights / Nathan Grieco

This post has grown a life of its own.  Don’t know if I’ll be able to get it under control.

It started out when I picked up a used book called A Kidnapped Mind  by Pamela Richardson.  Haven’t read it yet, but Richardson discusses her custody fight for her son which ultimately led to her son’s suicide.  Richardson discusses how Parental Alienation Syndrome destroyed her son’s life.  The Father had alienated him so that he refused to see his Mother.  Since the boy is dead we can’t hear his side.

Then I somehow got distracted by the story of the man who coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”  Dr. Richard A. Gardner was a psychiatrist who wrote the first book about Children of Divorce.  He coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” in 1985 and self published a book about it in 1992.  Gardner was divorced twice, had three children a son and two daughters. His astrology chart is really interesting to look at in this regard.

(Astrology stuff:  Gardner’s chart reflects the current huge outer planet t-square that we have been currently going through in his chart.  In the Cardinal Signs, strongly related to relationships on one pole and to family on the other pole.  Uranus, planet of divorce, is conjunct the North Node in Aries (conflict).  This squares an opposition of Saturn in Capricorn (strong influence of Father style of parenting, empirical science) to a conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto in Cancer (Mother, Power, Law).  Just as he was developining his theory about what goes on in these areas in 1985 his progressed Sun was changing signs and was at 29 Gemini-1 Cancer.  That point will bring one’s views before the public, in this case, views having to do with family.)

His theories are highly debated because he did not publish through peer related publishing methods and his ideas are considered non-scientific.  Mostly he defended Fathers whose ex-wives bad mouthed them to the children so that the children would not want to see their Fathers.  What grabbed my attention was the fact that Gardner committed suicide in a really gruesome way.  First he tried to overdose.  When that failed he stabbed himself to death.  This was because he was in pain from a disease called reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Sorry, but that was just more interesting to me because it was so brutal.

Then I was, of course, curious about the stories about how the courts would side with Gardner’s testimony over the pleas of children in custody disputes.  When confronted by the fact that he had set the children up with abusive parents who had then been hurt by their parents he didn’t show any remorse.  Well, that sounds pretty typical especially connected with children and divorce.

The most painful story involved 3 boys in Pennsylvania who were forced to visit their Father by court order.  If they didn’t show up and if they didn’t act happy around their Father the Judge threatened to send their Mother to jail.  That’s not legal and it’s really weird, but, hey, this is divorce.

The oldest boy, Nathan, was so distraught over his screwed up life that he committed suicide when he was 16. The kids were 4,6, and 8 when their parents split.  They grew up and during the year that they were 12, 14, & 16, when they were at the age when kids are supposed to be breaking away from family stuff, the parents and the courts were forcing them to continue to act as if they were 4, 6 & 8.

The astrology is what is grabbing me here because it possibly fits with my astrological theories which connect the planetary cycles with understanding how trauma will unfold in children later on.  It will possibly show how each particular child will react to the trauma and what kind of time frame to look for in order to understand future times when the trauma will resurface.

Nathan Greico was 8 years old when his parents divorced.  Age 8, as I’ve discussed is connected with the first Saturn square in a child’s level of development.  Saturn is related to first stage of maturity, the Father, restriction, depression, social grace (authority and the courts), and depression.  As a person, Nathan was not very good, apparently, at social and physical activities.  I don’t know what that means exactly but he was being treated for ADHD (and I haven’t got a clue what that means except that it shows that he was on drugs).  As I’ve said, I suspect that Ages 7-8 are among the worst for a child to go through parents’ divorce because they represent ages of development that will directly be affected by homelife, tradition, parents and parenting and are often connected with not feeling safe and not being able to handle failure.  In overly simplified terms, Moon is moodiness and feeling picked on.  Saturn is bitterness, guilt, and depression.

Age 8 also figures strongly in another cycle which I wonder doesn’t involve Nathan’s natal chart.  I wonder if he had a conjunction of Sun-Venus.  It would fit too well if he did.  This is because there is a cycle of the Sun and Venus Rx which repeats every 8 years and often you can see this 8 year cycle strongly figured in their charts, hopefully not the traumatized version.

I noticed that when Nathan committed suicide on Feb. 27, 2007 there was a conjunction of Venus 1 Pisces to the Sun 9 Pisces.  The sign of Pisces is often connected with feeling suicidal and like a lost cause so that could be enough of a motive to end it all if things are not going well.  And, as I say, I have no idea what Nathan’s natal chart looks like.  But, Age 8 is the earlier completion of a cycle of these two planets together.  Venus is the sign which rules marriage, harmony, partnerships.  A person who has this planet strongly figured in his chart is thought to become very distressed by any lack of balance in his life because he is extremely sensitive to it.  The Sun adds an element of self-expression of self confidence and wanting to express one’s self creatively and openly.  Often when these planets show up in a negative way, they are also related to suicide.  Sun rules a heightened sense of drama.  Venus represents Love and just doesn’t want tension.  Nathan was upset about everything Venusian.  He had just written about how upset he was over a break-up in his love life and over his parent’s ongoing custody battle and this forced visitation with his Father.  The problems with the Father began when the Mother remarried and the new step-father came in.  The Father’s reaction became subversive and violent.  There is no discussion about Nathan’s feelings about this.  If a Venusian he might just be more upset by people who are fighting rather than wanting to be the dominant male in the family the way other boys might figure in.  It’s also very interesting that he was involved in an argument over brainwashing which could be construed as a Venus type of problem.

So, as theoretical as this is, I suppose it shows another example of what I’m talking about.  Perhaps what to look for in individual children.  And what to avoid. And when.

Article about Nathan Griecohttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMILYCOURTREFORM/message/4183

The Pittsburg paper wrote a really great series about the Greico Divorce and the misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome as used by the courts in child custody hearings.

http://www.post-gazette.com  http://www.post-gazette.com/custody/parttwo.asp

The surviving brothers talking about how the minute they turn 18 they are out the door.  The older one says that he will bring the younger one with him.  Protective.

Here’s another article about how this theory is sending more children into harms way with abusive people:

Mar. 2, 2011 article from SF Weekly newspaper:  California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody”  by Peter Jamison.

The basic argument, I guess, is that it’s great that parents want to stay in their children’s lives.  But, people who are going through a divorce are really not the healthiest people in the world to be around.

copyright 2011.  All rights reserved, spoiled childrenofdivorce



Mother Drives Her Children Into the Hudson River
April 16, 2011, 11:00 pm
Filed under: Abandonment, filicide, Mentally Ill parents, Murder, Suicide, Violence

A 25-year old mother of 4 in New York drove herself and her children into the Hudson River.  Her 10-year old son escaped his Mother’s clutches, but she drowned along with his 3 younger siblings.  According to the surviving son his Mother was expressing regrets as the van she was driving sank into the water and was wishing that she could be saved.  In the article which is linked to it sounds as if the Mother was upset about the relationship with the children’s father.  I’m unclear about her relationship with the Father.  There was a story about how he allowed one of the children to run around in the street naked in the middle of the night.  She had had locks changed on the doors twice in the last 6 months.

There’s an interesting article about how common it is for Mothers to kill their children called “Moms killing kids not nearly as rare as we think.”  The article talks about the role of mental illness in the situation but also the fact that the mothers are simply isolated emotionally and socially.  “So often there is an impending death or divorce or breakup.”  This is a really great article and I thank the person who wrote it.  Since statistics don’t distinguish between Mothers, Fathers and Step-fathers (no mention of Step-Mothers?), an expert is quoted as saying that it is thought that a Mother kills her own child ever 3 days (in the U.S.? I know this is accepted practice in traditional Asian cultures).

The thing is to remember that this Mother was over stressed and that at the last minute she was showing regrets about the choice she had made.

For the first year of my parent’s divorce my Mother tried to commit suicide 3 times and at times she was threatening to kill me as well.  She never actually did try to kill me, but I became anorexic as a way of trying not to have any needs which would upset her. And I have gone through serious suicidal phases ever since. So, I tend to notice when one of these stories hits the news.

The information is often repressed because of society’s needs to think that Mothers never fail in their duties to love their children.  The article explains how often Mothers think that they are doing what’s best for their children by killing them.

I have sort of forgotten the exact reasons why my Mother said that she would have to kill me.  I sometimes think that it was because she knew that I would never be able to trust anyone after having been betrayed by both my Father and my best friend.  But, I think the real reason was financial and just the fact that she didn’t want to be burdened by having a kid around since the marriage was over.  She had been raised by a single woman as her Father had died.  I don’t think in all her rants that she ever discussed how perhaps it would be difficult for me to function after being kept awake all night listening to this stuff.  In the morning she would claim that she didn’t remember a thing (unless it was one of the nights when I lost it and started screaming).

Needless to say I feel so sorry for the young boy and hope that he can find a safe environment to grow up in where he will find love and support.  It sounds like he has great survival skills and hopefully he will be able to trust people.

I hope that this woman’s soul and those of her children will rest in peace.  And I hope that social networks can be formed for single mothers to gain the support and help they need.  There are so many concerns in these cases.  Financial, Legal, Self Esteem, Retraining regarding partnership mistakes, Help with Career, Help with Housework and raising children.  And, of course, lack of time to devote to improving all these areas of life.  I’m pretty certain that women can’t expect other married women to help them.

Mothers who have to take care of their children really need so much help.  In the end the “help” my Mother received were 2 1-week stints in mental hospitals.  She received a diagnosis and some pills and was taught a new career choice which proved adequate income. A Call Girl taught her how to go into a bar and turn tricks on those days when money was coming up a bit short.   Mental Hospitals expose vulnerable people not only to pills that only help to sedate and humiliate them but also to connections with even sicker people who share survival skills are a bit lacking.  I sort of wonder what goes on in the nurses and doctors’ minds.  Don’t they see that this stuff goes on?  Hospitals for mental illness are just as infectious for disease as hospitals for physical illness.



Female Boxer Shot By Her Step-Father
April 6, 2011, 8:05 pm
Filed under: Leaving the "Nest", Long Term Fallout, step-, Stepfamilies, Violence | Tags: ,

A Female Boxer, who is undefeated in her country of Germany, was shot by her Step-Father/Ex-Manager on April 1, 2011. Rola El-Halabi is 25 years old and her career may be cut short because the Step-Father strategically shot her in her hand and knee.   She had separated from her Step-Father professionally in January it seems because of some issue he had with the guys she dated. Story.

I wish Rola El-Halabi a full recovery and freedom from all anger and blame so that she may continue to excel in her life.  It’s not worth holding on to these problems.  She probably already knows that.  And if she doesn’t she will probably show up and punch my brains out.

Sort of reminds me of the story I posted about the Step-Father who crashed in on his Step-Daughter relationship with her boyfriend.  The Boyfriend’s Step-Father video-taped the encounter and the whole thing became public because the girl’s Step-Father was a cop.

Detectives say that in situations of family violence Step-Fathers tend to be the first person to look at for responsibility.  I admit that’s a drag.  What if they are innocent?  Since wealthy people are said these days to be least likely to get divorced I suppose this is true, though.  Poorer people have less impulse control probably.

The extra-added emotional tension of the step- situation perhaps sends the whole thing over the edge.  The psychologists would probably say that there’s no difference between step- and bio- (because there are probably so few Children of Divorce in the psych professions).  In the U.S. Psychologists are trying to eradicate the “Step-” part of the word.  They say it brings on negative connotations in social situations.  People are working even harder to fake like they like and respect each other.  In many situations they probably do, or at least it would be a situation similar to adoption.

However, this would also make the step-child identity even more difficult for the child to articulate.  Children have limited vocabularies, after all.  They understand the word “Love” as simply “Love”  Not as “Flirting” “Dating” “Sex” “Engagement” “Marriage” “Couples Therapy” “Cheating” “Betrayal” “7 year Itch” “Boredom” “Jealousy” “Abandonment” “Divorce”.  They have absolutely no sense of how these things happen in certain orders because they have experienced them as things that happen to the people who take them to the zoo and who feed, shelter and reprimand them.  And they’ve learned about it all within a very short window of time.   Who wouldn’t want two Fathers and two Mothers to “Love”  even though they all hate each other?

I’m also reminded of Julie Andrews who also developed a successful career because of help from her Step-Father.  She also admits in her memoir that he sexually molested her, or at least tried, I forget which.  The sexual feelings between Step-parents and their step-children.  There’s something to talk about which has to remain unsaid.  I suppose bio parents also molest their children, but I suspect that there is a much higher incidence between step-families and incest.  New TV Movie, Mildred Pierce, which shows the step-daughter as evil witch.  Of course, it takes place in California in the 1930s.  And California is one of the only states in the U.S. that doesn’t track information about Divorce…



Depressed Fathers Spank Their Babies More
March 16, 2011, 12:14 am
Filed under: Mentally Ill parents, Relationship with Father, Violence

Article which explains that up to 25 percent of new Mothers suffer from Post-Partum Depression and up to about 7 percent of new Fathers suffer from it as well.  A study has found that Depressed Fathers are much more likely to spank their 1-year old babies.  This is a behavior that a one year old isn’t going to understand at all.  I assume that a Mother won’t understand what is going on either.  Violent physical behavior in men was considered “normal” while I was growing up and I really appreciate this kind of research.  But … sure wish they could hook in some questions on parental harmony/discord/divorce and the children.

Am not going to link to it but there was also an article about how spoiled children are more intelligent.  Maybe I’ll quit griping about Children of Divorce are always accused of being spoiled.  I know we are more intelligent, for sure, dude.

http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/14/dads-dark-side-new-fathers-with-depression-spank-their-babies-more/



Whose Borders Are the Minutemen Defending?

Ew, this is looking bad.  This is a difficult little post to write up. It looks like the Minutemen community has been assembled by Children of Divorce.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Because, of course, we don’t have statistics.  Makes sense.  As adults we try to fix what we didn’t have as a child.  And Children of Divorce don’t have borders.

Shawna Ford is a former Minuteman member who has just been sentenced to Death Row in Arizona for the murders of a Father and his Daughter in their home in Texas.  Forde’s bio states that she was booted from the original Minutemen group for being mentally unstable and formed her own group.

Is Shawna Ford from Divorce?  Well, yeah, hate to say it.  Ford had one bad childhood.  It’s described in the Daily Beast.

Ford was the 7th of 9 children who were from 5 different Fathers.  I guess that it’s sort of difficult to know whether you are officially from Divorce, in that case.  The school shrink would have tested Ford for ADHD before he/she would have counseled her on how to cope with that type of background.  Ford’s Mother abandonned her to a relative when Ford was 10 months old.  (Astro stuff:  natal Venus 30 Libra, she would have already have had her first Venus Return, n.Venus c. South Node in Libra, that explains the loveability issues along with narcissistic personality disorder, Mother gave her away because M’s b-f- didn’t like her).  (The newspapers are announcing that she is officially a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you have to read on to find out why).

There were Foster Homes and then at Age 5 Ford was placed in a permanent home.  Or, at least, I think that’s what happened.  Ford has been in trouble in pretty much all places where trouble can exist.  Guess it’s a bit difficult to see the illegal aliens hogging up all the social services when you yourself could use some help.

So I looked up the original founders of the Minutemen.  The media writes them up as being completely insane.  http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-05-24-minuteman-goals_x.htm?csp=34.

Chris Simcox, a former kindergarten school teacher is a Child of Divorce.  It’s always amazing how the media never discusses divorce from a children’s point of view except when wanting to turn the public against the person who is being written about.  Like this article from USAToday. If the media were to persecute every immigrant who leads the exact same life that Simcox has led, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But, they don’t.  Anyway, Simcox is from Divorce.  He has been married 3 times himself and apparently is going through a journalism followed 3d divorce in which he threatens to kill everyone around him.  He has one child with his 2d wife, but has lost custody.  Guy has a bad dependency on guns, that’s for sure.  I wonder if his parents divorced when he was going through his Mars Return.

Simcox formed the Minutemen with James Gilchrist on Oct. 1, 2004.  They became a big hit really fast and it seems to have gone to their heads.  This is probably one statistical study that some Latina psych major will bite her teeth into:  What percentage of the Minutemen are Children of Divorce? Sorry, it just seems that Latinas do the Psych major thing a little too much, guess it reminds them of Lifetime TV.

If your parents didn’t make you feel secure, probably you will have complexes about how the Government doesn’t do anything about your security either.  Either way, Children of Divorce are probably more likely to act like vigilantes.  I mean, if you grow up in a blended home, you’re pretty much used to this type of tension already, aren’t you?  You are on your own.  You know you are replaceable.  You can’t complain the way the immigrants do.  You can’t even mention the big D in your Wikipedia entry, for Christ’s sake.

Other founder of the Minutemen, is James Gilchrist.  This guy is hopelessly conservative.  Wikipedia doesn’t mention what happened to Gilchrist’s Mother.  He’s still protecting her no doubt.  His greatest quote online, though, says it all.  “I have struck the mother lode of patriotism.”

Wikipedia says that Gilchrist lived in Kansas and Texas with his Father and older twin brothers.  And Gilchrist moved out at Age 17 to get away from his Father and Step-Mother.

Yo, doggy, it does look like the U.S. Borders are being protected by vigilante Children of Divorce.  Since I do agree with the basic idea that something needed to be done to control the huge influx of immigrants, I can’t say that the original intent was bad.  I’m very much against the guns.  So I’m adding to both Bad and Exemplary Children of Divorce categories.



Study: Suicidal Ideation much higher for Adult Children of Divorce

The University of Toronto has just published yet another amazing finding on long term effects of Divorce which it published in the Jan. 19, 2011 issue of Psychiatry Research.  That is, Children of Divorce are much more likely to seriously consider Suicide later on as adults.

I’m not sure if I’m reading the article correctly so it’s likely that the statistical information down below is correctly quoted.  I need to take a class on how to understand Statistics, obviously.  I also get really upset when the program director is quoted as telling the Mothers not to panic about their kids.  And, of course, nothing is said to reassure the folks who are directly affected by this information, namely the adult Sons and Daughters of Divorce (we are a ca$h cow for psychiatry, after all.  Another weird twist on the “Do No Harm” needlepoint sampler that Modern Medicine hangs over its creepy threshold.  (Have I ever said what happened to me when the drugs the psychiatrist gave me made me suicidal?  She didn’t call me back for 3 days, literally snickered, and then didn’t write the episode down in her notes — and I think was eventually fired.  Thing is, she was divorced and a single mother herself and there’s no way in Hell she was going to put up with this guilt trip).

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_107917.html

At any rate.  Here is the information as I understand it.  Link to Medline is here.  Article published Jan. 2011 Psychiatry Research.  (My Mother attempted Suicide 4 x.  3x were right after my Father left.  My Father later said he thought about Suicide all the time.  Both my Brother and I have attempted Suicide. I seriously doubt my Step-Mother has ever thought about Suicide, although she did have to quit drinking because her liver couldn’t handle the booze and she was going to die. –She was just there for the money.)

Sons who come from Divorced families are 3 times more likely than Sons from Intact Families.  It becomes much more likely if they also suffered from physical abuse, parents with addiction issues, or unemployment.

Daughters from Divorced families are 83 percent more likely than Daughters from Intact Families to have thoughts of killing themselves.  It doesn’t matter if physical abuse, addiction, or unemployment was part of home life.