Filed under: Aging parents, Aging Step-Parents, Blame, Death of a Parent, Denial, Favoritism by Parents, indifferent parents, Inheritance & Wills, Long Term Fallout, self-absorbed parents, separate households, Shrinks, Stepfamilies
Lawyers just do as they are told. If a ten times divorced rich guy shows up at the office and wants to leave all his money to his 3d wife and her hamster, the lawyer will write up the will that way. Rich people tend to love money and power, maybe just money. Often they don’t like their kids as much. Some people are just in denial that they’ll ever die. And, of course, there are hundreds of other stories about why children of divorce don’t receive an inheritance. Love is generally not equated with Loyalty in Divorced families the way it is in intact families.
After a divorced parent dies the grieving process for a Child of Divorce will also be different. A Will is a parent’s last words to his/her child. If there are no possessions or money this won’t be an issue. But, if no inheritance, no love, point blank. So the grieving process will bring up all the old crap from the divorce days/years/decades along with the current grieving process for a parent. Divorce is War. This is one of the many fall-outs from War usually decades after the War. Therapists don’t give a rats ass about the whole process because most therapists are 1) from intact families and 2) divorced themselves and so defensive that they will not worry themselves over this.
So, here is a start. The reviews are mixed and don’t really give much information about whether these books really are friendly to the kids. Different States have different rules and I don’t know if the books cover this. That’s why my Father maintained residency in Washington rather than California even though he had homes in both and had lived in Washington only a few years and had died in California. He wrote his will in Washington and it could have been contested in California.
Estate Planning for the Blended Family by L. Paul Hood Jr. and Emily Bouchard. (2012)
and
Estate Planning for Blended Families by Richard E. Barnes (NOLO Press, 2009)
Filed under: Uncategorized
Well here we go — another advisor to the President who is a Child of Divorce.
Donald Trump is now the Chief. He’s divorced. He’s on his third wife. I have no insight about him. But, if you’ll remember my other posts from a hundred thousand years ago, advisors and strategists to Presidents tend to come from Divorce. President Obama’s advisor was David Axelrod who was a Child of Divorce. George W. Bush’s advisor was Karl Rove who was also a Child of Divorce. There are so few Children of Divorce in high profile politics. It looks like a talent for strategizing and advising which comes from growing up in Divorce. Leadership maybe not as much. Once you’ve listened to both sides of a divorce you probably know everything you need to know about what makes people tick.
So, KellyAnne may not be considered exemplary but she’s having so much criticism right now I can’t diss her completely. According to Wikipedia, KellyAnne’s parents divorced when she was three years old. That’s the first Jupiter square. It has something maybe to do with breaking down boundaries, or feeling boundless, or just being able to not feel bad when you say anything to support your boss.
I believe that KellyAnne is an only child. She grew up in a house of all women. Her Mother, her Grandmother, and her two Aunts. KellyAnne has a Law Degree so she made it through College. She is married and has four children. She can talk really, really fast (maybe because she’s from New Jersey).
Stalking is common in Divorce. According to this article, “Stalking After Divorce Or Separation.”
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/stalking.htm
about 30-40 percent of divorces include stalking behaviors. What does this mean for the bambinos? Hmm, I don’t have a clue. No, that’s not true. I did see a research study on children of divorce whose parents stalk from out of a Scandinavian country. I think it was Finland. I guess that along with all the other problems you listen to one of your parents talk about getting a restraining order.
The point is, if you grew up in Divorce there’s a good chance that you were exposed to this behavior. It would be good to read up on PTSD because it probably made you feel pretty powerless and over-exposed to idiotic behavior as a kid.
Filed under: Blame, indifferent parents, Long Term Fallout, Personality Types Most Likely to Divorce, Possible Personality Traits of Children of D.
Here’s an interesting article from IFLScience! called “4 Behaviors Are the Most Reliable Predictors of Divorce.” These behaviors might describe personalities of your parents if they are divorced.
http://www.iflscience.com/editors-blog/4-behaviors-are-the-most-reliable-predictors-of-divorce/
The article describes the qualities are Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling as most reliable indicators that a couple will divorce. People probably parent in a different way than they relate to a significant other so this might not indicate parenting style. But it does mean that a child from a divorce is most likely exposed to this style of relating to others themselves. So, if you find yourself feeling like a doormat, cutting people off in the middle of a conversation, feeling that your partner is a jerk in general, now you know where this comes from and that you yourself may soon divorce.
The Study was conducted by the Gottman Institute and a UC Berkeley professor, Robert Levenson, over a 14 year time span in the Midwest. Links are in the article.
Spoiled Children of Divorce 