Spoiled Children of Divorce


Exemplary Children of Divorce – Elon Musk

The numbers of Children of Divorce who are included on Time Magazine’s 100 People of the Year Lists has gone up. I forgot the exact count, maybe 11 to 13. Plus about 5 more people who grew up in a single parent family where the parents never married. I couldn’t find out information on about 20 of the people on the list so I’m not taking these numbers too seriously. What I’m really happy about is the quality of the Children of Divorce on this list because many included are probably not really very impressive leaders in my opinion.

Elon Musk is one of the super impressive ones. Musk is a visionary who takes big risks like creating car company Tesla and turning space travel into a tourist industry. He must have watched a lot of “The Jetsons” when he was a kid. Actually I think he was busy doing other stuff. According to Wikipedia Musk read a lot. Became interested in computing at at 10. That’s just a year after his parents’ divorce so maybe have a lot of time to himself contributed to this. Must taught himself programming at Age 12.

According to this article from BusinessInsider, Musk describes his childhood as “excruciating.” He grew up in South Africa. His Mother was a Model from Canada and his Father was an Electromechanical engineer. His parents divorced in 1980 so Musk would have been around 9 at that time. After two years he lived exclusively with his Father. He says that this was a mistake and that his Father was emotionally abusive. They are currently estranged. According to People Magazine Musk’s Father had a child with his step-daughter who is, of course, his step-daughter, but is also 40 years younger. His Father calls Elon a spoiled child…..ah, hahahahahahahahahaha. How appropriate for a Child of Divorce. What a lovely man, and how many of these idiots are out there?

Musk’s Mother is the covergirl of a company. She talks about how she created the entrepreneurial spirit in her children in this Businessinsider article.

Musk is the oldest of 3 children in his first family, a brother and sister. He also has a half-brother and half-sister.

Musk was also deeply affected by bullying at school. During one episode he had to be hospitalized. He was knocked unconscious when some boys threw him down a concrete stairwell.

The Month that Musk turned 18 he got out of dodge and moved to Canada where he was able to get a passport because his Mother was Canadian. He finished two Bachelors degrees in Physics and Economics and then moved to California to get a Ph.d at Stanford. But dropped out after 2 days in order to start businesses. He partnered with his brother for his first business (funded at least in part by hs Mother) and has since started a series of successful companies such as PayPal, Tesla, SpaceX, the space rocket company.

According to Wikipedia Musk has been married and divorced three times, but the last two were to the same woman. He had 6 children with his first wife, but the first baby died of SIDs after 10 weeks.

According to this article in SiliconBeat someone got onto Musk’s Twitter account and asked him if he is Bipolar so he may have some issues. Musk answered “yeah” but qualifies that as not clinical.



Exemplary Children of Divorce – Mark Manson

Here’s an except blogger Mark Manson wrote about his parents’ divorce in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Completely different from my own experience. Manson writes a blog giving dating advice and has published an article called “It’s not our parents’ fault” which doesn’t discuss Divorce at all.

from pp. 52-55

“And just when I had finally cleaned up my act and turned in my assignments and learned the value of good clerical responsibility, my parents decided to get divorced.

“I tell you all of this only to point out that my adolescence sucked donkey balls. I lost all of my friends, my community, my legal rights, and my family within the span of about nine months. My Therapist in my twenties would later call this ‘some real traumatic shit,’ and I would spend the next decade-and- change working on unraveling it and becoming less of a self-absorbed, entitled little prick.

“The problem with my home life back then was not all of the horrible things that were said or done; rather, it was all of the horrible things that needed to be said and done but weren’t. My family stonewalls the way Warren Buffet makes money or Janna Jameson fucks: we’re champions at it. The house could have been burning down around us and it would have been met with, ‘Oh no, everything’s fine. A tad warm in here, perhaps–but really, everything’s fine.’

“When my parents got divorced, there were no broken dishes, no slammed doors, no screaming arguments about who fucked whom. Once they had reassured my brother and me that it wasn’t our fault, we had a Q&A session — yes you read that right — about the logistics of the new living arrangement. Not a tear was shed. Not a voice was raised. The closest peek my brother and I got into our parents’ unraveling emotional lives was hearing, ‘Nobody cheated on anybody.’ Oh, that’s nice. It was a tad warm in the room, but really, everything was fine.

….

“When ‘real traumatic shit’ like this happens in our lives, we begin to unconsciously feel as though we have problems that we’re incapable of ever solving. And this assume inability to solve our problems causes us to feel miserable and helpless.

“But it also causes something else to happen. If we have problems that are unsolvable, our unconscious figures that we’re either uniquely special or uniquely defective in some way. That we’re somehow unlike everyone else and that the rules must be different for us.

“Put simply: we become entitled.

“The pain from my adolescence led me down a road of entitlement that lasted through much of my early adulthood.

….

“My trauma had revolved around intimacy and acceptance, so I felt a constant need to overcompensate, to proe to myself that I was loved and accepted at all times. And as a result, I soon took to chasing women the same way a cocaine addict takes to a snowman made out of cocaine: I made sweet love to it, and then promptly suffocated myself in it.

“I became a player–an immature, selfish, albeit sometimes charming player. And I strung up a long series of superficial and unhealthy relationships for the better part of a decade.

“I was often unemployed, living on friends’ couches or with my mom, drinking way more than I should have been, alienating a number of friends–and when I did meet a woman I really like, my self-absorption quickly torpedoed everything.



4 Horsemen of Divorced Parents?

Here’s an interesting article from IFLScience! called “4 Behaviors Are the Most Reliable Predictors of Divorce.” These behaviors might describe personalities of your parents if they are divorced.

http://www.iflscience.com/editors-blog/4-behaviors-are-the-most-reliable-predictors-of-divorce/

The article describes the qualities are Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling as most reliable indicators that a couple will divorce. People probably parent in a different way than they relate to a significant other so this might not indicate parenting style. But it does mean that a child from a divorce is most likely exposed to this style of relating to others themselves. So, if you find yourself feeling like a doormat, cutting people off in the middle of a conversation, feeling that your partner is a jerk in general, now you know where this comes from and that you yourself may soon divorce.

The Study was conducted by the Gottman Institute and a UC Berkeley professor, Robert Levenson, over a 14 year time span in the Midwest. Links are in the article.



Children of Divorce, Stalking, CyberSex

I don’t know if Children of Divorce are more likely to become Stalkers, but according to the book How To Stop a Stalker by Detective Mike Proctor they are more likely to be victimized by stalkers.   I’ve already discussed Stranger Danger and Divorce.  I’ve already stated that I think that grown Children of Divorce become victims more often than Children of Intact families.

Here is a quote from the chapter “Limiting Your Stalking Exposure”:

“…dealing with cyberpredators has shown that children in the following categories seem to be more at risk for being stalked than others on the Internet:  those who are shy, withdrawn, and/or who have low self-esteem; those with a weight problem; and those who have divorced parents.  We in law enforcement continually encounter such youths, who become victims not only of stalking but also of other crimes associated with being bullied and harassed, usually by their peers.  They are continually searching for acceptance.”

This information is paraphrased by the author from a meeting he had with Investigator Mike Harris who, along with his wife Cassandra, specializes in law enforcement investigations on cyberstalking of children.  This couple was interviewed by Oprah.  This was 10 years ago so I imagine that there is now more awareness of cyberstalking.

Sexual solicitations can be reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children CyberTipline (703) 274-3900.  I haven’t called to check if that number is still valid.  I wish that Psychology Schools would aggressively recruit burnt out cops because they could bring invaluable insight and skills into that profession.

I’ve said before that I think that introverted children might suffer from their parents’ divorces much more than extroverted children. I am certainly not an expert on this and am just giving my opinion but since no one else dares to have an opinion I might as well give mine.

I suspect that Divorce is a more comfortable experience for Extroverts than for Introverts.  I tend to suspect that Psychologists tend to be extroverts which is why they personally don’t think that there’s anything wrong with growing up in Divorced homes.  They also may have lower iq’s than the normal college graduate, and in most cases that average taxi driver, trash collector, electrician and plumber, but I suppose that will never be tested.

With all the media attention on bullying lately I wonder if any studies have focused on Children of Divorce to see if they are more or less likely to bully others.   I know that the folks from Intact Families who always have to state that they wished their parents had divorced are in a way bullying the Children of Divorce not to speak.  I mean, if it’s something that you always wanted, wouldn’t you be interested in what others who have actually experienced want to say about it rather than immediately butting in on their territory (so to speak) and whining with your grass is always greener problems?



Brazil Feeds Girls From Broken Homes to Men Being Held in Jail

Read an article in USAToday which said that child abuse tends to go up when the country is in recession.  The article says that most of the abuse is aimed against babies and very young children as their parents can’t handle the stress of financial problems and caring for a child.  Why don’t pediatricians ever talk out about this type of problem as it is connected with Divorce.  Doesn’t matter I suppose.  My parents divorced during a recession so maybe the excuse is that I was abused because of the financial problems and not because of the divorce.  The type of mentality that can separate this stuff is called “Denial.”  Nobody practices “denial” more than folks connected with the medical profession — that’s only my opinion.

Really scary stories coming out of Brazil.  A 14 year old girl was released from a jail on Saturday night after being held in prison for 4 days.  She was gang raped the entire time by a group of men who were also in her cell.  Apparently this is typical.  The police capture young women on minor or even false charges in order to feed the men who are being kept in the jails.  A 15 year old girl was arrested (I originally wrote “captured” in stead of arrested because that’s a more accurate description) on Oct. 21, 2007 and held for weeks in a cell with 21 men.

Another time a 23 year old prostitute was held for a month as well.

This article describes how both the 15 year old and 23 year old victims were naturals for being victims of this type of crime because they come from “Broken Homes” and had been molested by step-fathers.

In the U.S., of course, nothing like this could possibly happen.  Nah, never.

I’ve discussed before the relationship I’ve noticed how the news of women who are murdered by Husbands/Boyfriends often seem to come from Broken Homes.  Even without the molestation from the step-father this seems to be a trend.  There’s  a statistic floating around on the internet which backs up my theory but haven’t got a clue if it’s accurate.

What’s fascinating about all the articles which discuss child abuse is that they never seem to come with information that will help the victims.  It seems that if a kid is reading that type of thing he/she should be given some advice.  Guess they can’t do that because the kids from intact homes will hog up all the services.  Kids with healthy self-esteem scream loudest.

 



How Divorce Trauma Might Affect You Healthwise as Indicated by Pluto Generations…

This is a big leap of speculation here.  After watching the interviews with Esme Fuller-Thomson  in which she has managed to rule out about 16 major reasons why Children of Divorce in her study have twice the rate of Strokes as people from Intact families, I began to realize that, in Astrology, Strokes are literally ruled by Uranus.  And, Uranus is the same planet which overall rules Divorce and Blended Families.  I had just read a description on another forum about what it feels like to have a stroke and to go through re-hab.  Don’t know if it’s typical, but it actually felt a lot like being a kid in a divorce.  The person said she was aware of everything that was going on but when she tried to speak she couldn’t get the words out.  I think that because children don’t have vocabulary to express what they are feeling in an event which is way beyond their experience.  They don’t have authority or control over what happens to them.  ( I can see the relationship, but probably no one else can.)

Fuller-Thomson is very careful in saying that she suspects that this might only be true for people who participated in her study which are a much older generation, born mostly in the 1940s.  There was much more stress about going through Divorce at that point because of financial loss and social stigma and probably loss of one of the parents which wouldn’t be explained very well until they got older.  People born in the 1940s all belong to the Pluto in Leo generation.  The opposite sign of Leo is Aquarius which is ruled by Uranus.  And this would be the sign which is most traumatized by a Pluto transit as Pluto represents our sense of Power and Self Will.  The sign opposite will probably experience a sense of loss of power, especially over relationships as oppositions rule relationships.

Pluto is a great planet to look at for pathologies.  It actually rules pathology, and parts of the medical field including psychiatry, research, and deep seated diseases within the soul.  Pluto rules poisons along with Neptune but, unlike Neptune, it likes to confront these poisons — at least in other people, Pluto often doesn’t have the greatest self-knowledge.  Pluto is also ruler of death.  And Pluto is ruler of all crises on a mass scale. And, of course, it describes how we deal with other people’s moneys and resources, deep resentments, revenge, so is also heavily involved in the Divorce scenario.

Pluto has a very irregular orbit, stays in some signs for a very long time and for less length in other signs.    It was in the sign of Cancer, for example, for roughly 25 years between 1914 and 1939 and in the sign of Libra for 12  years between 1972 and 1984.  Cancer is the sign which rules the family and Mother.  Libra is the sign which rules Marriage.  It was the Pluto in Cancer generation which went through the big Divorce Tsunami back in the 70s when Pluto squared their natal Plutos (Squares bring big Challenges in how we deal with our personal power). Row v. Wade, The Pill and No Fault Divorce came around this time and led to the sexual revolution.  (Pluto rules Sex, you know those Scorpios …)

Whatever sign Pluto is in it will try to change and eradicate whatever is not working within society as regards that sign.  This is a great purification process, a pruning which looks for the deepest problems.  And often these are the things which are most painful to change within ourselves.  And you need help with that, thus the huge amount of shrinks hanging up their signs all over the place at around this time.

It can also indicate a deep seated and selfish need to think only about our own self interests.  When Pluto hit its own sign of Scorpio in 1984, California stopped including Divorce Statistics in the CDC’s databanks which greatly skews the Statistics on Divorce for the entire country since California has become the most populated and probably has the most Divorces.  Parents figured that if they took care of themselves their kids would be better off.  There’s a kernel of truth in that, but I tend to like to recognize that Divorce disables the parenting instincts in most cases for a really long time in a child’s short life.

So, it makes sense, astro-wise to look to look at generations through Pluto’s eyes.  It would also make sense to pay attention to Uranus’ transits as well.  Uranus passes through a sign roughly every 7 years, creating great hopes and a need for rebellion in whatever sign it is passing through.  Neptune is also the other great outer planet to look at.  Neptune is related to dissolving whatever is creating too much stress and hostility, such as marriages that don’t work, especially if related to escapist behaviors of any kind.  Neptune is related more to the states of denial that society as a whole is in.  Neptune lays the foundation for creating great Art by taking away the foundations.  Foundations can create rules and rules can be cruel because they show intolerance for those who are suffering.  Neptune paints rosy colored pictures and fuzzy ideas about how things ought to be.

Right now, I’m going to hang with the Pluto signs, though.  Pluto has just entered the sign of Capricorn which means that family structures will go through some sort of change/ transformation, probably relating to Authority, Control, and Societal Expections and Ambitions.

The health thing that I’m looking for (this is all wild fantasy and speculation) is related to the sign that opposes wherever Pluto is.  Pluto equals our sense of power.  We can easily look to the sign opposing where the power is to try to understand where the loss of power will most likely manifest.  And where the seeds of future health problems might sow themselves.

When Pluto was in Leo perhaps the place where loss of power was felt by everyone was in the opposing sign of Aquarius.  This led to the hippie generation and the great hopes and wishes (Aquarius keywords) for the Aquarian age, even though the Age of Aquarius was still about 150 years off in the future.  Aquarius likes to think about the future, by the way, so this isn’t weird (another Aquarius keyword) at all from Aquarius point of view.  We need our futurists.

At any rate, Uranus rules the lower legs, especially the ankles.   It rules the circulatory systems of the body, especially of the blood.  It rules nerves and nervous disorders, especially ones that are acute with sudden onset.  It rules cramps and spasms in the body, anything erratic and with sudden onset.  And distribution of gases and fluids.  And irregularities of the heart.  It rules psychology and sociability.  One can see how this generation is very concerned with those particular parts of personality.  Any child in the U.S. who isn’t highly socialized has been diagnosed as autistic.

The other finding that Dr. Fuller-Thomson has published are the higher Suicidal tendencies of Children of Divorce.  She found that boys’ rates go up greatly, girls not so much (I read the article incorrectly when I wrote about it before, sorry).   Leo and Aquarius are masculine signs.  Leo, ruler of the Ego and Pride is often related in a dark sense to depression and suicide.  I would expect the Pluto in Virgo generation to show greater suicidcal tendencies in females since those are feminine signs.

The natal chart will show any of these disorders much more than the generational problem will.  I’m just trying to look at how a generation might show traumatic reaction and how these might change through the generations.  I would expect that the Pluto generations of the  Cardinal Signs to be much more heavily affected in a traumatic way by disruption in the home.  These signs rule the houses of relationships and home life/parents.  But, maybe I’m wrong.

I’m going to list Pluto’s transit through signs since that time and the health problems which are associated with the sign opposite.  This is speculation.  Wild speculation.  But it would be interesting to see eventually if these correspond with reality down the road.  This means that each generation will express Plutonian trauma in different parts of their bodies and psychologies.  Because I’m lazy, I’m mostly posting physical diseases.  These are mostly from The Rulership Book by Rex E. Bills.

Pluto in Leo:  1938-1957.

Opposite/Afflicted Sign is Aquarius:

Ankles, Circulatory Systems of the body, especially blood.  Distributions of fluids and water distribution.  Nerves and nervous disorders, especially anything uncommon or acute and unexpected.  Lymphatic system.  Air sign.  Cramps and Spasms.  Heart irregularities.  Free Will, Psychology, Sociability. The connection with the brain and the nervous system is always going to struggle with understanding feelings.  The brain doesn’t have any actual sensations itself.  Therefore, Uranus/Aquarius problems will deal with emotional grief in ways that others might not understand, or will ignore because they think that there was no reaction.

Pluto in Virgo:  1957/8-1972

Opposite/Afflicted Sign is Pisces:

Feet, deformities, Lymphatic System, Phlegm, Mucous, Glandular Swellings.  Poisons.  Suicidal thoughts and sorrow.  Difficult to diagnose diseases.  Anesthesia, alcoholism, addiction, escapism.  Self Undoing.  Self Injury.  Psychism, Sacrifice, Service.  Enemies.

Pluto in Libra:  1972 – 1984

Opposite/Afflicted Sign is Aries:

Head, Fevers and Inflammation, Brain diseases, Dryness, Heat exhaustion, Adrenalin, Migraine, Skull, Vertigo, Epilepsy, Eyes in general, Optic nerves, toothaches, Mumps, Measles, Insomnia.  Cuts, Burns, Alopecia.

Pluto in Scorpio:

Afflicted Sign is Taurus:  1984-1995,

Boy, I’d expect the Scorpio problems to come out but I’ll stick with my theory here.  Neck, Throat, Base of Brain and Skull, Chin, Ears in general.  Lower Mouth, gums, teeth, jaw.  Voice, Speech, Swallowing, Obesity, Coughs, Abscesses, Adenoids, Cerebellum, diptheria, Esophasus, Upper part, gangrene, goitres, gout, mumps, (nose rings, haha it’s true), palates, saliva.PHysical constitution and recuperative power.  Thyroid, strangulation, suffocation. Stubbornness.

Pluto in Sagittarius:

Afflicted Sign is Gemini:  1995 – 2008.

Arms, Hands, Fingers, Breathing, Collar Bones, Shoulders, Upper lobes of lungs, ribs.  Mind, concrete thinking, memory, mental faculties, nerves and nervous system.  Perception. Respiratory System. Asthma, oxygenation of blood, pulmonary circulation, bronchitis, bronchial tubes.  Emphysema.   Restlessness.  Hay Fevers.  Nervous energy.  Pneumonia.  Rumors, gossip.  Tuberculosis, whooping cough, anemia.

Pluto in Capricorn:

Afflicted Sign is Cancer:  2008-2024.

Chest Cavity, Breasts, Diaphragm, Stomach, Lower Lobes of Lungs, Upper Lobes of Liver.  Blood serum.  Uterus.  Bronchitis.  Cancer.  Armpits.  Asthma.  Abscesses.  Alimentary Canals.  Digestion. Stomach gases, heartburn, hiccups, flatulence.  Pancreas.  Saliva.  Gastric Ulcers.  Hypochondria.  Coughs.  Nourishment, Food, Gardening.  Introversion, retrospection.  Lower ribs.  Nausea.



Wikileaks and Children of Divorce

I’ve been sort of away from it all and have just noticed that the latest scandal, the release of thousands of U.S. military documents from the last five years, through an internet site called Wikileaks, is the brainchild of two Children of Divorce.

The media is portraying childhood divorce as the grand motivator of what is now being considered a criminal act.  A 22-year old information specialist, Bradley Manning, has been arrested.  Manning spent his time at work downloading secret videos and documents onto a Lady Gaga CD.  People are saying that he has “anger issues.”  Australian, Julian Assange, is the guy who runs the Wikileaks site.  He is being painted as a paranoid product of a chaotic childhood.  Both men are described as having problems dealing with Authority.

Isn’t it sort of the point of a parent who gets a divorce  to pursue a happier life?  Sometimes — often, actually — that involves questioning Authority.  I mean, when you think about it, the reason why we’re in the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is because those people won’t, or can’t, stand up against their governments.  They are afraid of Authority.  If we want to respect Authority that isn’t doing the right thing then shouldn’t we just join our enemies? I’m pretty certain we wouldn’t be hearing from Manning and Assange if we hadn’t been in a pointless set of wars for the last 8 years.  Pat Tillman was doing the same thing, granted he wasn’t from divorce so nobody gets to say that he was angry or paranoid (edit:  Pat Tillman’s parents are divorced).

So, the media journalists have lapsed into evil bitchy step-mothers with their descriptions of Assange and Manning.  Assange and Manning are screwed up products of their parents’ hatred.  Amazing how the attitude towards how divorce affects kids can spin on a dime.  There

Assange’s parents were Peace Activists who ran a traveling theater.  They divorced.  His Father became an architect.  I know not what age Assange was at the time of the divorce.   Mother moved her sons about 37 times before Assange was 16 years old whilst running from Hubby #2 so there’s some bad step-father visuals in there.  There are definitely a lot of interesting images concerning home and homelessness and moving in this guys’ life.  Assange withdrew into his computer work and became a hacker.  Why not?  He was probably given too much information about his Mother’s love life all through childhood.  “TMI” is not a big deal for a Child of D.  We’re raised with it on a day to day basis.  Who was the filmmaker who became a filmmaker by using the camera to try to catch his Father having an affair?

Now Assange sort of just lives in his head and on the Internet.  He doesn’t really have a home.  He lives all over the World, particularly in Iceland.  Iceland and its attitudes towards divorce.  Well, if that’s the direction in which we are flowing then we might as well start trying to learn from them.

Assange got married when he was 18 and subsequently divorced.  He went through a long custody battle which led to a hospitalization.  Seeing how the courts work is supposedly where he developed his distaste for Authority.  It looks like he at least tried to stay in his kids’ life.  That’s got to count for something.

Bradley Manning grew up in Oklahoma.  His parents divorced when he was in Middle School.  He moved with his Mother to Wales.  He’s only 22 years old.

What bugs me is how closeted these Hackers are with their birth data.  I can’t look up either chart.  Kind of interesting to observe how they feel more comfortable exposing the secrets but how secretive they themselves are (I can’t get their birth data).  Maybe they are used to being invisible?  Also interesting to see how they are seen as insubordinate for exposing flaws of authority figures when actually they are trying to hold on to democratic ideals.  I wonder if the journalists in the media who are currently trying to humiliate them are from intact families.