Filed under: Abandonment, Abuse, Addiction - Parents, Alcoholism, Death of a Parent, Health, Homelessness of Parent, indifferent parents, Long Term Fallout, Mentally Ill parents, Physical Abuse, Rape, self-absorbed parents, sexual abuse, Suicide, Trauma
According to a study reviewed in The American Journal of Preventative Medicine (VOLUME 60, ISSUE 4, P462-470, APRIL 01, 2021), children age 6 – 17 are three times more likely to suffer from overuse of digital media if they have an ACE Score of more than 4. Having good parents mitigates the problem.
That means that Children of Divorce are more vulnerable because they are much more likely to have at least one parent who is neglecting them.
Also means that they can get high paying jobs in the tech industry without going to college because they will have so much more practice than their peers. I also remember the little rash of teenage girls a while back who committed suicide after being raped at a party and cyber bullied with photos of the incident afterward.
“https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(20)30501-8/fu
There are 9 (or 10) factors included in the ACE study. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think that “Divorce” was counted in the original study. Rather death or disappearance of a parent was a factor. Each factor counts as one point:
There are 10 types of childhood trauma measured in the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. (There are many others…see below.) Five are personal — physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect. Five are related to other family members: a parent who’s an alcoholic, a mother who’s a victim of domestic violence, a family member in jail, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, and experiencing divorce of parents.
https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/
The ACE Study was first performed by a Kaiser Doctor who worked with overweight patients and noticed a trend of childhood trauma in his patients. There is a link between childhood trauma and chronic illness later in life.
Filed under: Abandonment, Death of a Parent, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Long Term Fallout, Memory, Murder, Violence
Here’s an article written by James Ellroy about trying to find his Mother’s killer. He also writes about being a Child of Divorce.
GQ (July 9, 2007): “My Mother’s Killer.”
I think I’ve already written about Ellroy because I read his book. Sorry I’m too lazy to remember the title. He explains being a part of the Divorce boom of the 1950’s in California. Have met another man, a vacuum cleaner salesman, whose Mother was murdered by her date out in Las Vegas. I spent about 3 hours listening to his story. This was a while ago.
Filed under: Abandonment, Boarding school, Child of Divorce as Parent, creativity, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Long Term Fallout, Raised by non-relatives, Relationship with Father, Suicide
Wonder if there is a correlation between Children of Divorce and Children’s book writers. Just found a great article on Artsy.com about the writer of the Madeleine books, Ludwig Bemelmans. And, I’ve also read that the writer of “The Lonely Doll” books and Edward Gorey were children of divorce. I remember reading about Madeleine’s appendicitis when I was a child.
According to the article, Bemelmans had a very emotionally difficult childhood. He was born in Italy in 1898 and his Father ran off with a mistress in 1904. Daddy left both his wife and Bemelmans Nanny pregnant. The Nanny committed suicide and Bemelmans moved to Germany with his Mother because that’s where her family was. That is a huge amount of loss all at one time, including one’s innocence about how the world works. I’d like to say that back then no one would have paid attention to how a child feels about such situations but, in reality, they still don’t.
When he was 16, Bemelmans moved to New York City and worked in Hotels. His parents had run a hotel before his Father left. It’s interesting that Bemelmans never actually lived in France where the Madeleine books take place. He based his story on postcards which his Nanny had shared with him. Evenutally a co-worker saw his sketches and suggested he become a illustrator. His first children’s book was published in 1934 and Madeleine won a Caldecott medal in 1940.
Bemelmans married twice and had children from both marriages.
Filed under: Abandonment, Extended Family, Favoritism by Parents, Learned Helplessness, Parenting, relationship with Mother, self-absorbed parents, separate households, Stepfamilies, Trauma
Okay, so this is real. You’ll never hear one of the get help people talk about it. But, it’s real. I’ve overheard similar things. I’ve lived similar things.
Filed under: Abandonment, Complex PTSD, Mentally Ill Children of Divorce, Mentally Ill parents, PTSD, self injury, Stepfamilies, Suicide, therapy, Trauma
Borderline Personality Disorder is an unwanted diagnosis. Therapists dread treating it. If you want to know more about it you can google the endless entries on the web. It’s kind of like being trapped in a kid’s mind as an adult because the personalities swing back and forth between hot and cold feelings very quickly. There is a fear of abandonment, a lot of self injury and suicidality. Sound like Child of Divorce issues?
While looking up well-known people who struggle with this disorder I found that a huge percentage come from divorced families. I also noticed that children who are diagnosed as Borderline have step-parents which could indicate they are victims of stressful homes.
Here’s is an article which says that Children of Divorce are more vulnerable to Borderline Personality Disorder. Here is a quote from the article on research from back in 1996:
JoelParis(1994,1996)suggested that biologicalvulnerabilityis necessarybutnot sufficient to cause BPD. Varying psychological factors can precipitate BPD inthe presence of biological vulnerability. Paris maintained that the impact of socialdisintegration and rapid social change, such as breakdown of the traditional familyand changing social norms, are nonspecific risk factors in the etiology of BPD.Cross-cultural studies reveal the possibility that structured traditional societiesdiminish the emergence of this disorder.
(PDF) Children At-Risk for Borderline…. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257827646_Children_At-Risk_for_Borderline_Personality_Disorder [accessed Jul 22 2018].
I wonder if this is one of those psychological diseases which could be deactivated if the therapist could actually talk about divorce. It really doesn’t take much. If you’ve read about how the ACE study brought remarkable results for adults who had traumatic childhoods, you will understand that often the practitioner just has to mention the problem, maybe fake concern, maybe add a couple of knowledgeable details. But, denial is the reality of growing up with leftover divorce trauma.
Filed under: Abandonment, Abuse, Complex PTSD, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Long Term Fallout, Mentally Ill Children of Divorce, Mentally Ill parents, PTSD, Shrinks, Suicide, therapy, Trauma
Borderline Personality Disorder is an unwanted diagnosis. Therapists dread it because they say it’s not treatable. If you want to know more about it you can google the google. It sounds like being trapped in a kid’s mind as an adult because there is a problem with emotional regulation. The person’s moods swing back and forth between hot and cold feelings very quickly. There is a fear of abandonment, self injury and suicidality. While looking up well-known people who struggle with this disorder I found that a huge percentage come from divorced families.
Here’s is a list of famous people I’ve found who may be Borderline along with whether they are from Divorce:
Amy Winehouse – parents divorced
Pete Doherty –
Britney Spears – parents divorced
Courtney Love – parents divorced
Lindsey Lohan – parents divorced
Princess Diana – parents divorced
Angelina Jolie – parents divorced
Marilyn Monroe – parents divorced, maybe never married
Darrel Hammond –
Scott Levy –
Brand Marshall – parents married Age 3, divorced age 6
Anais Nin – parents divorced Age 2
Ernest Hemingway –
Elon Musk? – parents divorced
This is an interesting list. I’m not sure if these are real diagnoses since they are from off the internet. Borderline Personality Disorder is said to be a predominantly female illness but it looks from this list that it could be a predominantly male illness since the male examples may not come from divorce. That’s interesting because psychological studies have generally commented on how boys suffer the most from Divorce. (Scott Levy only lists his Father in his biography so he may be from divorce.) The Diagnosis isn’t made until after the child turns 18.
PTSD diagnosis can’t be made from Death or Divorce but there is now a trauma from childhood diagnosis which might take over these diagnosis. The ACE study includes loss of a parent through death or divorce.
Therapists seem to agree that childhood trauma is a major influence.
Here’s is an article which says that Children of Divorce are more vulnerable to Borderline Personality Disorder. Here is a quote from the article on research from back in 1996:
JoelParis(1994,1996)suggested that biologicalvulnerabilityis necessarybutnot sufficient to cause BPD. Varying psychological factors can precipitate BPD inthe presence of biological vulnerability. Paris maintained that the impact of socialdisintegration and rapid social change, such as breakdown of the traditional familyand changing social norms, are nonspecific risk factors in the etiology of BPD.Cross-cultural studies reveal the possibility that structured traditional societies diminish the emergence of this disorder.
(PDF) Children At-Risk for Borderline…. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257827646_Children_At-Risk_for_Borderline_Personality_Disorder [accessed Jul 22 2018].
A child going through a divorce can be observing Borderline type of behavior from the parents and so the behavior may be from the stress of coping with that.
Don’t have the link anymore but I think there is a Psychology Today article about the divorce rate and Borderline Personality Disorders. I may not be remembering this correctly so don’t quote me. Borderlines are less likely to marry in the first place, have the same divorce rates, when they do divorce they are less likely to remarry.
Filed under: Abandonment, Alcoholism, Exemplary Children of Divorce, High School Drop Out, moving, Murder, Relationship with Father, School Drop Out - High School or College, sex, Trauma
The Black Dahlia murder keeps showing up in my internet play. When looking up James Elroy’s biography I didn’t read about the victim of this murder, Elizabeth Short. It turns out that Short was not really a Child of Divorce, but her parents were separated in a weird sort of way.
After going bankrupt in 1930 because of the Depression, Short’s Father faked his suicide so the family could receive insurance. Short was 6 years old. He moved from Massachusetts to California and rebuilt his life.
Short’s Mother moved her 5 daughters and took a job as a bookkeeper. Short moved to California to be with her Father when she was 19 but he threw her out of the house. Short partied and slept around and moved around a lot. She dated some servicemen during World War II but one, who she was set to marry, was killed.
Her murder is said to be a mystery to this day. She died when she was 22. This was very close to her 2d Jupiter Return which is interesting because she would have been under the influence of her first Jupiter opposition when her Father disappeared. This would explain her charm and her risk taking life style.
Filed under: Abandonment, Addiction - Parents, Alcoholism, College Drop Out, creativity, Exemplary Children of Divorce, Homelessness, Living with Aunts and Uncles, Living with Grandparents, Long Term Fallout, poverty, Relationship with Father, relationship with Mother
Raymond Chandler is a 20th Century detective novel writer written in a “hard-boiled style.” Some of the titles were The Big Sleep, Farewell My Lovely, and The Long Good-Bye. One might expect that a writer would discuss his childhood a bit but in the book Raymond Chandler Speaking (Gardner and Walker, p.20) he gives two liners to each parent.
His father: “My father was a graduate of Penn, a civil engineer. Divorced when I was seven…Never saw my father again.”
His Mother: “My Mother soon after returned to England to live with her mother and manage the house, and of course I went with her.”
Chandler grew up in Chicago until he was 7 years old. His Father worked for the railroads and was drunk most of the time. Chandler wrote that he was “found drunk if he was found at all.” (Hiney, Tom. Raymond Chandler: A Biography, p. 4).
Chandler’s Mother was born in Ireland and they moved to Ireland to live with family after his Father disappeared for the last time. They had lost their house and were living in a hotel where the boy caught Scarlett Fever. Chandler’s Mother never talked about his Father again.
Chandler said that he had wished his Mother had remarried in London. “I know that my mother had affairs — she wa a very beautiful woman– and the only thing that I felt to be wrong was that she refused to marry again for fear a step-father would not treat me kindly, since my father was such a swine.” (Honey, Tom. Raymond Chandler: A Biography, p. 10)
Chandler had generous relatives and grew up in Britain. He and his Mother returned to the United States. He worked at several professions, getting fired for drinking himself. He didn’t write his first story until 1933 at Age 45. His first novel, The Big Sleep, was published when he was 51.
Chandler fell in love with the step-mother of a friend who was 18 years his senior. His Mother forbade the relationship so Chandler didn’t marry Cissy until after her death. When his wife died in 1954 Chandler attempted suicide.
Chandler died in 1959 of pneumonia which was brought on by alcoholism.
This is a morbid topic but probably much more applicable to Children of Divorce than to Children from Intact Families. Divorcing parents can try to end things. In the last week two celebrities have committed suicide leaving behind children. The 13-year old daughter of fashion designer Kate Spade was at the beginning of her parents’ divorce process and the 11-year old daughter of Chef/Journalist Anthony Bourdain has been separated from her Father for awhile. I’m not listing names in order to respect their privacy and wish to send my condolences.
The Veterans Health Administration has published a page on their website devoted to providing information to children who are exposed to suicide within their families. https://www.mirecc.va.gov. Rocky Mountain MIRECC for Suicide Prevention. It is nice that different age groups are addressed.
Spoiled Children of Divorce 