Spoiled Children of Divorce

Exemplary Children of Divorce – Carol Knuth

Just watched this video of ex-Foster Child, Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking Victim Carol Knuth describing her childhood. I’m feeling a little queasy. I had no idea that a huge portion of trafficking victims grow up in Foster Homes but I guess it makes sense. Like everyone else I thought this is something that immigrants go through.

People like Carol are coming out to try to educate the rest of us about the Foster Care System along with Trafficking and Sexual Assault. Her survival is totaling amazing. She has since married, had children, has received two degrees, and has held powerful jobs.

The complaint about growing up as a “Child of Divorce” seems to be overpowered by the rest of the story but I feel that it might be the seed. Knuth’s parents divorced when she was two. She was the youngest of three girls who her Father sexually assaulted. He had told his daughters that their Mother had died. He remarried and divorced her Step-Mother when Carol was around 6th grade. Sorry I didn’t write very good notes so can’t provide the exact age. Carol and her sisters went to their first Foster home when she was three. When she was in her early teens she had to testify that her Father molested her. His daughters were taken away from him but he was never charged with any crime. Carol bounced in and out of around 21 homes. At one point her Foster Mother was dating her Father. The lack of concern for her feelings is such a major theme in her childhood. She tells the story so stoically. There seems to have been no end to the amount that people would not stand up for Carol until she was a working adult. Knuth tells how a co-worker assaulted her while they were in the break room. She just figured “same old, same old” and went back to her seat. But, this time another male co-worker had seen the assault and reported it. The offender was fired. This seems to be the first time in her life that anyone stood up for her.

Wow. That’s all I can say right now. She looks so straight. I would never have known from looking at her that she could be a survivor of this type of history.

Brazil Feeds Girls From Broken Homes to Men Being Held in Jail

Read an article in USAToday which said that child abuse tends to go up when the country is in recession.  The article says that most of the abuse is aimed against babies and very young children as their parents can’t handle the stress of financial problems and caring for a child.  Why don’t pediatricians ever talk out about this type of problem as it is connected with Divorce.  Doesn’t matter I suppose.  My parents divorced during a recession so maybe the excuse is that I was abused because of the financial problems and not because of the divorce.  The type of mentality that can separate this stuff is called “Denial.”  Nobody practices “denial” more than folks connected with the medical profession — that’s only my opinion.

Really scary stories coming out of Brazil.  A 14 year old girl was released from a jail on Saturday night after being held in prison for 4 days.  She was gang raped the entire time by a group of men who were also in her cell.  Apparently this is typical.  The police capture young women on minor or even false charges in order to feed the men who are being kept in the jails.  A 15 year old girl was arrested (I originally wrote “captured” in stead of arrested because that’s a more accurate description) on Oct. 21, 2007 and held for weeks in a cell with 21 men.

Another time a 23 year old prostitute was held for a month as well.

This article describes how both the 15 year old and 23 year old victims were naturals for being victims of this type of crime because they come from “Broken Homes” and had been molested by step-fathers.

In the U.S., of course, nothing like this could possibly happen.  Nah, never.

I’ve discussed before the relationship I’ve noticed how the news of women who are murdered by Husbands/Boyfriends often seem to come from Broken Homes.  Even without the molestation from the step-father this seems to be a trend.  There’s  a statistic floating around on the internet which backs up my theory but haven’t got a clue if it’s accurate.

What’s fascinating about all the articles which discuss child abuse is that they never seem to come with information that will help the victims.  It seems that if a kid is reading that type of thing he/she should be given some advice.  Guess they can’t do that because the kids from intact homes will hog up all the services.  Kids with healthy self-esteem scream loudest.


Philip Markoff – Jekyll and Hyde Or Child of Divorce?

Between Apr. 10 and April 16 three women were bound and robbed in Hotel Rooms in Boston, Massachusetts and Rhode Island.  They had all advertised as masseuses on CraigsList.  One of the victims, Julissa Brisman, was shot multiple times and subsequently murdered.  The other two women survived.  23 year old medical student Philip Markoff has been traced to all 3 attacks and is currently being held in jail.  A gay man is also said to have contact with Markoff through an email (news about that is sketchy right now).

The media is going on and on about Markoff’s impending marriage which was to be held in August.   It sounds as if Markoff’s family history is quite strained as well and, although, I can’t find the full picture, this is what I’ve figured out so far.  The information may change.  One thing is certain:  Markoff is a Child of D.

People are blind sided by Markoff’s Double Personality.  (Why are people never blind-sided by a Double Childhood that results from growing up in a Divorce?)  Markoff is described as being very nice, clean cut, sort of nerdy (there’s that nerdy description again applied to a Child of D).

As an aside, I’ve tried to find information about Markoff’s alleged victims’ childhood status to see if they also were from Divorce.  His alleged Murder victim, Julissa Brisman, had the same last name as her Father while her Mother’s last name is given as Guzman so there is a possibility that Julissa’s parents are divorced.  In that case,  it is not surprising that, like Markoff,  Julissa led a double life.  Her friends, apparently, had no idea that she worked as a masseuse.  Children of D grow up as involuntary voyeurs of sorts.  They witness much behavior in their families that can’t be discussed with anyone else due to extreme emotional behaviors, secrets, allegiances, betrayals, loyalities that it is not surprising to see how double lives can manifest later in life. Innocence doesn’t exist for Children of D.  Distorted sense of lack of positive authority figures also is lacking.  In a very few people this experience of childhood into extremely advanced states of consciousness and wisdom.  In others it can cause problems as the child continues to show signs of normalcy to the outside world.  And who knows?  Maybe Markoff (assuming he’s guilty of course) is just a bad egg.

It would be interesting to know whether or not Markoff’s fiancee is from a Divorce or Intact family just for comparison’s sake but she’s going through enough Hell right now and doesn’t need any more scrutiny.

Markoff’s parents were divorced when he was very young.  I don’t have an age.  Right now I just know that it happened before he was 5 years old because that’s when his Mother gave birth to his sister who was his Step-Father’s child.

I’ve read that Markoff’s Father, Richard Markoff, is a Dentist so that probably puts Markoff in a wealthy class on his Father’s side.  I’ve read that his Mother is or was a Casino worker.  That definitely means that his Mother is not wealthy.  If it’s true it paints a much different attitude toward money in that household and that Markoff would have constantly tried to reconcile two great schisms of class into his life (all the while trying to grow up).  Children of D often grow up in two completely different financial classes.  One can pretty accurately assume that the poor parent expresses great resentment over the other parent’s financial status.  Even if that doesn’t happen, the child is a witness who is stuck in between.  This can create detachment and just plain old weird behavior.

Markoff has an older brother, Jon, from his parents’ marriage.  It seems that Jon is his closest relative. News reports showed that the Brother spent the most time visiting with Markoff in jail.  Siblings in Divorce often have to take over as supports.   One might imagine that Markoff’s parents probably can’t stand each other and are adding to the tension for Markoff.  Anybody who has endured bringing both parents together for family “celebrations” like graduations and weddings knows how tense those situations are.  Imagine if you’ve just been stuck in jail for murder and need emotional support from self-absorbed parents.  At any rate, the Rich Dentist Father is probably so tired of hearing from the Mother about financial support problems that he’s not about to help his kid out here (my assumption about situation which is hopefully wrong).

Both of Markoff’s parents reportedly have remarried which means that Markoff was blessed with Step-Parents on both sides.  Maintaining a sweet, nerdy disposition was probably Markoff’s greatest survival tool during childhood.  He made everyone comfortable and was well liked for never making a fuss.

Markoff’s older brother reportedly moved in with his Father and Wife while Markoff lived with his Mother and her Husband.  Don’t know what age.

When the oldest child moves out this can possibly show a couple of things.  Who knows if they apply in Markoff’s case.  First thing to think about is that the household that the only child is leaving is problematic.  Second, the younger sibling will go through feelings of rejection, loneliness and grief over having been left behind.  There could have been money problems, addictions, gambling, lack of compatibility.

By Age 5, Markoff had a younger half-sister through his Mother and Step-Father.  So there are birth order changes as is typical of step-families.

Markoff’s Mother is said to have split from his Step-Father four years ago.  Her last name at the time was Carroll.  I heard on a News Cast that her current last name is Haines so perhaps she has remarried or perhaps the media just couldn’t get the all the family mish-mash information straight.

Either way, it looks right now as if Markoff’s Mother’s 2d divorce would have occurred in 2005.  This is the same year that Markoff is said to have met his Fiancee.  I believe he would have been around 19 years old.

Source:  http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/04/alleged_craigsl.html#commentshttp://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/04/26/2009-04-26_suspect_and_victim_led_secret_lives_med_student_gambled__actress_gave_massages.html?page=0

Even More About Kristen

*****post deleted*****

My apologies to Kristen.  Amber’s message woke me up.  I was kicking you when you are down.

Kristen & Client 9

Eliot Spitzer has resigned from his job as Governor of New York because he rents prostitutes. I don’t care a whole lot about a Politician’s sex life but I suppose it’s odd that Spitzer passed a law last year that is very harsh on Johns. Spitzer may have to serve more time in Jail now because of his own law. This is an odd story.

The media has come forth with the identity of the Prostitute that Spitzer knew as “Kristen.” Don’t know why but I don’t want to use her real name here. Here’s a link to an article about her although I suppose everyone has had their fill already (http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/13/spitzer.kristen/index.html).

Here’s Kristen profile of herself from her MYSPACE website:

When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own.

This is the part that we’re concerned about here in bold:

When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own.

Why this repeated theme of Loss?:

… a broken family.

First off, I’d like to remind myself right here that, according to the psychologists, Kristen’s welfare doesn’t matter.  It’s the 70 percent of Children of Divorce who are OK and don’t need help that the psychologists will concentrate all their talk on.  (Is it Hypocratic Oath or Hypocrite Oath? And that’s not including the people from the 70 percent who don’t feel quite right about their parents’ divorce either.

I’m probably about the age of Kristen’s mother. In my day we never admitted that what was going on at home was bad. Talking about your parents’ divorce was sort of a back alley conversation that was done in private. In public it either invited either apathetic resentment or gooey empathy.

I only tell people I grew up in Divorce when I’m trying to feel them out to see if I can have any emotional intimacy with them. I keep the statement short and concise and use it more as Code to see how they react. It’s a lot like Senator Larry Craig’s foot tapping in bathroom stalls in Airports. “I’m Gay and that’s Taboo in my World and I just need some relief.” “I grew up torn apart and can’t handle being judged.” R U my Friend? Don’t know how to type out that lingo the kids have now.

And I admit when I read Kristen’s description my first reaction was “Oh Gawd. A basketcase. She’s out of control.” I don’t even know why. I think it must be conditioning to think on society’s terms. My first reactions to other people’s emotions are sometimes pretty cold I guess, like society’s.

My second reaction was to remember all the psychiatrists who have told me that this Codeword: “Growing up in Divorce” meant nothing and was not connected in any way with my depression, certainly it could not have invoked a traumatic reaction in any way. They also never asked a single question about the situation that I lived in as if all Divorces are exactly the same. Psychotherapists are absolutely useless to talk to because they are all divorced themselves and very self defensive. You can see those lips pursing the second you use the code on them. Either that or they are gooey Empaths who have no information to share but a lot of slime to smear all over you. Told you I’m cold but I keep remembering this one family service therapist who assured me that psychology studies Children of D now. And then she said nothing further about it.

My third reaction? I don’t really remember. I suppose just to feel sadness and to wish Kristen and her family well. There was prostitution in my family and I understand why women turn to it. It’s money. It’s from not having alternatives in society. It’s from being in a hurry. It’s from that line “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” “I’d do it anyway.” “They often just want to talk” is actually a marketing ploy that Call Girls tell to prospective “co-workers” to draw them into the pain. Women love to do this kind of thing to each.

The media is saying Kristen is self-victimizing. When the media plays these stories over and over again do they think of themselves as self-victimizing? When we the public watch these stories do we call it self-victimizing? Anyway, Kristen is probably working out a book and movie deal right now as we speak.  She grew up being fought over as a tax deduction and a bartering tool for child support (which was probably never paid or came around the 20th of the month).  If that’s what you are to your parents then that’s what you can be to your John’s.  And at $1000 /hour, hey, how many months of begging from real life Daddy would it take to pull that kinda dough in?

The girl’s 22 and living in a $3,500 / month apartment. She knows she’s worth $1000 hour. I’m still at the $3.75 /hr self worth profile. When I was 22 I was working as a secretary feeling debased everyday anyway. And I was living in a basement apartment. It sort of freezes me to think about it right now.

So when we look at Spitzer’s bio we notice that he is not from a broken home. What can I say? Another sad product of a Normal Family.

Eliot Spitzer’s bad relationship with his Father was discussed in one Internet article. His father was such an Authoritarian that he reduced Spitzer to tears. That is a problem that kids from Normal Families seem to have. They seem to have a single moment where their parents reduce them to a smithering idiot. This is considered survival tactics. It produces Killer Instinct. I don’t have any proof of this, but it seems to instill an intense relationship with Authority in the little tots. It seems to drive them to abuse Authority in their careers (if you’ve ever worked in a large office for Middle Management you know exactly what I mean).

I think that’s maybe the one thing that Children of Divorce don’t really have as much of a sense of. Authority.

“This is for your own good” coming from a Divorced Parent will often just make the kids laugh. The parents act too much like the kids or some really old friends. Then in walks a step parent. Coming from a step-parent “the own good” statement is plain old sadistic. How many Authority Figures is a kid supposed to answer to without completely dissolving into a puddle of nothingness? Eliot Spitzer’s Father made him cry. Times that by 4 for each parent. Go ahead, do the math, it won’t hurt your head too much. Or will it?

Although often it can be a sign of anti-social behavior in a young person, I don’t think this lack of unquestionably approving Authority figures is a bad thing necessarily. Barack Obama, for example, was able to speak up in the Senate against going to War in Iraq because he doesn’t seem to have this blind stupid regard for Authority when Authority is wrong. (Of course, he’s a nice guy with good manners and a great education and a great wife and an ability to speak with pearls and diamonds.)

Wow, what happened here? Long ramble.