Spoiled Children of Divorce


“Being Flynn”

A couple of months ago I saw a really incredible but disturbing movie called Being Flynn.  It’s based on the real life story of a son who works in a homeless shelter and reconnects with his Father who comes in for help.  Robert DeNiro plays the Father and Julianne Moore plays the Mother.  Paul Dano plays the son.   Don’t know what he looks like in other roles but here he actually looks like someone who comes from divorce.  His posture, his attitude.  I stated before that I think that people from divorce generally have much different personalities from people who aren’t from divorce but never really thought that I attribute a certain type of physical look.

The original book on which the movie based is written by Nick Flynn and was originally titled Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.  Sorry, I’m very behind on my reading.  Flynn’s Mother committed suicide so his early life was extremely difficult.  Did I find his birth date?  Probably.  The astrology will be pretty interesting, if not beyond understanding.

Interesting website for the movie here.  Although this is a great movie I don’t recommend seeing it if you’re going through a difficult phase and especially if you’ve ever had to deal with suicide or homelessness or have known anyone who has.

Oh yeah, although I haven’t finished it, I really like the style of Flynn’s writing.



“May die 2day”

Taboo subject here.  Even more forbidden than trying to seek help about how to deal with abusive step-parents.

This article is about a Mother who couldn’t get food stamps to feed her 2 children.  During an almost 7 hour stand off at the Welfare Office in Laredo, Texas, Rachel Grimmer’s 12-year old daughter posted a few frightening messages on her Facebook account about what she was going through as Mommy waves her gun around in despair.  At one point, she says she’s bored.  Guess perhaps she grew up listening to threatening rants.

At around midnight the Mother shot her two children, the 12 year old daughter and the 10 year old son in the head.  They have survived but are both in critical condition.  Ms. Grimmer then shot and killed herself.  I guess the welfare office supervisor wasn’t harmed.

Obviously, the Social Worker could have used some training.  He’s obviously telling lies all over the place about what was done to help.  And there are obviously some racial issues going on here.

The kid in this situation doesn’t ask for help, probably would resist it if it were offered, and it won’t be offered anyway because family, friends, and psychoblabbers  can’t stand the drama or even actually are amused by it.

The article tries to make sense out of the relationship between this family and the welfare system and it can’t.  It’s so unbelievable it sounds like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

This brings up a lot of issues.  But, for right now,  I pray that those kids will recover.

Here’s a good article from Australia about Filicide.  That’s people who kill their children.  Talks about connection with Divorce.  And the tendency for everyone around, friends, family, therapists, etc., to go into denial, or at least do nothing.   The grandmother wrote back on Facebook to her granddaughter that she was “there for you.”   She could have at least told the kid to take her brother and go hide or to fake a convulsion to distract the adults.

“Mental Health, Filicide, Parental Separation and Divorce:  The need for early intervention and a better coordinated approach.” by Dr. Daniell Tyson and Prof. Thea Brown.

EDIT added December 28, 2011:  Both of Rachel Grimmer’s children died within 2 days of the shooting.  May they Rest in Peace.



Parental Alienation Syndrome / Custody Fights / Nathan Grieco

This post has grown a life of its own.  Don’t know if I’ll be able to get it under control.

It started out when I picked up a used book called A Kidnapped Mind  by Pamela Richardson.  Haven’t read it yet, but Richardson discusses her custody fight for her son which ultimately led to her son’s suicide.  Richardson discusses how Parental Alienation Syndrome destroyed her son’s life.  The Father had alienated him so that he refused to see his Mother.  Since the boy is dead we can’t hear his side.

Then I somehow got distracted by the story of the man who coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”  Dr. Richard A. Gardner was a psychiatrist who wrote the first book about Children of Divorce.  He coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” in 1985 and self published a book about it in 1992.  Gardner was divorced twice, had three children a son and two daughters. His astrology chart is really interesting to look at in this regard.

(Astrology stuff:  Gardner’s chart reflects the current huge outer planet t-square that we have been currently going through in his chart.  In the Cardinal Signs, strongly related to relationships on one pole and to family on the other pole.  Uranus, planet of divorce, is conjunct the North Node in Aries (conflict).  This squares an opposition of Saturn in Capricorn (strong influence of Father style of parenting, empirical science) to a conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto in Cancer (Mother, Power, Law).  Just as he was developining his theory about what goes on in these areas in 1985 his progressed Sun was changing signs and was at 29 Gemini-1 Cancer.  That point will bring one’s views before the public, in this case, views having to do with family.)

His theories are highly debated because he did not publish through peer related publishing methods and his ideas are considered non-scientific.  Mostly he defended Fathers whose ex-wives bad mouthed them to the children so that the children would not want to see their Fathers.  What grabbed my attention was the fact that Gardner committed suicide in a really gruesome way.  First he tried to overdose.  When that failed he stabbed himself to death.  This was because he was in pain from a disease called reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Sorry, but that was just more interesting to me because it was so brutal.

Then I was, of course, curious about the stories about how the courts would side with Gardner’s testimony over the pleas of children in custody disputes.  When confronted by the fact that he had set the children up with abusive parents who had then been hurt by their parents he didn’t show any remorse.  Well, that sounds pretty typical especially connected with children and divorce.

The most painful story involved 3 boys in Pennsylvania who were forced to visit their Father by court order.  If they didn’t show up and if they didn’t act happy around their Father the Judge threatened to send their Mother to jail.  That’s not legal and it’s really weird, but, hey, this is divorce.

The oldest boy, Nathan, was so distraught over his screwed up life that he committed suicide when he was 16. The kids were 4,6, and 8 when their parents split.  They grew up and during the year that they were 12, 14, & 16, when they were at the age when kids are supposed to be breaking away from family stuff, the parents and the courts were forcing them to continue to act as if they were 4, 6 & 8.

The astrology is what is grabbing me here because it possibly fits with my astrological theories which connect the planetary cycles with understanding how trauma will unfold in children later on.  It will possibly show how each particular child will react to the trauma and what kind of time frame to look for in order to understand future times when the trauma will resurface.

Nathan Greico was 8 years old when his parents divorced.  Age 8, as I’ve discussed is connected with the first Saturn square in a child’s level of development.  Saturn is related to first stage of maturity, the Father, restriction, depression, social grace (authority and the courts), and depression.  As a person, Nathan was not very good, apparently, at social and physical activities.  I don’t know what that means exactly but he was being treated for ADHD (and I haven’t got a clue what that means except that it shows that he was on drugs).  As I’ve said, I suspect that Ages 7-8 are among the worst for a child to go through parents’ divorce because they represent ages of development that will directly be affected by homelife, tradition, parents and parenting and are often connected with not feeling safe and not being able to handle failure.  In overly simplified terms, Moon is moodiness and feeling picked on.  Saturn is bitterness, guilt, and depression.

Age 8 also figures strongly in another cycle which I wonder doesn’t involve Nathan’s natal chart.  I wonder if he had a conjunction of Sun-Venus.  It would fit too well if he did.  This is because there is a cycle of the Sun and Venus Rx which repeats every 8 years and often you can see this 8 year cycle strongly figured in their charts, hopefully not the traumatized version.

I noticed that when Nathan committed suicide on Feb. 27, 2007 there was a conjunction of Venus 1 Pisces to the Sun 9 Pisces.  The sign of Pisces is often connected with feeling suicidal and like a lost cause so that could be enough of a motive to end it all if things are not going well.  And, as I say, I have no idea what Nathan’s natal chart looks like.  But, Age 8 is the earlier completion of a cycle of these two planets together.  Venus is the sign which rules marriage, harmony, partnerships.  A person who has this planet strongly figured in his chart is thought to become very distressed by any lack of balance in his life because he is extremely sensitive to it.  The Sun adds an element of self-expression of self confidence and wanting to express one’s self creatively and openly.  Often when these planets show up in a negative way, they are also related to suicide.  Sun rules a heightened sense of drama.  Venus represents Love and just doesn’t want tension.  Nathan was upset about everything Venusian.  He had just written about how upset he was over a break-up in his love life and over his parent’s ongoing custody battle and this forced visitation with his Father.  The problems with the Father began when the Mother remarried and the new step-father came in.  The Father’s reaction became subversive and violent.  There is no discussion about Nathan’s feelings about this.  If a Venusian he might just be more upset by people who are fighting rather than wanting to be the dominant male in the family the way other boys might figure in.  It’s also very interesting that he was involved in an argument over brainwashing which could be construed as a Venus type of problem.

So, as theoretical as this is, I suppose it shows another example of what I’m talking about.  Perhaps what to look for in individual children.  And what to avoid. And when.

Article about Nathan Griecohttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMILYCOURTREFORM/message/4183

The Pittsburg paper wrote a really great series about the Greico Divorce and the misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome as used by the courts in child custody hearings.

http://www.post-gazette.com  http://www.post-gazette.com/custody/parttwo.asp

The surviving brothers talking about how the minute they turn 18 they are out the door.  The older one says that he will bring the younger one with him.  Protective.

Here’s another article about how this theory is sending more children into harms way with abusive people:

Mar. 2, 2011 article from SF Weekly newspaper:  California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody”  by Peter Jamison.

The basic argument, I guess, is that it’s great that parents want to stay in their children’s lives.  But, people who are going through a divorce are really not the healthiest people in the world to be around.

copyright 2011.  All rights reserved, spoiled childrenofdivorce



Suicide Rate of War Veterans, Males Who Grew Up in Divorce, and some Astrology
April 21, 2011, 1:31 am
Filed under: Astrology stuff, Authority, Long Term Fallout, Military, PTSD, Suicide, Vietnam

Vietnam War Veterans have approximately the same level of suicide rate at men who grow up in Divorce.  (Article linked to below).  They are three times as likely as the general population to try to commit suicide.  Suicide rates for Veterans of the current Iraq and Afghanistan wars are expected to be even higher.  I suspect that this might be because so many are from divorced families and are already traumatized from earlier life experiences, but, of course, am making an assumption here.

Divorce.  The only social phenomena in American society that hasn’t been probed, prodded, picked at and tabulated for statistical purposes by the sciences or the media or the government.

Just read about a Veteran from Vietnam who committed suicide.  He was very well liked for his activism on trying to fight his own PTSD.  Yet he couldn’t make it through his pain.  The stories of what he went through in war are really horrifying.  I did notice that he left behind two families so figure he’s from divorce.  I’m not mentioning his name because I know his family is already suffering.  Chiron must take a very significant place in his natal chart, that’s for sure.

Here are some Statistics on recent figures coming out of the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  The article says that more soldiers are killing themselves than are dying abroad :

Statistics obtained by FoxNews.com show the suicide rate of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in fiscal year 2008 — the most recent data available — was 38.2 deaths per 100,000 individuals, or more than 10 deaths higher than the previous year. In fiscal year 2003, the figure was 23.9 deaths, before reaching a high of 40.3 deaths in 2004.

This article that says that these soldiers tend to kill themselves when they hit their late 20s. Astrology has some interesting explanations for that so I’m going to share it here.

First thing to look at are the soldiers’ birth dates.  I don’t have that information, of course.  But, if the soldiers who are currently suffering from this “epidemic” are all in their late 20s then this means that they were born during the early 1980s.

Because these soldiers seem to hit the wall when they hit  their late 20s it seems that there are two planetary cycles that are triggering this behavior.  These are the Secondary Progressed Lunar Return and the Saturn Return which occur between Ages 27 and 30.  These just happen to be the two planets which often rule Depression as well.  When a person completes a cycle, or even a part of a cycle, the person is coming to grips with the energies of that particular planet in his own chart.

The first Saturn Return, occurs around age 29.   There are actually two major cycles that are ending and beginning at this time.  The Saturn Return occurs roughly around Age 29 and is usually part of a 3 stage conjunction with the natal Saturn placement.  The Progressed Lunar Return occurs about a year before that age around Age 27-28.  The Moon phase might actually be more connected with the problems that occur at this age as it comes up in Suicide charts often.

These two planets  rule opposite ends of the same pole which correspond on the Calendar to the beginnings of Summer and Winter.  In Astrology these poles rule family, parenting, career and social status.  The planets which rule these poles, Moon and Saturn, rule the two parents, the Mother and the Father and also areas of unconditional and conditional love in life.  They are connected with making major commitments in life which want to build a safe foundation on which to live.  Because of this they show an individual’s attitudes towards Tradition.

They may not respond well to therapies such as talk or medication, however, because they relate to action and “doing”.  Emotionally they can be reticent and quiet, have deep insecurities about being needy, tend to want to take control and have a fear of failure.  Pluto is also related to wanting control but he’s interesting.  Pluto will confront the tension.  Lots of therapists have a strong Pluto because they like to see if they can escort people through deep emotional waters.

Trauma is created when things happen to an individual and he loses his sense of control over his environment.  I don’t have enough data to make a conclusion but so far I think I am finding that children who go through their parents’ divorces under the influence of either of these two planets are most likely to suffer trauma from it.  I tend to think it’s best to avoid the ages when children are going through their first squares and oppositions of these planets and wonder if the Veterans who are part of the suicide epidemic also have a higher statistic of having gone through parental divorce.

A person will go through his first Secondary Progressed Lunar Return about a year earlier than the Saturn Return when he is around Age 27-28.  This isn’t a transit of the Moon but is related to progressions which are abstracts points calculated mathematically.  The secondary progressed Moon coincides with what is often known in the Rock Music industry as “The 27 Club.”  These are Rock Stars like Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain who died young, all at age 27.

The Moon will represent one’s emotional neediness.  This phase often occurs after an individual has gone through a sort of free and easy time after the Jupiter Return at around Age 23, the Neptune and Uranus trines.  All these planets are related to experimentation and freedom and boundlessness and social awareness.  Trines are “easy” aspects so this offers an interesting insight into what many people are going through at this age developmentally.  These transits seem to coincide with what is mentioned in the linked article with soldiers who come home and begin to live wild lifestyles.  They become reckless and take risks.

The Moon Return cycle then comes along and begins to feel a sense of meaninglessness.  This is basically a good thing in a healthy life.  It means that a person will withdraw for a while in order to gain personal understanding of what all this means to him in relation to his own personal development and his own comfort level in  in life.  This phase ought to clear the individual to go through his/her Saturn Return, which is coming up in about a year.  The Saturn Return often asks a person to set a new Goal or Boundary.  The upcoming Saturn Cycle often asks that a new major goal be set.  Marriage, Career, Family.

Many individuals don’t feel anything exceptional or different in this phase, by the way.  It always depends on the individual chart and how it reacts to particular situations.  I’m discussing Suicidal behaviors here.  Many people either have not been through major trauma, or have personalities or upbringings which give them security to fall back on in difficult times, or have very resilient personalities.

Just as the Moon physically reflects the light of the Sun the astrological Moon is related to Reflection, Imagination, and understanding one’s personal needs. A phase of depression is typical and is mostly healthy if allowed to exist as a time of introspection, for planting new seeds that will grow.   This phase could be said to be a time when a person reflects back on what he’s experienced and where he’s from in order to get back in touch with himself; his comfort level in life in order to develop some order out of what he has learned and observed in the Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune cycle transits.  We can call those the party cycle transits or social awakenings or whatever those planets mean to each individual.

Life is supposed to cycle back and forth between all these different energies so we can grow and develop all kinds of understandings.

The Moon rules Long Term Memory so the progressed Lunar Return cycle will probably bring up a lot of memories and a need to reconnect with the past.  The Moon rules the sign of Cancer which is a tenacious sign, clingy at times.  Traumatic memories would be difficult to overcome at this age. So, through the Astrology,  it makes sense that Veterans can be more vulnerable at this age.

(This could also resurface at the second Progressed Lunar Returns which occur around Age 53.  Often Astrologers say that the second Saturn Return which comes around Age 58-59 doesn’t pack as harsh a punch as the first one does.  I don’t know.  It would be interesting to ask the Vietnam Vets at this point if there’s anything to this.)

One can easily become “stuck” in these memories, though. I suspect that Veteran volunteers might be strong Lunar and Saturn personalities to begin with, types who protective of their country.  So this might be a more difficult time for those types as it is.  I might also expect that, in a different vein, Vietnam Veterans who were drafted against their wills have stronger connections with Mars and Pluto (willfulness) and Uranus (friends and groups) problems.  Uranus hit their generation very hard as  they were rejected by their peers and communities when they returned home.  Uranus rules rebellion against social order which is ruled by Saturn.

Both the Moon and Saturn want and need a sense of order and acceptance that is unspoken.  They have a natural drive to contain chaos.  This can be very creative.  During the earlier Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune cycle transits their lives may have become too chaotic.   Once they hit the Moon and Saturn phases they may not be able to turn down the volume so to speak and to adjust to these new demands.  Since Moon and Saturn are related to family, I suspect that strong family caring and guidance is a big need at this time if there is a problem.  But, Moon and Saturn generally can’t ask for the help.  Or they think of themselves as the ones who do for others.  And, as I said, releasing anything emotional is very difficult at this time.

Divorce, as I’ve said before is often associated with Uranus and Pluto and Mars and Venus and maybe also Neptune.  Moon and Saturn are the least welcome inhabitants of a Divorced Home.  Children of Divorce generally grow up acting more as a friend to their parents, or they develop independent personalities (or manipulative ones) in order to survive. Everyone will love them when they return home but they probably aren’t going to have the sense to drop everything in order to help them if they are really in trouble.  Divorced parents tend to see their children more as responsibilities, or friends, or manipulators, than their married counterparts do.   And, of course, when Saturn rolls around one wants to say that one is taking responsibility for one’s fate.  If there are feelings of not being able to handle fears and failures, the individual will not be able to move on in a healthy way.

The Saturn Return is often considered the big heavy.  There are great interpretations out there which explain how this entire 29 year cycle unfolds in an individual’s life which are great to look in to.  Liz Greene wrote the classic Saturn:  A New Look at an Old Devil which is landmark in showing how the “heavy” can be used to positively build one’s life instead of getting depressed by it.  Saturn rules discipline, structure and restriction.  He’s the guy who makes the rules.  Where the Moon represents the Mother who loves and forgives all, Saturn rules the traditional role of the Father who teaches tough decision making and personal responsibility. (These days the interpretations of these planets are much looser and often the Mother is allowed to be the Saturn type and the Father the Lunar type.)

This can be a tough time for many people because often it will bring a difficult decision that has to be made.  One’s maturity is tested as one has to cut off away from a difficult situation and live with the consequences.    Saturn is emotionally cold aspect related to business and social status so it’s easy to see it’s role in Suicide where an individual might feel that he is ending a losing battle.  That’s where Astrology becomes such a positive influence because it recognizes that these are all just phases of life that blend into other phases.  Nothing is permanent, just a learning experience and a challenge.

In its negative form Saturn can instill insecurities. One is aware of his status and accomplishments and compares him self to others.  He may feel that he doesn’t stand up to the rest.  Saturn also rules guilt.  It rules the idea of karma and that what one puts out one receives back.  Saturn doesn’t express his emotions easily so if a person is struggling with feelings at this time he might feel more lonely.  Saturn doesn’t ask for help.  Often the problems that he faces are solved by allowing time to pass.

Saturn likes to build a solid foundation that won’t fall apart.  At any rate, Saturn likes things to follow in rational orders. These are the things that a healthy person grapples with at this age.  Saturn feels good about himself if he can accomplish something.  So someone who is dealing with PTSD might be extra hard on himself for doing what he thinks he ought to be doing.  Saturn can be a harsh judge so it’s necessary to remind these folks to soften their serious sides.

To repeat, the Moon is related to Reflection, Mood and Interior thinking.  This Return Phase is a very important emotional step to pass through before the Saturn Return as it helps a person to clear out his interior problems before trying to move on to the exterior Saturnian problems.  Saturn represents Achievement and Maturity.   It  represents feelings of guilt, insecurities.  Both are connected with Depression.  They are also connected with family, tradition, government.  There are control issues with these two planets which can actually lead to compensating through reckless behavior and super macho feelings. There’s a tough Gal/Guy to both of these planets when they are on the defensive — and they are on the defensive a whole lot of the time.

What I’m curious about regarding divorce, is whether or not there is a high percentage of suicides that come from divorced families.  It is generally known, I believe, that a person who has suffered one trauma will likely be weaker in dealing with a second trauma or third, down the line.  Whether a person thinks of his parents’ divorce as a traumatic experience I leave to each individual to assess.  I know that this is considered “the pity party” by society which I find totally disgusting but what do I know.

The Secondary Progressed Lunar Return and Saturn cycles have quarter and half partial cycles which come across very clearly in child development.  These come through in child development studies often as big markers in maturity.

The first squares occur roughly between the Ages of 6 and 8 years old.  Squares are difficult because, very simply put, they present “challenges.”

The first oppositions occur roughly between Ages 12.5 and 14 years old. Oppositions are considered difficult because, simply put, they present “oppositions” “need for balances” “sense of not being enough.”

From what I’ve noticed in my research these are extremely difficult ages for children to go through the split of a family because these are the ages when they are partially internalizing what family is, or at least what the traditional role of family is.  And what I’m looking for is if the later parts of these phases will bring back the feelings of repressed trauma that didn’t heal after the first event.  I would then be curious to know if these Veterans had not only gone through divorce, but had gone through it at these particular stages.  Don’t really have any ability to conduct that research.

So, I probably haven’t explained this clearly.  I wish to just put my two cents out there to anyone who might be suffering at this age to realize that you need to let this phase pass.  You need to admit that you don’t feel safe.  You need to respect that you have a need for which there is no real help.  And you need to take care of yourself really well in a practical sense.  Eat right, exercise, sleep, smile, help the old lady walk across the street.  Let this pass through you.  There won’t be a lot of major cycles for a while after this one.  There’s a new Cycle related to the Sun coming up at age 33.  The Sun is related to self expression and vitality so it’s a lot to look forward to.  This is followed by a Nodal Return cycle at around Age 36-37 when you come back into contact with a sense of a new life purpose.

Oh, and it’s also good that both Moon and Saturn are strongly connected with humor.  Moon is the zany style of humor and self-effacing humor, and Saturn is related to Dry Sense of Humor.  They aren’t just morbid, dark energies.  Again, I’m talking about them in relation to these Veterans who I hope will find different solutions for their lives.

copyright 2011 all rights reserved



Mother Drives Her Children Into the Hudson River
April 16, 2011, 11:00 pm
Filed under: Abandonment, filicide, Mentally Ill parents, Murder, Suicide, Violence

A 25-year old mother of 4 in New York drove herself and her children into the Hudson River.  Her 10-year old son escaped his Mother’s clutches, but she drowned along with his 3 younger siblings.  According to the surviving son his Mother was expressing regrets as the van she was driving sank into the water and was wishing that she could be saved.  In the article which is linked to it sounds as if the Mother was upset about the relationship with the children’s father.  I’m unclear about her relationship with the Father.  There was a story about how he allowed one of the children to run around in the street naked in the middle of the night.  She had had locks changed on the doors twice in the last 6 months.

There’s an interesting article about how common it is for Mothers to kill their children called “Moms killing kids not nearly as rare as we think.”  The article talks about the role of mental illness in the situation but also the fact that the mothers are simply isolated emotionally and socially.  “So often there is an impending death or divorce or breakup.”  This is a really great article and I thank the person who wrote it.  Since statistics don’t distinguish between Mothers, Fathers and Step-fathers (no mention of Step-Mothers?), an expert is quoted as saying that it is thought that a Mother kills her own child ever 3 days (in the U.S.? I know this is accepted practice in traditional Asian cultures).

The thing is to remember that this Mother was over stressed and that at the last minute she was showing regrets about the choice she had made.

For the first year of my parent’s divorce my Mother tried to commit suicide 3 times and at times she was threatening to kill me as well.  She never actually did try to kill me, but I became anorexic as a way of trying not to have any needs which would upset her. And I have gone through serious suicidal phases ever since. So, I tend to notice when one of these stories hits the news.

The information is often repressed because of society’s needs to think that Mothers never fail in their duties to love their children.  The article explains how often Mothers think that they are doing what’s best for their children by killing them.

I have sort of forgotten the exact reasons why my Mother said that she would have to kill me.  I sometimes think that it was because she knew that I would never be able to trust anyone after having been betrayed by both my Father and my best friend.  But, I think the real reason was financial and just the fact that she didn’t want to be burdened by having a kid around since the marriage was over.  She had been raised by a single woman as her Father had died.  I don’t think in all her rants that she ever discussed how perhaps it would be difficult for me to function after being kept awake all night listening to this stuff.  In the morning she would claim that she didn’t remember a thing (unless it was one of the nights when I lost it and started screaming).

Needless to say I feel so sorry for the young boy and hope that he can find a safe environment to grow up in where he will find love and support.  It sounds like he has great survival skills and hopefully he will be able to trust people.

I hope that this woman’s soul and those of her children will rest in peace.  And I hope that social networks can be formed for single mothers to gain the support and help they need.  There are so many concerns in these cases.  Financial, Legal, Self Esteem, Retraining regarding partnership mistakes, Help with Career, Help with Housework and raising children.  And, of course, lack of time to devote to improving all these areas of life.  I’m pretty certain that women can’t expect other married women to help them.

Mothers who have to take care of their children really need so much help.  In the end the “help” my Mother received were 2 1-week stints in mental hospitals.  She received a diagnosis and some pills and was taught a new career choice which proved adequate income. A Call Girl taught her how to go into a bar and turn tricks on those days when money was coming up a bit short.   Mental Hospitals expose vulnerable people not only to pills that only help to sedate and humiliate them but also to connections with even sicker people who share survival skills are a bit lacking.  I sort of wonder what goes on in the nurses and doctors’ minds.  Don’t they see that this stuff goes on?  Hospitals for mental illness are just as infectious for disease as hospitals for physical illness.



Study: Suicidal Ideation much higher for Adult Children of Divorce

The University of Toronto has just published yet another amazing finding on long term effects of Divorce which it published in the Jan. 19, 2011 issue of Psychiatry Research.  That is, Children of Divorce are much more likely to seriously consider Suicide later on as adults.

I’m not sure if I’m reading the article correctly so it’s likely that the statistical information down below is correctly quoted.  I need to take a class on how to understand Statistics, obviously.  I also get really upset when the program director is quoted as telling the Mothers not to panic about their kids.  And, of course, nothing is said to reassure the folks who are directly affected by this information, namely the adult Sons and Daughters of Divorce (we are a ca$h cow for psychiatry, after all.  Another weird twist on the “Do No Harm” needlepoint sampler that Modern Medicine hangs over its creepy threshold.  (Have I ever said what happened to me when the drugs the psychiatrist gave me made me suicidal?  She didn’t call me back for 3 days, literally snickered, and then didn’t write the episode down in her notes — and I think was eventually fired.  Thing is, she was divorced and a single mother herself and there’s no way in Hell she was going to put up with this guilt trip).

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_107917.html

At any rate.  Here is the information as I understand it.  Link to Medline is here.  Article published Jan. 2011 Psychiatry Research.  (My Mother attempted Suicide 4 x.  3x were right after my Father left.  My Father later said he thought about Suicide all the time.  Both my Brother and I have attempted Suicide. I seriously doubt my Step-Mother has ever thought about Suicide, although she did have to quit drinking because her liver couldn’t handle the booze and she was going to die. –She was just there for the money.)

Sons who come from Divorced families are 3 times more likely than Sons from Intact Families.  It becomes much more likely if they also suffered from physical abuse, parents with addiction issues, or unemployment.

Daughters from Divorced families are 83 percent more likely than Daughters from Intact Families to have thoughts of killing themselves.  It doesn’t matter if physical abuse, addiction, or unemployment was part of home life.



“Safari” by Jennifer Egan

Heard a partial short story reading on NPR while driving tonight.  “Safari” by Jennifer Egan.  As happens while driving the car I usually haven’t got a clue what I’m listening to and for some reason it’s always really interesting that way.  Egan was interviewed after the reading and explained parts of the story which have to do with “unstable family situations.”  She discussed her own childhood and her parents’ divorce.  So I had to come home to see if the story is available on the Internet.  Turns out there’s an editor at The New Yorker who doesn’t mind publishing stories about Children of Divorce:

Safari.

The story is about a “family” going on a Safari vacation together for three weeks.  Dad is twice divorced and has brought along his new girlfriend.  Two of his children are there.   All the characters are weaving in and out of understanding of what their relationships with each other are.  The story is told from the fractured points of view of each character and with a fractured sense of timing, a sort of whirlwind of who, what, when, why where, which expresses the unstable situation.  Relationships, Sex, self understanding, grief, boredom are all told by characters at completely different places in their lives and without any cohesive tribal understanding of the events.  In the background, meanwhile, there is the structured scheduling of the trip and on another level the lives of each character past, present and future is told with a sort of innocent but frightening frankness.   I think that this is sort of the attitude that Children of Divorce take on in life in order to try to make sense of it all.  There was no sense of emotion, the characters continue with their lives trying to follow along the way they have followed the scheduling of this trip.  Event after event is told with a sort of inability to really feel what is going on.  In the end there is this matter of factness about how life unfolds along with a great sense of emotional loss.  (Sorry went on a little too long here, but I really liked the story)

Jennifer Egan’s parents divorced when she was around 2 years old.  Her Father was an alcoholic who rehabed in his 40s.  She was her parents’ only child together and was the oldest in her new family that her Mother created with her Step Father.  Egan was born in the Midwest.  Moved to San Francisco when she was 7 years old.  She is married and I believe has two sons and lives on the East Coast.  I can’t vouch for the accuracy of any of these details.