Spoiled Children of Divorce

What Happens On Your Wedding Day?

This is a very touching story. A woman named Brittany was being walked down the aisle on her Wedding Day by her Biological Father. Her Father stops and runs back to ask Brittany’s Step-Father to help walk her down the aisle as well. The Step-Father is in tears.

The story does not sugar coat the divorce and the custody disputes and the contentious relationship between the Fathers. That kind of honesty is much appreciated. Brittany was 6 years old when her parents divorced.

Congratulations on your new life, Brittany!

Have You Seen Me?
July 11, 2013, 11:31 pm
Filed under: Abduction, Astrology stuff, Custody, Long Term Fallout, runaways

Pretty much the only support for children of divorce in U.S. society used to be found on the side of milk cartons. These would be the kids who were part of a custody hearing. Very very rarely one of these kids stories is picked up by news media and on these rare occasions the viewers are shown the parents who are fighting. The stories always focus on the parents feelings. It is assumed, I guess, that the kids know they are loved. Perhaps they receive therapy and meds in private.

In case you didn’t know, the majority of kids listed at the national center for missing and exploited children are from custody hearings. There is help for families involved in such traumatic experiences on the National Center for Missing & Abducted Children website.

According to astrology, abduction is ruled by the planet Pluto. One might also check the location of Persephone. The Moon and 4th house rule family so one might find a connection between these elements within the natal chart. It’s good to check transits and progressions to these planets and houses as well.

In astrology, runaways are ruled by much different planets. Venus and Uranus are thought to be the most common rulers. I might also expect to see mars (impulse) and Neptune (escape) involved. Neptune is often related to denial, which is the usual survival tactic of children of divorce so is maybe not connected with leaving the home. Venus generally needs harmony and balance so a child with this planet strong in the natal chart would run away from conflict. Uranus will do whatever is unexpected and shocking and will rely on friends and groups rather than parents and family.

The runaway energy is much different from the abducted energy. Moon and Pluto both rule water signs and are reactive, deep and emotional. Venus and Uranus both rule air and earth and are social and intellectual.

Even if the divorce is friendly it would be great to check to see if these particular elements are strong in the child’s chart. Suppressed stress and trauma might manifest during a later transit/cycle of the particular planets.

Lisa Marie Presley Talks About Her Parents’ Divorce

Yay for today’s USA Weekend Magazine issue (Aug. 10-12-2012)!  In an article meant to salute the 35th Anniversary of her Father’s death, the magazine interviewed his only child.  Author Alanna Nash asked the Divorce question!

From page 10:

Her childhood after her parents divorced:  “In Memphis, my father let me run wild.  I’d be up all hours of the night and eat french fries and chocolate cake fro breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Then I’d go home to Beverly Hills to a very regimented mother and have a normal schedule.  It was very confusing.”

Lisa Marie was born in 1968.  Her parents divorced in 1972 so she would have been around 4 years old at the time.  Her Father died from his drug addiction in 1977 when he was 42 years old.  Lisa Marie would have been 9 years old.  It looks like the Nodal Axis and the Asteroids would be a big trigger and influence in her life cycles.  Natal North Node is in Aries squaring natal Venus in Capricorn.

Lisa Marie has been married four times and has two children from her first husband and twins from her fourth and current husband.  She remains close with her first husband who lives in the guest house of her home and home schools their children.

“A Separation”

The 2012 Oscar for Best Foreign Film was given to a movie made in Iran.  It’s called “A Separation.”  It’s also a movie about Divorce, but the Hollywood film scene thinks it’s a movie about a couple struggling to make a better life for themselves in a different country. 

Anyway, this isn’t another immigration story with a happy ending. Unless you want to move to Iran because artists and intellectuals there are capable of expressing deep thoughts.  The IMDb database describes it as:

A married couple are faced with a difficult decision – to improve the life of their child by moving to another country or to stay in Iran and look after a deteriorating parent who has Alzheimer’s disease.

If that’s what the U.S. viewer thinks this is the story he’s going to see he’s in for a rude awakening, especially if he’s a divorced parent.  Or, at least I think he might get an awakening.   Divorced parents are pretty stubborn people.  Hollywood certainly didn’t get it.  If it had it certainly wouldn’t have given an award to it.

So, during the first scene you see the couple explaining their divorce to a judge.  They both give their arguments.  Things get tense, the judge has to tell them to shut up a couple of times and then they file for the divorce which the wife wants and the husband doesn’t want.  They have a 12-year old daughter who wants to stay at home with the father and grandfather. 

The Mother goes to live with her parents and the Father is faced with having to hire someone to stay with his Father all day long.  He hires someone who is not comfortable with the job.  Things get worse and worse and the caretaker ends up leaving the grandfather in the house alone tied to the bed.  This leads to the Father coming home and getting really angry and shoving her out the door.   Pregnant, she falls and suffers a miscarriage.  The Father is taken into court for murdering the unborn child and the dirty laundry and guilt/innocence of everyone involved gets aired.

Where things get interesting from a Child of Divorce’s point of view is seeing the divorce through the 12-year old daughter’s eyes, of course.  Through all the emotional traumas both the parents’ flaws come to the forefront.  One can see that they are both good people and loving parents. One can also begin to see why they don’t get along.  One can also see that they can’t discuss the other’s flaws with each other.  And while they can’t talk to each other they can easily tell the daughter what they are thinking and feeling.  She then relays the message because, as a 12 year old she is trying to figure the whole situation out herself.  The flaws sort of seem like trivial differences.  The daughter can see the games that men and women play with each other long before she learns about this from her own relationships as is natural. 

The daughter’s presence was strongly felt throughout, but I realized that her point of view was never shown until somebody asked her a question and the camera stayed on her face and she just stared off blankly not saying anything.  There it was.  The amazing silence!

After that I was emotionally involved with her.  Divorce is an extremely emotional experience about relationship failure, but during divorce people don’t think about feelings or relationships, they talk and they talk and they think it will all be okay once the papers are signed.  They are intent only on the action of splitting, even if it means splitting the kid in half.   The way the movie handles the silences and the communications is unbelievably brilliant.   The last scene brings an extreme emotional shock which brings this idea of Silence and the impossible feelings that exist within Divorced families. 

 What was even more shocking was to be watching the movie in a theater in California with mostly older couples.  California being the Divorce capital of the world, I can only assume there were some couples were working on second and third marriages in that room.  Either way, the air in the room was thick when I walked out, and, nobody was talking.  I hadn’t felt that in a long time because my parents have been dead a long time.  It would always lead to my step-mother making a weird sucking sound in her throat and to my Mother havin to go out and get drunk.  My Father would act as if the family were normal.  It involved guilt and denial and blame.  I always knew that life would be easier if I just avoided talking at those points.

British Family Courts: Out of Denial But Into the Wayback Machine

If a couple in England plans to have children then they had better not get married. The courts have completed a new study which rewrites the laws to try to put the welfare of the children first.  Boy, this is really shocking.

A review on family justice which was headed by a man named David Norgrove has just published a 220-page study on divorce which is intended to become law.  I’m not sure if it actually is law at this point or is just pointing out that current studies show what is actually best for the children.  And that’s scary.

The study suggests that couples do their own divorces rather than jam up the legal system.  I’m sure if they could, they would, but anyone who has seen a divorce from a kid’s point of view knows that parents going through a divorce don’t exactly think in logical, straight lines.

Nearly half of all British children will become Children of Divorce by the time they are 16 years old.  That’s higher than in the U.S.

Britain has free health care and can track children’s health better so probably can truly look at the effects of divorce on children. One of the following links says that 75 percent of children are said to suffer significantly from their parents’ divorces.

Grandparents have very restricted access to their grandchildren and will have to apply through the courts for access to visit grandchildren.  There’s something in this that I’m not understanding.   In the U.S. I doubt that Grandparents create worse conditions.  I think that kids whose Grandparents let them live with them are in better shape a lot of the time.  I think that this might be true if there is only one boy in the family, because Grandmothers probably favor their grandsons.  That might not be true, but, who knows?  There aren’t any studies in the U.S.

I’m not sure what the study actually has to say about this but there appears to be a tightening on father’s rights as parents.  It has been decided that children suffer too much from being shuffled back and forth between households so Fathers will have less access to their children.

I agree that the shuttling back and forth seems nuts to me, but I think that it works in some families.  It’s great that the courts are aware of this and it’s too bad the parents and the shrinks stayed in denial on this one.   In the U.S. there are studies about how boys suffer from divorce because they don’t have Father figures, so I doubt that back-peddling into the single Mother household mentality helps.  Boys end up hating themselves if they have to see how much their Mothers suffer because they are alone.

To be honest, I doubt that daughters will suffer too much by having limited access to their step-mothers and step-sisters in most cases.

I think that it’s much more important for courts to make certain that remarriages don’t screw kids out of their education, healthcare, and inheritances, than by trying to intervene and deny parent-child relationships.  Those are areas which I think a court should write in to the law.  If the parents can’t provide an emotionally safe situation for their kids then I don’t think that the courts will help by controlling who has access to the kids.  In the end, I agree with Norgrove, but I don’t think that his study is coming up with the correct solutions.

It would definitely make sense if Britain completely got rid of marriage since the divorce rate is so high anyway.

Parental Alienation Syndrome / Custody Fights / Nathan Grieco

This post has grown a life of its own.  Don’t know if I’ll be able to get it under control.

It started out when I picked up a used book called A Kidnapped Mind  by Pamela Richardson.  Haven’t read it yet, but Richardson discusses her custody fight for her son which ultimately led to her son’s suicide.  Richardson discusses how Parental Alienation Syndrome destroyed her son’s life.  The Father had alienated him so that he refused to see his Mother.  Since the boy is dead we can’t hear his side.

Then I somehow got distracted by the story of the man who coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”  Dr. Richard A. Gardner was a psychiatrist who wrote the first book about Children of Divorce.  He coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” in 1985 and self published a book about it in 1992.  Gardner was divorced twice, had three children a son and two daughters. His astrology chart is really interesting to look at in this regard.

(Astrology stuff:  Gardner’s chart reflects the current huge outer planet t-square that we have been currently going through in his chart.  In the Cardinal Signs, strongly related to relationships on one pole and to family on the other pole.  Uranus, planet of divorce, is conjunct the North Node in Aries (conflict).  This squares an opposition of Saturn in Capricorn (strong influence of Father style of parenting, empirical science) to a conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto in Cancer (Mother, Power, Law).  Just as he was developining his theory about what goes on in these areas in 1985 his progressed Sun was changing signs and was at 29 Gemini-1 Cancer.  That point will bring one’s views before the public, in this case, views having to do with family.)

His theories are highly debated because he did not publish through peer related publishing methods and his ideas are considered non-scientific.  Mostly he defended Fathers whose ex-wives bad mouthed them to the children so that the children would not want to see their Fathers.  What grabbed my attention was the fact that Gardner committed suicide in a really gruesome way.  First he tried to overdose.  When that failed he stabbed himself to death.  This was because he was in pain from a disease called reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Sorry, but that was just more interesting to me because it was so brutal.

Then I was, of course, curious about the stories about how the courts would side with Gardner’s testimony over the pleas of children in custody disputes.  When confronted by the fact that he had set the children up with abusive parents who had then been hurt by their parents he didn’t show any remorse.  Well, that sounds pretty typical especially connected with children and divorce.

The most painful story involved 3 boys in Pennsylvania who were forced to visit their Father by court order.  If they didn’t show up and if they didn’t act happy around their Father the Judge threatened to send their Mother to jail.  That’s not legal and it’s really weird, but, hey, this is divorce.

The oldest boy, Nathan, was so distraught over his screwed up life that he committed suicide when he was 16. The kids were 4,6, and 8 when their parents split.  They grew up and during the year that they were 12, 14, & 16, when they were at the age when kids are supposed to be breaking away from family stuff, the parents and the courts were forcing them to continue to act as if they were 4, 6 & 8.

The astrology is what is grabbing me here because it possibly fits with my astrological theories which connect the planetary cycles with understanding how trauma will unfold in children later on.  It will possibly show how each particular child will react to the trauma and what kind of time frame to look for in order to understand future times when the trauma will resurface.

Nathan Greico was 8 years old when his parents divorced.  Age 8, as I’ve discussed is connected with the first Saturn square in a child’s level of development.  Saturn is related to first stage of maturity, the Father, restriction, depression, social grace (authority and the courts), and depression.  As a person, Nathan was not very good, apparently, at social and physical activities.  I don’t know what that means exactly but he was being treated for ADHD (and I haven’t got a clue what that means except that it shows that he was on drugs).  As I’ve said, I suspect that Ages 7-8 are among the worst for a child to go through parents’ divorce because they represent ages of development that will directly be affected by homelife, tradition, parents and parenting and are often connected with not feeling safe and not being able to handle failure.  In overly simplified terms, Moon is moodiness and feeling picked on.  Saturn is bitterness, guilt, and depression.

Age 8 also figures strongly in another cycle which I wonder doesn’t involve Nathan’s natal chart.  I wonder if he had a conjunction of Sun-Venus.  It would fit too well if he did.  This is because there is a cycle of the Sun and Venus Rx which repeats every 8 years and often you can see this 8 year cycle strongly figured in their charts, hopefully not the traumatized version.

I noticed that when Nathan committed suicide on Feb. 27, 2007 there was a conjunction of Venus 1 Pisces to the Sun 9 Pisces.  The sign of Pisces is often connected with feeling suicidal and like a lost cause so that could be enough of a motive to end it all if things are not going well.  And, as I say, I have no idea what Nathan’s natal chart looks like.  But, Age 8 is the earlier completion of a cycle of these two planets together.  Venus is the sign which rules marriage, harmony, partnerships.  A person who has this planet strongly figured in his chart is thought to become very distressed by any lack of balance in his life because he is extremely sensitive to it.  The Sun adds an element of self-expression of self confidence and wanting to express one’s self creatively and openly.  Often when these planets show up in a negative way, they are also related to suicide.  Sun rules a heightened sense of drama.  Venus represents Love and just doesn’t want tension.  Nathan was upset about everything Venusian.  He had just written about how upset he was over a break-up in his love life and over his parent’s ongoing custody battle and this forced visitation with his Father.  The problems with the Father began when the Mother remarried and the new step-father came in.  The Father’s reaction became subversive and violent.  There is no discussion about Nathan’s feelings about this.  If a Venusian he might just be more upset by people who are fighting rather than wanting to be the dominant male in the family the way other boys might figure in.  It’s also very interesting that he was involved in an argument over brainwashing which could be construed as a Venus type of problem.

So, as theoretical as this is, I suppose it shows another example of what I’m talking about.  Perhaps what to look for in individual children.  And what to avoid. And when.

Article about Nathan Griecohttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMILYCOURTREFORM/message/4183

The Pittsburg paper wrote a really great series about the Greico Divorce and the misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome as used by the courts in child custody hearings.

http://www.post-gazette.com  http://www.post-gazette.com/custody/parttwo.asp

The surviving brothers talking about how the minute they turn 18 they are out the door.  The older one says that he will bring the younger one with him.  Protective.

Here’s another article about how this theory is sending more children into harms way with abusive people:

Mar. 2, 2011 article from SF Weekly newspaper:  California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody”  by Peter Jamison.

The basic argument, I guess, is that it’s great that parents want to stay in their children’s lives.  But, people who are going through a divorce are really not the healthiest people in the world to be around.

copyright 2011.  All rights reserved, spoiled childrenofdivorce

Son Abducted By Father, Finds Mother Through Newspaper Article 17 Years Later
September 17, 2010, 10:31 pm
Filed under: Abduction, Astrology stuff, Custody, Uncategorized

A 20-year old son will be reunited with his Mother 17 years after being abducted by his Father during a messy divorce.  The young man read about how to contact his Mother in an August 29 newspaper article and convinced his Father to surrender himself to authorities yesterday in Houston, Texas.  His Mother was notified Thursday afternoon.  She has remarried and has children from that marriage.

Some interesting Astrology in this case and am trying out my theories on this case.

The newspaper article was published during a Mercury Retrograde, Aug. 29 (Mercury 16 Virgo Rx).  Astrologers like to scare people about Mercury Retrogrades saying that all things Mercurial (newspapers/publishing is one of them) will not work or will go haywire.  There’s another interpretation for Mercury Retrograde which shows up in this case.  Mercury Retrogrades, and probably all the other planetary retrogrades, will bring back old news and people from the past back  into one’s life.  That makes sense since it relates to the idea that everything cycles back around. So maybe Mercury Rx’s are a good time for publishing old cases like this.

I also wanted to test my theories that the age that one is during parents’ divorce figures in strongly with later events in one’s life.  I almost flubbed this up by saying “no” because I incorrectly remembered Age 3 as begin signified by the Ceres Return Cycle.  This cycle first occurs around Age 4.6.  I related the ideas of Abduction to Ceres and Pluto in the child’s chart and was wondering if this would show up strongly in children.  Turns out that the birth date I’ve found for Stephen does show a very strong presence of Ceres because his natal Ceres is very strongly placed in his natal chart (1 Cancer) connected with a very strong t-square in his chart on the Aries points.  This shows strong family presence, possibly involving abduction as well as agriculture (perhaps his Father hid him by traveling with migrant farm workers?).  But Ceres is not the indicator that we would look for in his particular instance.  Maybe they hid out for a while by working in agriculture?  Who knows?

The planets/asteroid cycles which I connected to Age 3 are the Vesta Return and the first Jupiter square.  In short form interpretation:  Vesta keeps the “Home Fires Burning.”  How like a Child of D.

Stephen’s natal Vesta is placed at 5 Capricorn. It is involved in a very significant t-square in his natal chart which is also involved in a very signicant current transit t-square.  Stephen was born during the big outer planet conjunction of Uranus-Saturn-Neptune in first degrees Capricorn so Vesta is conjunct those planets.  Most people born within 6 months of this date will have these connections because these are slow moving planets.  Many people born within a year or two will share the Uranus-Neptune connection.  So it is a very significant conjunction/stellium which is affecting a huge amount of people born within a couple of years of each other.

In Stephen’s chart this stellium is also squaring a natal conjunction of personal planets, Sun-Mercury RX-Mars in late Virgo/early Libra, and is opposing natal Ceres and Jupiter in early Cancer.  Astrology buffs will recognize that this chart is receiving a huge hit from the current outer planet t-square transit from Jupiter-Uranus in Aries, Pluto-NN in Capircorn and Saturn-Vesta in Libra as it is.

Now I will whittle down the aspects to show just the Vesta and Jupiter placements to try to understand how this would personally affect Stephen’s development as influenced by a traumatic event such as Divorce/Abduction in his life.  Vesta and Jupiter square transits must figure strongly in his life and personality in order for my theory to work.   The Jupiter transits line up perfectly and figure strongly.  The Vesta transits do as well for the natal chart, but not for the abduction chart.  I can’t find a connection between the Vesta Cycle which relates the age at time of Divorce and current transit of Vesta.  I don’t know when Stephen’s parents divorced, so Stephen could be influenced more by cycles of development from earlier Returns such as Mars at age 2, and the other personal planets from the earlier ages.  (Just from looking at the dates, it looks like Stephen’s first Venus Return would have been extremely nasty (jealousy and revenge themes, but who knows)

And, again, I don’t know if I’m using the correct birth date, but I’ve located it in a couple of different places.

Stephen’s natal Vesta is at 5 Capricorn.  It is opposing natal Jupiter 9 Cancer.  These are hooked into a huge natal t-square which involved most of his natal planets.  The Cancer/Capricorn Axis naturally rules parents and family. Currently the Nodes are transiting through these signs.  (Pluto, major planet related to abduction, is conjunct the North Node in Capricorn (sign rules Father))

When Stephen was abducted natal Vesta was at 12 Aquarius.  I don’t know what that means, it doesn’t connect.  However, he was going through his first Jupiter Square.  Jupiter was transiting 11 Libra and was finishing up passing over his huge natal t-square of planets in early Cardinal Signs.

On August 29, 2010 transiting Vesta was in this spot at 10 Libra.  It was conjunct t. Saturn 4 Libra.  Saturn rules Fathers, Karmic Mistakes, Guilt, Taking Responsibility for past actions.  Jupiter is also involved as well in opposition to transiting Vesta.  T. Jupiter was at 2 Aries conjunct t. Uranus.

So, I can’t directly relate the Vesta Cycle to the Abduction, but she is strongly connected with Jupiter and  Stephen’s family life is strongly hooked into the Jupiter Squares.  Natally, since Jupiter is placed in Cancer, sign of the family this would make sense.   Vesta is also placed in the sign which relates to Fathers.  Capricorn is ruled by Saturn.  Since she is in conjunction with 3 huge influences in generational planets it will be interesting to see if Stephen begins to speak out about his experiences for his generation to learn from.  Hope so.  He certainly has been given a very difficult lesson about parental love early on in life. I wish him all the best in continuing his relationships with both of his parents.

The Jupiter significance might be connected to the fact that the Father was a Teacher of Languages (Latin in High School).  I’ve discussed what I thought the connections were with kids’ language development during the first Jupiter Square (3) and Trines (Age 4).  I seem to remember from my own schooling that most newspapers are written for 11 year olds.  This means that writing skills in society at large are based on what a kid going through his first Jupiter Return will understand.  I will discuss how many writers seem to come from Divorces from around this age.  So, it’s interesting that the younger Michael found his Mother while reading the newspaper during a very significant Jupiter transit (connected with big outer planet transit that hooks into natal chart).

There is a lot to look at in this chart but too much to communicate.  Ceres does figure in an interesting way.  On the date that Stephen was abducted by his Father, Ceres was at 19 Pisces conjunct Lilith and Mercury Retrograde in Pisces.  I will talk about Lilith as being connected with Age 9 Cycles.  I think I also discussed Lilith’s presence in Divorce as she represents the rejected 1st wife of Adam.  She also represents modern emancipated women because she was rejected for refusing to not be equals with Adam.  There is close to a Lilith Return going on right now from Stephen’s abduction date.

Notice also how much the Aries Points (1st degrees of Cardinal Signs) match up in the charts and seem connected with the big outer planet t-square transits of Jupiter-Uranus-Saturn-Pluto-Nodes that is currently stressing everyone out.  Saturn rules Fathers.  It is currently conjunct Stephen’s natal Sun-MercuryRX-Mars.  His progressed Mercury turned Directaround 2001 (around 26 Virgo within 3 degrees conjunction with natal Sun). Progressed Mercury is now conjunct 1 Libra.  First Degrees Cardinal Signs are strong points in Astrology.  They are the first days of each Season and so indicate the beginnings of new life cycles.  When they show up in charts, natal and transits, they are sometimes thought to show coming forth before the public.

So Mercury placement and its retrograde is strongly connected with this case by transit and by progression.  Mercury rules natal Sun in Virgo (if birth date I have is correct) so this is one of the very basic connections.

Stephen Michael Palacios

perhaps this is birth date:  Sept. 21, 1989  no place given, I used Waco, TX.

Abduction date:  Mar. 28, 1993  Waco, TX

Find Date:  August 29, 2010

Father Surrender and Notification Date:  Sept. 16, 2010, Houston, Tx

Mother:  Dee Ann Adams, Bedford, TX

Father:  Stephen Palacios, Jr. (II), Age 42?

Son:  Stephen Michael Palacios (III)

The Center for Missing Children site says that only 37 percent of abductions of children are with strangers.  They give information about how to fight off a stranger or abductor and what are the most common lures.  Most often the child will be someone the child knows, however.  The Center does not give statistics about children who are abducted because of Divorce proceedings.  I suspect this accounts for most of the abductions and the Center keeps silent about this because nobody wants to interfere with Society’s rosy picture of how Divorce makes everyone happy. Anyway, the article.

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White Washing Child Abduction Cases to Paint Rosy Picture of Divorce.