Spoiled Children of Divorce

What happens to Mom after the Divorce?

What is of concern to most kids going through a divorce is what is happening to their parents. Usually this is going to be Mom because most kids still live with their Mothers. Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, Sherrin Packer Rosenthal published an article called “Mothers and their children after divorce. Report from a 25-year longitudinal study” in Psychoanalytic Psychology, Vol 30 (2), April 2013, pp. 167-184. Findings were that Mothers turn their attention to other intimate relationships and getting training to become financially stable.

Doi.

And what are the kids doing during time? Has your therapist ever asked you that? Has the therapist ever asked you what your Mother was doing after the divorce? Did the therapist ask about how you felt going on a car trip with “Bill” to help him run a gun in Utah? I don’t remember Bryce Canyon but I do remember the little cinder block store where the alcohol was sold out in the middle of nowhere because that’s when my Mother and Bill calmed down. When I first started writing this blog a therapist posted that I needed to be diagnosed with something called “Post embitterment disorder”.

Has anyone ever surveyed psychology and psychiatry students to see if they actually went through a divorce during childhood? And has anyone ever surveyed therapists and psychiatrists to get their personal divorce rates? I think this is something which they should state on all insurance lists so I could know who to avoid when seeking help.

I think that posting abstracts does not violate any copyright laws. Here is the abstract from the article.

This is a qualitative 25-year, longitudinal study of mother−child relationships in a middle-class, nonlitigating, divorced California population. At the time of divorce, all children were clinically evaluated to be on target academically and developmentally. The mothers had functioned competently as protective affectionate parents within the marriage. We found that over half of the mothers, especially those with two or more minor children, were significantly less available and less responsive to their children in the postdivorce years than during the failing marriage. One third of the mothers turned their priority from parenting during four or more immediate, postdivorce years to rebuilding intimate relationships along with intensive training to achieve economic independence. During these years, many of the adolescents engaged in delinquent activities and truancy, which subsided when the mother resumed supervision and stabilized family life. A striking collapse in maternal parenting occurred for one quarter of the mothers who struggled during the failed marriage with psychiatric problems and, following divorce, lost access to ongoing psychological treatment and stable family structure. Most failed to recover and were cared for by their adolescent children who themselves were in desperate need of parenting and support. These findings challenge the view of divorce as a time-limited crisis from which children with continued access to both parents will recover in under a year after the litigation is completed. The mother−child attachment suffers with the diminished parenting that often follows as a result of variables that require further investigation. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2020 APA, all rights reserved)

Oxytocin Levels Lower in Children of Divorce

This is getting a little too scientificky for me, but just found an article about some research out of North Carolina which found that oxytocin levels are lower in Children of Divorce. Oxytocin is connected with social behaviors and emotional attachments in early life. Oxytocin is a neuropeptide and is called “The Love Hormone” by those who know.

Below is the abstract for the article published in Journal of Comparative Psychology, Feb. 1, 2021:

“Parental Divorce in Childhood Is Related to Lower Urinary Oxytocin Concentrations in Adulthood

Maria L. Boccia and Christopher Cook Lesley Marson and Cort Pedersen Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, Charlotte, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

North Carolina

Oxytocin has been shown to be important for social behavior and emotional attachments in early life and may also mediate effects of early experiences on social motivation in adulthood. In animal models, early maternal separation results in alterations in the oxytocin system, with effects on sexual, maternal, and stress reactivity behaviors in adulthood. Studies of children experiencing parental divorce find effects on mood disorders, substance abuse, and other behaviors in adulthood. Here, we examine the effect of divorce on adult urine oxytocin levels. To stimulate oxytocin release, participants, aged 18 to 62, were asked to complete a set of questionnaires on attachment style, parental history of divorce (age at parental divorce ranged from 0 to 20), and other measures. A sample of urine was then collected for the oxytocin assay. Urine oxytocin concentrations were substantially lower (p 􏰀 .016) in subjects who experienced parental divorce (M 􏰀 3.70, Standard Error of the Mean 􏰀 0.73), compared to those who did not (M 􏰀 8.00, Standard Error of the Mean 􏰀 1.21), and correlated with responses on several attachment instruments. These results suggest that oxytocin levels are adversely affected by parental divorce in humans and may be related to attachment measures in adulthood.

Keywords: parental loss, maternal separation, attachment, caregiving, parenting”

Thank you very much to these researchers.

Here is an article called “5 Signs You’re Not Producing Enough Oxytocin, The Hormone Associated With Love.” Written by Yvette Manes, Feb. 16, 2017 on romper.com.

The signs are:

1. Don’t want to socialize.
2. Poor communication.
3. Low Libido.
4. Sugar cravings.
5. Distrustful.